Deacon

by Rebecca Royce

I wasn't sure I wanted to know. But I wasn't here for what I wanted. This was my just punishment. “No.”

  “Your complete and utter shock. Your whole body flinched. You had no idea, and if you had, Deacon Evans, you wouldn't have allowed it to happen. Icahn had you mind controlled, but you were still in there.”

  I blinked away the tears that wanted to come; I wasn't a crier. I didn't get to make this about me. “I'm not sure that's true. How did I not know? How could I have thought he wouldn't kill Keith?”

  “Because up until that point, he hadn't killed anyone. Icahn kept threatening it. He screwed with people's heads. He cloned and brought back Keith. He refused to bring back Rachel's mother until she died in stasis and then cloned her, too. The difference was there was no more cloning, not for Icahn anyway. He was crazed, and he killed my husband. You didn't know.”

  I had to sit down. I had no choice. I pulled out the stool in front of me and dropped down on it. “Tiffani, I am responsible for what happened.”

  “Would be easier in some ways if you were. For both of us. You could keep playing villain in your own head, instead of sometimes hero, which is what you are. And I could hate you. Unfortunately, for me, I don't get to hate you. You didn't kill him. And as for you, you're going to have to figure out how to be the guy you really are. Seems like if you really are in love, then maybe you're almost there.”

  I put my head in my hands. I wanted to weep, but I couldn't. I had to somehow either let it out or hold it in. Nothing would be accomplished if I didn't move forward.

  “Tiffani...”

  She came around the counter and pulled me into a hug. “Keith really liked you. He was so mad at you when you sided with Icahn and even angrier when he thought you were helping him attack us.”

  I shook my head against her shoulder. “I didn't.”

  “We know that. You were never really ours like the rest of them were. Motherless Rachel with the alcoholic father. The Lyons boys who didn't know how to be what their parents wanted from them. Tia, who rebelled from the whole thing in an unseen way that seems to be working out because Glen is so sturdy and real. Hundreds of them. All with a story, and Keith and I got to love on them in school. We got to show them how they fit into this crazy world even when we ourselves struggled with it. I never had you in class. Keith got one summer where you worked, learning by his side. I'm sorry you have been so alone.”

  I let her hold me for a second, and then I pushed away. This had not gone at all how I’d expected. “He was so frickin' kind to me.”

  “Yep. He was. That was Keith. He'd have hugged you earlier than me. He'd have hugged you when you came through the door then fixed you dinner.”

  I nodded. “I didn't kill him.”

  “No, Deacon, you couldn't have done that.”

  She was wrong there. “I could have. But I didn't. That meant more. I… I still am sorry.”

  Tiffani patted my cheek. “Sorry is good. Sorry keeps us from making the same mistakes again. Keith is dead. That's just… mind blowingly awful and never getting better. Come feel sick about it with the rest of us and stop running away.”

  I stepped out of her tent and stared at the scene below me. From Tiffani's vantage point at the top of the hill, I could see the whole tent city. They weren't really tents or synthetic tents, or whatever Micah called them. They were like foldable cabins. Green, brown. Someone said they had been used by the army or made for them. I didn't know. Icahn had once provided us with everything—including the habitat below ground where we sometimes lived during floods or if attacks got too bad.

  They were home. Maybe it was okay for them to be home. Tiffani was right. I hadn't come up through Warrior training like everyone else. Things were, however, changing. I'd brought a whole town here with me that hadn't trained with Clancy and the others. I'd helped bring in people from Vampire habitats. There were new folks—it wasn't just me. And they seemed to want me here.

  If Tiffani Endover thought I belonged here and didn't want me to leave, then there had to be hope. Even if they didn't all like me, I could stay and know that my wife and… hell… maybe children would be okay within Genesis' borders.

  I traipsed back down through the snow toward my tent where Lydia was probably still asleep. My heart was a little lighter, and the sun seemed a little brighter.

