All's Well

by Emily Sarah Holt

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX.

  "A RUCK OF TROUBLE."

  "Well, be sure! if there ever was a woman in such a ruck of trouble!"said poor Collet Pardue, wiping her eyes. "Here's my man took toprison, saints knows what for--my man 'at was as quiet as ever a mouse,and as good to me as if he'd ha' been a cherubim, and me left with allthem childre--six lads and four lasses--eight o' my own, and two of poorSens's--and the lads that mischievous as I scarce knows whether I'm onmy head or my heels one half o' the day! Here's that Silas a-been andtook and dropped the bucket down the well, and never a drop o' water canwe get. And Aphabell he's left the gate open, and nine out o' myfourteen chicken strayed away. And I sent Toby for a loaf o'biscuit-bread, a-thinking it'd be a treat for the little uns, and me nothaving a mite o' time to make it--and if the rogue hasn't been and ateit all up a-coming home--there's the crumbs on his jacket this minute!"

  "I didn't!" shouted Tobias resentfully, in answer to this unjustaccusation. "I didn't eat it all up! I gave half on it to Esdras--agood half." The last words were uttered in a tone of conscious virtue,the young gentleman evidently feeling that his self-denial was notmeeting its due reward.

  "Ha' done then, thou runagate!" returned his mother, aiming a slap athim, which Tobias dodged by a dip of his head. "Eh, deary me, but theyare a weary lot, these childre!"

  "Why stand you not up to them better, Collet Pardue?" asked theneighbour who was the listener to poor Collet's list of grievances."Can't you rouse yourself and see to them?"

  "Seems to me, Mistress Hall, I've got no rouse left in me, wi' all thesetroubles a-coming so thick," said poor Collet, shaking her head. "Ifyou'd six lads and four maids, and your man in prison for nought, andthe bucket down the well, and the chicken strayed, and your poor oldmother sick a-bed, and them pies in the oven a-burning this minute--Ohme!"

  Collet made a rush at the oven, having to push Charity Bradbridge out ofher way, who was staring open-mouthed at the brilliant parrot wrought infloss silks on the exterior of Mrs Tabitha's large work-bag.

  "I've told you twenty times, Collet Pardue, you lack method," pursuedMrs Hall, with a magisterial air. "Why set you not Esdras to hunt thechicken, and Noah to fish up the bucket, and Beatrice to wait on yourmother, and Penuel to see to the pies, and leave yourself freer? I makemy childre useful, I can tell you. The more children, the more to waiton you."

  "Well, Mistress Hall, I've always found it t'other way about--the morechildre, the more for you to wait on. Pen, she's ironing, and Beatie isup wi' mother. But as to Esdras hunting up the chicks, why, he'd comehome wi' more holes than he's got, and that's five, as I know to mycost; and set Noah to get up the bucket, he'd never do nought but sendhis self a-flying after it down the well, and then I should have to fishhim up. 'Tis mighty good talking, when you've only three, and them allmaids; maids can be ruled by times; but them lads, they're thatcantankerous as-- There now, I might ha' known Noah was after somemischief; he's never quiet but he is! Do 'ee look, how he's tangled myblue yarn 'at I'd wound only last night--twisted it round every chairand table in the place, and-- You wicked, sinful boy, to go and tanglethe poor cat along with 'em! I'll be after you, see if I'm not! You'llcatch some'at!"

  "Got to catch me first!" said Noah, with a grin, darting out of the dooras his over-worried mother made a grab at him.

  Poor Collet sat down and succumbed under her sufferings, throwing herapron over her face for a good cry. Beatrice, who came down the ladderwhich led to the upper chambers, took in the scene at a glance. She wasa bright little girl of ten years old. Setting down the tray in herhand, she first speedily delivered the captive pussy, and then proceededdeftly to disentangle the wool, rolling it up again in a ball.

  "Prithee, weep not, Mother, dear heart!" she said cheerily. "Grannysleeps, and needs no tending at this present. I've set pussy free, Ishall soon have the yarn right again. You're over-wrought, poorMother!"

  Her child's sympathetic words seemed to have the effect of making Colletcry the harder; but Tabitha's voice responded for her.

  "Well said, Beatrice, and well done! I love to see a maid whose fingersare not all thumbs. But, dear me, Collet, what a shiftless woman areyou! Can't you pack those lads out o' door, and have a quiet house foryour work? I should, for sure!"

  "You'd find you'd got your work cut out, Mistress Hall, I can tell you.`Pack 'em out o' door' means just send 'em to prey on your neighbours,and have half-a-dozen angry folks at you afore night, and a sight o'damage for to pay."

  "Set them to weed your garden, can't you? and tie up that trailinghoneysuckle o'er the porch, that's a shame to be seen. Make 'emuseful--that's what I say."

  "And 'tis what I'd be main thankful to do if I could--that I'll warrantyou, Mistress Hall; but without I stood o'er 'em every minute of thetime, the flowers 'd get plucked up and the weeds left, every one on'em. That'd be useful, wouldn't it?"

