Caribbean Cruising

by Diana Wynne Jones

  Mrs. Sharp was warmly grateful. As a reward, she arranged for Cat to have real music lessons. “Then that Mayor will have nothing to complain of,” she said. She believed in killing two birds with one stone.

  Cat started to learn the violin. He thought he was making good progress. He practiced diligently. He never could understand why the new people living upstairs always banged on the floor when he started to play. Mrs. Sharp, being tone-deaf herself, nodded and smiled while he played, and encouraged him greatly.

  He was practicing away one evening when Gwendolen stormed in and shrieked a spell in his face. Cat found, to his dismay, that he was holding a large striped cat by the tail. He had its head tucked under his chin, and he was sawing at its back with the violin bow. He dropped it hurriedly. Even so, it bit him under the chin and scratched him painfully.

  “What did you do that for?” he said. The cat stood in an arch, glaring at him.

  “Because that’s just what it sounded like!” said Gwendolen. “I couldn’t stand it a moment longer. Here, pussy, pussy!” The cat did not like Gwendolen either. It scratched the hand she held out to it. Gwendolen smacked it. It ran away, with Cat in hot pursuit, shouting, “Stop it! That’s my fiddle! Stop it!” But the cat escaped, and that was the end of the violin lessons.

  Mrs. Sharp was very impressed with this display of talent from Gwendolen. She climbed on a chair in the yard and told Mr. Nostrum about it over the wall. From there, the story spread to every witch and necromancer in the neighborhood.

  That neighborhood was full of witches. People in the same trade like to cluster together. If Cat came out of Mrs. Sharp’s front door and turned right down Coven Street, he passed, besides the three Accredited Witches, two Necromancy Offereds, a Soothsayer, a Diviner, and a Willing Warlock. If he turned left, he passed MR. HENRY NOSTRUM A.R.C.M. Tuition in Necromancy, a Fortune-Teller, a Sorcery For All Occasions, a Clairvoyant, and lastly Mr. Larkins’ shop. The air in the street, and for several streets around, was heavy with the scent of magic being done.

  All these people took a great and friendly interest in Gwendolen. The story of the cat impressed them enormously. They made a great pet of the creature—naturally, it was called Fiddle. Though it remained bad-tempered, captious, and unfriendly, it never went short of food. They made an even greater pet of Gwendolen. Mr. Larkins gave her presents. The Willing Warlock, who was a muscular young man always in need of a shave, popped out of his house whenever he saw Gwendolen passing and presented her with a bull’s-eye. The various witches were always looking out simple spells for her.

  Gwendolen was very scornful of these spells. “Do they think I’m a baby or something? I’m miles beyond this stuff!” she would say, casting the latest spell aside.

  Mrs. Sharp, who was glad of any aid to witchcraft, usually gathered the spell up carefully and hid it. But once or twice, Cat found the odd spell lying about. Then he could not resist trying it. He would have liked to have had just a little of Gwendolen’s talent. He always hoped that he was a late developer and that, someday, a spell would work for him. But they never did—not even the one for turning brass buttons to gold, which Cat particularly fancied.

  The various fortune-tellers gave Gwendolen presents too. She got an old crystal ball from the Diviner and a pack of cards from the Soothsayer. The Fortune-Teller told her fortune for her. Gwendolen came in golden and exultant from that.

  “I’m going to be famous! He said I could rule the world if I go the right way about it!” she told Cat.

  Though Cat had no doubt that Gwendolen would be famous, he could not see how she could rule the world, and he said so. “You’d only rule one country, even if you married the King,” he objected. “And the Prince of Wales got married last year.”

  “There are more ways of ruling than that, stupid!” Gwendolen retorted. “Mr. Nostrum has lots of ideas for me, for a start. Mind you, there are some snags. There’s a change for the worse that I have to surmount, and a dominant Dark Stranger. But when he told me I’d rule the world my fingers all twitched, so I know it’s true!” There seemed no limit to Gwendolen’s glowing confidence.

  The next day, Miss Larkins the Clairvoyant called Cat into her house and offered to tell his fortune too.

