Firsts: Book One’s

by Moore, Portia

  We arrive in front of a small colonial-style home with a beautiful garden and even a white picket fence surrounding it.

  “This is it,” Alex says as he turns off the car. He gets out and comes over to open my door.

  “It’s so quaint.” I’m surprised. I’m not sure why. Even though Alex is edgy and does wonderfully mischievous things with his mouth, he has the manners and heart of someone who grew up in an almost picture perfect home. We head up the stairs and his mom is out to greet us before our feet hit the porch. In person, just like in the picture I saw, she’s Alex’s twin with slightly darker hair and a foot shorter.

  “Come in, it’s freezing,” she says opening the door and gesturing for us to hurry in. As soon as we do two large dogs—labs, I think—accost Alex.

  “What’s up guys!” he says enthusiastically, wrestling the dogs into hugs.

  “They get hugs before I do?”

  “I’m Katelyn and you must be Madison,” she says enveloping me into a warm hug.

  “It’s so nice to meet you,” I say and it’s my turn to be accosted by the dogs.

  “This is Ebby and Maxi,” Alex tells me, getting the dogs to settle down. A great smell of food wafts through the house. I hear music by the Temptations and instantly feel relaxed.

  “They’re beautiful,” I say as they give me kisses.

  “John can you come and get the darn dogs?” she calls and Alex’s dad appears. He’s tall and has hair the same color as Alex with a full beard and smile.

  “Come on girls,” he whistles; they immediately go to him and he tells them to head into the living room.

  “Madison?” he asks with the same enthusiasm as his wife. I feel like a celebrity.

  “I’m John.” He hugs me and Alex.

  “How was the drive?” he asks, and Alex tells him the roads were decently clear, since it snowed last week when we were supposed to come, but the drive wasn’t too bad.

  “I hope you like pot roast?” his mom asks me.

  “I love it!”

  We hang up our coats and all settle into the dining room. Alex goes behind the bar and begins to work his magic.

  “Alex tells us you’re a graphic designer,” his dad mentions, rubbing one of the dogs’ head.

  “Yes, I’ve just gotten into social media consulting, thanks to Alex,” I say with a smile, laughing as he waves his wife away from the bar area. “I’ve got this,” he says playfully exasperated.

  “Did Alex tell you I taught him everything he knows about how to make drinks?” she boasts gleefully.

  “No he didn’t,” I say egging her on.

  “She taught me how to make her Mai Tais, that’s it,” he says and she waves her hands at him.

  “I was making drinks since before he was born, that’s where he gets it from,” she says, looking to his dad. “Right honey?”

  “Of course dear,” he replies and winks at me.

  “The boys, they always gang up on me. I wish his sister Alyssa could have made it so you could meet her,” she says before sitting on his dad’s lap and planting a kiss on his cheek. We sit and sip on Alex’s drinks and his parents tell me stories from his childhood. How he always had an entrepreneurial spirit since he was a kid, taking his sneakers and selling them on eBay when he was a teenager, to reselling the jumbo boxes of potato chips to his friends Katie bought him when he was a kid. It’s so great watching them as a family, being here and soaking up the warm memories from his childhood, and witnessing a marriage so full of love.

  “Let me go check on the roast,” Katie says, getting up to head to the kitchen.

  “Anything I can help with?” I offer.

  “Sure, I can always use an extra hand,” she answers warmly. I follow her into the kitchen and she gives me the ingredients to put the salad together.

  “How is it in Chicago? Is it as bad as the news makes it out to be?”

  I laugh at that.

  “There’s crime but in the parts of the city most people would never end up in, especially tourists. It’s gotten a bad rep lately but it’s a beautiful place.”

  “Since you’re in graphic design, that means you’re mobile and can work anywhere, right?” she asks and I nod.

  “Alex says you’re not sure if this is where you want to be yet?”

