by Jan Drexler
That was all, though. Mari needed a mother, but he didn’t need a wife. He still loved Lily. He would always love Lily.
Ja, for sure, once he thought he had loved Bethany, too. But his love for her had faded when he learned she had married Peter. And when he met Lily, his love for Bethany had died. Lily had driven the thought of any other woman from his mind, and she still did. He couldn’t think of being truly married to Bethany, and she understood that, for sure. A marriage in name only, so that Mari would have a mother to care for her.
Andrew thrust his shirttail back in his waistband and headed for the barn, ignoring the uncomfortable thought that if he hadn’t believed Bethany had married Peter, he never would have looked at Lily. He had thought Bethany would wait for him...and when he heard that she hadn’t, he had pushed aside any thought of coming back to Indiana until last year, the second year of drought. And until he needed a home for Mari far away from Rose’s clutches.
The sound of buggy wheels on gravel made him turn toward the road. When Dave Zimmer jumped out of the buggy, Andrew couldn’t keep from grinning.
“Andrew Yoder, I was sure you wouldn’t be here.” Dave shook his hand, then pulled him close for a hug. “I ran into Aaron Zook at a sale east of Shipshewana this morning, and he said you were back, but I didn’t believe him.” Dave held him at arm’s length. “You don’t look too bad. Iowa must have agreed with you. What brings you back here?”
Seeing Dave felt good, as if time hadn’t passed at all. He was grateful that Bethany’s brother had spread the news of his return. “What did Aaron tell you?”
Dave shrugged. “Nothing. Just that you were here.”
“Come on into the barn. We can talk while I work.” He glanced toward the southwest, but the clouds had moved on. “It’s a long story.”
“First of all,” Andrew said, motioning for Dave to grab a hammer from the workbench. “Your letter changed everything.”
“Which letter?” Dave followed him to the horse stalls. Almost every board needed to be replaced after rats had chewed away the wood in their quest for salt.
“The letter you sent just after we moved, telling me that Bethany was marrying Peter Schwartzendruber.” Andrew knocked a board loose with his hammer while Dave worked on the other end.
Andrew started on the next board, but Dave stood and stared at him. “I wrote to you about that?”
“It was four years ago, just a month or so after we moved. You told me your brother was getting married and so was Peter.”
“For sure, I remember now. It turned out that Peter had spoken out of turn. He hadn’t even asked Bethany yet.” Dave helped him remove another board and they tossed it on top of the first one. “She turned him down, just like she turned me down.”
Heat flared somewhere in Andrew’s middle. “You asked Bethany to marry you?”
Dave shrugged again. “She’s a nice girl. I thought we’d get along pretty well, but I guess she didn’t think so. I got the feeling she knew who she wanted to marry, and I wasn’t the one.”
“Who do you think it was?”
“I don’t know. Whoever it was, she never did marry him. She’s still taking care of her daed and brothers.”
“Ja, I know.”
“You’ve seen her, then?” Dave tossed the next board onto the growing pile. “Has she met your wife and daughter yet?”
“Lily was killed in an accident a few weeks ago.” Andrew swallowed. Every time he told someone of Lily’s passing, it was as if he relived that day over again.
“Ach, Andrew. I’m sorry. What about your daughter? Where is she?”
“Bethany is taking care of her today.”
Dave leaned an arm on the supporting post at the end of the stall. “There’s more to the story, isn’t there? Something happened to make you bring a two-year-old all the way back here, away from your family.”
“Lily’s mother wants to raise her. To keep her for her own. I can’t let that happen.” Andrew tapped at the next board with his hammer, but his thoughts were with Mari. “I need to find someone to take care of her.”
Dave rubbed at his beard. “I wish I could help, but my Dorcas just had twins. They’re only a few months old, and she still has her mother staying with us to help her.”
“Twins are a blessing. Boys or girls?”
“One of each.” Dave grinned. “I guess both of our lives have changed since we last saw each other.”
Tossing another board on the growing pile, Andrew rubbed his own beard. “I wasn’t asking if you could take care of Mari. I already have someone in mind.”
Dave nodded. “Bethany.”
Andrew knocked the next board loose. He needed advice, and Dave had always been a good friend.
“What would you think if I married Bethany?”
“I’m surprised you’re thinking of marrying again already.”
“I hadn’t even thought of it until today. I received a letter from my mother-in-law. She’s coming on Saturday to visit, and I’m sure she wants to take Mari back to Iowa with her.” Andrew’s hammer hit the last board harder than he intended and split it in two. “She says Mari needs a mother, and she has appointed herself.”
“What are you going to do?”
Andrew leveled his gaze at his friend, watching for his reaction. “I asked Bethany to marry me, to be Mari’s mother and to take care of the house.”
Dave frowned. “And she agreed to that?”
“Not yet. I’m waiting for her answer.”
“How long were you and Lily married?”
Andrew swallowed as Dave’s words reminded him that his marriage to Lily had ended. “A little more than three years.”
“And in all that time you didn’t learn the first thing about women.”
“What do you mean?”
