by Ryan Lew
“Do you and Arion share secrets?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “And we always have.”
Justina laughed as Arion walked across the field, eating the sweet grass.
“Aren’t you worried he’ll run off?”
Fabricius had already taken a seat on the blanket. He looked over at Arion. “Who him? No, Arion would never leave my side.”
“So you’ve done this before.”
“Not this month.”
Justina feigned insult.
“Come, sit,” Fabricius said.
Justina sat down as Fabricius readied the meal.
Justina’s mood suddenly turned solemn. “Can we actually do this? I know we are not of blood, but we are recognized as siblings.”
Fabricius smiled and placed a hand on Justina’s cheek. She held his hand leaning into it.
“I have always looked out for you, cared about your well-being. When we were children, I looked upon you as something that needed taken care of.”
“So I’m a pet?”
Fabricius ignored the comment. “As I grew older and went out into the world, I saw what Rome had to offer. But I could never get you out of my mind. And everyone I met could not compare. My brotherly love went away many years ago, replaced by one that held no boundaries.” Justina kept his gaze. “Still, I assumed I could never act upon it, so I kept it to myself. Then you approached your eighteenth year with not yet a suitor and I realized I could wait no longer. I could not take the chance that you would be taken from me. I do not care if our relationship is frowned upon. If the Roman Army won’t have me, then I will take up butchering at father’s side. I would do whatever is needed for you, Justina. That is the depth of my love.”
Tears began rolling down Justina’s cheeks.
Fabricius wiped them away with his hand. “Why do you cry?”
“I cry because I am happy. I cry because I am loved. But it is father who I am concerned about, not the army you fight for. Most of those men are barbarians who would jest and laugh at the thought. Father and mother may not allow such a relationship. Then what?”
“Father loves us both very much. He may be disappointed, but I cannot see him abandoning his children. However, it is best we keep our feelings and desires in the shadows for now. I have saved my coin. In short time, I can afford my own place and you can come live with me.”
“You would have me as a guest?”
“I would have you as a wife.”
The two leaned into each other and embraced. It was an embrace that quickly turned into a kiss, and then, as Fabricius leaned backward and Justina forward, a passionate kiss. He kissed Justina with abandon, wanting nothing more than to feel her lips against his, his arms around her body. They had been kissing for quite some time when Fabricius stopped. “I think it best we get back,” he said. “This is our first date. I would not have us venture further.”
“If I had known my body’s reaction to such desires, I would not have waited so long,” Justina said and smiled. She moved in and took one last kiss.
Fabricius cupped her cheek and gazed into her eyes. He smiled. “If we leave now, we will be home before the party is over and we can give birthday wishes.”
Justina frowned. “Through all this, I had forgotten about Atilius. For several hours, you have made me quite happy. I already long for more like this.”
As Fabricius saddled the horse, Justina allowed the emotions of the day to once again fill her senses. She had fought against the thought of marriage for so long, of belonging to a man. Now, she suddenly saw the entire world in a new light. If she had to belong to a man, she could choose none better than Fabricius. Antonia was not the only one with a bright future.
Chapter 33
They had been going for the better part of the day, swordplay, rough housing, gossiping about women, all the things young men do when together. Alba had a feast in the ready, laid out on tables in the dining room. The centerpiece was a tower of the finest meats—boar, veal, goat, and hare, along with peacock and pheasant. Mussels and clams filled bowls on either side of the meats, along with bowls of liquamen for dipping. In smaller wooden bowls were almonds, figs, walnuts, grapes, and olives, as well as parsnips, pumpkin, and turnips.
Readied were canters of mulsum, a wine mixed with honey, and of course, regular wine, though Alba had it watered down. The last thing she wanted was a bunch of drunken eighteen-year-olds in her home. Standing behind the tables, ready to serve, were the house slaves. Except for Cato. Livius demanded he be allowed to stand off to the side to remind the boys to keep their festivities under control. As the sun set, Alba called the revelers inside, telling them it was time to feast.
Atilius carried a grin sufficient to the day he was having. He had enrolled in the Roman Army with Lucilius and would soon be on patrol. He had all his closest friends at his house to celebrate his long-awaited day of manhood, and his parents had prepared a feast worthy of a senator, a feast his father would be spending the next several weeks paying back. And the best part was that Justina was nowhere to be found. This was truly a special day.
As Atilius walked into the room, Lucilius came up behind him and placed an arm around his back. “You have skills with the sword, my brother. You will make a good recruit, and I shall request you by my side once you are ready for patrol.”
Atilius couldn’t help but smile even broader. “I shall welcome that. My father has kept me two extra years from battle, and while I have much catching up to do, I do not fight as a naive sixteen-year-old as most recruits. I shall be the toast of this group of new soldiers and my stock in much demand.”
The two walked over to the large table already filled with Atilius’ friends. Slaves brought cups of wine, and as Atilius reached the table, the group cheered and raised their cups to toast. Alba motioned for Livius to make a speech.
