My Dirty Desires: Love and Lust 1

by Melissa Devenport

  The coffin was in the ground, the fresh mound of earth still standing beside the open hole. He had watched from the sidelines, hidden from view by the towering trees surrounding the graveyard and church, as Charlene Penticton threw a handful of earth on the coffin. There had been crying and handshakes, hugs and well wishes from the mourners.

  It went on for what seemed like hours until finally the last straggler paid their respects, got in their car and left.

  Only Charlene remained. She knelt at the base of the headstone, staring down at the gaping hole in the earth. She held herself perfectly still, her back erect, her bearing regal. Her honeyed hair was done up in a tight bun above her head. Her body was that of a woman now, not the girl Clayton once knew. He’d only glimpsed her face in the church and then from a distance but he could tell that she’d become the great beauty she had always promised to be.

  Stepping out from behind the towering tree that sheltered him, Clayton approached the grave and the still woman beside it. She didn’t glance up, lost in her own private world of grief and memory.

  “Charlene.” Clayton whispered her name and her face turned, her green eyes widening in surprise. Her full, lush lips parted in shock.

  “Clayton.” His name held so much, the weight of it settling between them. He stood rigidly, unsure of how to proceed. It was Charlene who broke the tense silence. “It’s been a long time.”

  He nodded, his hands at his sides. “Ten years I believe.”

  “Yes. Ten years.”

  Charlene rose from her place in the grass. The crumpled blades, flattened to the earth, began to spring back. She was a picture of grace and beauty. Tall and shapely, the lush curves of a woman so different from the girl he had once known.

  Clayton’s mouth went uncharacteristically dry. His words lodged in his throat and Charlene stared at him expectantly. “I suppose you are going to ask why I’m here,” Clayton finally choked out. His palms, flattened against his black pants, grew moist.

  Eyes flashing with undefined emotion, Charlene shook her head slowly. “Not at all. You were once my father’s closest friend. It’s only right that you’re here now.”

  Clayton stared into Charlene’s eyes and she held his gaze. She took another step forward, until little more than a few feet remained between them.

  “We could go somewhere. To talk if you want.” He extended the invitation, sure she would refuse. He was shocked when she nodded.

  “I guess this isn’t the best place to discuss things.” Her eyes roved furtively over the headstone, glancing down once more to the open pit in the earth. “I still can’t believe he’s gone.” A single tear dripped from her blonde lashes and made its way down high cheek bones and splashed from the edge of her jaw. The silvery streak on her alabaster skin remained even after the tear was gone.

  “I have a hotel.” Clayton cursed himself when he saw the shock on her face. “I mean I have a room here for a couple days. I don’t have to rush off anywhere. Choose the place and I’ll meet you there.”

  Charlene’s perfect brow furrowed in thought. It wasn’t a stretch for Clayton to imagine that same expression brought on by the throes of pleasure. He blinked and quickly looked away. What was it about Charlene that could snap his careful control so easily?

  “There’s this man-made lake? Easton Park. It has walking paths and a fountain in the middle. We could take a walk there. I want to talk where no one is going to listen in. I can’t imagine forcing myself to go to a restaurant or something like that right now.”

  “I could wait. Like I said, I’m in town for a couple days.”

  “No. We could go now. If you’ll give me a ride? I just… I don’t want to go back to the house yet, even to change. I’m afraid I’ll see him everywhere.”

  Clayton softened. Charlene had been a sweet, sensitive girl. She was always so caring, even as a child. When he’d heard she became a nurse he figured that it was the perfect profession for her. Even as a woman she had the same tender heart that she’d always possessed.

  “Alright. I have a rental car parked on the street not far from here. I can take you.” The thought of having her so close, sitting a mere foot away from him in an enclosed space made Clayton’s heart pound painfully in his chest. He thought of Bonnie, his ex-wife. They’d been married a brief three years before she asked for a divorce. She’d told him, at the end, that she believed he’d never loved her and she’d been right. If only she’d known the truth about him.