“No woman, especially one like Bethany, will be happy stepping into a marriage the way you described it. She might agree for your daughter’s sake, but she’ll want your love, too.”
“I can’t give her that.” Andrew shook his head, the image of Lily’s smile in his mind once more. “I can’t.”
Dave tackled the first board in the next stall. “Then you had better make sure Bethany knows that before you go any further with this idea.”
* * *
After supper was finished and the kitchen was ready for morning, Bethany took a glass of cold tea to Daed. He sat on the shady side of the house, enjoying the evening air.
Reaching to take the glass from her, he motioned to the chair next to him and took a sip of the tea. “Denki, Bethany. This is the perfect end to a long day.”
“I thought you’d like some refreshment.” She leaned back in the chair that had been Mamm’s and took a long drink from her own glass. Shouts drifted toward them from the field behind the barn, where her young brothers, eleven-year-old John and nine-year-old James, played a game of catch. “Where are Aaron and Nathaniel tonight?”
“Aaron went to visit a girl, I think. I’m not sure where Nathaniel is, but he caught a ride with Aaron.” Daed propped his feet on a log he had placed in front of his chair to make a footstool. “Did you see Andrew today?”
Bethany choked as the tea she was swallowing went down the wrong way. “Ja.” She coughed. “I did. And I took care of his daughter while he worked. She was good company for me.” She took another drink. “Andrew asked me something, and I hoped you’d tell me what you thought about it.”
Daed settled in his chair, waiting while Bethany ran her finger around the rim of her glass.
“Andrew wants me to marry him.”
Running his fingers through his beard as he always did before saying anything, Daed stared toward the barn. “This is very sudden, isn’t it? He hasn’t been back for more than a day or two.”
“I thought so, too. But his mother-in-law is coming on Saturday and wants
to take Mari back to Iowa with her. He thinks that if he has a wife, or the promise of a wife, then Rose won’t feel like Mari is in such desperate need of a mother.”
“How long has Andrew’s wife been gone?”
“Only a few weeks, he said.”
Daed ran his fingers through his beard again as Bethany finished her now lukewarm tea.
Bethany set her empty glass on the arm of her chair. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“The first thought that comes to mind is what kind of woman this mother-in-law must be, if Andrew is afraid that she’ll take his daughter from him.”
“Andrew said that when she’s involved in anything, she takes over. I don’t think he wants to argue with her.”
A soft chuckle came from Daed. “I’ve known other women like that.”
“Who?”
Daed smothered his smile behind his hand. “You.”
Bethany pressed her lips together to hold back a protest. She wasn’t anything like the way Andrew had described Rose.
“Your mother was like that, too.” At this, Daed’s smile broadened. “I think it’s a good quality in a woman, being able to take charge when she feels she needs to. As long as she has someone who can guide her into making wise decisions rather than relying solely on her womanly emotions.”
“You mean a woman always needs a man around?”
Daed shrugged. “It worked well for your mamm and me. But it doesn’t need to be a man. A good friend, or a relative. Someone who can temper her impulsiveness.”
Bethany’s face burned. Daed often had to tell her to slow down and take a moment to think before she acted. He might not have said her name, but he was talking about her.
“All I know about Rose is what Andrew told me. And that she’s a widow.”
Daed fingered his beard, his gaze on the barn. Then he shifted in his seat and looked at Bethany. “My second thought is that there was a time when your mamm and I thought you and Andrew would marry someday.”
Bethany blinked, her eyes suddenly itching. There had been a time when she had thought that, too.
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
“Daed, it’s been four years since the last time we saw each other. He’s been married and has a child.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.” He took her hand. “Time has passed, and you’ve both grown into adults rather than young people. You’ve both known grief and joy, and you’ve matured. You know that sometimes you have to put your emotions aside so that you can make a decision that is best for all involved.”
“You’re telling me that I should marry him.”
“I’m not going to tell you if you should or you shouldn’t. But I am telling you to think carefully and weigh all sides of the decision.” Daed leaned back in his chair again but didn’t release her hand. “Ask yourself what would be the worst thing that would happen, and the best, and ask that about both sides. Then talk to Andrew. Tell him what you think, and don’t hold anything back.”
“Whatever I decide will affect my life forever.”
“Not only your life, but Andrew’s life. And that little girl’s life. And even Rose’s life. It’s a big decision, and I will pray for you as you sort through it. But I won’t decide for you.”
“In a way, I wish you would.”
Daed chuckled again and rose to his feet. “I need to see to the barn and make sure everything is set for the night. I’ll send your brothers in, too. It’s getting late.”
Bethany hadn’t noticed the gray and pink streaks in the powder-blue eastern sky, but now she watched them, the barn a dark silhouette against the pale colors. As she had thought about Andrew’s proposal this afternoon, she had dreamed about what it would be like to be Mari’s mother. The little girl was precious, and a joy to be with. Mari felt the loss of her mother deeply, and Bethany longed to fill that void for her.
But Daed had said that she should put aside her emotions and look at the decision from both sides. As far as Mari was concerned, Bethany didn’t have any decision to make. She loved her like a daughter already and would happily take her into her arms and her life.
