by Cole, Fiona
“I think I’m going to buy you a new couch,” he joked.
Wincing, I made myself comfortable on the armchair catty-corner to said couch, pulling my feet up on the cushion. My couch was more for design rather than sleeping comfort, and Ian was a big man.
“You don’t have to stay,” I offered, even though I kind of—okay really—liked not being alone.
“I want to be here. Neck cramp and all.”
I tried not to smile too much at his little jokes here and there, I was worried it would give him a big head, and I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea that I liked him—even though I kind of did. Kind of. But I remembered our conversation right before my water broke and I didn’t want to encourage him to push for more.
Because you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from caving.
I ignored the thought and thankfully didn’t have to dwell on it because Ian was talking again.
“You know, we could always stay at my apartment,” he suggested slowly like he was dipping a toe in the water.
My first instinct was to laugh, but his face lacked any amusement. The idea had come so far out of left field, and I didn’t know what to think.
“What?”
“Just something to think about. Your place is smaller, and I have a huge apartment not far from here, so it wouldn’t change the commute.”
My eyes widened as each word sunk in. “Oh, you’re serious.”
“Yes, I’m serious. I can take you there to check it out.”
“Ian, that’s kind of ridiculous. I mean, this is my home. I can’t just leave. I can’t just move in with you.”
The more I thought about it, the crazier it seemed. How did he not think this was the most insane idea ever?
“It’d be no different than me sleeping here.”
The more he spoke, the tighter my chest got. Bringing Audrey home was crazier than I expected and leaving the comfort of my home right now, scared the shit out of me. Leaving the comfort of my home on a chance with the man across from me, had my heart pounding like a jackhammer.
I hadn’t even lived with Jake, and we’d been engaged. And when everything fell apart, my apartment had been my sanctuary. I couldn’t imagine giving that up or putting that much on the line.
No, I needed steady, and he was Ian being Ian, not thinking through all the complications of his idea.
“Like I said, you don’t have to.”
“And like I said, I want to. I want to be with you and Audrey. Preferably with more space.”
“And I appreciate that, but I can’t just pick up and move.” His shoulders dropped, and he sighed. “Listen, I can look into getting a new couch, but I can’t even think of moving.”
“Okay.”
I was surprised by how quickly he let the conversation go. Then again, I’d been surprised by how serious he was—by this whole conversation. It was like we’d entered an alternate dimension.
But just as soon as we entered, we were back out when Ian gave me his signature playful smirk.
“I was going to grab some breakfast, but I didn’t want to get myself something wrong to eat,” he deadpanned, making a joke about how I always tell him he picked the wrong thing to eat. “So, no pancakes for you.”
Biting back my smile, I rolled my eyes, letting the conversation go. “Ugh. I’d want eggs anyway.”
“Do you do it on purpose?” he asked, not even bothering to hide his disarming smile.
I did do it on purpose, sometimes. Ian and I bickered, and I knew he intentionally provoked me more often than not. I didn’t know why we continued, but it seemed natural. At first, we would argue about food or where to eat, both of us having been on our own for so long. But then it came with hidden smiles and mischievous looks, like some weird form of foreplay.
Or it felt like foreplay to me. Maybe he just liked to see me irritated. Maybe I was the only one who got heated and wanted to shut his mouth with my own.
“No,” I answered, shoving my thoughts down. “You’re just really bad at making decisions.”
His grin went from playful to victorious. “Then it’s a good thing I got eggs too.”
I shot him a glare, and he returned it with a wink before shuffling papers around. “What are you working on?” I asked to keep myself from running over to the kitchen and devouring the pancakes I’d never tell him sounded like heaven.
“Applications. I let Erik know there was no way I could take over the London office once it was complete.”
“Oh…” I’d been curious about that, but in all our meetings, we’d never addressed how they’d run the London office at the end of it. Ian was the main contact there and had spent a majority of the last six months overseas, but there had never been a decision made.
“Don’t act so shocked.”
“I’m not,” I fibbed. “I just know how much this project means to the both of you.”
“It still does. So, we need to find someone to train. I’ll have to travel frequently at first for set-up, but I won’t ever be there for long.”
He held my stare, letting me feel the sincerity of his words sink deep. It was his way of letting me know he wasn’t leaving me—that he didn’t want to. Warmth flooded my chest at his sacrifice. I knew how much his work meant to him, and he was choosing us over a project he’d been working almost a year on. When was the last time someone had given so much up for me?
The loud cry of our baby from the other room broke the moment, and I blinked out of my trance.
Before I could stand, Ian was already up. “I got her. Here,” he said, handing me a stack of applications. “Look these over and let me know what you think.”
Shocked, I blinked at his retreating back. Maybe because I always had to prove myself, it stunned me that he handed me these applications like he genuinely wanted my opinion on who to hire. A slow smile stretched my lips, and I ignored the way pride filled my heart and instead focused on the papers in front of me.
“Who’s the stinkiest baby in the whole wide world?” Ian said, coming back in the room. “You. Yes, you are. The prettiest, stinkiest baby there ever was. Mommy’s not allowed to have any more Chinese. No, she’s not.”
“Yeah, right,” I muttered.
He smiled and settled himself back on the couch, resting Audrey on his chest. My body froze as I took them in, just like it did every single time it happened. When would my body adjust to seeing this big playboy cradling our daughter? Probably never. Some ingrained gene that made me salivate at him being a protector to her. His big hands patted her back as he kissed her head, and I literally had to bite my lip to hold back the moan.
Jesus, Carina. Get a grip.
It had to be the hormones. My emotions had been all over the place, and Ian had taken each one in stride. The only one I’d managed to hide from him had been my deep arousal around him. I was like an animal in heat when he was near.
