Apolonia

by Jamie McGuire

  Benji looked at me, and I shrugged.

  "I can't drive."

  He blew a puff of air from his lips. "Fine, Bobby Peck, you can drive us home."

  "Bobby Peck has to drive me to work," I said, rather amused we were using his full name.

  Bobby Peck laughed once. "You can't go to work like this. You'll get fired. Text your boss, and let him know you can't make it."

  I pulled out my cell phone. "I'll just text Cy."

  Drunk. Going home. Will be there early a.m. Night.

  "Okay!" I said, shoving my phone in my pocket. "Taken care of."

  My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out again. I squinted at the words.

  Need a ride home?

  No, Cy. DD has it covered.

  Is Benji with you?

  Yep.

  Okay. Good night.

  "Okay! Now it's reeeeeeeaaaaaally taken care of," I said, laughing at my slurred words.

  Benji held my hand, leading me out to his car. He held open the door, and I crawled into the backseat. He climbed in next to me.

  "Whoa. This is inappropriate," I said.

  "Why is that?" Benji asked.

  "Being in the backseat with you."

  Bobby Peck laughed. "I know you live at Charlie's, Benji. Where does Rihanna live?"

  "Who?" I asked.

  "I think he's referring to your haircut," Benji said, trying to whisper and failing.

  "Just park the 'stang at Charlie's. I'll walk," I said.

  Benji shook his head. I nodded. We both giggled incessantly.

  Bobby Peck parked the car and tossed the keys to Benji, and then he pulled a condom from his back pocket. "Have a good night, dude."

  "You're still you, Bobby Peck," Benji said. He handed the condom to me. "Can you believe that jerk?"

  I laughed and walked with Benji to the entrance. His fingers were still tightly laced between mine.

  "I'm going to catch so much hell tomorrow," I said.

  "No," Benji said. "I won't let you."

  I smiled. "You can't save me, Franklin."

  He laughed out loud. "I can do whatever I want. And don't ever call me that again."

  "I think it's cute," I said.

  "Oh, yeah?" he asked. I nodded. "Then, call me that anytime you want."

  I grinned. "Good night."

  "Let me walk you home," Benji said, playfully tugging my hand.

  "I got it."

  "It's the middle of the night. I'm walking you home."

  "No, you're not. It's stupid for you to walk all the way over there and then back."

  "It's stupid for you to walk alone."

  We stared at each other for a moment.

  Benji squeezed my hand. "Stay with me."

  "Yeah, right," I said, walking away.

  "I'm serious," he said, pulling me to him. "I'll sleep on the floor."

  I thought for a minute, chewing on my lip. "You're not going to let me walk home alone, and I'm not going to let you walk me home. We're at an impasse."

  "Correct."

  "So, my staying here makes sense, right?"

  "Right."

  "Okay."

  "Okay?"

  "Yes. I'll stay if you sleep on the floor."

  "Deal," he said, shaking his head, as if my request were the easiest thing in the world.

  Part of me wished it had been more difficult for him.

  Benji fished his card key out of his wallet, and then I followed him quietly down the hall. He turned the knob, and I walked in. He locked the door behind us.

  "What's up with that?" I asked. I tossed Bobby Peck's condom into the trash can but missed. "Why do you only lock the door when you're home?"

  "Because if someone wants in, they'll get in. If I'm home, locking it gives me some privacy or a few seconds to prepare if they're breaking in."

  "Why would someone want to break into your room?"

  He smiled, throwing an extra pillow and blanket on the floor. "You never know." He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a T-shirt. My favorite one. "Do you want something to sleep in?"

  "Yes, please," I said, catching the tee as he tossed it at me.

  Benji grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and retreated to the bathroom. I kicked off my boots and then pulled off my shirt and jeans. The maroon shirt slid over my head effortlessly. It was so soft, and it smelled musky and clean, exactly like Benji.

  He knocked on the door. "Are you decent?"

  "Not really," I answered. Silence. "I'm just kidding. You can come out."

  Benji opened the door. He was shirtless and in bare feet, wearing only the pair of navy blue basketball shorts he'd brought into the bathroom with him. It was the best thing I'd seen since...well, it was the best thing I'd seen ever.