  I’m a little caught off guard by her question. The energy has changed a tad bit. She’s still nice and smiling but I now realize she wants to know about the girl who her son has brought to her house and how it will affect his life. Which is fine, it’s just the change of pace is a little unsettling. She’s pulled the roast out of the oven and is starting to peel potatoes.

  “I’m still feeling things out, going with the flow,” I tell her and immediately regret the words that leave my mouth.

  “You know, Alex has always been hyperfocused, having tunnel vision since he was a child. When he puts his mind to something there’s nothing that he can’t do. He’s sort of like that with everything in his life. When he loves something he gives it his all.”

  She puts down the potato she was peeling and looks at me. My expression is entirely serious.

  “I know I’m his mother so I know I’m biased, but he’s been a little heartthrob since he could walk. Girls gravitated to him and of course, boys will be boys, but I always raised him to respect women and be honest with them. Alex has a lot of cousins. I’m one of eight kids and some of my nephews use their looks for weapons. Alex isn’t like that. If he’s decided to be with you, he’s serious. You’re a very beautiful girl, young, and a free spirit. I just hope you're serious too.” Her face is deadly serious but afterwards her warmness is back. “So tell me all about how you guys met,” she insists with a wide smile that’s similar to her son’s.

  The rest of the dinner goes by without a hitch. No awkward moments or conversations. On the drive back I can’t help but hear his mom’s voice in my thoughts. She wasn’t mean or overbearing or intrusive. What she said to me came from a real place of love and concern for her son.

  “You’ve been quiet,” Alex says, with a curious grin on his face, rubbing my hand in his.

  “Just thinking.”

  “That’s never good,” he says with a laugh. “Did anything happen I don’t know about?” There’s a sliver of concern in his voice.

  “No, your parents were so amazing,” I tell him honestly and he grins.

  “They are,” he admits. A stretch of silence passes.

  “I’ve been wanting to ask you babe…”

  I wait for him to finish his question and my heart flinches.

  “Have you thought about reaching out to your dad?”

  I blink a few times, shocked. That’s definitely not what I expected him to ask me. It’s strange because no one has ever asked me that question. My mother of course didn’t, Melissa wouldn’t dream of it, and no guy has ever cared enough.

  “I…honestly, I have,” I inform him, gluing my eyes to my lap. I feel embarrassed admitting it.

  “Do you know where he is?” he asks.

  “No. I don’t know if my mom knows. I’ve never asked her for obvious reasons, and I’d prefer not to.”

  “Then let’s find him,” he suggests, as if it’s the simplest thing on Earth.

  “How?” I ask.

  “I’ve got a friend that is a PI. If it’s something that you want, then let’s do it.”

  I squeeze his hand but don’t say anything. I’ve denied it up until now, but this is the moment it becomes very clear to me. I love him. But I don’t say it. I will soon, and I want it to be special.

  Seventeen

  Tonight I’m going to tell him I love him.

  It’s been a week since we visited Alex’s parents and it’s the only day this week that he’s not working tonight. I’ve bought the lingerie in his favorite color blue, all of his favorite food, Parker’s come over to help me decorate it, and Mel has flown in to cook. I ignored Mel’s calls and texts for a few days after leaving Mom’s house, but eventually relented a
nd made peace with her.

  The apartment is being filled with white and clear balloons with gold glitter. Candles are going to be lit and Mel’s making a five-course meal for us and it already smells amazing.

  “This is so beautiful,” I tell Parker amazed at the amount of detail she put into everything.

  “Of course I’ll make it beautiful for my best friend, who’s finally taking the big step and saying the ‘L’ word. It’s almost like you’re proposing,” she gushes.

  “Don’t make me piss myself,” I tell her.

  “I’m proud of you,” Melissa says from the kitchen. “You waited and found someone that really makes you glow. I’m so glad you’re happy,” she says with a small smile.