  As he led the way out to the street, Clayton knew he never should have come. He should have stayed away. Hell, he could have sent a card or written. Called. He should not have indulged his whims and given in.

  They reached the car, a black, nondescript sedan that gave away no hint of what he could have afforded instead. Clayton didn’t want to admit he’d anticipated seeing Charlene, even if from a distance. He wanted something that wasn’t going to announce his arrival or make him stand out. He wanted to go undetected and unnoticed for as long as possible.

  Which hadn’t been long at all. He recalled the stunned expression on Charlene’s face when she’d spotted him in the church. Her green eyes had flashed with confusion and something else. He hadn’t been able to define what it was before he’d turned and disappeared into the gathered crowd.

  She directed and he drove, ever conscious of her nubile, lush body perched only inches away. The sweet smell of her perfume swirled in the car, filling Clayton’s nose and setting his senses on fire whenever he breathed in. He turned to look at her once but she was staring out the window, only the side profile of her face visible.

  What a beautiful face it was. He’d seen it more than once in dreams he’d be ashamed to admit to. The heart shape had been passed down to her from her mother as had the high cheekbones and delicate jaw. The broad forehead and slightly curved nose were all her father’s. Neither of her parent’s eyes had been green. Her mouth was now full and sensuous, a woman’s mouth and like her eyes, was distinctly her own.

  “There,” Charlene said suddenly. “There are parking spaces on the street. The park is just over that way.” She pointed and he followed the slim, tapered digit with his dark eyes.

  “I see it. It’s beautiful.” After parking the car in one of the minuscule spaces left, Clayton sat staring out the windshield. The park was beautiful. People of all ages walked or jogged alongside the shimmering waters of the small, round lake. Like a geyser, a jet of water burst forth from the middle of the lake and he recalled Charlene had mentioned a fountain.

  “Shall we?” Charlene broke the silence. She opened her door and climbed awkwardly from the low car, her heels making it difficult for her to step out and up onto the sidewalk in one easy movement. Clayton cursed himself for being so thoughtless. He should have been helping her out instead of sitting there like a dazed fool.

  As it was, Charlene waited for him on the sidewalk. She looked unsure, like coming with him had been a mistake. Her eyes were wild, like that of a frightened animal. In her black dress with the full skirts and lace back she was exquisitely out of place in a park where most people donned jogging clothes and old t-shirts.

  “I guess we should walk then. I know a path that’s only about twenty minutes long. I think that’s all I can handle in these heels.” Charlene attempted a smile but Clayton could tell it was forced. He didn’t think it would be appropriate to offer her an arm so he just nodded and fell into step beside her.

  The sun slanted down hotly, reminding Clayton exactly why he didn’t choose to wear all black very often. The collar of his dress shirt chaffed his neck, a thousand times too tight though it wasn’t even buttoned fully. His immaculately pressed black slacks felt like a sauna and his polished, square toed shoes bit into the backs of his heels.

  “I’m glad you came,” Charlene stated, a tremble in her voice. She didn’t slow down or turn to look at him.

  Clayton blinked and kept walking. He didn’t even miss a beat. “Are you?” He asked softly. Are you really?
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br />   Slowing her step, Charlene tilted her face to look at him. “Yes,” she said, more firmly. “I am. You were dad’s closest friend. You were always like a brother to him. I feel… I feel responsible for what happened.”

  Hard guilt, the kind of guilt that only grew worse with time, gripped his stomach like a hard fist squeezing his internal organs. “You can’t. It wasn’t your fault.”

  Blinking, Charlene stopped. She turned to face him fully, her green eyes snapping with life. They were the same eyes that haunted Clayton. “Maybe it’s no one’s fault. If my father hadn’t overreacted…”

  “He was just trying to protect you.”

  “Maybe but I was old enough to make my own choices.”