  "Hi," he said, looking a little stunned himself.

  I sat on his bed, letting my toes move around and enjoy the open air.

  Benji lay down on his stomach on the floor, bunching up the pillow between his biceps and letting his chin sink into the down feathers.

  I pulled back the covers and turned onto my side, facing Benji. He was looking straight ahead, lying perfectly still.

  "Okay then," I said, starting to turn my back to him.

  "You look really good in my shirt," Benji said, his voice muffled. "I'm just trying to keep my promise."

  "You did promise to sleep on the floor," I said.

  Benji slammed his face into the pillow. "I did. I promised. And I will never break a promise to you."

  I could barely understand him, but it made me giggle.

  He looked up. "There is nothing about this that's funny."

  "I don't know. You're pretty funny right now."

  "You're really tough, talking from up there when you know I can't touch you."

  I stopped smiling and tried not to think too much about what I was getting ready to do.

  "What?" he said, taken aback by my sudden change in mood.

  I crawled down from Benji's bed. He turned onto his side, watching me move toward him.

  I lowered myself to the floor next to him and leaned in. "What if I want you to touch me?"

  Without skipping a beat, Benji put his hands on both sides of my face and pulled my lips against his. His mouth immediately opened, and I slipped my tongue inside, caressing his tongue with mine. He moaned in my mouth and laced his fingers at the nape of my neck. I lifted my leg and straddled him, and he rolled onto his back, his hands leaving my neck and firmly grasping my hips.

  "Rory," he said against my lips.

  "Shh, don't talk," I said, covering his mouth with my hand and kissing down the side of his neck in a straight line. Once I got to his collarbone, he pulled his T-shirt over my head, and then I kept going, planting tiny kisses and licking his skin down his tight chest and then his ribs before stopping at his hip bone.

  Abs. Jesus H. God, nerdy Benji Reynolds has abs and that sexy V from his hip bone that points to exactly where I want to be.

  I took the top hem of his shorts and tugged gently, kissing and tonguing the places that were exposed as I pulled the fabric down.

  Benji's breath caught as I pulled his shorts toward me, over his already hard dick, and then down to his ankles. He kicked them off and then looked down at me, touching his thumb gently to my cheek. He shook his head infinitesimally with the smallest trace of a smile.

  I took all of him into my mouth, and he closed his eyes and groaned loudly, every muscle in his body tensed. With one hand on his shaft, I tasted him--sucking lightly, using just a tiny bit of my teeth, and licking the tender underside of his head. He lifted his hips, pushing more of himself into my mouth.

  Benji's fingers dug into my shoulder, and before I even had a chance to give him a proper experience, he pulled me up and above him until we were facing each other.

  He kissed me again. "I want to be inside you. Please," he whispered against my lips.

  I reached up to grab the plastic square I had tried tossing into the trash can. While I tore the
wrapper open, I took a second to thank Bobby Peck for being a jerk.

  I slid the condom over Benji's skin and then stood, sliding my panties down until they dropped and hit the floor. Stepping away from the fabric, I repositioned myself over Benji's lap, and then I let out a sigh as I slid him deep inside me.

  Benji cupped my breasts in his hands, slid his fingers down my stomach, and finally gripped my hips. He lifted me up, pushing me away from him slowly, and then pulled me back down. "Holy...is this really happening?" he whispered, lifting his hips as he pulled mine down against him.

  Once we both began to break a sweat, Benji rolled over, placing me quickly but gently onto my back. He grabbed my ankles and lifted them up, letting my heels rest on his shoulders. On his knees, he sank himself inside me even deeper.

  I gripped the blanket beneath me, my nails sinking through the cotton and into my palms. The tendons behind my thighs burned in a wonderful way as he leaned against them. I spread my legs wider and let them relax, allowing him to lean in, his chest to touching mine.

  As Benji kissed the edge of my ear, I let my legs fall, and I locked my ankles at the small of his back.

  "You are so beautiful," he whispered, letting his lips graze my cheek before sinking his tongue in my mouth again.

