I'm All Yours

by Madhumitha Lakshamanan

  "Gautham!! What do you mean? You are saying that you are going to divorce me and get married to her but you are also saying that you have chosen me over her!"

  "I didn't choose you over her. She was not even an option. You are all I have."

  "Now that is not the point of our discussion."

  "Shakthi! I'm not going to divorce you for real! I am just going to pretend in front of her that we have divorced and-"

  "And eventually marry her," I completed.

  "Will you allow me to finish?" he shouted and his tone made me flinch.

  He regained his composure and continued. "I am going to tell her that I won't marry her until she regains her memory. So once she regains her memory she will know that it's not me who she loves." Hurt dripped in his voice.

  It hurt to know that he still had feelings for someone who cheated on him and betrayed him. She made him lose all his faith in love and yet he had feelings for her.

  "You think that the entire divorce act will help her regain her memory?"

  "We can only try," he said.

  "I'm really scared," I confessed.

  "Why, baby?" he asked, cupping my face.

  "The divorce act shouldn't create a distance between us," I said, worried.

  "That will never happen," he said, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

  "How are you so sure? I am still having second thoughts about the act."

  "Trust me Shakthi! I trust you with my heart and soul now! I already made a mistake by not trusting you. I know for sure that this act won't create a space between us! Just trust me!" he said and I felt like believing all his words.

  "I do trust you" I said, smiling and pushing away all my negative thoughts.

  He smiled from ear to ear, making my heart skip a beat. "Did you have your dinner?"

  "Yeah," I lied. I didn't feel like eating.

  "Liar."

  "No! I really had my dinner," I said, trying to sound convincing.

  "You are not that good at lying Shakthi! You are an open book! So wait until I get the dinner for you," he said, leaving me to get it.

  I moved into the room and sat on the bed. Like I had thought, he forced the food down my throat and I actually felt better after the dinner.

  He went to change. That was when I was reminded about the watch that I had bought him. I had kept it buried under my clothes. I opened the closet and took the box. It was a rolex watch and I had the words 'You and me- forever' engraved in gold letters, inside the dial.

  The bathroom door opened. I hid the box behind me. He was wearing only his boxers which were hanging low on his narrow waist. His naked and delicious six pack was on display. Droplets of water slipped down his chest, disappearing into his boxers. My hands ached to trace his glistening skin.

  "Up here, baby! My eyes are up here," he said.

  He walked closer. My heart beat fast against my ribcage.

  I felt his tall figure towering over me. His cologne invaded my nostrils.

  "What do you have there?" he asked and his hot breath fanned across my neck. His hands moved over my hand where I was holding the box.

  "Your gift," I replied, holding it out to him. Surprise was written all over his face.

  "Okay." He chuckled and took the box from my hand. He opened it, picked up the watch and looked at it. His expression went from surprise to shock and then to love? Or maybe, I was just imagining it all.

  "You like it?" I asked and my voice was a mix of nervousness and eagerness.

  He placed the watch on the dresser and looked at me again. Didn't he like it? But his expressions told me that he did! He pressed his lips against mine, giving me the earth shattering kiss of my life.

  "Forever, Shakthi," he whispered against my lips and my heart swelled in happiness. I held on to his narrow waist and kissed him harder while his fingers travelled up my hair, smashing our bodies together. His tongue danced over mine.

  My fingers grazed his irresistible abs and traced his flawless torso which earned a throaty groan from him. "You are going to be the death of me." He grunted and kissed my nape, nibbling on my sensitive zone. I held his biceps tightly, with my nails almost piercing his skin.

  His lips continued the same sweet assault all over my neck and collarbone while his fingers travelled to my bare stomach under my saree, teasing my navel. I threw my head back and moaned his name, unable to take it anymore. "Make... make love to me Gautham." My breathing was labored when I let the words out.

