Wiping his face with his arm, he stopped crying and tried to regain his composure. The biker code didn’t allow that type of behavior. I knew their way of life, maybe more than I knew how regular people lived. Crying in front of a woman wasn’t acceptable. I didn’t care. All I wanted was to help him in every way I could.
I let go of him and grabbed his hand. I ran water on it and looked at it carefully. There was no glass inside the wound, but I had to disinfect the cuts.
— "Wait. "
I grabbed my purse, that I had thrown on the ground, and extracted a bottle of disinfectant and some gauze. He winced when I applied the liquid on his flesh, but didn’t complain. Then, I took a bandage and wrapped it around his hand.
— "You’re not supposed to be here. It’s not your role. "
I smiled sadly.
— "Really? Then, tell me who will take care of you? "
He didn’t answer, so I dragged him in the corridor. He didn’t protest. When we reached his bedroom door, I stepped away.
— "You need rest, Ash. I am not kidding. Have a break! "
He didn’t answer.
— "I have no intention to go away. "
I didn’t know if he had realized it, but it was said. After a second of hesitation, he sat on the bed and removed his boots, which he threw on the floor. The jacket followed. He must have felt that I was invading his privacy, so I came closer and sat beside him.
— "You stayed by my side, when I needed you. More than one time. It’s my turn to take care of you, " I whispered. "Lay down. I’m going nowhere. "
Something special happened. I wouldn’t have been able to define it, but the atmosphere became more intimate. Ash was shaken, but I could feel he was fighting. Our promiscuity seemed to make him uneasy. I was feeling the same. After a few more seconds of hesitation, he laid down on his left side, and I took place on the other side of the bed. He covered our bodies with a white comforter, and I didn’t say anything. At that moment, nothing mattered anymore. When I saw his whole body shake, I felt the urge to comfort him. I put my arms around his waist and put my body against his. I placed my head on his neck, and his long curly hair tickled me.
— "I was about to fire my gun, " I confessed. "When you did, my finger was on the trigger. "
— "I wouldn’t have let you do it. "
— "Why? "
— "It wasn’t your fight. If Evan couldn’t do it, it was my responsibility to kill the bastard. "
— "I would have done it…"
— "I know. And it would have been a mistake. Pulling the trigger is the easy part. Living with your actions for the rest of your life is another one. You’re no killer. "
— "And you are? "
He didn’t answer.
— "I don’t think so. What happened today won’t change my mind. "
— "You know nothing about me, Joe. "
He was telling the truth. It probably wasn’t his first time. He had already killed. I could sense it, in the way he was talking to me. He knew all about the remorse that came afterward. I remembered a time, which wasn’t that long ago, when I could tell right from wrong. Lately, the frontier between these notions was blurred. They were fading, but I still remembered them. I had wanted to kill a human being, a few hours ago. Right and wrong made no sense to me anymore.
— "You’re right, " I told him. "I wish I knew more about you, but I am sure of one thing. You did the right thing. "
Tears came to my eyes, when I thought about the lifeless body of the little girl, lying on the ground.
— "He’s just a kid, " he whispered.
— "I know. It’s not fair. "
I paused and swallowed hard, before speaking.
— "It never is. "
Talking about it brought back the painful memory of my rape. The difference between Tommy and I was that I was aware that men could be perverts. His innocence had been destroyed. Nothing would erase this monstrosity.
— "It will be hard, but he isn’t alone. He’ll get over it with time, " I whispered to Ash’s ear.
He kept silent, and I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. Then, he asked a crucial question.
— "Have you recovered? "
I sighed. I felt trapped, and I had to admit the painful truth.
— "No, but I’m trying to move on. Kids are stronger than adults. His brain will bury the most painful memories, so he can get better. Thanks to all the people who love him, he’ll be able to function, almost like any other little boy. "
— "Yeah, almost like any other kid. "
That’s all he could say. I held him tighter. His wounded hand grabbed mine, and he put it on his chest.
We stayed like that all night, and it helped me feel better. He was the only man, except my father, that could make me feel safe. He was my rock, in the middle of the chaos, and I realized it on that night. His presence was soothing, and his touch was soft. We finally fell asleep, after staying awake for a long time, during which we didn’t exchange a word. We were two lost souls, who were seeking a little warmth and humanity in a hostile world. We comforted each other in that fleeting intimate moment.
CHAPTER 26
Joe
I was awoken by something, or someone moving next to me. I had no idea what time it was. I could see a feeble light between the curtains. I felt so tired. Ash was facing the wall, and my arms were still wrapped around his body. I realized that I had slept like that, all night long. Again. Even if I didn't mean to, I had crossed a boundary when I slept his bedroom. Still, I felt at home, and feeling his heartbeat under my hand, hearing him breathe made me feel good.