  He pumped and rocked against me, faster and stronger each time, rubbing against every part of me that I wanted him to until I could feel the build, until it consumed me, overtaking my entire body, finally making my thighs twitch uncontrollably. I moaned and let my arms fall back with my hands over my head. Benji reached for them, intertwining his fingers in mine. He rocked against me, each time making the smallest, most amazing humming sound until he came. He squeezed my fingers until his hands shook. His moans sounded euphoric as he pressed his cheek hard against mine.

  "You feel so good, Rory. My God, you feel good," he said between groans.

  He collapsed for a few seconds, breathing hard into my ear, and then he leaned up, kissing me tenderly. "I love you," he said, brushing my hair back from my face. I wasn't sure what expression I had, but it made one corner of his mouth turn up. "It's okay. You don't have to say it back."

  He rested his chin on my shoulder, his face buried in the blanket beneath us. I closed my eyes, refusing to think too much about what we'd done or what he'd just said, just enjoying having someone so close who loved me that much. I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was love, but I'd never felt this way before.

  I WOKE UP ON THE FLOOR of Benji Reynolds's dorm room, wearing only a sheet, held over me by one of Benji's arms.

  I maneuvered out from under him gently, trying not to wake him. In the dark, it was easy to pretend I wasn't covered in scars but not in the daylight. I hurried to get dressed and then retreated into the bathroom. The toilet flushing must have woken Benji up because he was lying on his side with his head propped on his hand when I came out.

  "I'm going to go home for a bit. Take a shower and change before I go to the lab."

  "I'll walk you."

  "That's really not necessary."

  "C'mon. I'm not letting you take the walk of shame. This wasn't a one-night stand for me. I just want to walk you to work."

  He wasn't being weird at all, which was a huge relief.

  "Okay, but you can't come in," I said.

  "Deal."

  Benji walked me to my dorm and waited on the front steps while I showered and changed, and then we walked the three blocks to the Fitz, mostly in silence. The campus was empty, and it felt as if we were the only two people on earth. He kept his hands in his pockets, but at one point, Benji offered his arm, and I took it. It was warmer that way, but it was also nice to be so close to him.

  When we arrived at the steps of the Fitz, he let go of my arm. "May I say something?" he asked.

  "Depends."

  "I can't stop thinking about last night. I swear, I won't sweat the fact that you're going to be cooped up in a tiny lab with Cyrus for the rest of the day, if we could do that again."

  I looked up at him, dubious.

  "The laughing, stupid, fun part...mostly."

  "It was fun. I had a great time."

  "Okay, I lied. I'll still wonder what's going on between you and Cyrus."

  "You don't have to wonder," I said. "It's not like that. I wish I could explain to you what it's like, but it's not like that."

  "No?"

  I shook my head. "It's not like us."

  He beamed. "Still mess-free, you know. This is on your terms. On your time."

  I touched his cheek. "See you later."

  Benji smiled and then slowly wrapped his arms around me, tightening them gradually until I was against him, snug and warm. My arms were around him, too, under his coat. He didn't have an ounce of body fat on him. He was solid, all lean muscle. My head fit perfectly under his chin, and he leaned his head down, resting his cheek on my hair.

  He made this wonderful involuntary humming breath noise, as if he were the happiest he'd ever been. It made me want to sink into him even further, so I did, and he held me tighter. I didn't want to move, but I had to. I had federal laws to break, and Benji had a family to go home to for Thanksgiving.

  Benji's head tilted back, and I looked up at him. We stared at each other for a long time, and then his eyes drifted to my lips. As good as the hug felt, I wasn't completely sure about making a habit of kissing good-bye.

  "Don't worry. I'll ask first," he said. "But I would like to kiss your cheek."

  All I could do was nod. Every part of me wanted to remember what Benji's mouth felt like on my skin.

  Benji looked at my lips once more, and then he leaned down slowly, touching his lips to my cheek just an inch or so away from the corner of my mouth.

  "I can't wait to see you again," he said, walking away.

  I smiled, waiting for the warmth in my cheeks to go away before I walked up the stairs and found my way back to the lab--and to Cy.