  2

  C AT WAS ALARMED by Miss Larkins. She was the daughter of Mr. Larkins at the junk shop. She was young and pretty and fiercely red-headed. She wore the red hair piled into a bun on top of her head, from which red tendrils of hair escaped and tangled becomingly with earrings like hoops for parrots to sit on. She was a very talented clairvoyant and, until the story of the cat became known, Miss Larkins had been the pet of the neighborhood. Cat remembered that even his mother had given Miss Larkins presents.

  Cat knew Miss Larkins was offering to tell his fortune out of jealousy of Gwendolen. “No. No, thank you very much,” he said, backing away from Miss Larkins’ little table spread with objects of divination. “It’s quite all right. I don’t want to know.”

  But Miss Larkins advanced on him and seized him by his shoulders. Cat squirmed. Miss Larkins used a scent that shrieked VIOLETS! at him, her earrings swung like manacles, and her corsets creaked when she was close to. “Silly boy!” Miss Larkins said, in her rich, melodious voice. “I’m not going to hurt you. I just want to know.”

  “But—but I don’t,” Cat said, twisting this way and that.

  “Hold still,” said Miss Larkins, and tried to stare deep into Cat’s eyes.

  Cat shut his eyes hastily. He squirmed harder than ever. He might have got loose, had not Miss Larkins abruptly gone off into some kind of trance. Cat found himself being gripped with a strength that would have surprised him even in the Willing Warlock. He opened his eyes to find Miss Larkins staring blankly at him. Her body shook, creaking her corsets like old doors swinging in the wind. “Oh, please let go!” Cat said. But Miss Larkins did not appear to hear. Cat took hold of the fingers gripping his shoulders, and tried to prise them loose. He could not move them. After that, he could only stare helplessly at Miss Larkins’ blank face.

  Miss Larkins opened her mouth, and quite a different voice came out. It was a man’s voice, brisk and kindly. “You’ve taken a weight off my mind, lad,” it said. It sounded pleased. “There’ll be a big change coming up for you now. But you’ve been awfully careless—four gone already, and only five left. You must take more care. You’re in danger from at least two directions, did you know?”

  The voice stopped. By this time, Cat was so frightened that he dared not move. He could only wait until Miss Larkins came to herself, yawned, and let go of him in order to cover her mouth elegantly with one hand.

  “There,” she said, in her usual voice. “That was it. What did I say?”

  Finding Miss Larkins had no idea what she had said brought Cat out in goose pimples. All he wanted to do was to run away. He dashed for the door.

  Miss Larkins pursued him, seized his arms again, and shook him. “Tell me! Tell me! What did I say?” With the violence of her shaking, her red hair came down in sheets. Her corsets sounded like bending planks. She was terrifying. “What voice did I use?” she demanded.

  “A—a man’s voice,” Cat faltered. “Sort of nice, and no nonsense about it.”

  Miss Larkins seemed dumbfounded. “A man? Not Bobby or Doddo—not a child’s voice, I mean?”

  “No,” said Cat.

  “How peculiar!” said Miss Larkins. “I never use a man. What did he say?”

  Cat repeated what the voice had said. He thought he would never forget it if he lived to ninety.

  It was some consolation to find that Miss Larkins was quite as puzzled by it as he was. “Well, I suppose it was a warning,” she said dubiously. She also seemed disappointed. “And nothing else? Nothing about your sister?”

  “No, nothing,” said Cat.

  “Oh well, can’t be helped,” Miss Larkins said discontentedly, and she let go of Cat in order to put
her hair up again.

  As soon as both her hands were safely occupied in pinning her bun, Cat ran. He shot out into the street, feeling very shaken.

  And he was caught by two more people almost at once.

  “Ah. Here is young Eric Chant now,” said Mr. Nostrum, advancing down the pavement. “You are acquainted with my brother, William, are you, Young Chant?”

  Cat was once more caught by an arm. He tried to smile. It was not that he disliked Mr. Nostrum. It was just that Mr. Nostrum always talked in this jocular way and called him Young Chant every few words, which made it very difficult to talk to Mr. Nostrum in return. Mr. Nostrum was small and plumpish, with two wings of grizzled hair. He had a cast in his left eye too, which always stared out sideways. Cat found that added to the difficulty of talking to Mr. Nostrum. Was he looking and listening? Or was his mind elsewhere with that wandering eye?

