Deacon

by Rebecca Royce

  Lydia’s arms were around my back. I had to do something… take the condom off. I had to be crushing her. My mind stopped. There was just peace. Nothing else. Just that second. I was so frickin’ happy.

  Later, I walked around the group, watching them practice with their makeshift machetes. They had the rhythm down. Actually taking off a Werewolf’s head was hard. I had to dig down deep to do it the first couple of times. Some of them wouldn’t be able to, even with the right tools.

  “That’s good.” I was trying to be encouraging so I called out platitudes every so often to no one in particular. My head wasn’t in the game. It was still back in bed with Lydia. We’d kissed for an hour afterward.

  I looked around the group, finding her. She wasn’t having my concentration problem. Her jerks and swipes were right on. She was also sexy as hell doing it. But then again, she was sexy sitting still and doing nothing.

  When the sunlight fled, I dismissed everyone to go home. A cold breeze, even more frigid than the usual, moved over and through me.

  Lydia walked in front of me. She had Cherie, the redhead Micah had been with, to her left. Cherie spoke before Lydia could. “I’ve never seen her like this over anyone. You’d better be nice to her.”

  Lydia’s face turned red. “Cherie. Stop that.”

  I smiled. “Thanks for the warning.” I pulled Lydia against me. “Be safe getting home.”

  Cherie nodded, joining some others to go back to their homes. Micah’s night partner turned to me with a wink. “Deacon, sorry about that.”

  I shook my head. “It’s fine.”

  I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t hurt her. I’d really try not to. I did have a habit of screwing up big time and hurting everyone around me. I wouldn’t make promises I couldn’t be sure I would keep. She kissed my arm on the outside of my jacket.

  “Before you patrol, could you come meet my parents?”

  I stopped moving. “Really?”

  She nodded, fast. “My mom doesn’t have much time left, and I’d like her to know you.”

  “Parents are never my biggest fan.” Micah’s mother shot me darts of death from her eyes every time she caught my gaze. My own parents had long since stopped giving a shit about me.

  “They’ll love you.”

  I could hear the plea in her voice. She loved her mom. I’d seen it the night we got back. She wanted me to come meet her. I doubted I could ever really deny Lydia anything.

  “Sure. If that’s what you want. I can come for a little bit.”

  I sat across from Lydia’s mother and father—Emma and Gilbert—at their small table. Charlie played on the floor while Lydia fussed at their small fire stove. Unlike the honeymoon cabin where I currently resided, their home was decorated with small touches of home. A rug. A picture on the wall. Dishes.

  Emma was wrapped in a blanket. She was even skinnier than the last time I’d seen her and couldn’t seem to get warm. But she smiled a lot, laughed at Gilbert, and tried to make me feel at home.

  I nodded toward Lydia. “She never stops trying to take care of me.”

  “That’s just her way,” Emma spoke up. “Even as a small child. She couldn’t do enough for others. It’s how she’s built. What she needs is someone who’ll let her do it but see to her needs as well.” Emma’s face fell. “It eats her up, you know. The way we’ve had to live. The people who’ve died.”

  I leaned forward, studying them both. “There are things we do in life we can’t take back. We don’t live in a time when any of us can really be good. The best we can be is decent. I have a hard time living with the things I’ve done, and I was much more an active participant in them than your daughter. Is there redemption? I don’t know. But there’s trying to do better and that’s the best any of us can do. Right? I think what you’ve all been doing is horrendous. I’m not going to even try to understand it because I know I’ve done horrendous things too and no one can get it except for me. I don’t think any of us have the luxury to do so.” It was hard to explain. “Micah and I, we want to help you guys because we want you to have the chance to do better. Because our teacher, Keith”—my head hurt even saying the name—“he would have said to us, boys, they’re stuck in a terrible situation. You have the means to get them out. Do it. And let’s see if by making their circumstances better, we can’t make the world better.”

