Firsts: Book One’s

by Moore, Portia

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I tell her genuinely. She smiles at me, touched.

  “I’m so glad that you still want your old aunt around. My friends are all jealous that you actually invited me. They said their kids have never asked them to visit at their school.”

  “First off, you’re not old. And second, that’s because you’re a cool aunt.” I tease her, paraphrasing a quote from our favorite movie Mean Girls. She laughs; it’s elegant but unrestrained, which sums her up perfectly.

  “So what do you recommend?” she asks, picking up the menu and examining it.

  “I love the crepes and sausage but Michael likes the stuffed pancakes,” I tell her. When she doesn’t answer I see her smiling at me brightly.

  “You really like this young man, huh?”

  I can’t help but grin. “I do. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

  “Do you think you’ve found your Prince Charming?” she asks.

  “Let’s not go that far, Prince Charming’s a lot to live up to. We’ll say he’s a Shrek,” I joke.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she says, suddenly serious.

  I’m caught off guard by her sentimentality. “I wouldn’t be here without you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I thank God every day my parents chose you for me.”

  She tears up and gets out of her seat, squeezing me tightly, and I think she only lets me go because the waiter arrives. I wouldn’t have made her, either.

  * * *

  “You guys look amazing!” Hillary squeals.

  Raven looks beautiful in a black pencil skirt and cream blouse, her hair swept up in a chignon. I wear what Raven picked out for me: a wintergreen forward wrap dress with my hair in its natural loose waves, the way Michael likes it. We’re waiting on him to arrive. He’s taking us out to dinner at a steakhouse he says we have to try. I’m a bundle of nerves since this will be the first guy I’ve ever introduced Raven to. Daniel doesn’t really count since we were kids.

  “Thank you, sweetheart.” Raven smiles sweetly at her. “Oh let me go and do a last-minute check that I have everything.”

  “So are you going to let Michael rip that dress off you tonight?” Hillary whispers deviously when Raven’s out of earshot. I laugh, used to her obscene comments about my sex life, or lack of sex life now.

  “If he’s any later he won’t,” I say tightly. Our reservation is for 8:00 pm and it’s already 7:30 pm, and the restaurant is about twenty minutes away. Raven hates being late and I’m not too fond of it either. It’s a Saturday night and I doubt they’ll hold our reservation for long.

  “Did you call him and see how long he’s going to be?” she asks logically.

  “No, he knows about our plans. I talked to him at five.”

  “Okay,” she sighs with a shrug. My phone rings and I instantly perk up, thinking it’s him, but it’s Angie. I grimace.

  “Hi,” I say shortly.

  “Guess who got fired tonight?”

  “Who?” I ask, slightly afraid for some reason she’s going to say Michael, but she wouldn’t call me like this if he did.

  “Tori! She showed up so drunk—or high—I’m not sure which. She knocked over a case of champagne. Trish tried to cover for her with Ryan, but Ryan was furious and told her she was fired on the spot. And guess what she did?”

  “What?” I ask, mildly interested, but my mind more on where Michael is and why he hasn’t called.

  “She told Ryan that Trish was cheating on him.” That elicits a gasp from me. Hillary is next to me now, eagerly awaiting all the details.

  “She what!” Hillary begs. I put the phone on speaker so I don’t have to relay.

  “Yup! Trish was horrified and said she was just drunk but Ryan obviously didn’t believe it. He told both of them to get out. Tori’s out, but Sandra told Ryan he couldn’t fire Trish for cheating on him because she could sue, so she’ll be back tomorrow. But it was craaazy!”

  “Wow, I can’t believe it!”

  “I miss all the good stuff!” Hillary whines.

  “Me and Michael were laughing our asses off after it all happened. I feel sort of bad for Tori but Trish had it coming.” Hillary’s face drops, obviously hearing what I just heard.

  “Wait what? When did this happen?” I ask, trying to keep my panic down.

  “About ten minutes ago,” Angela says reluctantly.

  “Michael’s at the club? Did he say he was heading here?” I ask, my tone furious now.