Andrew was a different matter. She had once thought she loved him, but that burning memory of his laughter still rang in her head. They were friends, but she would never trust her heart where he was concerned. His marriage to Lily so soon after he arrived in Iowa proved his lack of romantic feelings for her more than anything else.
But even though love had never blossomed between them, she and Andrew were still friends. Good friends. If they married, they would get along as they always had. She could foresee their evenings together after Mari went to bed, discussing the farm or Mari, or even the weather. They would never run out of things to talk about, and they would enjoy each other’s company. They could spend year after year that way, never as lonely as she had been ever since the day when she had watched that wagon carry Andrew to faraway Iowa.
And she would have her own home and her own family. She would care for the Yoder home with its quaint kitchen and the beautiful view from the window that looked over the flat prairies of southern LaGrange County. She would cook and sew for the three of them, and watch Mari grow into a young woman with dreams of her own home and a man to love her...
At that, a sob escaped. She pressed her fist against her lips, closed tight against the other sobs that wanted to force their way out.
With a marriage the way Andrew had described, there would always be only one child. Always only a friendship between her and Andrew.
She had no dreams of any other man to love her—she had never felt drawn to anyone else. So the argument came back to the same place where she had started—could she accept Andrew’s proposal, knowing theirs would be a marriage without love?
* * *
“Where is our cow?” Mari asked the next morning at breakfast as Andrew set a cup of water on the table.
“We sold our cow because it couldn’t make the trip to Indiana with us. Cows don’t ride on trains.”
Mari giggled at that, covering her mouth with pudgy fingers while Andrew smiled at the joke. But Mari’s question had reminded him of his long list of things he needed to get done. With Dave’s help yesterday, the barn was now ready to house some horses and a milk cow. Until he found some livestock, though, he’d have to borrow milk from the neighbors, and rely on them for transportation, too. Jonah Zook had always been a good neighbor and would be happy to help out.
“After breakfast,” he told Mari, browning toast for her on the stove, “we’ll go to Bethany’s house and borrow some milk. And then we’ll start looking for a cow of our own.”
“I want a brown cow.” Mari made this announcement as her empty cup thudded on the table. “Like Mammi Rose has. With big eyes.” Mari pulled her eyelids open with her fingers to show how big a Jersey cow’s eyes were.
Andrew couldn’t help laughing. “If there is a Jersey cow for sale, I’ll try to buy it. But I’ll have to wait and see. No promises!”
“And a spot horse, Daed. Get a spot horse, like Rascal.”
The buggy horse Lily had chosen for him to buy when they got married had been a western mustang with a brown-and-white pattern. Andrew’s younger brother had called it a cowboy horse, but Lily didn’t care. She had fallen in love with the animal and had pampered it with carrots. Andrew sighed. Rascal had also gone to the sale barn in Iowa.
“I’m not sure they have spotted horses here, Mari, but I’ll look for one.”
“Bethany likes cows.” Mari leaned close to watch him spread a bit of Bethany’s butter on her toast. “She likes horses, too. And chickens.”
Andrew cut Mari’s toast into triangles and put the plate in front of her. “Does she like little girls?”
Mari looked at him, her blue eyes serious. “She likes little girls best of all.”
Watching Mar
i take a bite of her toast, Andrew didn’t doubt his daughter’s statement. He had seen the attachment between the two of them when he had gone to pick up Mari from the Zook house before supper yesterday. Mari had looked happier than he had seen her since her mother was suddenly taken away from her. And Bethany... He’d had to look away when he had seen the expression on Bethany’s face. She loved his daughter already, he didn’t doubt that. He hoped that would induce her to accept the idea of marrying him.
With Bethany on his mind, he didn’t react right away when he saw her standing in the kitchen doorway, fancying that he only saw her face in his memory.
“Bethany!” Mari waved her toast in the air, and Bethany waved back.
Andrew lurched to his feet, knocking aside his chair. “Come in. I wasn’t expecting you.”
Bethany’s smile brought one of his own. “I was wondering why you were staring at me.” She held up a tin pail of rags and brushes. “I thought you might need help cleaning the house if you’re having company soon.”
Andrew glanced at Mari. He hadn’t said anything to his daughter about Rose’s pending visit three days from now. When he looked back at Bethany, she nodded to indicate her understanding of the situation.
“I haven’t been able to do much with the house.” He pushed his chair toward the table for Bethany and sat in the one on the opposite side.
“For sure. You need to get the barn in order, first.”
“Daed will buy a cow.” Mari pushed her eyes open wide again. “A brown cow. With big eyes.”
Bethany looked at Andrew and he answered her unspoken question. “A Jersey cow. Rose has a Jersey, and Mari thinks it’s pretty.”
“What if you can’t find a Jersey for sale?”
Andrew shrugged, but Mari already knew the answer. “Then we get a brown spotted one. Or a black-and-white one.”
Bethany matched Mari’s smile. “Then you’ll be content with whichever cow your daed thinks is the best?”