  * * *

  Lydia hadn't moved, and I hated to disturb her. As quietly as I could manage, I snuck into bed next to her. If I was going to get my ass handed to me by Patrick Lyons later, then I needed rest. Genesis was relatively safe. I could rest here. There were others to handle problems.

  I didn't dream, and I didn't move again until Lydia did. She stretched, and I opened my eyes.

  “Hi, beautiful.”

  Her smile was genuine. The lines under her eyes were softened. Still, a few seconds later, when she blinked, there were tears in her eyes. “My mother is still dead.”

  I ran my hand down her back. “I'm sorry that wasn't a bad dream.”

  “I should go see my father and Charlie. See how they're doing.”

  I nodded. “Okay. I can come or stay back. Which would you prefer?”

  She smoothed the blanket over my leg. “Come, of course.”

  I sat so I could pull her against me and hold her tight. “Well, you're welcome to come when I get hollered at by Patrick Lyons.”

  Lydia laughed, which lifted my spirits. “I don't think so. I hear anyone but me start yelling at you and I'm going to lose it. I might yell back at him.”

  “Only his wife does that. His kids don't even particularly raise their voices.”

  She nodded. “I didn't find him that intimidating. Oh, speaking of which, your parents. Are they around somewhere?”

  “Probably.”

  That was right. I could put them out of my head for as long as I wanted, but the reality was my parents were somewhere on the premises, and I should probably introduce them to my wife before she ran into them and it was even more awkward than it was already going to be.

  “You don't sound excited.”

  “My family isn't like yours.” Even if her father and mother had done some particularly screwed up things, it was clear they loved each other and Charlie. “If my father and mother lift a hand to help anyone, I've not seen it. In the Vampire holdings, they were important people. I guess they were seen as having a strategy for survival since most of their family did live. What it actually turned out to be was they were really good at telling me to keep my head down. I was never very good at it.”

  She scrunched up her nose. “The guy who burned that Alpha last night was never going to sit on the sidelines.”

  “I wasn't always the guy who burned the Alpha. I'm not sure I could do that again if I tried.” I scratched my head. “It never felt exactly right for me. That's how I ended up in the cage. For a while, when they were first out, they followed me around like puppies.” Even all the way up north when I'd rescued Rachel. It had been bizarre. They did nothing but tag along. “Then it sort of started to be really obvious they were furious with me. I'd been their screw up kid, the one most likely to be killed. They'd thought I was dead. I came back and dragged them out of a life they understood to one they didn't. I can have sympathy about that. Or, at least I could. The time to get up or shut up has long passed. They've chosen to just do nothing. And I'm not sure what to do about that.”

  She turned around totally to regard me head on. “And when you say nothing, you mean...” Her voice trailed off, waiting for me to fill in the blank.

  “I mean that everyone in Genesis does something. Icahn designed it that way, and to give the psycho his due, he knew what he was doing. Warriors fight and protect. Engineers fix and design. Cooks keep us eating. Agriculture takes care to see there is food to cook. I came into it late, but I fit in. My parents, they only do what they're assigned to do. They have no initiative. It’s hard to watch. The leadership isn't sure what to do with my family. Even my sister would sit around all day if she could.”
<
br />   Once I’d gotten started, I didn't seem to be able to stop. “I get it. They were always told what to do by the Vampires and Werewolves. But they have autonomy now. They need to do something.”

  “Maybe they can't.”

  I shook my head. “They're perfectly healthy people. They should be able to do any number of things.”

  “Deacon, listen to me, this isn't about ability. Maybe. They. Can't. You said it yourself, they were always told what to do by the Vampires and Werewolves. Maybe they broke. It might behoove everyone, including them, if someone told them what their jobs were every day and they did them.”

  I linked our fingers. “I don't have trouble figuring out what to do.”

  “True. But then, the Vampires didn't break you. Simple difference, right?” She patted my knee. “I need to meet them. I'm not saying we are going to all be best friends or the closest family. They're your parents and siblings. You need to introduce them to your wife.”