  “Ugh, he didn’t mention it. He picked up for Steven tonight, it’s Carly’s birthday.”

  I’m so furious. Hillary isn’t even breathing.

  “What’s the matter? Was he supposed to meet you?”

  I explain everything to Angie as I feel my anger and confusion growing. Why would he pick up for Steven? Why wouldn’t he call and tell me? What the hell is going on!

  “Oh no he did not. Hold on. I’m about to take him the phone, now.” Angie huffs. Raven has reappeared now and looks at us worriedly, sensing the tension, so I can’t fly off the handle like I really want to do right now. I hear Angie and Michael exchange words and take the phone off speaker, putting it to my ear.

  “Babe, I’m a fuck up!” he says dramatically, apologetic. I’m swaying from side to side. I’m so mad I can’t stay still.

  “I totally blanked. I meant to call you and ask if we could do it tomorrow. Steven begged me to take his shift because he had something to do with Carly and he gave me $200 to pick up.”

  I’m fuming I’m so mad. “It slipped your mind? Meeting my aunt and taking her to the restaurant you suggested completed eluded you? And the fact that you should have called and told me?” My voice is raising with each word.

  “Please, don’t be mad. Did Angie tell you what happened here? It was so much chaos.”

  I end the call. I’m angry and embarrassed and so mad I could scream. Hillary and Raven look at me sympathetically. I let out a deep breath, and force a smile.

  “Well, how fast can you get ready, Hillary? It looks like we have an extra seat.” The phone rings and it shows Angie’s number, but I know it’s him. I hit ignore and block the number. I don’t even want to hear his voice tonight.

  * * *

  At dinner, Hillary and Raven do a great job of keeping my thoughts off Michael’s screwup and the food is amazing—everything he promised it would be—but his absence looms over us. We head in at about eleven since Raven wants to leave early to beat traffic tomorrow. She kisses me goodnight and tells me she had a great time and she’ll stay later to meet Michael tomorrow if I want. I tell her she doesn’t have to; I wouldn’t dare bother her with meeting a man who caused us such an inconvenience. She gives me a warm hug and I have to stop myself from crying.

  I won’t do it. I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I wasn’t supposed to be alone tonight, Michael was supposed to be here, next to me, inside of me, but now I don’t even know if I want to speak to him again let alone give myself to him. I close my eyes and remember that fairy tales are for kids.

  * * *

  “It was so amazing. We had dinner at Eddie V’s. My parents and my siblings were all there—by the way, they loved him, which, who wouldn’t? He had two dozen roses waiting at the table for me when we arrived and he gave me this.” Carly thrusts out her wrist, showing off the beautiful Pandora bracelet with five charms on it.

  “I can’t tell you how lucky I am,” she says before kissing him on the lips. All of the waitresses swoon, and congratulate Steven on a job well done. Angie gives me a sympathetic nudge as I walk away. That’s how my day starts, so let’s just say it wasn’t exactly going my way. I make $160 which is okay, not great, but with how my luck’s been, I’m thankful for it. I go the balcony to take a much needed break.

  “Hey. You okay?” I turn around and see Steven wearing a sympathetic smile. I laugh at myself.

  “I am. I will be.” I shrug.

  “He’s really sorry. I’m sorry. If I knew you guys had plans I would have never aske
d him to cover.”

  “It is not your fault, Steven. He knew we had plans and they were just unimportant to him,” I say, sounding sadder than I intend.

  “Mike, he’s just…. he’s not used to having a girlfriend, if that make it better,” he offers, trying but failing to make me feel better.

  “It doesn’t.” I laugh dryly. He stretches out his arm and pulls me into a half hug, the kind a brother would give. I can’t help but go back to the night where things might have gone differently, but there’s no sense in going there. He and Carly are great together.

  “Ahem.” We both turn to see Michael standing there with a pitiful yet irritated look on his face.

  “I’ll give you guys some space,” Steven says, nodding at Michael before leaving. I fold my arms across my chest and turn away from him.

  “Can you please talk to me?” I frown before I even see him. I turn to leave and he stops me, gently tugging my wrist. I let out a deep breath, wanting to hear what he has to say.