Livius stood, cup in hand, a broad smile on his face. The group quieted almost immediately. “My son. You became a man in Roman eyes two years past. And while you were eager to take your place alongside your brother, you obeyed my wishes and waited until I thought it best. That time has come.” The group cheered as Livius continued, “My youngest son is ready to part the heavens and take Jupiter’s spot.” The group cheered louder. “I am proud of you to follow in my footsteps. For the glory of Rome!” Livius raised his cup at his son. The entire table stood and cheered, yelling “Atilius! Atilius! Atilius!”
Livius took a drink and sat back down. Alba smiled her approval. As the rest of the table sat, she motioned for the slaves to begin service.
“Where are your brother and sister?” Lucilius asked. “Do they not wish to celebrate their brother’s big day?”
“I await their arrival. I am sure their trip into the market is to find the perfect gift.” Atilius stood and walked to the end of the table where Herminius was sitting. “However, my other brother sits quietly. Does he have my gift?”
“Gift?” Herminius asked. “Was I required to bring a gift? I was not informed that gifts were a necessity.”
Atilius punched his brother in the arm, a little harder than he intended. Herminius winced, causing the group to laugh. Though embarrassed, he stood, pulled a dagger from his cloak, and handed it to his younger brother. “Of course I have gift for you,” he said. “A dagger, once held by the great General Lucius Macedonicus.”
The gift caught the attention of the crowd and left Atilius speechless. He held the dagger as if it were a gift from the gods themselves. His smile replaced with a gaping mouth. He looked from the dagger to his brother. “Lucius, the man responsible for enslaving 150,000 people? You honor me, brother.” Atilius grabbed his brother’s hand and then pulled him in for a hug. The group cheered yet again. Atilius held the dagger high. “I have opened all the gifts from my friends. I now await gift from my other brother and my parents.”
As the meal began to wind down, the group took cups of wine and headed to the gathering area. “Where is Fabricius?” Alba asked Livius.
“Taking Justina away for a while is acceptable, missing the entire event is not.”
“I’m sure they are near.” No sooner had Livius said the words when Justina walked into the room, followed closely by Fabricius. “There, you see?” Livius said. “All is well.”
Justina was hoping the party would be long concluded by the time they arrived home. She was less than pleased to see it still underway. Seeing all of Atilius’ friends, especially Lucilius, brought a sour note to her joyous mood. What a terrible way to end a most pleasant day, she thought to herself. Fabricius had sent her on ahead, saying he needed to get something from his room. Atilius’ present no doubt. She had drug her feet so much that Fabricius had caught up to her.
“Well, our timing was not perfect, but the party seems to be coming to a conclusion,” she whispered.
“Quiet your lips and give this to your brother,” he said and handed Justina a large shield. “Brother,” he said loudly, walking over to Atilius. “A toast to your future on your special day and a gift from your sister and me. We hope you use it well in the days and weeks to come.”
Justina handed the shield to Atilius. “Happy birthday,” she said with pasted smile. Atilius snatched the gift from Justina and turned to Fabricius.
“Wow!” he exclaimed. “First a dagger and now this. My brothers know me too well. Gratitude, centurion,” he said taking Fabricius’ arm.
“Gratitude to your sister as well,” Fabricius said patting him on the shoulder. “It was of her choosing.”
Justina knew the last thing Atilius wanted to do was thank his sister or even speak to her on his day, but there were too many eyes watching and he was forced. “Gratitude to you as well, my sister.”
Justina caught the jab and was about to return it when Fabricius’ look of warning halted her. She bit her tongue and instead simply nodded as the group headed over to Atilius to congratulate him and admire the shield. She gladly stepped out of the way.
While the group centered around Atilius, Justina searched for Antonia. She was standing in line with the other slaves at the back of the room. Justina tried to get her attention, but Antonia was set to duty and did not look up or around. No doubt following Alba’s instructions. Cato, as usual, stood in the corner of the room, far enough in for his presence to be noted, but not so far as to make it obvious.
Herminius had walked over to the group and was standing by Fabricius. The brothers took forearms, then Fabricius patted him heartily on the back. Alba and her father were sitting off to the side of the group and seemed to be engaged in conversation. It was not a conversation that seemed to be going well. Her father had a worried look that quickly turned to anger. Justina tried to get close enough to hear what they were saying but was hesitant to get so close as to be noticed. Just then, her mother stood.
“May I have your attention?” Alba said as she walked over to the slaves.
Justina moved next to her father. “What is mother up to?” she asked. Livius did not answer, but kept his focus on his wife.
“My son,” Alba continued, “You have shown great patience over the past two years. While all of your friends go into the army, you were stuck here. Your father keeping you as a boy instead of the man that you are. We both feel great regret, and because of that and due to your maturity, we have decided to give you the best gift we can. I present you your own slave.” Alba grabbed Antonia’s arm and pulled her from the line. Antonia almost tripped and fell in the process. Alba yanked her over to Atilius and pushed her toward her son.
Cato’s eyes widened.
Justina was about to yell out, when her father placed his hand on her shoulder. She had to cup her mouth to stop from screaming.
