by Cole, Fiona
Holy shit.
I was sure in my twenty-five years I could have said I’d felt every emotion possible, but nothing prepared me for this. No book, no class, no anything could prepare me for the overwhelming flood of love consuming me. Tears burned the backs of my eyes as I looked down at my baby girl. Mine.
My whole world shifted like it clicked perfectly into place and if I thought I’d been grateful before for having Ian there, nothing compared to how perfect it was to have him by my side, watching him experience the same emotion.
“Dad? You want to cut the cord?”
Ian blinked a few times, brushing his watery eyes. “Yeah. Definitely.” The nurse passed the scissors and directed him what to do. Before he cut, he looked to our little girl. “Sorry, if this hurts, Peanut.”
The nurse laughed and assured him Peanut couldn’t feel that. It was kind of adorable that he thought it would and cared so much.
“Okay, let me take her and get her cleaned up and checked out. We’ll be right here the whole time,” the nurse explained, pointing over to a baby station across from me.
My heavy lids slid closed, and I took a deep breath, letting myself relax a moment. One of Ian’s large hands wrapped around mine while the other brushed strands back from my face. I couldn’t have imagined this moment alone—without him by my side. Opening my eyes to find his silver ones looking back at me, grounded me, and let me know I wasn’t alone.
“Thank you for being here, Ian.”
“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”
The nurse came back and placed our tiny bundle back in my arms. “Hey, Peanut.”
Ian brushed her soft cheek with his thumb. “We should probably come up with a name. If you don’t have one already picked out,” he quickly backtracked.
I appreciated him trying to not step on my toes, but he was part of this, and I wanted his input. “I have a few in mind.”
“Hit me.”
“Serena, Elizabeth, or Emery, but none of them feel right.”
“Audrey,” he whispered. “What about Audrey?”
“Is that some ex-love I should know about?”
“Hardly. It was my grandma’s name. When I was with her, it was the closest I felt to a real family.”
He watched Peanut while I watched him. Ian was a complex man. He was light-hearted and always the life of the party. But he also had more depth than maybe I’d given him credit for. Watching him reveal the layers that made him was fascinating and alluring and created an energy that pulled me into his orbit. The thing was, the more time I spent with him, the more I didn’t mind giving in.
“Audrey it is.”
He flashed me a beautiful smile that had my heart skipping a beat before leaning in slowly to press a soft kiss to my lips.
“Audrey it is,” he whispered against my lips.
* * *
It was the next day before I started letting people know they could visit. Surprisingly, my aunts weren’t the first people to push through the door. Ian had just stepped out to grab some lunch for us when my dad came in.
“Hey, baby girl.”
“Dad,” I breathed.
My aunts had filled the place for my missing mother, but my dad had always been my rock. He’d been hard on me, knowing I wouldn’t be satisfied with being anything but the best—all while protecting me as much as he could. So, seeing him walk in, his eyes wide with wonder taking in Audrey, filled me with pride. I was strong because of this man.
“Look at her,” he breathed. “May I?”
“Of course.”
I passed Audrey off to her grandpa, and he cuddled the sleeping baby close to his chest.
“She’s got your nose,” he said, smiling.
“You think?”
“I know. I remember holding you in the hospital thinking how perfect your nose was.” He bounced a little, using his thumb to stroke her plump cheek. “How are you feeling?” he asked, as I laid back and let my eyes slide closed.
“Tired.”
“It’s just the beginning, baby girl.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“But if anyone can do it, it’s you.”
His easy compliment had my eyes sliding open to find him staring at me now.
“You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known, Carina. I’m so damn proud of you. I don’t say it enough. I know I’m hard on you and shelter you, but it’s because I love you and I want to keep you from any pain or disappointment.”
“I know, Dad.” I barely choked the words out. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I never wanted you to doubt yourself, and I know I’ve been the one to make you do it more than anyone. Sometimes I get caught up and still see you as my little girl.”
I swallowed the lump climbing its way up my throat. “I’ll always be your little girl.”
“I know, but it’s time I see you as the strong woman you are too. I mean, look at you—my baby having a baby. I’m so proud of you.”
A few tears managed to break free, but I quickly swiped them away. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Everything okay?” Ian asked, walking through the door.
“Yeah, yeah. Just my hormones being crazy.”
His eyes flicked between my dad and me before finally greeting my dad. “Hello, David.”
“Ian. Good to see you. Congratulations on this beautiful little girl.”
“She’s pretty perfect, isn’t she?”
“Absolute perfection,” my dad answered, his eyes on me.
My dad stayed for a little while longer, holding Audrey while Ian and I ate.
“I’ll leave you two to it,” Dad said when the nurse came in to examine me. He leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss to Audrey’s head before repeating the process with mine. “Take care of you and my grandbaby, but when you’re ready, we’ll talk about your business plan and get the ball rolling.”
He always told me that actions speak louder than words and while his words meant everything to me, the fact that he was taking my idea for our company seriously was the greatest gift he could’ve ever given me.
“Thank you, Dad.”