  “I screwed up. Majorly. But you have to forgive me. I’ll do anything, including writing ‘Jackass’ on my forehead and walking around with it the entire night.”

  “How could you just forget?” I ask, sensing tears about to sprout from my eyes.

  He pulls me in his arms and hugs me, but I don’t hug him back. “I’m sorry,” he says, stroking my hair.

  “What if I was really honest with you right now?” he says quietly.

  “I’d appreciate that,” I tell him.

  “This is all so new to me. Having one girl, having someone depend on me, being important to someone. It’s just... I freaked a little.” I move out of his arms and he lets me. His eyes are full of sincerity, no sly grin or mischievousness in his expression, like how it normally is.

  “I really do care about you and I don’t want to mess this up. I just got a little overwhelmed. I needed time to clear my head, to think. I was going to tell you but I chickened out and then it got later and later and I just screwed up. But hearing your voice on the phone, so sad and disappointed. I knew I’d never want to make you feel like that again.” He takes my hand in his.

  “Not talking to you these past three days were hell. Please, just one more chance. If I screw I up one more time, you never even have to look at me again.” Tears are in his eyes, his voice so full of emotion that it makes me feel for him.

  “A week.”

  He looks at me confused.

  “You wear ‘Jackass’ on your forehead for a week.” He laughs and I realize I missed his laugh, and being in his arms… all of him. But I promise myself this is it and that if there are any other red flags, then we’re done.

  Twelve

  …and all the white horses turned back into mice…

  It’s been a month since the night on the rooftop where Michael poured his heart out to me. Things have been great, and we’re going to go to Michigan for him to meet Raven right after Valentine’s Day. He hasn’t missed or been late to any dates and on Christmas he gave me a Pandora bracelet. I wasn’t exactly thrilled about that since it seemed like he borrowed the idea from Steven, but Raven says it’s the thought that counts.

  My honor, so to speak, is still intact but he’s not as good at hiding his frustration anymore after he “eats his dessert,” and I understand. I want more too. I mean he’s amazing at what he does, but now it’s almost unsatisfying because now I’m ready for what comes next. My body is at least ready, but my heart is reluctant and my hormones are close to overruling it.

  Tonight is going to be quiet. It’s my first Saturday off in a month and Michael is working tonight, and Angie and Hillary are both out on dates. So me, the Lifetime Movies network, and a family-size bag of Lays potato chips have a date. I’m getting settled in, grabbing the hot sauce, and a glass of Minute Maid fruit punch when my phone rings. I don’t recognize the number so I ignore it. It rings again and again. I finally answer.

  “Hey, I need a big favor.” The voice is unmistakably bored but pleading.

  “Trish?” I guess.

  “Yeah. Angela said you’re not doing anything tonight and I have a date. I’m wondering if you could pick up for me?”

  “Tonight?” I ask, glancing at the clock. It’s already six and I’d have to be there at seven.

  “Yeah, I asked everyone else first. You’re my only option. Please! If I leave without coverage Ryan’s going to fire me, and he’s itching for a reason!” she says, in the most humane tone she’s ever used with me.

  “I won’t make it in time,” I tell her.

  “I’m going to go in and as soon as you get there I’ll leave.”

  Ugh. I really don’t feel like getting dressed up, and my mind was mentally prepared for a lazy night in.

  “I’ll give you a hundred bucks,” she promises.

  “Fine.”

  * * *

  By the time I’m dressed and showered I make it to the club. It’s 9:15 pm. Trish is pissed when I see her. She complains about me taking all day instead of saying thank you and begrudgingly pushes a hundred dollar bill at me. The club is packed so that perks me up because I know I’ll at least make some good money tonight. Me and Carly are working VIP and there’s a new bartender, Ashley, working our bar. She’s good but not as fast as Steven and Michael, so things are getting backed up and a little crazy. It’s so busy I haven’t even had a chance to tell him that I’m here tonight.