  “You were sixteen. I was almost forty. When he found out you had a crush on me it was only natural to protect you.”

  “It was only a harmless crush but even if it had been more than that, I was old enough to know my own mind,” Charlene insisted. “Besides, you were always like a second father to me. I never would have acted on my stupid crush and my father should have known that. I tried, over the years, to get him to see reason but he wouldn’t listen. He was always like that, chasing all my boyfriends away but it was the first crush that really set him wild. I don’t know what it was.”

  “Again, the fact that I was more than twice your age probably had something to do with it. He never believed that I didn’t have designs on you.” Clayton was ashamed to admit he’d been flattered when he found out about Charlene’s crush. He never expected Charles to suspect that he wouldn’t have been able to control himself. Charlene had been like a daughter to him. However, he was ashamed to admit that over the years, as he imagined her, a young woman, that fondness had changed into something else.

  Charlene blinked. “I can see why he was trying to protect me but it frustrated me that as I got older he wouldn’t even reach out to you. I feel like I broke your friendship apart. I should never have said anything. It was just one stupid comment over dinner one night and it was like he knew.”

  “He was your father. He knew you best.”

  Shaking her head, Charlene blinked rapidly and he suspected she was trying not to cry. “I just wish you could have said goodbye to him. I feel responsible for that as well. At least you’re here now.”

  “Yes. One of our mutual friends told me when the funeral would be. I came to pay my respects.” Liar. His conscious grabbed hold of him hard, forcing Clayton to admit, even to himself that the funeral hadn’t been his sole reason for coming.

  Chapter 3

  The Invitation

  “My father was a stubborn man. I think he was sorry but he didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t want to admit that he might have been wrong. At any rate, it’s done now.” Charlene said quietly but the fire in her eyes and her rigid, determined stance belied her soft words.

  There was something in those green depths, something so wounded, so frightened and a spark of hopeful longing that gave Clayton the courage he needed to ask his next question.

  “Have you ever been to Santa Cruz?” He could tell that he’d startled Charlene. It took her a few long moments to answer.

  “California,” she breathed out. “No,” she finally said. “I don’t believe I have.” She started walking again and Clayton fell in easily and far too naturally beside her.

  “Would you like to?” He asked after a couple paces.

  Charlene whirled, pausing again. One hand went to her hip and her eyes flashed fire. Clayton couldn’t help but admire the angry stance. “Maybe this walk was a mistake. Maybe you’re right. You shouldn’t have come. If all you’re going to do is play games”

  She turned angrily but Clayton reached out and caught her arm. The heat of her skin burned up his arm. Clayton felt the shock waves in every single part of his body. He relaxed his grip, astonished at the effect she had on him. She was half his age, the daughter of a man who had once been his best friend. He should just go and leave well enough alone. Slowly, he dropped his hand back to his side and she eyed him warily.

  “I’m not playing games Charlene. I have a home in Santa Cruz. I would like you to see it. I just didn’t know how to ask you. It’s hardly the right time or place I know that. I just think, well, if you could use some time away from the house, a few quiet weeks to sort out your thoughts then I’m offering you my home.”

  One blonde brow arched as Charlene studied him. A jogger dressed in tight, neon green spandex shorts and a matching shirt, ran by. Clayton made a mental note never to take up the sport. He seriously doubted he would look any less ridiculous dressed like that than the guy who had just passed by did.

  “You’re offering your home?” Charlene questioned incredulously. “Just like that? You show up here after ten years and offer to whisk me away like some conquering hero on a white horse? What do you even know of me? And what would you expect in return?” Her eyes flashed like she already had him figured out and Clayton winced. His heart hammered because she hit far too close to the truth for even his liking. He’d always been so careful to control all his emotions. The only time he’d ever been free was in his fantasies.

  “Not what you’re thinking. I have a house on a private beach. It’s very secluded and beautiful. I’ve heard it said that there’s no better place for reflection… or escape.”