13 Ian
Only the dim light peeking around the curtains shined in Carina’s room when I walked in. We’d been in the hospital for a total of three days, and I knew she was ready to head home.
I gently set the car seat in the corner of the room, doing my best not to wake her and Audrey. Carina was curled up on her side with one arm reaching out to our beautiful baby girl resting in her hospital cot. I didn’t know who to look at first, both girls capturing my attention. Audrey made a small grunt and shifted, making her little cap fall off, baring that ridiculous amount of dark hair. She took after her daddy with all those luscious locks.
God, just thinking I had someone taking after me, referring to myself as daddy, filled me with the most terrifying joy I’d ever felt. I stroked my finger across her plump cheek and looked on a little longer before moving my gaze to Carina. Her hair splayed across the pillow and around her shoulders like a halo. She’d demanded a shower last night but refused to let me help. She’d even gasped like I’d offended her morals just by offering.
She could hide all she wanted. But what she didn’t know was that I was going to make this work—make us work. I wasn’t sure what that looked like right now, but if it happened to include touching her and helping her shower when needed, then I was on board. I was willing to accept damn near anything to be with my girls, even if that meant roommates that raised a child together. But what I really wanted—what I was going to go for—was us together.
I wanted more.
I wanted our baby all the time.
I wanted this family.
She’d been hurt before and had trust issues, but I was Ian Bergamo, and I could be very persuasive to the female population.
More grunts pulled my attention back to Audrey. Her little face screwed up and she wriggled inside her cocoon. It looked uncomfortable, but then I remembere
d Carina’s reprimand when I undid it last night. Apparently, she liked to be wrapped up like a burrito.
I didn’t know. She looked awfully pissed right now.
Then the loudest grunt followed by a fart I hadn’t even heard from college guys came from my angel. It was the only warning I had before the foul smell assaulted my senses. I gagged and almost backed away when two blue eyes cracked open and just stared.
Immediately, I stepped back up and leaned lower to the stink grenade. “Hey, baby girl.”
She blinked and wriggled some more before her face started scrunching again, except this time it was to cry. I quickly picked her up, balancing her in my palms and bounced, making a continuous shushing sound, hoping to calm her. It didn’t work. Not that I could blame her. Based on the smell that continued to get worse, she probably needed changing and would continue to increase in volume until it happened.
Not wanting to wake Carina up, I got all the supplies out and unwrapped the baby burrito. Her legs kicked free, and arms shot out like she was cheering for freedom, Mel Gibson style.
“You are adorable, but that smell is foul. I may need a gas mask for this task.”
Holding my breath and gagging repeatedly, I managed to get her clean.
Just as I was fumbling with her burrito blanket, Carina woke up. “Hey.”
I gave her a brief smile and struggled with the wrap. “Hey. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“It’s okay. Looks like it was just in time. Bring her here, and I’ll wrap her up.”
“Sounds like a plan. Doesn’t it, baby girl.” I picked Audrey up and continued to talk baby-talk, wondering if she remembered me from all the times I spoke to Carina’s belly. “Yes, it does. Mommy knows best. Yes, she does.”
Carina was smiling and shaking her head by the time I passed Audrey off. She efficiently wrapped the baby burrito up like maybe she’d secretly worked at Chipotle in a past life. She pulled Audrey close and bounced and hummed until she passed out again. Unable to keep my hands off her, I reached out until Carina put our baby in my arms.
I’d been in the hospital as much as I could over the past three days, but it was never enough. I needed more of this tiny human. I’d had to leave for a few work meetings I couldn’t miss. Thankfully, Carina’s aunts had stepped in when I couldn’t be there.
“Look at you, baby-daddy,” Carina said, smiling at us both.
“We look good together, don’t we?” I said with a wink, holding Audrey close to my face.
She rolled her eyes at my antics but still laughed.
“You always look good,” Carina’s Aunt Vivian said, stepping into the room.
She boldly looked me up and down, which no longer surprised me. I’d met all four women over the past few days, and they were an interesting bunch. I felt a little sorry for Carina’s dad, but they were all pretty awesome in their own way. Vivian was brash and constantly treated me like man-meat. I think she did it to make Carina laugh.
“Hey, Aunt Vivian.”
“How are my girls?”
“Good. We get to go home today.”
“I heard. Are you ready?”
Carina heaved a sigh and shrugged. “As ready as I can be.”
“I’m taking her home,” I stated, staying strong for Carina’s impending argument. “She won’t be alone tonight.”
“Ian…” Carina half-heartedly protested. I knew she wouldn’t ask for help, but she didn’t need to. These two girls were my responsibility, and I was stepping up.
“No arguments.”
She pursed her lips but thankfully listened. “Fine.”
The nurse came in after that, running over everything before she gave us the go-ahead to leave. I helped pack and tucked Audrey into her car seat. She was a real champ and didn’t wake up at all. Hell, she didn’t wake up the whole drive or when we got to Carina’s apartment.
I set her on the floor in the entryway and just stared. “Can we leave her in there?”
Carina stood next to me and stared too. “Umm…I don’t know.”