  “You guys are making me nervous,” I say, coughing away a tear. The genuineness of their joy for me makes me speechless. When Parker finishes my makeup and I look in the mirror I’m awed. I always do my own makeup but she’s captured exactly what I envisioned. After Parker and Madison are out of the apartment I pace around it. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s so simple. It’s just a word and it’s not even a word I’m forcing, it’s a word I feel with every fiber of my being.

  A word that’s almost slipped out of my mouth to say to him every single day these past few months but I wanted to be sure, and now I completely am. I think I’m psyching myself out. This is Alex, the man who looks at me with love in his eyes every single day. I look at the clock; he texted me he was on his way home so he should be here in about twenty minutes. I have the food warming in the oven and my lingerie is on, complete with pumps. His favorite music is playing in the background as well. He’s going to be so freaking shocked.

  When the key turns in the door and he walks through, his expression indicates he’s taking in everything in awe, which makes all my nerves go away.

  “What did you do?” he asks, excitement and shock all over his face. I walk over to him and take both of my hands in his and kiss him on the lips softly.

  “What did I do to deserve this?”

  “Just being you. For putting up with my stubbornness and my flightiness, for turning around what was the worst year of my life. I love you, Alex Miller. I’ve loved you before I realized it. I can say without a doubt that I’m utterly and completely in love with you,” I tell him and the look on his face makes me melt.

  “It’s about time, woman.” He laughs, lifting me in his arms. “I’m in love with you too,” he says, kissing me all over my face and making his way to my neck.

  “Oh shit, we have to eat first,” I tell him through kisses. I probably shouldn’t have worn lingerie to greet him. And we should have eaten dinner first. But this is the flow.

  “I am about to eat, alright?” he says lifting me up and carrying me to the bedroom.

  I wake up the next morning feeling complete bliss. I head to the kitchen to heat up leftovers from the five-course meal that we tore through after a marathon of sex last night. Alex is already up and at the gym. Alley makes circles around my feet. I go to get her food since there’s only crumbs in her bowl but realize there isn’t any. How did I forget her food? I take a quick shower and throw on sweats, then head to the bodega on the corner to get a bag of food for her.

  Parker calls me as I’m walking back to the apartment.

  “How did it go? Tell me everything!” she squeals.

  “It was amazing. More than amazing!” I gush.

  “I do need to figure out what I’m going to do with all of the balloons though,” I laugh.

  “Just pop them, or let them out the window.”

  “Wouldn’t that violate some type of ordinance? It’s at least eighty balloons,” I remind her.

  “I’m about to lose you, Parks. I’m getting in the elevator. I’m going to call you right back.”

  I get off the elevator and head to the front door but stop, wondering if I left the TV on because I hear a woman’s voice screeching.

  “Get back. Right now, I mean it!” I try to decide if I should open the door or call the police. I grip my Taser in my pocket and head in. My heart stops when I see a woman, tall with shoulder-length blonde hair cowered behind the island and screeching at Alley, hair raised and hissing.

  “Who are you?!” I ask as I walk over and pick up Alley. I’m wondering if a client of Alex’s is waiting on him or a friend he didn’t remember was coming by, but that doesn’t explain how she got in. I locked the door so why would someone just waltz in and start screaming at our cat?

  “Where is Alex?” Her voice is sharp, her expression completely indignant.

  Now I’m pissed.

  “Who the hell are you?” I ask stroking Alley, who is still hissing at her.

  “Do you live here?” she spits nastily.

  “Yeah I do. Which is why I want to know why the hell you’re in my house?” I say, my civility going out the window. She laughs and it’s sharp and piercing.

  “Your house. This is my house,” she sneers and I frown at her.

  “Are you the landlord or something?” I ask trying to turn my anger down a notch. Maybe she owns the building; maybe Alex isn’t supposed to have a cat here. Or she’s his sister. I hope to God she’s not his family because this would be a terrible first meeting.

  “No, I’m not the landlord. I’m his wife.”

  His wife.

  Wife?

  She didn’t just say that. I put Alley down but she stays by my side. Time stops. I drop the bag of cat food hard on the floor at my feet; it scares Alley and she scampers out of the room.

