Stanton Series Box Set: Stanton Series (Box Set)

by T L Swan

  “Looks like we are headed to Willowvale tomorrow.”

  I frown. “Willowvale, what’s that?” I ask.

  He rubs his hand up my leg. “My favourite place on this earth, my horse stud.” He gives me a broad grin.

  “On earth,” I repeat. “That’s a big call,” I remark.

  He nods. “I hope we can live there one day. That’s the plan anyway.” I frown. I thought he was going to move back to Australia with me one day. Is that the plan: to move me here and never take me home? Am I really going to leave Australia and my friends forever if I move here? A sinking feeling of dread starts to form in my stomach. Black brothel rooms, asshole best friends who take cocaine, horses that come with vets from hell, no more Oscar’s with Abbie and Bridget, no more Sydney, no more me. I look out the window as I fall deep into thought. This move is going to be harder than I ever imagined. My eyes flick back to Joshua who is oblivious to my thoughts. He is chewing his thumbnail, his eyes on the road in front. Don’t hurt me Josh, I won’t be able to handle it. I am literally giving up everything in my life to be with you.

  “This is it.” He smiles. We are driving up a sweeping road with sandstone block fences. The driveway to Willowvale. The road is lined with massive old beautiful trees on either side. Joshua is as excited as I have seen him.

  “Over there are the stables for the thoroughbreds.” He points and smiles. “And this here is the stablehand quarters.”

  I frown. “That is the help’s house?” I ask in shock.

  He nods and smiles again. “Josh, they are bigger than most houses and made of sandstone.”

  He smiles and nods. “I know, awesome huh?” Hmm, I hate to admit it, but this place is pretty damn heavenly, green rolling hills, huge sandstone buildings and fences. Adrian’s comment when we were leaving of packing my glass slippers has only heightened my nerves. He obviously thinks Amelie is a threat if he’s giving me Cinderella jokes. I’m nervous, why am I so nervous? We turn the corner and my mouth drops. There on the hill is a castle…I’m not even joking… a huge sandstone house, a castle–size house. It looks like Mr frigging Darcy’s house from Pride and Prejudice. Holy crap, I am definitely out of my league here. My heart starts to thump in an uneven beat. We pull the car up and a man comes out and shakes Joshua’s hand. He smiles and nods at me.

  “She’s in the stables, Josh.” Josh’s eyes flick to me nervously and I smile innocently. Josh’s first question when he pulls up is obviously where’s Amelie? He grabs my hand and leads me inside, blissfully unaware of my inner turmoil. He leads me around the castle, I mean house. It’s breathtaking; he’s right, I do love it. He leads me up the stairs and along a wide corridor to a bedroom where he puts our cases on the end ottoman.

  “This is my room, I mean our room.” He gestures around the room and I nod and smile. “There are ten bedrooms in all,” he continues.

  “Is this the master suite?” I ask.

  He frowns. “Um no…Am…I mean Amelie has the main bedroom, you know, since she is here all the time.” I nod again. He’s talking too fast, too panicky. Yep, he’s just as nervous having me here as I am being here. We walk back downstairs and Josh shows me around the frigging King Henry the Eighth castle. It’s a wonder it doesn’t have a damn moat. My mind is everywhere but on his tour guide skills.

  “Come on, we will go up to the stables.” He gestures to the back of the house. I nod and follow him out the door to where he gets into a huge Range Rover utility that is waiting at the back door. I will never get used to having this kind of money; it’s just so ridiculous. Who has spare new cars sitting on farms? We sit in silence as we drive on the dirt roads over another set of hills. I have never felt like such a fish out of water. Horses and I have a hate–hate relationship. I hate them and they hate me. We pull over another hill and I am shocked—my jaw literally hits the floor. Rows and rows of stables and I can see at least ten workers around, doing different things. The car pulls up and they all come straight over to us. It’s remarkable how differently Joshua treats his staff out here, as if they are all his friends. Maybe they are. I am being introduced to all of them, one by one, when I see her and my heart drops. A beautiful natural blonde comes out of one of the stables, wearing navy jodhpurs and a pink check shirt and riding boots. Oh my god, she looks like frigging Grace Kelly… I’m so screwed. And she looks good in jodhpurs. Nobody looks good in jodhpurs. If I put a pair on I would evacuate this whole establishment, everybody would run for the hills. I can’t compete with this shit. Her hands are dirty and her hair is in a low loose bun. She has no makeup on and her skin is flawless. Damn those English girls and their perfect skin. She is naturally stunning. Her eyes light up when she sees Joshua and she laughs out loud and runs over and cuddles him. He returns her cuddle and then seems to remember that I am here and pulls back.