  I’d said more than I intended to. So I looked down at my plate. Small steps toward a better humanity. That was really what Keith’s phrase had been.

  Gilbert nodded. “I’m not much of a man, am I?”

  “Every day is eternity. Sort of like we’re born anew with each sunrise. Let’s see who we are tomorrow.” I rose. “I don’t know what I would have done in the same circumstances. No one really does. I’m sorry to be so dour and then leave.”

  Emma spoke up. “You saved us, and we don’t deserve it.”

  I shrugged. “Live with the guilt. I do. If we didn’t, we’d all be sociopaths. I have to make amends… and I can’t either.”

  Lydia turned around at the stove, there were tears in her eyes. “I don’t know what you did, Deacon, but Micah keeps saying to you that you didn’t kill him. So whoever it is that you are carrying around, maybe you can let him go?”

  “I hurt the people who took me in, injured a friend, and stood complicit when the man who gave me all my so-called wisdom had his throat slashed. He had a wife and a kid.” I’d never told her I was sorry because I was a big damned coward. “Saving all of you? It’s the least I can do for the world. I’m not a hero.”

  I had to keep reminding her.

  She looked away. “I’ll never stop carrying what we did here, Deacon. All my life.”

  I was silent, so she finally met my gaze. “It’s supposed to suck as much as it does.” I patted Charlie on the head. “Thanks for having me tonight. See you folks tomorrow.”

  I’d warned her. I was really, really bad at parents.

  I’d circled the town for the fourth time when I felt the Werewolves. We were three days from Full Moon, and a group of them had shown up to play. It was hard to read how many, Micah would have been better, but it felt like three of them. Since I didn’t have strength in numbers, I had to be smart about this. Moving west, I felt them more strongly. The need to vomit was powerful, but I was used to ignoring the urge.

  I climbed up the side of a large oak tree to get a better look. They were below, sniffing at Micah’s fence. I’d unfortunately come across some smart Werewolves. Too much to hope they’d somehow impale themselves on a fence.

  I jumped down with my machete out and took off the head of the one on the left before they could look up. They did have their limits in Wolf form.

  The other two, growling, snarling, foaming at the mouth, leapt at me. I kicked out, catching the first on the right side of the jaw. He yelped. Good, I was glad it hurt. I sliced with my machete, and it got stuck halfway through the creature’s neck. I hated when that happened. The creature roared, and I tried to pull my machete out to slice again. I was covered in its blood and probably a dead man walking.

  The other Wolf was going to get me any second, and I was stuck. I could abandon the machete and run, but the monster would be faster.

  A yell sounded, and then suddenly the second Werewolf didn’t have a head. I stared at it for just a moment before I ripped my machete out and decapitated the creature.

  I was breathing hard. Who in the hell had saved me?

  Lydia’s eyes were huge. “I did it.”

  “You did.” I dropped my machete on the ground and took the makeshift sword she wielded out of her grip, discarding it. “You saved me.” I hugged her tight against me. “And what the fuck are you doing out here?”

  “I can’t leave you alone to face this without help.” She shook a little, but I’d seen Warriors in worse conditions. “I won’t. You needed me, I was there. Always will be.” She patted her chest. “That’s who I am, who I’m supposed to be.”

  I touched her cheeks. “
Do you think I think less of you?”

  A sob wracked her. “I think less of me. I was raised in this town where horrible was normal. But I knew it wasn’t, Deacon. I knew it wasn’t, and I didn’t do a thing.”

  I kissed her springtime-scented hair. “I stood behind when they sliced Keith’s throat. I did nothing. Maybe we’re both bad people.”

  She pulled back to look at me. “Can we be bad people who somehow do better?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe?” I had something else to say. “I know bad people, Lydia. I can feel them when I’m around them. I can sense it, like a yucky taste in my mouth. I didn’t listen to the instinct when it came to a man named Isaac Icahn. I denied what I knew. You’re not a bad person, and I’m not just saying that because we’re sleeping together. If you could have had a different life, all this kindness radiating out of you, that’s all there would be. All this other shit—it never would have happened. You wouldn’t have to live with the choices other people made.”