  She was right. “Let's eat, and then we'll do that.”

  There were things to do in this day that didn't include having to kill anything. It made a nice change.

  “Oh, Lydia.” I cleared my throat. “I forgot the condom last night. I am so frickin' sorry.”

  She kissed me lightly on the lips. “I realized right after, too.”

  “Are you okay? I'm sorry, I am...”

  She covered my mouth with her hand. “Not responsible for everything that goes on everywhere in the world.”

  On the way to see her family, I pointed out the things she needed to see. The medical tent. The committee hall. Where we got food and supplies. The weapons area. She was quiet but interested. The sheer exhaustion of the day before seemed to have left her. Still, I'd do just about anything to make her smile. However much time she needed, she'd get.

  We had nothing but time in Genesis. The days could blend into one another. Training. Fighting. Lydia had made everything feel alive again and new.

  The weather was moderate. There was no new snow coming down on us, and the people of Geronimo were sitting outside on rocks and benches. They'd been assigned homes, which wasn't surprising. The administration of Genesis was very well run. When we got new people, they allotted space for them. They used to have more of a problem accommodating newbies, but it wasn't that way anymore. We had an abundance of food and supplies.

  For now, anyway.

  But everything in life was that way. I had to learn to exist in happiness when it came to just being in the moment. That was hard for me. It didn't used to be, but since the second I came up from the Vampire habitat, I'd been pushing for a future I now had.

  I needed to calm down and enjoy it.

  Charlie and three other children were running in a circle. Lydia's father sat watching them with three other people. When we approached, the whole group smiled, including Lydia's father.

  “You're looking much better. Less like you're about to keel over.”

  I nodded. “Thanks.” I'd never been particularly concerned with how I looked. Everyone else kept pointing it out. “I feel better.”

  Something caught my attention. A movement in the distance. What was that? I wasn't getting any monster signals, but I didn't usually react to nothing at all. Was there an animal? Lydia jumped to her feet before I could react.

  “Whose child is that?” She motioned to where I had looked. I jumped to my feet. “Whose is it?”

  There was, indeed, a small child racing toward the river. Lydia took off running. I chased after her, but she was faster than I’d ever seen her before. She scooped up the child into her arms seconds before the kid—a boy, I could see now we were closer—would have gone straight into the nearly frozen river.

  He cried, and she held him close, saying nice things to this little fellow who was almost in deep, deep trouble.

  Lydia whirled around. “Whose child is this?”

  “Do you not know him?”

  She shook her head. “No. Not at all. He's not one of ours. He didn't come with us.”

  I stared at the child. The truth was, I had no idea if I knew the kid or not. He wasn't Levi. He wasn't Nero, Tia's son. Other than them, I didn't see a single toddler ever. They weren't part of our lives as Warriors. Most of us had little to nothing to do with the general population other than to keep them alive.

  “Let's go see if we can find someone.”

  Three hours later, we weren't any closer to locating who the kid belonged to. He was brown-haired, blue-eyed, and cute as a button, yet he belonged to no one. His head was on my shoulder, and he snored slightly.

  No one anywhere knew him.

  “He doesn't have a coat,” Micah's mother said as we waited in the central hall to see if someone came looking for him. “Any child that lived in Genesis would have a coat. Also, the shoes. They have holes. Someone would notice that here. We live under dire circumstances, but because we still have use of the habitat below, we're better off than we could be.”

  Patrick shook his head. “What are you thinking?”

  “He's not from here. He's not a monster.”

  If she was right, this child was a stranger to this place as I had once been. One of the Warriors, I thought her name was Kate, but I truly didn't know her that well, took him from me. It was the right thing to do. I hadn't suddenly wanted him to stay with me, and Lydia had made no moves to want to keep him for the night.

  I held her hand tightly while we walked out of the meeting. “We never did get to meet my parents today.” Of course, Patrick Lyons had not told me off, so I supposed it was really an all around win for me that the kid was lost and too young to tell me where he belonged.