We both looked to each other with wide eyes, except Carina’s began filling with tears. “Hey, hey. Come here.” I pulled her to me, and she buried her head against my shoulder and sniffed.
“I don’t know, Ian. How am I supposed to do this when we’ve been home for a minute, and I’m already stumped? Oh, my god.” Her breathing increased, and I palmed her cheeks and pulled her head up to face me.
“Stop. Look. Breathe with me.”
She nodded, but tears still tracked down her cheeks.
“I’m going to let you in on a secret. But you can’t tell anyone because it’s mainly how I get through every day coming off like the genius I am.”
She nodded again, but this time, it came with a laugh.
“We Google. Google knows all.”
“O—okay. Let me get my phone.”
I walked the rest of the bags inside while she googled. Her apartment was neat, clean, and perfectly decorated with muted grays and a few splashes of color. By the time I came back, she was reading her phone and chewing on a nail.
“Find anything.”
“Yeah. Looks like we can’t.”
“Okay, then out we go.”
“Hang on, I need to get her sleeper set up.”
“I already saw it set up by the couch.”
She stopped moving and stared at me, confused, before moving past and walking into the living room. She bent over the coffee table and picked up a piece of paper. “Oh, my god.”
I unclasped Audrey, pulling her out, and walked to Carina. “What’s up?”
“I had a few baby items still in boxes and Jake came in to get it all organized and set up. He knew I was finishing up as much client work before maternity leave and planned on getting it done later.”
“Cool.” I was surprised how calm that came out. Rationally, I knew Jake was just a friend, but he was also a close friend who had slept with this woman and broken her heart. I kind of also hated him and the pinch of jealousy he created within me.
“Oh, wow. He also got me my rocking chair I wanted. Oh, my goodness.” Her hand was covering her mouth as tears formed again. “I can’t believe he did this.”
“Probably his guilt.”
That earned me a hard side-eye, but I just shrugged and kissed my baby. Anything to take my mind off the rocking chair I currently had sitting in my apartment that I’d bought a few days ago. It was the one thing she hadn’t got herself, and I was so excited to surprise her with it, but it looked like I wouldn’t get the chance.
Carina took Audrey and gently placed her in the rocking sleeper. “Are you leaving?”
The question was soft and probably meant to come off as indifferent, but I heard the fear that I’d just take off now that she had settled. “No, Carina. I told you, I’m staying.”
She stood upright and faced me; her arms crossed against her chest. “You don’t have to. I’m sure you have things to get done.”
“Carina.” I waited until she looked up before continuing. “I know we need to talk and figure things out. But for right now, let’s get settled and know that I’m here. As long as you want me to be. Maybe even longer.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. We’re in this together.”
Her eyes dropped to the floor, and her hair fell forward like a curtain, blocking her face. “I’m sorry about crying. It’s just these stupid hormones.”
“Would it make you feel better if I cried too? I could work up a few tears.”
Another smile and I wished she could just keep those coming for the rest of forever. She was stressed and emotional, and if my sole purpose was to hold Audrey and make Carina laugh when shit got hard, then I was there for it.
“Now, let’s order in and pass out while we can.”
“Okay.”
We ended up ordering Italian and watching the news on mute because we didn’t want to risk waking Audrey. When we finished, I offered
to clean up while Carina took care of the baby.
I worked my way around her kitchen, finding where things went, it didn’t take me long. I picked up in the living room before deciding to go check on my girls. Soft humming was coming from down the hall, and I walked into a sight that stole my breath.
Carina rocked back and forth on a cushy chair with a half-circle pillow around her waist, supporting Audrey as she ate. Carina’s shirt was pulled up just enough for Audrey to reach her breast. I could see the full curves covered in soft pale skin. But in that moment, my thoughts were the furthest thing from sexual.
Fire burned its way up my throat, and I stepped into the room, halting Carina’s humming and bringing her eyes to mine. She kept staring as I came closer not taking my eyes off my little girl feeding, her little fist balled up against Carina’s breast. Without thinking, I dropped to my knees in front of her and stroked Audrey’s full head of hair.
“Thank you, Carina. Thank yo—” I had to swallow past the lump in my throat and try again. “Thank you for this beautiful gift.”
When I looked up, she had tears in her eyes too, and I offered a smile, getting one in return. “Thank you,” she whispered.
I kissed Audrey’s head and pulled back to my haunches. “Do you need anything?”
“No. I’ve already changed her, so when she’s ready, we’re going to head to bed to get some sleep.”
“Okay. I’ll be on the couch if you need me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”
14 Carina
For the first time all week, I woke up on my own and not to the cries of a baby. Audrey was still passed out in her sleeper, her thumb firmly planted between her rosebud lips. I could’ve sat there and watched her sleep, but I heard noise coming from out in the living room. I turned on the baby monitor and headed out. Ian sat on the couch, a slew of papers spread out on the coffee table and the television on some news channel with the sound off.
“How’d you sleep?” I asked, stepping into the room. His head jerked up not having heard me come in. He’d stayed at my place every night since we got home from the hospital and still, finding him there in the morning, those gray eyes taking me in first thing, shot a spark of excitement through me.
