Ashes to Ashes

by A Lonergan

  Strength coursed through my mind and body now. There was a price for it and I had paid it in full. But I would do it again. I would have lived my life with the ‘what if’ at every corner, at every problem. Especially the problem where I married a man I didn’t love just to earn my crown.

  Questions swirled around in my mind as I thought of Alister and Robin. The man that I had cared for in such a short amount of time. If they were the same person what had I learned? Had I learned anything? Alister had a temper but was insanely good looking. He could match my attitude and wouldn’t take my crap. He was witty and smart.

  Robin, on the other hand, was sly and cunning. Insanely good with weapons. Super attractive from what I could see and compassionate. He cared about my people. He took care of my people. He had taken care of me. He had morals and standards. He had integrity. All the things that I would want in a partner.

  I laughed at myself. Was I really thinking that way? A partner? A partner and I didn’t know who Robin really was. I had my assumptions that he was Alister, but what if he wasn’t? Had I created this fantasy in my head to justify the fact that I cared about him and my possibility of seeing Alister again was slim? And on top of all of that, I was the princess of a fallen kingdom that I had destroyed. How could anyone love me after that? How could I possibly think of romance while my world was in shambles?

  Now that I was clean and I looked like myself, what did I do?

  Thirty-Six

  Alister

  Lust tasted different. It electrified the air. I had felt it plenty of times with the princess, especially that day in the labyrinth. But last night? Nope. It was determination. It was recon. I could feel her anticipation crawling over my skin. I knew before she tried to kiss me that it wasn’t for romance. Her end game? I wasn’t entirely sure yet but I was just as curious about her as she was with me. And the sexual comment dumped fuel on the fire. She was trying to hint at something and I recognized it but only slightly. It pulled at the back of my memories but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t place it. She was trying to tell me that she thought she recognized me or that we had encountered before. But I had been too tired to dig into my thoughts.

  We had managed to avoid each other for hours the next morning. Then hours became half of the day and I started to worry. I didn’t typically worry about much besides the villages in the kingdom, the ones struggling. The ones that needed us.

  The armory was untouched, same as the kitchen and the rest of the bedrooms. A part of me worried she had left. She was recovered now, what would make her stay? There were a few whispers in the back of my mind but nothing concrete. There was nothing keeping her here. My bedroom was empty and my heart sank.

  My eyes dragged around the room, looking for anything that would prove she had stayed, that she hadn’t left me.. us. They landed on the romance novel on the side table. I swallowed hard. Arabella’s romance novel that she had thrown at me. The one I had read over and over again until my eyes would bleed when I felt like I was lost. The one piece of the world I didn’t know anymore. The only thing that tied me to the castle, to my sanity. Ella had found it.

  My knuckles rasped on the wash room’s door. A splash sounded like the tub had overflown.

  “Yes?”

  “Are you okay?” I pressed my palms against the door. I just wanted to be near her, to understand her. To not lose her, not yet, not when there was so much I didn’t know.

  “Yeah, I’m just finally able to take a good bath and I don’t want to get out.” She let out a moan of pleasure. “My body hasn’t felt this relaxed in months.”

  My shoulders relaxed at the sound. I pressed my forehead against the door and laughed softly. “Take your time then.”

  * * *

  I sat on my bed and waited. I didn’t know why but I knew I needed to see her, the real her. There was something I needed to uncover and I couldn’t do it until Ella let me. But she, of course, had plans of her own. She called through the door before she opened it. “Robin?”

  I kept my face in my hands. “Yeah?”

  “If you want to see me, you’ll have to get me a suit. I couldn’t stand being dirty for a moment longer, but if you get to hide your identity... So do I.”

  Deadpanned. She knew how to keep a man on her toes, that was for sure. “What do you mean?”

  “You keep expecting me to clean up and spill all of my secrets, but all you have given me is clothing and a nice meal. You haven’t given me any reason to trust you. You have kept yourself hidden and I’m not okay with it anymore.” She sounded defeated.

  My shoulders sagged. “I have done a lot more than clothed you and fed you, but I can understand where you’re coming from. I will have a suit made for you, but it will take a few hours and I’ll need your measurements.”

  * * *

  Gus Gus and Jack Jack were waiting for me below in the base of the tree. I ripped my hood off and grinned at them. They had helped me with the men’s costumes and they always knew when I would need more.

  “For who?” Gus Gus asked as he blinked up at me. They had shown up at my door the day the palace had gone up in flames. They left for weeks at a time and would come back ready to work to fix something. It was strange but I loved the company and the help. I wouldn’t have been able to finish the treehouse or the suits without them. They made just about everything possible. I kept a jar under my work table full of cakes and cookies. They preferred them stale and they liked the treat. It was easy enough to keep them happy. Jack Jack ate his greedily while Gus Gus watched me patiently. He set his cake down and crossed his little paws. “Who?”

  “A woman.” I said.

  The two mice looked at each other in surprise. “Could it be?”

  Jack Jack shook his head. “No, can’t be.”