  “Escape? Is that what you think I need?”

  “I have no idea what you need Charlene.” Why was this escalating so out of control? Where the hell was his normally unflappable composure? “I’m just offering you a few weeks to decompress. I know your father’s last few months couldn’t have been easy.”

  “Watching people die never is.” Her voice was soft and contained no trace of bitterness. Her eyes also softened and her face lost the hard planes of anger.

  “I’d heard you had become a nurse. I can imagine it as you’ve always been so caring, so tender and kind.”

  “I have a hardness too. A determination that you never got the chance to see.”

  “You’re wrong there. I’ve always known that you had an unbreakable spirit.”

  Charlene studied him, her gaze raking over him intently for a few seconds. What did she see when she looked at him? Someone twice her age or a man, still fit, still handsome, hardly changed from the time she had known him last?

  “I have no money to get there,” she finally confessed on a long exhale. “I quit my job to care for my father and I used up almost all of my savings to pay for the funeral expenses. Until the will is settled in a few weeks… I’m afraid that I’m hardly even going to be able to make the mortgage payments on the house.”

  Clayton smiled softly. “Don’t worry about the money. I can take care of that. I’ll lend you some if you need it to cover the payments and the bills until you come into your own. Your father didn’t have life insurance?”

  “No. It was always so expensive. We just never got around to it. No one expects to die when they’re middle age.” Her voice was sad, her eyes deep pools of sorrow.

  “Say you’ll come,” Clayton almost begged. “I’ll take care of everything. You’ve been so strong. It’s time to let someone else shoulder the burden.”

  Shaking her head furiously, a small smile turned up Charlene’s full lips. “That’s a stupid thing to say.” Her voice was soft and her words weren’t harsh.

  “Charlene… just for a week. Come just for one week. At the very least it will get you out of the house. I can’t imagine you want to stay there by yourself now. Not at first.”

  Her delicate shoulders slumped in defeat. “You’re right. I don’t.” She eyed him for another long minute and Clayton stood rigidly, breath caught somewhere between his lungs and his too tight throat. He thought she was going to deny him despite her obvious reluctance to be alone. He was shocked when she stepped forward and leaned into him.

  All her lush curves hit his hard planes, her seductive, womanly body pressing into him with the sweet innocence of full trust. Clayton closed his eyes and will
ed himself to keep his shit together. He exhaled slowly, trying to focus his mind anywhere but on what Charlene was doing to his body.

  Slowly, carefully, Clayton wrapped his strong arms around her slight shoulders. He dipped his head and inhaled the floral scent of her shampoo or hairspray, he wasn’t sure which. He kept telling himself she saw him as an old friend. Someone to comfort her when she was alone in the world. It was nothing more than that. It could never be more than that. He could never allow himself to take advantage of her.

  Charlene pulled back and Clayton reluctantly let her go. His pulse spiked, his heart hammering furiously in his chest. He waited for her answer though he knew by the softness on her face that she was not going to deny him.

  “Yes,” she whispered. “I’ll come for a week. On one condition.”

  “What is that?” Clayton asked, hardly daring to hope.

  “That we keep it strictly professional. How my father would have wanted.”

  Her father wouldn’t have wanted Clayton anywhere near her. Wasn’t that the reason he had spent the past ten years hearing about his old friend through mutual connections? He’d missed Charles terribly. Her innocent sixteen year old crush had been the death of their friendship. It stung Clayton, even now, that Charles had thought he wouldn’t have composed himself nobly. How could he have thought that Clayton would do anything to encourage Charlene?

  “Of course,” Clayton responded smoothly. He kept his face perfectly neutral, searching for and finding his usual composure.

  Was it his imagination or did Charlene almost look disappointed? He almost threw in the caveat that it was her decision if their relationship should ever be anything more but he remained silent. There was no way in hell he was going to utter such foolish words.