Letting go of my hand, Ash pulled on the comforter. He turned around, and my hand accidentally ended up on his chest. I should have removed it, but I didn't. Still sleepy, he looked at me. I knew that waking up meant being brought back to the harsh reality. It was painful, knowing that it wasn't just a bad dream.
— "Hi, " I whispered.
Slowly, he opened his deep blue eyes. Sadness and tiredness had left traces on his face.
— "Hi, " he replied.
Then, he crossed his hands behind his neck, not paying attention to his wound. He stared at the white ceiling, and I could feel his sorrow. I came closer to him and put my cheek against his chest. He didn't protest.
— "So, it was all real, " he said sadly.
— "Yes. I'm sorry…"
He looked aimlessly around the room, and then swallowed hard.
— "I'll go and see my sis, just to check if they need anything. I'll be gone for a few days. "
— "That would be nice. "
— "Could you…"
— "Tell my father…yes. "
He looked at me gratefully, before turning to face me. His blue eyes watched mine for a long moment. Then he sighed.
— "He would kill me if he knew you'd spent the night with me, " he said half-jokingly.
— "That's sure, " I replied.
Ash had that power to make me smile under any circumstances. When things got chaotic, he fought like a lion. He always tried to do everything in his power to make my life more enjoyable, and I loved him for that.
— "But it doesn't scare me, " I added.
— "It should, but thanks. "
It wasn't appropriate, but this playful exchange made me feel good. I wanted to forget, even for a second, all the drama that was awaiting us, when we would get up. He wasn't pretending, and I felt I was facing the real Ash for the first time. He didn’t have to put on a mask for the other members of the club. He wasn’t wearing his jacket or a weapon, and he was vulnerable. He was showing me a side of him that few people knew, and I liked it.
— "You're welcome. You helped me when I was down. I'm doing the same for you. "
— "You didn't have to… I asked you to leave. "
— "I'm stubborn. I am a Welsh. Don't forget! "
— "Don't worry. I won't…" he said laughing. "Still, you should have gone home. "
—
"I don't like being alone in my apartment. And I would never have left you by yourself. "
We kept silent for a minute. We looked at each other with respect and maybe a little more.
— "I needed to be here with you, Ash. "
I surprised myself when I spilled these words without a second thought. How could my mouth say such things? Ash seemed destabilized by my confession. He tried to say something, but no words came out. The annoyed expression on his face told me that a thousand thoughts were running through his mind. Maybe I should have said it differently…or not. I would have liked to be alone for a moment, so I could clear my mind and think about what I had said.
Watching his eyes, I could see different shades of blue, ranging from the lightest to the darkest. He was so intriguing. I couldn't figure out who he was. Ash was ambivalent: he was attractive because he was dangerous and adventurous, but I feared the uncertainty that his lifestyle implied. Still, he had showed me a softer side of him, when he didn't have to pretend because of the club. Had he already reflected on me like that? I let out a long breath…of course not!
After my unexpected confession, my fingers ignored all the rules of decency and the warnings sent by my brain. I grabbed his hand and stroke it gently. I couldn't think straight anymore… Our lips locked in a passionate kiss, and I realized how close our bodies had been. It was an incursion into a forbidden land. Still, it was not enough to stop us from exploring each other's mouths. I decided to kiss him again, so I could experience this feeling of pure pleasure, once more. I felt butterflies everywhere in my body, and every square of my skin seemed to be on fire, when my lips were on his.
I could feel his warm breath on my face, and it made my body shiver. Before I could realize how deep I was falling, my weak mind drifted away. Once more, I kissed him, but this time our embrace was more fervent. I put my leg on his, pulling closer to his body. I was enjoying every second of our new-found intimacy.
— "Joe… stop it…," he whispered.
I didn't obey. My fingers stroke his badly shaven cheek.
— "Joe, " he said, pulling away from me.
It felt like a slap in the face.
— "There's somebody at the door, " Ash said.
— "What? "
I heard someone banging on the door, and my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. When I read the screen, I saw the name "Dad" flashing continuously.
— "Shit! "
I jumped out of bed and rubbed my cheeks, trying to control the fever that had taken control of my body. It was useless. Ash gave me a worried look.
— "Jerry! " I said.
I put my shirt back on and went to the living room, as I tried to discipline my hair. I took a deep breath and opened the door with a broad smile on my face.