  “This is Natasha,” he says nervously to her.

  She gives me a warm smile. “Lovely to meet you, Natasha.” Oh god, her accent is lovely. Another nail in my fucking coffin.

  “Hello,” I stammer. Witty… good one Natasha, you horse–hating freak.

  “I would shake your hand but I’m terribly dirty. I’m sorry.” She smiles. Jeez, she’s nice too. How annoying.

  “Ok, what’s the verdict?” Joshua asks. She starts talking horse jargon and they walk together deep in conversation toward the stable. I stand still on the spot, unsure if I am meant to be going with them or not.

  Joshua turns to me. “This way baby.” He holds his hand out for me. I nod and give him a weak smile and follow him, he puts his arm around me and kisses my temple as we walk. Ok, now I’m confused, he’s not acting like I think he will, maybe this is all in my head. She smiles another warm smile at me, totally unaffected by my presence.

  “Sit up here, presh.” He lifts me so I am sitting up on some high gates away from the horses and I give him a thankful smile. He remembered I’m scared of horses. Why in the hell didn’t I do riding lessons when I was a kid? There is a horse on the ground lying down and they both kneel next to it.

  “So she had a temperature for the last couple of days and I thought she had an infection or something so I put her on antibiotics, but then when I came to check on her through the night she was down and couldn’t get up.”

  Joshua frowns and pats her.

  “Sh, sh,” he says to the horse in a calming voice. I sit detached from the situation. It is blatantly obvious how passionate Joshua is about this farm and his horses. I sit and watch them in silence for an hour deep in discussion, and seemingly innocent, and finally my legs are asleep and I go to jump down.

  Josh jumps up. “You ok babe? Do you want me to take you back to the house?” he asks. Amelie is writing in a notebook and googling something on her iPad.

  “No, it’s ok. I can get someone else to take me back if you want.” I smile.

  He shakes his head. “No, I will take you back. I want to spend some time with you.”

  I smile and nod. Ok, I think this is totally in my head. He wouldn’t say that in front of her if he had feelings for her.

  “Am, why don’t you come home and we can come back together later?” he whispers. Hmm, I’m not sure if I like the sound of that.

  She smiles. “No thanks, I will stay here, just get someone to bring me some dinner later tonight. I will call you if there is a change.”

  He smiles as he stands and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Thanks.” He smiles.

  “Bye darling,” she says. Josh bites his lip as he realises the slip of her tongue and his eyes flick to mine. I instantly look down…don’t be the jealous girlfriend…don’t be the jealous girlfriend. It’s really hard not to be, when I so obviously am. He grabs my hand and we walk back to the car and head back to the house. We ride in silence.

  “You’re very quiet presh, you ok?” I nod. Don’t say it…don’t say it. It’s like a volcano that is poisoning me and I blurt out the words.

  “Josh, why aren’t you with Amelie?” He puts his hand on my le
g and sighs. He knew this question was coming.

  “Because I’m in love with you.”

  “Have you ever been with her?” I ask.

  He frowns and shakes his head. “Amelie is not the kind of girl you be with, Tash. She’s like you. It’s all or nothing.” I bite my lip and look down. Not the answer I was looking for.

  “So why has it been nothing then?” I ask. He shrugs his shoulders. “Because I have never let myself…let it go there because I was still in love with you, and it wouldn’t be fair to her.” I nod…fair to her…not that he’s not attracted to her.