  “Yes—yes, I’ve met your brother,” Cat reminded Mr. Nostrum. Mr. William Nostrum came to visit his brother regularly. Cat saw him almost once a month. He was quite a well-to-do wizard, with a practice in Eastbourne. Mrs. Sharp claimed that Mr. Henry Nostrum sponged on his wealthier brother, both for money and for spells that worked. Whatever the truth of that, Cat found Mr. William Nostrum even harder to talk to than his brother. He was half as large again as Mr. Henry and always wore morning dress with a huge silver watch-chain across his tubby waistcoat. Otherwise, he was the image of Mr. Henry Nostrum, except that both his eyes were out of true. Cat always wondered how Mr. William saw anything. “How do you do, sir,” he said to him politely.

  “Very well,” said Mr. William in a deep, gloomy voice, as if the opposite was true.

  Mr. Henry Nostrum glanced up at him apologetically. “The fact is, Young Chant,” he explained, “we have met with a little setback. My brother is upset.” He lowered his voice, and his wandering eye wandered all around Cat’s right side. “It’s about those letters from—You Know Who. We can find out nothing. It seems Gwendolen knows nothing. Do you, Young Chant, perchance know why your esteemed and lamented father should be acquainted with—with, let us call him, the August Personage who signed them?”

  “I haven’t the faintest idea, I’m afraid,” said Cat.

  “Could he have been some relation?” suggested Mr. Henry Nostrum. “Chant is a Good Name.”

  “I think it must be a bad name too,” Cat answered. “We haven’t any relations.”

  “But what of your dear mother?” persisted Mr. Nostrum, his odd eye traveling away, while his brother managed to stare gloomily at the pavement and the rooftops at once.

  “You can see the poor boy knows nothing, Henry,” Mr. William said. “I doubt if he would be able to tell us his dear mother’s maiden name.”

  “Oh, I do know that,” said Cat. “It’s on their marriage lines. She was called Chant too.”

  “Odd,” said Mr. Nostrum, swirling an eye at his brother.

  “Odd, and peculiarly unhelpful,” Mr. William agreed.

  Cat wanted to get away. He felt he had taken enough strange questions to last till Christmas. “Well, if you want to know that badly,” he said, “why don’t you write and ask Mr.—er—Mr. Chres—”

  “Hush!” said Mr. Henry Nostrum violently.

  “Hum!” said his brother, almost equally violently.

  “August Personage, I mean,” Cat said, looking at Mr. William in alarm. Mr. William’s eyes had gone right to the sides of his face. Cat was afraid he might be going off into a trance, like Miss Larkins.

  “It will serve, Henry, it will serve!” Mr. William cried out. And, with great triumph, he lifted the silver watch-chain off his middle and shook it. “Then for silver!” he cried.

  “I’m so glad,” Cat said politely. “I have to be going now.” He ran off down the street as fast as he could. When he went out that afternoon, he took care to turn right and go out of Coven Street past the Willing Warlock’s house. It was rather a nuisance, since that was the long way around to where most of his friends lived, but anything was better than meeting Miss Larkins or the Nostrums again. It was almost enough to make Cat wish that school had started.

  When Cat came home that evening, Gwendolen was just back from her lesson with Mr. Nostrum. She had her usual glowing, exulting look, but she was looking secretive and important too.

  “That was a good idea of yours of writing to Chrestomanci,” she said to Cat. “I can’t think why I didn’t think of it. Anyway, I just have.”

  “Why did you do it? Couldn’t Mr. Nostrum?” Cat asked.

  “It came more naturally from me,” said Gwendolen. “And I suppose it doesn’t matter if he gets my signature. Mr. Nostrum told me what to write.”

  “Why does he want to know anyway?” Cat said.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know!” Gwendolen said exultingly.

  “No,” said Cat. “I wouldn’t.” Since this had brought what happened that morning into his mind, which still made him almost wish the Autumn term had started, he said, “I wish the horse chestnuts were ripe.”

  “Horse chestnuts!” Gwendolen said, in the greatest disgust. “What a low mind you have! They won’t be ready for a good six weeks.”