  Gus Gus nodded his head. “We must know.”

  Gus Gus took off and Jack Jack shouted, “Be back soon!” As he ran after his friend. I took a deep breath and laughed. They were curious mice, that was for sure. I followed behind them slowly. I didn’t know how they made it through this tree trunk when I had to climb up in footholds but they had helped build it, there were probably tunnels and things I didn’t know about. Chances were that they had already made it to my bedroom, they were quick. But there was no screaming. Had they revealed themselves to her or were they merely observing? I could hear excitement through the bedroom door when I finally made it up there.

  Ella laughed. “How did you make it?”

  I didn’t hear what Gus Gus said back.

  Jack Jack, “Finally nice to meet you, Princess.”

  The color drained from my face and everything stopped. My face fell. Princess? Was it just something Jack Jack said to women he liked or was this a formal title? I wanted to run away but I couldn’t help but listen.

  “Please, Jack Jack, you can call me Ara, but not around the men. I’ve been trying to keep my identity secret. I don’t know how they will feel knowing the Princess is here, especially when they are fighting the crown. I want them to trust me. Especially Robin.”

  “Robin? Who?” Jack Jack managed to get out before something was shoved over his mouth. I could imagine it was Gus Gus helping keep my identity a secret.

  Sure enough, Gus Gus spoke next, “Jack Jack new.”

  Ella laughed. I shook my head. It wasn’t Ella, it was Ara. Then it clicked. I was an idiot. Possibly the biggest idiot there ever was. How had I missed that? How hadn’t I put that together on my own? Then everything else flooded back. The comment about being dirty. I smacked my forehead. It was from the labyrinth. I could have busted through that door and taken her into my arms. But.. but she didn’t want me to know her identity right now and I had to respect that even though I was eavesdropping. I backed away from the door. Maybe she knew who I was already and she wanted someone to know her outside of her princess title? Who was she when she wasn’t Arabella?

  Thirty-Seven

  Arabella

  Gus Gus and Jack Jack had been the icing on the
cake. Being able to see them was something that I didn’t think would happen again. Meeting Jack Jack was just like meeting Gus Gus for the first time. Happiness sang through my heart. But just as quickly as they came back into my life, they left. Loneliness clogged the air around me for hours until there was a tap on the door. I straightened on the bed and prepared to throw the blankets over my face.

  “Ella?” Robin said through the door.

  “Yes?” I squeaked back.

  “What’s your favorite color?” His question took me by surprise. Anything but blue I wanted to say but then the thought made me sad. How could I say that now? There was a part of me that missed it.

  I thought for a minute more before I said, “Yellow.”

  “Why do you like that color?” I got closer to the door as he spoke.

  “Because it reminds me of the sun. After so long without it, the color brings me peace.” I leaned against the door. “I also miss the color blue, before it seemed like it was everywhere. Every part of my life was covered in it, but now it reminds me of the sky and I miss that too. It reminds me of my family that is gone and I just want a little piece of that.”

  “I miss my sister and I never thought I would say that.” He spoke through the door. “I better get back, but I just wanted to let you know I was still here. You have a suit that needs to be finished.”

  Just like that, he was gone again. Another hour went by and Gus Gus came knocking on the door. His knock was distinctive with the fact that I could hardly hear it. I opened the door just enough to let him in and he had a plate of food dragging behind him. There was bread and cheese with a few pieces of fruit.

  “Be back soon,” And then he was gone too.

  Thirty-Eight

  Arabella

  It had been two days. The men weren’t back from their mission and Robin hadn’t come back. Gus Gus brought me food and I just sat there. I waited and waited. I waited for anything really. I was getting extremely tired of these four walls. I was about to give up my identity when there was a knock on the door.

  I scrambled out of the bed and tripped over the blankets in the process. Was this the moment I had been waiting for? The suit that would help me get one step closer to the castle? To my revenge? The door swung open and sure enough, the suit was there. It was folded up nicely. Black leather and all. My heart skipped a beat. Robin stood there with his back to the door. His blonde hair hung into the collar on his shirt. He wasn’t wearing his hood today.

  “I want to show you who I am.” His voice sounded funny. “But I want you to know that if you aren’t ready to share your true identity, that’s okay. But I need you to know mine.”

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a moment.” I closed the door and held the suit to my chest. This was either going to be really great or really stupid.

  The black leather fit my body perfectly. He hadn’t even gotten my measurements but the suit was like a glove. I smiled. My father would have had a fit if he could see this on me. It was almost as provocative as the silver dress. The buckles on the front were just as functional as they were badass. The pants were a bit snug, but surprisingly I could move around in them easily. I jumped up and down before I climbed on the bed for a test run. My legs felt like they could handle a little fun. I bounced on the mattress for a minute before I launched myself off of the bed and into a crouch.

  Perfect.

  I couldn’t help but grin. There was even a fur-lined hood. He had thought of everything. It would keep me warm in the coming months. When I opened the door I made sure my mask was pulled forward and the hood was drawn over my eyes. I cleared my throat and Robin paused with his arm swinging.