  “So if we were over you would probably be with her?”

  He gives me a sad smile and squeezes my leg. “Don’t do this to yourself. I am with you and I am staying with you and we are planning a future together and Am knows that. She’s fine with it.” Oh my god…she’s fine with it.

  “Does that mean that she has feelings for you?” I ask.

  He shrugs. “She would if I were single,” he sighs. “Can we not talk about this, please. Amelie is a dear friend who has been with me for a long time when I have been very lonely. She doesn’t have a deceitful bone in her body and she will respect our relationship. I have spoken about you for years to her and she knows what you mean to me. She wants me to be happy, Tash.” I smile and nod and internally swear to myself I will never bring this up to him again. He is under her spell and in all things in Joshua’s world I have been wary of.

  I know I have just met my only competition.

  Joshua’s phone goes off at two in the morning and he jumps out of bed.

  “Hi,” he answers and then he listens. “I’ll be right there.” He hangs up. He starts to pull on his clothes. “Freya is really sick, baby, and I’m going to help Am. Go back to sleep. I might be all night.”

  “Ok,” I whisper sleepily. He bends down and kisses me.

  “Love you. Max is here in the room next door so you are not alone,” he whispers and then he is gone.

  I wake with a start. I’m still alone. Joshua didn’t come home. He must be still at the stables with Amelie and the horse. My stomach sinks—what have they been doing all night? Stop it, you idiot. Without trust you have nothing—the words I have preached to clients for years are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance. Why has he been gone so long? I am determined not to go to him so I make myself some breakfast and sit on the steps in the sun with a coffee. Three hours later, at ten o’clock, still no word from Joshua. I’m starting to become unsettled. A girl rides up on a horse and I hear her tell one of the other workers.

  “They lost her. She died about half an hour ago.” Oh shit, the horse died. I walk inside and find Max.

  “Can you take me to the stables please?” He nods and finds the keys and drives me in silence to the stables. I wish he would talk more. It would be handy having his insight on things. He parks the car and stays outside. I walk up to the stone building and my heart is in my throat. Why hasn’t he come looking for me? As I turn the corner it becomes very apparent why. Amelie is in Joshua’s arms crying; she is obviously devastated. He is comforting her and talking softly into her ear as he cuddles her and kisses her temple. They look good together. There is a deep connection between them. I can feel it from here. I stand still, rooted to the spot in shock. Out of the corner of his eye Joshua sees me and jumps back from her…a guilty response if I ever saw one. My gut twists as I stand still.

  “Tash…we…we lost her,” he whispers.

  I nod. “I know, I’m sorry. I will give you some privacy,” I stammer and I turn to walk out. “Natasha, don’t go,” Josh calls as he sprints out after me. I feel like I have just witnessed and interrupted something private between the two of them.

  “Tash, I want you to stay. Amelie has to wait for the autopsy guys to come and I don’t want her waiting alone. Just stay here with us. It won’t be long.” He grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. My eyes flick to Amelie and she quickly looks down at the ground and bites her bottom lip to hide her hurt at his open affection towards me. My blood runs cold and my gut instincts kick in.

  At this moment in time I am absolutely certain of three things. Amelie is in love with Joshua and I am in love with Joshua. And Joshua is in love with the both of us. His past has met with his present but which one of us will he choose in the end? And when it is all over, who can make him the happiest? I’m afraid of the answer to that question because in all honesty I just don’t know.

  After everything we have been through, am I going to lose him anyway?

  He sighs as he puts his head into the crook of my neck and kisses it. I can feel his heart beating in his chest, his body still inside mine. We are back in my bed in the afterglow of love – making, having arrived back in Sydney yesterday. I’m not myself. I haven’t been since meeting Amelie.

  “Natasha, so help me god…what’s wrong baby?” he whispers as he lifts up onto his elbows so he can look at my face.