  His head dipped down and I felt his hot breath on my sensitive spot behind my ear. "Your wish is my command, ma'am." His voice vibrated and his tongue licked my earlobe. A jolt of electricity ran through me at that contact. He slowly scooped me up in his arms and placed me on the bed. Our wonderful night came to an end with hours and hours of passionate love making.

  I woke up to a bright morning with the sound of my annoying alarm ringing. I felt Gautham stir beneath me, so I quietly rolled from Gautham's chest to the other side of the bed, picked up my phone and dismissed the alarm.

  I felt totally sick and exhausted. So I decided to skip the gym and make a nice breakfast.

  I got out of bed and slipped on a sky blue shirt of Gautham's. I was able to smell him and his intoxicating cologne. I loved the feeling of his shirt on me.

  After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I walked to the kitchen to fix myself a hot cup of milo.

  I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around my waist scaring the shit out of me.

  It took me a moment to realize they were Gautham's.

  "You scared me!" I screeched as he laid his chin on my shoulder, pressing his chest firmly against my back.

  "Mmm," he said, nuzzling into the crook of my neck.

  My fingers traced slow patterns on his arms. This man was turning me on even this early in the morning.

  "Mouthwatering," he mumbled. I loved his raspy and husky morning voice.

  "Do you want a milo, as well?" I asked because, he always prefers a sugarless coffee.

  "I want you," he said and I felt his hand travelling under my shirt.

  "You are crazy!" I laughed

  "Crazy about you, baby! You wearing my shirt is the best combination and it's driving me wild, already."

  "Gautham!!" I shrieked and turned to face him. He was back in just his boxers, flaunting his naked chest. He knew that I wouldn't be able to resist his delicious abs.

  "You've totally lost it!!" I said, slapping his shoulder playfully and trying to divert him.

  He pulled me towards him and looked into my eyes. "You think we made a baby yesterday?" he asked. I felt blood rush to my cheeks.

  "Maybe," I said, hiding my face in his neck and hugged him.

  It was almost eleven and I was sitting in front of the laptop at my office cabin completing my work when, Ankitha barged in.

  "Hey!" I dragged lazily. I was feeling terribly sick and lightheaded.

  "You look sick," she said

  "I know! I am," I said and she came to me and pressed the back of her hand on my forehead to feel my temperature. "You are burning hot. You have a fever."

  " I just feel exhausted."

  "You kidding me!? You have a terrible fever! Go home and catch some sleep," she said.

  "I am fine! Now tell me! What are you here for?"

  "You asked me to remind you to call up your friend Ashika," she said.

  "Yea! I had already called but it went to voice mail." I felt my morning breakfast rise up in my throat, quickly I barged out of the cabin and rushed to the restroom.

  I puked and the next thing that I knew, I passed out .

  I opened my eyes after what seemed like hours. I looked around and I realized that I was sleeping on a hospital bed. I saw Ankitha talking to the nurse. I tried getting up and suddenly a sharp pain hit my lower abdomen.

  "Ahh," I yelped lying back on the bed.

  "Hey! You're conscious! How do you feel?" she asked, helping me settle on the bed properly.

  "I'm alright, but
my abdomen hurts a bit," I said.

  "Just relax and the doc will come and talk to you," she replied, rubbing my hand like she was trying to re-assure me.

  "What happened?"

  "So you're up?" I heard another female voice, behind Ankitha. Ankitha moved, revealing a doctor in her early forties, with her grey hair slightly visible but the smile she wore made her look young. "How are you feeling Shakthi?" she asked, feeling my breathing with her stethoscope.

  "Good, but my abdomen hurts," I said.

  Once she was done checking me, she took a deep breath and her contagious smile disappeared.

  "Sweetheart… This is going to be a little tough for you to take," the doc said and quickly Ankitha came and stood beside me, holding me tightly by my shoulders.

  "The pain you are feeling is because we removed the dead fetus from your womb," she said.

  Tears already started to blur my eyes. "What? I was never pregnant!"