  He let out a cough. “I don’t know if I am ready for this, but I need you to know.”

  “Wait!” I shouted before he turned around. He stopped. “What are your thoughts on the past monarchy before Tremaine took over?”

  He clicked his tongue. “I worked for them for many years with my family. They always took such good care of us, especially after my father died. Their daughter was a royal brat, but in an endearing way.” He chuckled. “She was beautiful and I found myself getting caught up in her beauty like the rest of the help.”

  “What happened to her?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking, even if I tried.

  “I don’t know, there are lots of theories. That she ran away. That she was kidnapped.” He bowed his head and his hair lifted enough to show the scarring on the back of his neck. “She had a passion that not many had, I think she ran away and found herself in trouble. I searched for her for months. Sometimes I wonder why I stopped. Little John says the obsession will kill me.”

  I closed my eyes. “Okay, you can turn around now.”

  He wouldn’t hate me when he found out who I was and that was all I needed to know. I needed to know that when I stormed the castle, he would be there with his men as my back up. I needed to know that I could count on him before I got any more comfortable with him. It would only hurt more in the long run if I fell in love and he did the opposite.

  But when he turned around my heart stopped. He couldn’t see my face or the color that drained from it but I could see his. Every detail, line, and scar that I had missed so much. It took a lot of willpower to stay rooted in my place and not give myself away. I blinked back the tears in my eyes.

  He cleared his throat and his brown eyes sparkled in the light. “My real name is Alister.”

  I had wanted to keep up the charade. I had wanted to hold onto my hidden identity for as long as I could but as his brown eyes watched me, I couldn’t do it anymore. I ripped the hood off of my head and cried, “I know and you don’t have to go looking for the princess any longer. You’ve found Arabella, but I’m a little different from when we last parted.”

  His face broke out in a grin. The handsome face that I had missed so much. The handsome face that had haunted my dreams for months. The one person that was interesting enough to stay with my thoughts through all the torment I had endured.

  “I know,” he whispered. “I heard you talking to Gus Gus and I had my suspicions earlier. I just hadn’t fit it all together yet.”

  Staying rooted in my spot was no longer an option. My body moved on its own accord. I launched myself at him and he caught me easily. His arms tightened around my waist as I cried into his neck. The smell of bourbon and vanilla coiled around me and I felt safe. Safer than I had in months, maybe even years.

  “You kept the book that I threw at you.” I hiccuped.

  He laughed and his body shook. “Of course I did, you were possibly the only female that had ever gotten under my skin worse than my sister.”

  I smacked his arm as he let me go. His face leaned into mine and then the sound of horses had us pulling apart. He smirked.

  “Leave it to John to choose this moment to get back.” He pressed a kiss onto my forehead and lead me down the hall. He stopped at a blank wall and gave me a grin. I frowned. “Follow me.” He laughed as he jumped right through the wall. “There’s a pole on the other side.”

  I reached my hand into the darkness through the illusion and felt the metal pole Alister had mentioned. As I wrapped my fingers around it giddiness flooded my soul. I couldn’t believe it was him. It was the best news I could have asked for. It was the magic that had been waiting for me. Who needed Fairy Godmother anyway?

  Thirty-Nine

  Alister

  The men dismounted and then didn’t care about anything I said as they noticed Ara standing behind me. She had her mask up now but that didn’t keep them from looking her up and down. The suit was everything and more. It left little to the imagination but at the same time was completely modest. I scrunched my nose up. I could have told Jack Jack and Gus Gus to lay back on the leather or how tight it was but as she moved, I could tell she loved it.

  I grabbed her hand in mine. “You can take the mask off. It’s okay. I trust these men and they will love you.”

  She watched me with a guarded expression before she list
ened. Little John gasped and then grinned. As if on cue he dropped down to his knees and bowed. “Princess Arabella Charming.”

  The other men gasped and fell to their knees too. I motioned for them to get up and snickered. “Leave the formalities for when we are indoors. We don’t know who is watching or listening.”

  Little John kissed Ara’s hand before he gave me a serious look. “We buried Rafe's body but would like to have a memorial tonight in his honor. I’m going to ride the horses into town and sell them. I will be back in a few hour’s time.”

  Ara gave me a look as she followed me back into the base of the tree. “I am very curious how you made all of this happen”

  I shrugged. “Magical mice would be the first part.”

  “The second?” she asked.

  “My determination on finding you and saving your people.” I tucked her under my arm and kissed her head again. I didn’t know where she was with her feelings but I still remembered the way she looked at me while we had danced that night at dinner and the way she smiled at me in the garden. I would never be able to get the sound of her squeal out of my head from the clothes. I would live the rest of my life trying to hear it again. Doing what ever I could to have her that happy.

  “Was this where you disappeared to when I couldn’t find you?” She was full of questions and I was delighted to answer them. Gosh, I had missed her. The true her. The one that didn’t hold back because she knew me or maybe because she wasn’t afraid of me. I had a feeling that Ara would be back very soon.