  “Nothing, I’m fine,” I breathe. He bends and tenderly kisses me again, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me why I just made love to a completely different woman then?” I swallow the lump in my throat and look away, his piercing gaze too much for my fragile nerves.

  “What do you mean Josh?” I whisper as he kisses me again.

  “When we fuck…we fuck. But when we make love…I can feel it. Every cell in my body can feel how much you love me. You have never detached from me like that before. It felt like you didn’t even know me.” My lip starts to tremble and tears threaten. Do we have to have this conversation when I am emotionally weak from orgasm and he is still inside me?

  “Maybe I don’t, Josh,” I whisper as my eyes fill with tears.

  He frowns. “You feel like you don’t know me? What does that mean?” he whispers as he pulls out of me and rolls me on my side to face him. Tears roll down my face and I am appalled at my own insecurity. I am getting a firsthand lesson that one of the most destructive emotions in a relationship is the poison of insecurity. I am frozen with fear.

  “Baby,” he whispers as he pulls me into an embrace and kisses my face. “What’s wrong sweetheart? I can’t fix it if I don’t know,” he whispers.

  “I know Josh,” I sob and he frowns. “I know you’re in love with Amelie,” I whisper.

  He gives me a sad smile and nods. “It’s true I do love Amelie,” he whispers. I start to sob uncontrollably. I knew it. “But I’m not in love with Amelie. I’m in love with you. I don’t want to be with Amelie, I love her like a friend. I have no sexual attraction to her whatsoever. We have common interests Tash. We both live in a country without our families. I feel very differently about her than I do you.” He cuddles me close as I listen to his words. “It’s different between us, presh, you know that. Actually you even told me that you loved your ex–boyfriends but it was missing something because it wasn’t me,” he whispers. I listen—that is true.

  “Do you feel like?”How do I articulate what I want to say? “Do you feel like our relationship is holding you back from her?” I whisper. He actually has the hide to laugh. He bends and kisses my lips again.

  “You’re so fucking perfect, you know that, don’t you? I could never be loyal to Amelie, Tash. She’s not strong enough to hold me and I’m not sexually attracted to her. I would be playing up within a week and I know that—she knows that. Trust me I have slept in that house with her in the bedroom next to me for five years and never once have I wanted to go in. Whereas just the mention of your name makes me rock hard and ready to fuck. Besides,” he grabs me on the ass, “I like witty brunette beautiful sluts who are gagging for it.” He smiles. I punch him in the stomach and he laughs out loud. He pushes the hair off my face and kisses me tenderly again.

  “I know it’s not going to be easy moving with me, Tash, but I promise you Amelie is not going to be the problem. I have even asked her to move out of the main house and into the farm next door. I knew you were uncomfortable with her there and seeing I love it so much I want you to love it too.”<
br />
  I give him a sad smile. “Do you think I’m being a drama queen Josh?” I whisper.

  He gives me a broad smile and does wide eyes at me.

  “Totally…a raving bitch even,” he whispers as his lips trail down my neck.

  I smile and giggle as he bites my neck.

  “Do I need to be punished Mr Stanton?” I smile as he bites me again and comes over me. He rubs his hard length through my core.

  “Fucking oath,” he growls as he slams into me.

  Chapter 29

  Today is the day, the day I have been dreading for seven years. We are telling our parents. Josh has flown his parents to Sydney on the false pretence of a business deal he is doing. I have been vomiting with nerves all morning and Joshua hasn’t eaten in two days. We feel sick and distraught because we honestly don’t know what reaction we are going to get…we could both be parentless tonight. But seeing as we leave for LA in a week the time has come. Cameron and Bridget are coming for moral support and by the sounds of it they are as nervous as us. They are having breakfast this morning together to discuss possible outcomes. I find myself pacing and shaking my hands in my bedroom while freaking out about what to wear. Joshua is dressed in a suit and leaning over the balcony rail on his elbows. He hasn’t been to bed yet and it’s seven am. I watch him out the window…poor love, I have never seen him so stressed. I walk out to try and comfort him. I smile and kiss him on the neck.