  “I know,” said Cat, and for the next two days he carefully turned right every time he left the house.

  They were the lovely golden days that happen when August is passing into September. Cat and his friends went out along the river. On the second day, they found a wall and climbed it. There was an orchard beyond, and here they were lucky enough to discover a tree loaded with sweet white apples—the kind that ripen early. They filled their pockets and then their hats. Then a furious gardener chased them with a rake. They ran. Cat was very happy as he carried his full, knobby hat home. Mrs. Sharp loved apples. He just hoped she would not reward him by making gingerbread men. As a rule, gingerbread men were fun. They leaped up off the plate and ran when you tried to eat them, so that when you finally caught them you felt quite justified in eating them. It was a fair fight, and some got away. But Mrs. Sharp’s gingerbread men never did that. They simply lay, feebly waving their arms, and Cat never had the heart to eat them.

  Cat was so busy thinking of all this that, though he noticed a four-wheel cab standing in the road as he turned the corner by the Willing Warlock’s house, he paid no attention to it. He went to the side door and burst into the kitchen with his hatful of apples, shouting, “I say! Look what I’ve got, Mrs. Sharp!”

  Mrs. Sharp was not there. Instead, standing in the middle of the kitchen, was a tall and quite extraordinarily well-dressed man.

  Cat stared at him in some dismay. He was clearly a rich new Town Councillor. Nobody but those kind of people wore trousers with such pearly stripes, or coats of such beautiful velvet, or carried tall hats as shiny as their boots. The man’s hair was dark. It was smooth as his hat. Cat had no doubt that this was Gwendolen’s Dark Stranger, come to help her start ruling the world. And he should not have been in the kitchen at all. Visitors were always taken straight to the parlor.

  “Oh, how do you do, sir. Will you come this way, sir?” he gasped.

  The Dark Stranger gave him a wondering look. And well he might, Cat thought, looking around distractedly. The kitchen was in its usual mess. The range was all ash. On the table, Cat saw, to his further dismay, Mrs. Sharp had been making gingerbread men. The ingredients for the spell lay on one end of the table—all grubby newspaper packets and seedy little jars—and the gingerbread itself was strewn over the middle of the table. At the far end, the flies were gathering around the meat for lunch, which looked nearly as messy as the spell.

  “Who are you?” said the Dark Stranger. “I have a feeling I should know you. What have you got in your hat?”

  Cat was too busy staring around to attend properly, but he caught the last question. His pleasure returned. “Apples,” he said, showing the Stranger. “Lovely sweet ones. I’ve been scrumping.”

  Th
e Stranger looked grave. “Scrumping,” he said, “is a form of stealing.”

  Cat knew that as well as he did. He thought it was very joyless, even for a Town Councillor, to point it out. “I know. But I bet you did it when you were my age.”

  The Stranger coughed slightly and changed the subject. “You haven’t said yet who you are.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t I?” said Cat. “I’m Eric Chant—only they always call me Cat.”

  “Then is Gwendolen Chant your sister?” the Stranger asked. He was looking more and more austere and pitying. Cat suspected that he thought Mrs. Sharp’s kitchen was a den of vice.

  “That’s right. Won’t you come this way?” Cat said, hoping to get the Stranger out of it. “It’s neater through here.”

  “I had a letter from your sister,” the Stranger said, standing where he was. “She gave me the impression you had drowned with your parents.”

  “You must have made a mistake,” Cat said distractedly. “I didn’t drown because I was holding on to Gwendolen, and she’s a witch. It’s cleaner through here.”

  “I see,” said the Stranger. “I’m called Chrestomanci, by the way.”

  “Oh!” said Cat. This was a real crisis. He put his hat of apples down in the middle of the spell, which he very much hoped would ruin it. “Then you’ve got to come in the parlor at once.”

  “Why?” said Chrestomanci, sounding rather bewildered.

  “Because,” said Cat, thoroughly exasperated, “you’re far too important to stay here.”

  “What makes you think I’m important?” Chrestomanci asked, still bewildered.

  Cat was beginning to want to shake him. “You must be. You’re wearing important clothes. And Mrs. Sharp said you were. She said Mr. Nostrum would give his eyes just for your three letters.”