  “A child was wandering around here by himself. He's Charlie's age. I'm trying to imagine. Anything could happen.”

  “Well, you were there to see to it that it didn't today.”

  A flash of light in the far distance caught my attention. It flickered again. “There's light where there shouldn't be any.”

  She was quiet for a second. “What are you proposing to do about it?”

  It was funny how she phrased that question, like she'd automatically assumed I wouldn't ignore it.

  “What do you think about me going over there tonight?”

  She blinked. I'd done as she asked, I'd considered her. It was hard for me. Everything in me, every part of my body, wanted to be on my way.

  “What is it? The place with the light.”

  I nodded. That was a very valid question. “I think it's Icahn's old secret lair. The distance looks about right. The lights used to be hidden, but after we took it over, we took down the devices that blocked it.”

  The engineers had been fascinated. I didn't know exactly how it worked out. I’d killed some Vampires and that was about it for my role in the whole process.

  “I'm coming with you.”

  I nodded. If I'd made the same proclamation, I'd expect her to agree. We were in this together, she and I, for now and always. “All right, my love.”

  “And Micah, Chad, Rachel, and Glen.”

  Well, that made things more complicated. “I don't know if we can get that whole crew to do this without telling Patrick about it.”

  “Why not tell him?”

  Her questions were so simple. “You know better than most how life is not that easy, right or wrong, yes or no. Patrick might say no, and then I won't know what's making that light.”

  She ran her hand up my arm. “You have to know?”

  “I do.” That was all there was to it. Unless… “Do you not want me to?”

  She kissed my arm. “Are you kidding? I want to know what’s happening, too. Go get us the help we need, and do that thing you do where you convince everyone you’re right so Chad doesn’t tattle.”

  Wow, she had really read that correctly. “Will do, my love. Will do.”

  It turned out to be pretty easy to convince most of them to come with me. Micah agreed right off the bat then agreed on behalf of Glen. Rachel was happy to pop up and t
hrow herself into danger, as per usual, and her husband wasn't happy about her going without him.

  “You know,” Chad said as we all stood staring at the now completely dark, should-be deserted compound. “My father would actually want to know about this. He might even help.”

  “He might tell us not to go,” Micah answered for me. “I'm not particularly interested in listening to the word no right now.”

  Chad lifted his eyebrows. “When were you ever interested?”

  “I'm a grown fucking man. I say what I do and when I do it.”

  His brother groaned. “Micah...”

  “Boys,” my wife interrupted, “I don't think this is really the right time.”

  Rachel snorted. “She's got your number. I really like you, Lydia. Welcome to the crazy.”

  Glen spoke up. “Tia made us all cookies. I have them in my pack.”

  I didn't know why I found that so funny, but I burst out laughing. Given that I wanted to be quiet, I had to cover my mouth to stop the noise. Glen glared at me.

  “Why is that funny?”

  Micah patted his arm. “Don't mind Deacon. He finds cookies funny, that's all.”

  Glen scrunched up his nose. “What?”

  Lydia pointed at the compound. “If this is how you guys conduct this kind of thing, I can see why Patrick might say no.”

  “You married into the rebels. We're bad Warriors.” Rachel patted Lydia's shoulder. “Wait and see. You'll be bad like us very soon.”

  I kissed my wife on her cheek, and she beamed at me. With silent agreement, we all crept toward the compound. The closer we got, the more I became aware of a sound resonating from within.

  “What is that?” Rachel whispered, and Lydia stopped moving.

  My wife took a deep, audible breath. “Children crying.”

  “What?” It sounded more like wounded animals.

  “A lot of children crying,” she added. “Come on. Something is very wrong.”

  She hurried ahead of me. Her new machete bounced on her back. It was heavier than the makeshift ones we'd had at Geronimo. Lydia didn't seem to mind. Knowing she could handle herself, I followed her into the place that was hell to me. This was where I'd watched Keith murdered.