  “What?” I ask, my voice barely audible.

  “Oh, he didn’t tell you about me? That figures,” she snickers.

  “He’s my husband. I’ve been out of town for the past few months but I’m back and you need to leave,” she says pointing to the door. I can’t speak. My throat is closed up. This can’t be happening.

  No. This can’t be right. Alex, no…he’s not like that. He loves me.

  All men lie. They only hurt you. The curse has kicked in. Love claiming me for it’s victim again.

  My body is trembling. The door opens again and its Alex. He’s smiling until his eyes land on her.

  “Holly,” he says with his eyes wide, looking bewildered. He recognizes her though. He knows who the hell she is. It’s not a mistake or a misunderstanding.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks. Am I in bizarre world?

  “What am I doing here? What the fuck is she doing here?” she shouts viciously gesturing towards me. He looks over at me as if remembering for the first time I’m in the room.

  “Madison, babe I don’t know what she’s told you.”

  “She told me she’s your wife.” My voice is surprisingly steady and quiet. His face crumples.

  “No. I mean it’s not like that.” He tries to explain but I’m not listening any more. Tears are in my eyes. I run to my room heaving, my breath short. I’m grabbing my clothes and stuffing them in the first suitcase I see. It’s not even mine but I don’t care. Again. This shit is happening to me again!

  “Madison,” he says pleading with me, but his wife is behind him. I try to move past him but he grabs me.

  “If you don’t let me go I’m going to kick you so hard in the balls,” I growl.

  “I promise you,” he says, his voice begging.

  “You promise her what? The same promises you told me?” Holly screeches at him. In the moment he’s distracted, I run out of the apartment and down the street. I can barely see because my vision is so clouded. I hear him, Alex calling out my name. But thank God there’s a yellow cab at the light. I run to it and fling myself in and give him Parker’s address. On the way I call to tell her why I’m coming over, but can barely get the words out, I’m sobbing so hard.

  “Honey what’s wrong?” Parker says after opening the door. I’m already a crying mess. When I enter the apartment I break down harder. She holds me trying to figure out what’s going on but I can’t even speak.

  “Do I need to call
the police? Mads, please! Tell me what’s happened?” she begs me.

  “No,” I manage to squeak out. Brad was sitting on the couch when I came in but I don’t know where he’s disappeared to because by the time she gets me to the couch—a bottle of water in my hand and Kleenex in the other—he’s gone. I know it must feel like an eternity but once I finally am able to contain myself it takes everything in me to push the words out.

  “He. He’s married. Alex,” I tell her, my voice sounding squeaky and childlike. Her face morphs from concerned to confused and then angry.

  “What?! No, no way Madison. Are you sure? How did you find out?” she asks quickly. It takes me about ten minutes to explain because of the way my throat stings and the tears are coming again. She strokes my back and tells me it’s going to be all right.

  “You want a Xanax?” she asks and I’m so tempted to say yes but instead I ask her for wine. She brings over the bottle and two glasses, pouring mine until it’s full. She doesn’t say anything just lets me drink and cry and vent, and I’m not sure when she did it but she called Melissa, who hadn’t left yet and was heading back this afternoon, and now she’s here. My heart trembles when it sees her. I can’t hear an I told you so or This is what you deserve from her.

  Not now, it’ll kill me. But instead she sits next to me and hands me a bottle of wine she’s brought and lets me cry on her shoulder. Somewhere along my third glass of wine I must have fallen asleep, and I dream of him. I hate myself for dreaming of him. When I wake up it’s evening time. I reach for my phone to see the time and there’s a dozen missed calls and texts all from him. I turn my phone off. I don’t want to see any of it.

  I see Parker sitting at the end of the couch watching a movie and Melissa at the island on her laptop. Parker instantly gets up and brings me a water bottle and a Tylenol. I gulp the water down; my mouth is as dry as a desert. Melissa walks over to me and her no-nonsense, determined expression comforts me.