— "Hi, " he said in a surprised tone. "I saw your car parked on the driveway. I didn't think I would find you here this morning…"
— "Well… I thought that it would be best if I stayed, " I confessed. "I didn't want to go back home by myself, and somebody had to keep an eye on Ash. He wasn't feeling good yesterday night. "
— "Your daughter crashed on my sofa. " Ash screamed to cover the sound of the running water. He must have jumped in the shower.
— "I see, " my father replied. "Joe, you know you can come to my place whenever you want…"
— "I know. But you were "busy"…"
— "That's right! I had to clear the matter with the sheriff. I came back very late. "
I nodded.
— "Are you going to leave me here on the doorstep, or can I come in and have coffee? " He said jokingly.
— "Oh, sorry. Please come in. "
I turned my back to him and went straight to the coffee machine.
— "Watch out for the broken glass on the floor! "
He looked at the shattered glass suspiciously, before avoiding it carefully. Then, he sat on a stool.
— "A stupid mistake, " I explained. "I told you he was feeling down…"
I gave him a mug of coffee and prepared one for me. It helped me to wake up and chase away my feelings. Oh god! I took a deep breath and smiled as normally as I could. Ash came into the room with his hair still wet, a clean pair of jeans and a black shirt. I looked at my father, while my tall black-haired friend poured himself some coffee.
— "Be careful! " I said, grabbing Ash’s wrist, so he wouldn't walk on the broken glass.
— "Oh, fuck! "
Instantly, I let go, as I preferred to avoid physical contact. I could see that he wasn't feeling at ease either.
— "I had to see you," Jerry told him in a serious tone.
— "Shall I go and let you talk privately?" I asked.
Our improvised trio made me feel uneasy.
— "No," answered the President of the Wild Crows, as he raised his hand. "I also need to talk to you, Joe. "
— "OK…"
I leaned against the countertop, ready to listen to what my father had to say. He looked tired. His responsibilities were weighing on him, and I didn't envy him.
— "Ash, everything is settled. According to the report, you weren't there. Thompson wasn't happy, but she knew it was not negotiable."
— "So, no worries?"
— "No. None."
I glanced at Ash. He was standing a few feet away, and he looked relieved.
— "Thanks. "
They looked at each other for a long moment, and I could read their mutual respect in their eyes. Their relationship inspired admiration. They had always helped each other during all these years, no matter how many dramas, or failures they had to face.
— "How about Tommy? " Ash asked.
— "Don’t know. You should call your sister."
— "Jerry, I thought I should stay with her for a few days…"
— "Take as long as you need."
They both nodded and once more, their fraternity was obvious.
— "Joe, I have something to tell you," my father said.
I was intrigued. When I saw that he was searching for the right words, I was alarmed. Very few things made him uneasy.
— "I wanted you to know that you can sleep on both ears."
Ash seemed as surprised as me. I had no clue what was going on.
— "Kasabov won't harm you again," he whispered to me. "We took care of him."
I thought I would collapse, but I kept my balance. Was it real? Instinctively, I opened my mouth. I wanted to ask some questions, but I realized I didn't want to hear the answers. It wasn't right or wrong. My father acted according to his own rules to protect me.
I drank the rest of my coffee straight, and listened to both men, talking to each other. It was time for me to leave. For a minute, I thought about moving far away. Suddenly, raising cattle in Tibet seemed to be a fine idea. I grabbed my purse and walked to my father. He jumped, when I hugged him tightly. He took me gently in my arms. Letting go of him, I glanced at Ash, and looked right in his deep blue eyes, knowing that our special moment would probably never happen again. I could feel butterflies in my stomach. Then, I left without turning back.
I drove with the windows open to remember that life went on, no matter what. I felt lost and brokenhearted. My mind kept going back to those sweet memories, even if they were immature and selfish. On the straight line, I accelerated. I enjoyed feeling the caress of the sun on my skin and the freshness of the wind in my hair. Life went on.
CHAPTER 27
Joe
My father had told me to take one or two days off. I still couldn’t sleep, and walking around my apartment wasn’t an option. I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown, so I decided to go back to work on the following day. Mona was already there, when I walked in. When she saw me, she gave me a sad smile and took me in her arms. I didn’t move. It was so nice to feel her maternal love. Casey was also there. He was finishing a game with Bigma, at the pool table. I walked to them and talked with the tall back guy for a few minutes. He told me he was doing just fine. My broth
er kissed me on the cheek, and I went to the bar, so I could put my purse behind the counter.
— "I could have managed on my own, " my mother in law told me.
— "I needed to get out of my apartment. "
— "We have hired two girls, " she informed me. "Starting next week, we’ll be open during the day. It’s going to change our schedules, but you’ll have more free time in the evenings. "
Wild Crows - 2. Revelation : english version Page 18