  "You were one week pregnant. I'm afraid you are not fertile anymore"

  Chapter 47-The Lost Life

  Shakthi's pov

  "You were one week pregnant. I'm afraid you are not fertile anymore."

  My breathing stopped. My chest tightened. Her words made my head spin and heart break. I had had a baby?

  "This is just not possible! You are lying!" I screamed while Ankitha’s fingers wiping away my tears.

  "Relax, dear! Please relax!" the doctor said, rubbing her hand over my shivering body.

  "How can I become infertile?” I said.

  "Normally only frequent miscarriages will lead to infertility. But your case is different!" the doc explained.

  "Why?" I felt my voice break.

  "I noticed a scar over your pelvic bone. How did you get that?" she asked.

  "It was just a minor accident," I said

  "I’m sorry, but it isn’t minor. The doctors hadn't treated you properly and it has affected your reproductive system…" the rest of what she said didn’t reach my brain.

  I killed our baby and I can't carry Gautham's child anymore…

  I would never be able to experience having a big pregnant belly. I would never be able to feel the first kick, the mood changes. I’d never be able talk to my baby when it is in my womb. I won't be able to feel Gautham at my side when I'm in labor, whispering, 'I'm here with you Shakthi.' I would never be able to see Gautham's happiness when he holds our little angel.

  How was he going to digest this news? I will not be able to see him hurt.

  "She is not in a condition to listen. Can you please call any of her relatives?" the doc's words made every part of my body tense.

  "Yea! I will call her husband. Just give me a minute," Ankitha said.

  " Don't call him! Please!" I stopped her.

  "He has to know about this," Ankitha said.

  "You won't call anyone and that is final," I said, closing my eyes.

  "Okay, you please come and collect her reports," I heard the doctor talk to Ankitha.

  The room was empty with just me lying on the bed. I picked up my purse and dug for my phone. There were seven texts messages and two of them were from Gautham.

  One message was sent just before I had passed out.

  'How are you feeling?? You still sick?'

  He had sent the next message just a few minutes back and it made me panic.

  'Why aren't you replying? Is anything wrong? I'm coming to your office.'

  I replied.

  'You don't have to come to my office because I am fine. Relax. Okay?!' and I pressed the send button.

  In the next second my phone vibrated with another message from him.

  'No arguments. I'm coming.'

  Oh god! If he comes to the office, he would get to know that I was admitted to hospital!

  'I've already left with Ankitha. Just a girls night out.' I sent another message. I felt bad about lying to him but I can't see him break.

  'Oh. Be safe. Come home soon. Missing you,' his reply tugged my heart.

  "Hello Shakthi!!" a male voice said.

  I looked up from my phone. It was Natasha's doctor. What is he doing here?

  "Uh..hi," I said.

  "How are you feeling?" he asked.

  "Not that great!"

  "You should feel lucky!"

  "Because I lost my baby and can't carry one anymore?" I asked, totally pissed.

  He laughed. "Nice sense of humor!" he said.

  "You are a neurologist, right? What are you doing here?"

  He looked at the file that he was holding in his hand and looked back at me.

  "I am the chief doctor here and I was on rounds."

  "Oh."

  "You asked me for Natasha's reports, remember?"

  "Yea but you refused to even show them to the person who paid her bills."

  "I have them now. You can have a look," he said, handing out the blue file that he had in his hand.

  "But you told me that it was against your hospital rules."

  "Yea..but looks like you are no harm to her. So you can see them."

  "Okay."

  I read the reports and everything was clear. She was suffering from a partial memory loss. There was nothing suspicious about it.

  "How can we help her gain her memory?" I asked once when I was done reading the reports.

  "Just don't give her any shocking news. It will stress her out and worsen her mental state. Just go with the flow. That is more than enough," he said, taking the reports.

  "Okay," I said, settling on the bed more comfortably. The pain in my lower abdomen had subsided a bit.

  "You should be lucky that you're already married," he said and did I smell sarcasm?