  She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I tried to tell a few of the people to run. When I was little, I tugged on a woman’s skirt and told her if she stayed the Vampires would get her. My grandmother took a switch to me. If the Vamps found out we sent anyone away, they’d break the deal and kill the men. We always thought they were watching. I still did it a second time. Right before you came, I told this woman to run. She laughed at me.”

  I pressed my forehead to hers. “Terrible at following directions because your heart is too big.” I pulled her against my side. “I can’t be done. Just because this group is gone doesn’t mean there won’t be more. If I told you to go home, would you?”

  She shook her head. That’s what I figured.

  “Then stay with me.”

  As it was, we saw no more monsters that night. The sun came up as it always did. We leaned against Micah’s fence. “I’m really glad the monsters didn’t hurt his fence. With all that hard work, it would be a shame to see it damaged.”

  I laughed. “I’ll let him know you were concerned about it. It didn’t work, which is also an issue.”

  “Well, he tried.”

  I nodded. “He did.”

  Someone cleared their throat, and we both turned around. It was the blacksmith. He stood with his hat in his hands. “I’m sorry to interrupt.”

  Lydia took my hand in hers. “You weren’t interrupting anything, sir. How can we help you?”

  She was so endlessly polite. He had interrupted. I was going to kiss her. With no choice but to change my focus, I looked at the man. “Everything okay?”

  “I was thinking I could help. We could make weapons like you have. We could do it. I can do it.”

  I put my free hand on my hip. “Well, that would be hugely helpful.”

  He was having trouble meeting my gaze. “Great. Deacon, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. For everything. That we didn’t figure out how to handle this on our own so that you never had to be trapped. You’re still helping us. I can’t figure out why, but I’m grateful. So eternally grateful.”

  I really hoped he wasn’t going to cry. I was here to get rid of their Vampire problem and teach them to defend themselves, not be everyone’s confessor or tell all of them my deepest, darkest secrets. “Yeah, well. Let’s have a productive day, shall we?”

  He nodded. I’d really not given him much of an answer. I guessed it would do. I pulled Lydia closer. “Do we have eggs?”

  She brightened up. “We do.”

  “I’m going to make you some eggs. My turn to cook. You killed a Werewolf. I’ll make the eggs.”

  I never did get to feed Lydia anything. By the time the food was done, she was face planted asleep on my bed, fully dressed. I managed to get her out of her shoes and under the covers. This was also to be expected. Fighting monsters took a lot out of everyone. She wasn’t used to it yet.

  I couldn’t believe she had done it. Then again, when I first met her, she was trying to take them on with a big stick. Alone. In the woods. In her nightgown. She’d never been short on bravery.

  I sat on the floor and ate my half of the eggs. I would try to keep them warm for her. She was bound to be hungry when she woke up.

  Where were the Vampires? They should have sent scouts by now. I knew what I had to do, and I hated to even contemplate the action. Vampire habitats were like poison to me. Every time I went back to one, it made me ache inside.

  Still, what I needed to do was see if anything had changed there since I’d left and get that map Micah and I had left on the wall. I stood. Better to get it done and get back without waking Lydia. She’d saved my life.

  I grabbed a pen from my bag and scrawled her a quick letter. My handwriting was barely legible. Vamps hadn’t schooled us, and my mom had done what she could when she could. My lack of education was a sore subject for me. Not only could I not understand half the people in Genesis because of their memories being so different than mine, they’d all had incredible schooling, too. I was rough and tumble, figure-it-out, ignorant Deacon.

  There wasn’t much I could do about it. Lydia was a teacher. Maybe she’d be able to decipher bad handwriting.