  “She’s going so slow!” Carly whines. I understand her frustration, but she has a full bar seated and has to fill our orders. My thoughts go to Tori. She was trained on bar and could fill in at times like this. I step behind the bar and she shoots me a tense smile.

  “You need some help?” I ask her empathetically.

  “God yes!” she says, showing me praying hands. I laugh. “I’m going to see if anyone can fill in from downstairs.”

  I head to Ryan’s office, where he’s on the phone yelling at someone. That’s never a good time to ask for anything.

  He gives me a “What the hell do you want?” look.

  “Ashley needs help on the bar upstairs.”

  His face twists into an annoyed scowl. He’s been in a terrible mood since breaking up with Trish and we’ve all been walking on eggshells around him, but if he loses money tonight because of a backed up bar it will be even worse next week.

  “No help! Just…. just!” His annoyance has transformed to pissed off as his sentence goes on, and I regret being the one to come and ask. “You know what, tell her to switch with someone downstairs that can handle it!” he yells.

  Dammit, he’s pissed at me and she’s going to be too now. Even though she’s swamped she’s not going to want to switch because VIP tips are way better.

  I head downstairs and see it’s even more chaotic than VIP, but the main bar has three people working it.

  “Hey, Ryan wants one of you guys to go switch with Ashley,” I call out to them.

  “I’ll go once Mike gets back,” Lila, one of the best female bartenders, answers quickly. I start to head back upstairs to deliver the bad news to Ashley when Nicole one of the other VIP girls stops me.

  “Lauren I need a huge favor! I think I left my purse in the dry storage room. Can you please go and get it for me?” she begs. I look at her confused. Why should I go get it? I’m swamped just like she is. She reads my bewildered expression and leans next to my ear.

  “I started my period and I’m going to bleed out my tampon. Please! I’ll wait in the bathroom for you.”

  “Oh. Okay, sure. I’ll be right back.”

  “Thank you!” she says before scurrying off to the bathroom. I reverse my route and make my way downstairs. There’s noises, but not normal talking. As I get closer, I realize they’re moans. A girl’s. Someone is having sex in the storage room. I laugh, covering my mouth. I wonder who it is? Nicole is going to be stuck with those terrible cardboard tampons until they’re done. I turn back to go up the stairs and am almost on the first step when I hear a loud “Fuck!”


  The hair on the back of my neck stands up, my blood goes completely cold. I try to swallow but the lump in my throat is too big. The moans that were funny just a second ago split my eardrum now.

  “Yes! Yes!” I hear a female squeal in delight. My feet are moving now, quickly. I’m on autopilot, not even thinking. Tears crowd my vision but they don’t fall yet. I could be wrong. I open the door and gasp. It’s him. He’s naked from the waist down, thrusting into a beautiful Asian girl. Her face is in ecstasy before she notices me.

  “Someone’s here!” she tells him. He looks behind himself, irritated at the interruption, and when he realizes it’s me, drops her straight on her ass.

  “What the hell!” she shrieks.

  “I-I… It’s not what it looks like.” It’s the first moment I’ve ever seen him so frantic and confused.

  I’m frozen. This can’t be happening to me again. Life isn’t this cruel. He tries to approach me but his penis is out and semi-hard. I burst into tears.

  “I-I’m sorry,” the girl says, obviously realizing what’s going on. I start to run but can’t because of these heels, so I’m moving as fast as I can. Tears are pouring out of me and I can’t stop them. Michael is calling my name and I move faster. I burst out onto the club floor and bump into Carly.

  “Lauren, oh my God what’s wrong?” she asks me. I just keep moving. I can’t stop. I bump into people trying as fast as I can to get to a door, but there’s so many bodies everywhere. Ugh, I can’t shake the vision of Michael and the girl naked. I don’t have my purse! Or my keys! How am I going to get out of here?

  “Lauren, stop! Please!” It’s Michael still coming after me.

  “I don’t ever want to see you again!” I tell him, shaking.

  “Please.” He’s close enough to me to grab my arm and I swat his hand away.

  “Stay away from me!” I’m screaming and now we’ve got a audience but I don’t care. I just want to disappear.