  "Why is that?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

  "If you aren't married, no one will marry you knowing that you are a barren wasteland."

  His taunt stung. Tears slipped from my eyes.

  "But you're married. You should feel lucky. Take care," he said and left me.

  He was fucking right! I was a barren wasteland!

  "Shakthi!" Ankitha's panicky voice made me come out of my thoughts.

  "Don't cry, baby! Please don't cry!" she said, hugging me.

  "Is there any way that I can get pregnant?"

  "I spoke to the doctor but she told me there are no chances. If you hadn't miscarried the baby, there were slight hopes. But now, there are none," she said and the truth hit hard in my gut.

  "You saw Gautham and Ria's bonding, right? He loves children and I won't be able to give him one."

  "You should talk to Gautham, Shakthi. He has the right to know."

  I felt my body tense and I pulled away from the hug. "Can we leave now?" I asked.

  She sighed. "Yea.. In a few minutes, after the paper work is done," she said.

  It was almost eight thirty when we left the hospital. The traffic made me more impatient and grumpy. I was terrified to face Gautham.

  "You sure you can manage?" Ankitha's doubtful voice brought me back to earth. The car was now standing in front of my apartment.

  "Hopefully," I said and she hugged me.

  "Everything is going to be alright… Don't lose hope," she said.

  I stuffed the reports into my purse so that Gautham didn't see them. I’d hide them when I was inside.

  I got to the front door and my finger shook towards the bell.

  After a few seconds, the door opened. Gautham was in his grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt with his apron on. He gestured me to come in with his hand that held the spatula. He had an ear to ear grin.

  "You seem to be in a good mood," I commented, locking the door behind me.

  "I am. And I’ll tell you why over your favorite dinner," he said, walking over to the kitchen to complete his cooking.

  I walked to bedroom to freshen up. I hid the reports deep in my closet and covered them with clothes. After having a shower and changing into my regular pajamas and t-shirt, I went to the kitchen. The aroma of paneer butter masala filled my nostrils.


  He was serving the dish along with the paratha on our plates.

  "You've cooked paneer?"

  "Yeah! Your favorite, right?" he turned to face me with two plates in his hands.

  "Thank you," I said, taking a plate from him and kissed him on his cheek.

  I sat on the kitchen counter and he stood opposite to me, leaning on the wall.

  I took a mouthful and it was out of the world. "Too good Gautham! Mmm!"

  "By the way, what is the occasion?" I asked, swaying my legs lightly in the air.

  "I think there is a reason behind your sickness."

  My heart clenched.

  "I think that you're pregnant." His face came alive with a wide smile.

  I didn't want to break his heart by saying that I can never carry a baby. The food that I had in my throat refused to move down. I gulped the water to force it.

  "No, I'm not late and I can't. I mean, I am not pregnant," I said. The smile on his face was replaced with a frown and it shattered my heart. I got down from the counter and turned to leave because I wouldn't be able to see him hurting.

  "How do you know?" he asked, stopping me by holding my shoulders.

  "I just know," I said, pushing his hands away.

  "How?"

  "I did a pregnancy test, okay?"

  "When did you do it?" he asked, forcing me to look into his eyes.

  "This afternoon," I said, looking away.

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "I told you now, right?"

  "Only after I asked you."

  "Why are you blowing this out of proportion?"

  "You can be really difficult, you know!"

  "I know!" I huffed and walked to the bedroom.

  I lay on the bed and closed my eyes and within minutes Gautham’s hand moved my head to his chest.

  "You upset?" he whispered.

  "No, I'm fine…"

  "You sure? Don't be upset over the negative pregnancy test. We can always try." He looked intensely into my eyes and it made me nervous. His lips neared mine.

  "I'm feeling tired," I said, pulling myself away.

  I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

  I woke up to the sound of loud thunder. Without wanting to face the world, I kept my eyes closed and let my hand feel the other side of the bed, but it was empty.