  As quietly as I could, I left. The fact was I’d fallen for her. For all of our flaws and sins, we had each other. I was pretty sure I was in love with her. Now I had to figure out how to manage that.

  Nine

  I made my way through the snow back to the Vampire holding facility. Flurries came down on my head. I questioned why I was out taking the trek and not in bed with my girl about a hundred times. I squared my shoulders. I was doing it because it had to be done and I’d really regret not doing it later. The best time of the day to visit a vampire holding and hope not to be killed was right this very second. The sun was out. Hopefully, I could be in and out without anyone knowing I’d ever come.

  The gate was still open from our last visit. We’d opened it to let the men out.

  I walked right in and made my way to the Vampire hole. It was still open. Like before, but with more ease than the last time, I took the rungs two at a time until I got to the bottom. It was eerily quiet but devoid of monsters. I walked around in relative ease. My internal warning system would tell me if I had to pay attention.

  Instead, I wandered around. There was dust everywhere, which was pretty gross if I let myself think about it. The Vampires’ remains had coated the place. I tried to think about literally anything else. I made my way down the hall to get the map off the wall when I heard it.

  My father’s voice. “Deacon, put your frickin’ head down when they come in or you won’t see another day.”

  I stopped moving. My father wasn’t actually there. It had been years since he told me anything even remotely like advice. I’d attack a Vampire before I would hide. But at ten… yeah, I’d put my frickin’ head down every time. And they had picked off person after person. Never me.

  Why was that? I took the map off the wall, folded it, and put it in my pocket.

  “Help me, Deacon.”

  “Help me.”

  “Help us. Someone do something.”

  I knew every voice calling out. I shook my head. What in the fucking messed up world was happening? I was hearing voices?

  “You’re not crazy.”

  I whirled around. A small, dark-haired woman stood there. She was petite, pale, and had huge brown eyes. She might be considered beautiful, but no one held a candle to Lydia.

  She wasn’t setting off my monster alarms. Still, where the hell had she come from? “Who are you?”

  The brunette held out her hands. “I’m just passing through. My presence… it tends to stir memories. I could see you were suffering, so I made myself known. I’ll go. When I do, the memories will cease. Be calm, and all will be well for you.”

  This was an incredibly weird moment. There was something surreal about it. I almost felt like I knew her from somewhere.

  “What are you doing here? Do you need some kind of help?”

  She shook her head, a small smile
on her face. “That’s very kind of you. No one has ever offered before. I’m afraid there’s no help you can give me. Good luck to you, Deacon.”

  “Do we know each other?”

  She laughed, a small sound. “Once upon a time, I knew you. Don’t worry, I’m told memory of me fades quickly.”

  The woman disappeared, moving like a blur of light. I stood there for a second, my head pounding just a bit while I did. What in the heck had happened?

  At least the voices had stopped. I took the rungs two at a time again, this time to get out. That had been odd to say the least. I didn’t know what the woman had wanted. She’d seemed older although we had to be about the same age.

  The sun was shining. I’d gotten what I had come for. The place was still empty but would only stay that way until the coal disappeared. Then when they came for more, things would implode. Days maybe. Hours? I didn’t know. I pulled my coat closer around me. All I could do was what Micah and I planned. I had to hope it was enough.

  Geronimo was a mess of a place, but it was becoming my mess of a place. I would find a way to get it through these times and out the other side or we would all go down together.

  I walked through the door of my temporary house, knowing I had about three hours to sleep before I had to get up and train. Lydia launched herself at me. The jump was so unexpected I caught her then went down onto my back, Lydia on top of me. She’d knocked the frickin’ wind out of me. The room spun for just a moment.

  “Where have you been?” Her eyes were huge. “I thought you were dead.”

  It took me a second to speak. “Why would I be dead?”

  “Because I woke and you were gone, just nowhere. I looked everywhere.”

  Okay, at least that made sense. “Did you not get my note?”

  She blinked a few times. “You left a note?”