“Is this not our feelings my husband?” Alba asked, looking over to Livius. The crowd turned as well. Atilius especially awaiting a response.
Justina looked to her father for answers. “Apologies, my daughter,” he whispered. “I have no choice.” He turned to Atilius. “You are a Roman, my son. You deserve your own slave to command. Enjoy!” he said and raised his glass. The group cheered.
Justina’s confusion turned to tears. She looked to Antonia and saw nothing but fear, devastation, and betrayal on her face.
Livius flashed a glare at Alba. She returned a smile.
“I may be the last of our group to join the Army,” Atilius said, “but I am the first with my own body slave. I will make sure she protects me, especially in the late evenings.”
The group laughed.
Justina ran from the room.
Chapter 34
April 4, 55 BC
Everything changed after Atilius’ party. Everything. Betrayed by her father, Justina had nowhere to turn. So she stayed in her room, not even venturing out for meals. In fact, it had been several weeks since Livius could recall seeing his only daughter. But then again, he hadn’t been spending much time at home either. Cato had been sneaking her food—despite the wishes and directions of Alba. “If she wants to eat, she can come to the dining like a proper person,” she had told Cato. Livius made sure Cato did not follow those orders.
Now with Alba out of the house at market with Cato, Atilius at training camp, Herminius working with Pompey, and both Lucilius and Fabricius on patrol, Livius decided he needed to speak with Justina. Her door, as it had been so often lately, was closed. Livius knocked. No response. When he knocked a second time and got the same, he opened the door. Inside Justina was lying face down on her bed, uneaten food scattered about the room.
Livius knocked once again on the inside of the door. “May I enter?”
Hearing her father’s voice, Justina turned. “It is your house,” she said. “You may do anything you choose.”
Livius stepped further inside the room. He had little idea what to say, but knew something needed to be said. He attempted humor. “You have been living only in your room of late, are you not satisfied with the size of this house? Shall we look for a larger one?”
Justina did not appreciate his attempt. Instead she asked, “Why did you adopt me?”
Livius stepped around plates of food, making his way over to Justina’s bed. She pulled up her legs, and he sat down. “From my youth, I dreamed of having a daughter. With each pregnancy I prayed, but every time the gods saw fit to gift us with a boy. I love my boys, but I began to believe my desires to never have a chance of fulfillment. Then opportunity presented itself, and I did not hesitate.”
“Did mother approve of this decision?”
Livius looked down for a moment, then back up at his daughter. “She was not of shared excitement,” he admitted.
“Is this the information you fear coming to light?”
“It is not.”
“Then what? What could possibly force you to allow her to break my heart in handling of Antonia?”
Livius let out a deep sigh. No father wants to look weak in front of his children, and no parent wants to admit faults—especially grievous ones. But he had allowed himself to be placed in a position where he had little choice. His daughter needed an answer, and he needed his daughter’s pain to be soothed. He needed that look in her eyes, that longing, to go away, to be replaced by the sparkle he loved.
After a few minutes, he finally spoke, “I made poor decisions in my past, Justina. Some were commanded and some were of my own doing.” He paused. Justina kept her gaze on him, her eyes longing, begging for answers. “The way you always look at me. It is what every father wants from a daughter. It is, well, heartwarming. I never wanted to do anything that would remove that look. I never wanted it to go away. Your mother forces my hand in several areas now, and I will see her choices balanced once again. She is a good woman but needs to be reminded of her place in this house.”
Justina’s face showed hope. “So you will reverse her gift and have Antonia answer only to you?”
Livius lowered his head. “I cannot at this time. The damage would be too great to your brother.”
“And what of the damage to me?”
&
nbsp; Livius reached over and took his daughter’s hands, happy that she let him. “I come here to offer gift. A gesture I hope you will find of equal balance.”
“What could you possibly have to offer that would be of value equal to Antonia’s life?” Tears were welling in her eyes.
“Your oldest brother, Fabricius.”
Justina suddenly looked up, the surprise on her face obvious.
Livius continued softly, “I know of his intentions. This house is big, but not so big that I do not see what is going on between the two of you. How you two try not to look at each other. I am not so old as to have lost my ability to recognize young love.”
Justina looked back down. “I do not know what you mean.”
“The relationship your brother would like to have with you is frowned upon, but not forbidden. If you both shared same blood, I would not consider this. However, you are adopted, and you do both seem quite happy together.”
Justina looked up at him. The pain in her eyes was gone.
“Do not flaunt it around your mother or brothers. This secret must remain between the three of us. If you both find truth in your hearts and decide to be as one, then I will soften awkward blow within family.”
Justina hugged her father. He wrapped a strong arm around her.
“Gratitude, father,” Justina said. “I do find deep feelings for Fabricius. He is a great man, and his affections for me seem real. But this does not change the position Antonia finds herself in.”
“I have told you, there is little I can do about that. If you find your brother treating her poorly, let me know, and I will try and counsel him. We do not treat slaves harshly in this house. No matter who owns them.”