  "You've brought them up ill, Collet, or they'd be better lads than that.I'd have had 'em as quat as mice, the whole six, afore I'd been theirmother a week."

  "I cast no doubt, Mistress Hall," said Collet, driven to retort as sherarely did, "if you'd had the world to make, it'd ha' been mortal grand,and all turned out spic-span: look you, the old saw saith, `Bachelors'wives be always well-learned,' and your lads be angels, that's sure,seein' you haven't ne'er a one on 'em; but mine isn't so easy to manageas yourn, looking as I've six to see to."

  "You've lost your temper, Collet Pardue," said Mrs Tabitha, with calmcomplacency; "and that's a thing a woman shouldn't do who calls herselfa Christian."

  Before Collet could reply, a third person stood in the doorway. Shelooked up, and saw her landlord, Mr Benden.

  As it happened, that gentleman was not aware of the presence of hissister-in-law, who was concealed from him by the open door behind whichshe was sitting, as well as by a sheet which was hanging up to air inthe warm atmosphere of the kitchen. He had not, therefore, the leastidea that Tabitha heard his words addressed to Collet.

  "So your husband has been sent to prison, Mistress, for an heretic and acontemner of the blessed Sacrament?"

  "My husband contemns not the blessed Sacrament that our Lord JesusChrist instituted," answered Collet, turning to face her new assailant;"but he is one of them that will not be made to commit idolatry unto apiece of bread."

  "Well said, indeed!" sneered Mr Benden. "This must needs be good worldwhen cloth-workers' wives turn doctors of religion! How look you tomake my rent, Mistress, with nought coming in, I pray you?"

  "Your rent's not due, Master, for five weeks to come."

  "And when they be come, I do you to wit, I will have it--or else forthyou go. Do you hear, Mistress Glib-tongue?"

  "Dear heart, Master Benden!" cried Collet, in consternation. "Sure youcan never have the heart to turn us adrift--us as has always paid youevery farthing up to the hour it was due!"

  "Ay, and I'll have this, every farthing up to the hour 'tis due! I'llhave no canting hypocrites in my houses, nor no such as be notorioustraitors to God and the Queen's Majesty! I'll--"

  "O Master, we're no such, nor never was--" began the sobbing Collet.

  But both speeches were cut across by a third voice, which made thelandlord turn a shade paler and stop his diatribe suddenly; for it wasthe voice of the only mortal creature whom Edward Benden feared.

  "Then you'd best turn yourself out, Edward Benden, and that prettysharp, before I come and make you!" said the unexpected voice of theinvisible Tabitha. "I haven't forgot, if you have, what a loyal subjectyou were in King Edward's days, nor how you essayed to make your courtto my Lord of Northumberland that was, by proclaiming my Lady Jane atCranbrook, and then, as soon as ever you saw how the game was going, youturned coat and threw up your cap for Queen Mary. If all the cantinghypocrites be bundled forth of Staplehurst, you'll be amongst the firsthalf-dozen, I'll be bound! Get you gone, if you've any shame left, andforbear to torture an honest woman that hath troubles enow."

  "He's go
ne, Mistress Hall," said little Beatrice. "I count he scarceheard what you last spake."

  "O Mistress Hall, you are a good friend, and I'm for ever bounden toyou!" said poor Collet, when she was able to speak for tears. "And ifit please you, I'm main sorry I lost my temper, and if I said any wordto you as I shouldn't, I'll take 'em back every one, and may God blessyou!"

  "Well said, old friend!" answered Tabitha, in high good-humour.

  "And, O Mistress, do you think, an' it like you, that Master Benden willturn us forth on Saint Austin's morrow?--that's when our rent's due."

  "What is your rent, neighbour?"

  "'Tis thirteen-and-fourpence, the house, Mistress--but then we've thebit o' pasture land behind, for our horse and cow--that's eightshillings more by the year. And I've only"--Collet went to a chest, andlifted out an old black stocking--"I haven't but sixteen shillings laidby towards it, and look you, there'll be no wages coming in save Toby'sand Esdras' and Aphabell's, and we've to live. With 'leven of us to eatand be clad, we can't save many pence for rent, and I did hope MasterBenden 'd be pleased to wait a while. Of course he must have his own,like any other; but if he would ha' waited--"

  "He'll wait," said Tabitha, and shut her mouth with a snap. "But lesthe should not, Collet, come by Seven Roads as you go to pay your rent,and whatso you may be short for the full amount, I'll find you."

  "Eh dear, Mistress Hall, I could cut my tongue in leches [slices] thatit ever spake a word as didn't please you!" cried the grateful Collet,though Tabitha had spoken a multitude of words which were by no meanspleasing to her. "And we'll all pray God bless you when we're on ourknees to-night, and all your folks belike. And I _will_ essay to keepthe lads better-way, though in very deed I don't know how," concludedshe, as Tabitha rose, well pleased, patted Charity on the head, toldBeatrice to be a good maid and help her mother, and in a mood dividedbetween gratification and grim plans for giving Mr Benden the duereward of his deeds, set out on her walk home.