  As I walked into the building and descended the stairs, the warmth turned into tingling. When I walked into the lab, Cy looked up, and I felt as if he knew what had happened between Benji and me.

  "You okay?" he asked.

  "Yeah! Why?"

  Cy frowned at my overly excited answer. "Your cheeks are red."

  I already knew that. My entire face was burning. I couldn't answer. I just walked over to Dr. Z's desk, pulled out another stack of pages, and brought them to my desk.

  "How was the party?"

  "It was a party."

  "Benji saw you home?"

  "Yep."

  "You sure you're okay?"

  I looked at Cy for a moment. He was still beautiful, still everything I couldn't stop thinking about since the beginning of the semester, and I still felt drawn to him, but for the first time, I wondered why.

  Cy and I worked all day and halfway through the night.

  When I returned to my dorm, a clean, folded maroon T-shirt with yellow writing had been slipped under my door, the one Benji had given me to wear the night before, and it also happened to be my favorite that he wore. It came with a note.

  My eyes had just barely peeled open when someone knocked on the door. I had worn Benji's shirt to bed. I loved the way it swallowed me, but I wasn't wearing anything underneath. I slipped on some boxer shorts before trudging across the cold floor. The door whined as it opened.

  Cy was standing in the hallway, wearing a black fleece pullover and his token khaki cargo pants. He seemed distracted by my lack of attire. "Happy Thanksgiving. I'm afraid we'll have to start early today. Dr. Zorba wants to move the specimen tomorrow."

  I walked away from the open door and crashed back onto my bed. "I don't really do early after pulling an all-nighter," I said, lifting the covers over my head.

  "I'd like to take you to breakfast first, if that's acceptable to you."

  I turned over, letting every muscle in my face capable of frowning compress and tighten. "Why?"

  "I...just allow me this. Please." Cy's expression was des
perate.

  It made me curious and worried and a little sick to my stomach. Is it about the rock? The CIA? Dr. Z? Does he somehow know about Benji and me? There was only one way to find out.

  "Uh...okay." I stood up and peeled off my clothes as I walked toward the bathroom.

  "What are you doing?" Cy said, turning around and shielding his eyes. His voice was raised an octave, sounding similar to what we non-Egyptians call panic.

  "Taking a shower," I said, slipping my heather gray cotton panties down over my hips and letting them fall to the floor. I twisted the shower knob with one hand and grabbed a towel with the other, and the water sprayed against the tile floor.

  The door closed behind me quickly, but not before Cy uttered the words, "You'll not be long?"

  "Five minutes," I said. I smiled as the hot water poured over my face. It was about time Cy was the one who felt unsettled.

  We sat inside Gigi's Cafe, watching large flakes fall from the silver sky. It felt weird being there with Cy instead of Benji, but Gigi's was the only restaurant open on Thanksgiving.

  Cy was drinking a small black coffee, and I was sipping my hot water as quickly as I could without burning my tongue. I was wearing three layers, including a tank top, my favorite silver sweater, and an orange fleece vest. My clothes were certainly more colorful than my usual attire, but I felt less like only wearing black these days.

  Cy insisted that I dress warmly when I came out of the shower. With his back still turned, he'd said, "It's going to be very cold today and even more so tonight. Please, please take better care of yourself, Rory."

  Being watched over wasn't something that had appealed to me for the last two and a half years. But lately, it didn't seem all that bad.

  The waitress set a plate in front of me with a steaming breakfast burrito, a small plastic cup of pico de gallo, and the stupid garnish that no one cared about and everyone threw away.

  "Your breakfrito," she said with a voice that had been poisoned by twenty years or more of cigarette smoke. She put a bowl of raw spinach leaves and a small plastic cup of vinegar in front of Cy. "Your--"

  "Grass," I said with a smirk.

  Cy wasn't amused at first, but then his expression softened, and he allowed the smallest trace of a smile to form on his lips.

  "Our first breakfast. What's the occasion?"

  "I wanted us to have a conversation about the other night."

  "What about it?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

  He had at least narrowed it down, but I still didn't know if he was pissed that I had bailed on him or if he knew about Benji.