“How did you sleep?” he asked.
I swallowed the saliva building in my mouth and forced an answer past my tight throat. “Uh, pretty horrible actually. She was up for a couple hours between feedings last night.”
“Why didn’t you come get me?” he asked, genuinely shocked.
I waved him off. “It’s fine, Ian. I’m used to doing things on my own.”
It wasn’t like he’d be here forever anyway, and I’d need to be okay doing it all on my own. Yes, I enjoyed knowing he was here, but rarely did I ask for anything.
“How come?”
It was weird having to explain my past to someone. I’d been with Jake since college and hadn’t dated much before him, so he knew my past, and he knew the ins and outs of who I was. But Ian was a whole new beast.
“I don’t know. I guess growing up with just my father, who was so successful, drove me to want to be good enough for him. He taught me well but still sees the business world in an old-fashioned way, thinking men won’t take me seriously in the boardroom. So, I worked hard and did a lot of it alone to prove to him I was just as g
ood as any man—that I was better.”
“Well, I’d much rather have you in our meetings over anyone else,” he said with a scan down to my chest and back again, waggling his eyebrows for good measure. “But I’ve also seen what you’re charging us and frankly, I think anyone else wouldn’t have driven such a hard bargain.”
He raised a brow at my proud smile. I did a damn good job negotiating their contract and brought in a hefty amount for Wellington and Russo. I sat up a little straighter with Ian’s confirmation.
“But I get it,” he said, kissing Audrey’s head again. “I did the same with my parents until I kind of just lived for me. Nothing I did seemed to keep their attention, so I said fuck it. In the end, nothing changed, except maybe I pissed them off more with my choices. I just cared less about their opinion of me.” He finally met my eyes and shrugged. “Kind of.”
“I get wanting to impress them, even if you don’t want to want to.”
We shared a rueful smile of commiseration about trying to prove ourselves to our parents.
“Your dad is proud of you,” he said, surprising me. “I can see the way he talks about you.”
“I know. He’s just protective of me, and it comes out like he doubts my ability.” I huffed a small laugh and shrugged, changing the subject. “When do your parents get back?”
“Next week,” Ian groaned.
“Maybe we can do dinner. They can meet Audrey.”
His face scrunched up. “Do we have to?”
“Yes. Now give me our baby. She needs to eat.”
Ian passed me Audrey, who had been stirring on his chest. She stared up with wide eyes, her mouth already open before I even had my shirt up. Ian didn’t stare uncomfortably, but he did watch. It wasn’t in a sexual way—more like he was fascinated by the sight of us together. Like he was in awe of it. So, I didn’t shy away because I was comfortable and frankly, if he was staying here as much as he was, then I just had to get used to whipping a boob out with him around. I sure as hell wasn’t going to hide under a cover in my own home.
“You’re good at this,” Ian complimented.
I sat tall and gave him a smirk. “I know.”
“So modest.”
“Wow,” I deadpanned. “Coming from you.”
“I’m the most modest man you’ll ever meet.”
“Oh, God,” I laughed, rolling my eyes. “Lord, help us, Audrey.”
Ian sat back on the couch and just watching him lounge made me realize how little sleep I got, and I yawned.
“Why don’t you use that contraption thingy,” he said gesturing to my chest. “I can take her to work with me, and you can get some uninterrupted sleep.”
“The pump?”
“Yeah. It looks like a torture device for your poor breasts. I hate that you’d have to use it,” his scrunched face softened to a flirtatious smirk. “But whenever you do need to use it, I can always kiss them better. Give them a little TLC.”
Audrey grunted in displeasure when my chest shook with laughter. “You’re horrible,” I tried to admonish him, but really, color stained my cheeks at the thought, and my chest filled with happiness that he still found me attractive enough to even make sexual comments about. “Well, they were made to withstand the torture to feed her.”
“But later, when she’s done with them next year, they’re all mine, right?”
I didn’t answer and instead rolled my eyes. I did that a lot around him, but it usually came with a smile too.
Ian got up and headed to the bathroom to get ready for work, and I was left smiling, thinking about his words.
Later. Next year.
I didn’t want to dwell on him being around that long. We hadn’t even talked about next week. There was a part of me that still held him at arm’s length, fearful of relying on someone like I had with Jake—a part of me that still saw Ian as the playboy when we first met. But that part grew smaller each day, and the more time I spent around him, the more the thought of him being around filled me with excitement and had me repeating the words in my head.
Later.
Yeah, I liked the sound of later.
Not that he needed to know that I liked anything that came out of his mouth. I had to make sure his head could still fit through the door.
15 Ian
It took two weeks before she finally let me take Audrey to work.
And, holy shit, I regretted it almost instantly, rethinking keeping her there. It was like she could sense my weakness and cried unless I held her. Then, I remembered how tired Carina looked this morning when she finally caved and agreed to rest for a few hours. She told me she’d come get Audrey at lunch and then her eyes closed before I even walked out.
That left me with a tiny human strapped to my chest as I bounced my way through a phone conference. Hell, I bounced all the time, even when I wasn’t holding her. Erik caught me bouncing the other day while I looked over spreadsheets. He’d quirked a brow, shaking his head with a laugh as he walked away.
Both guys gave me shit. Jared spent the morning laughing at me as I struggled to move without waking Audrey. I didn’t think he’d ever stop laughing when he caught me baby-talking. I’d flipped him off and continued talking to my girl. Ain’t no shame in baby-talking to the most beautiful girl ever.
By the time lunch rolled around, I almost collapsed in relief when Erik held up a bag from our favorite sub place. “Lunch in your office? You’ve got that baby bouncer in there, right?”
My face lit up, remembering the chair Carina promised was magic. I pulled Audrey off me with a groan, my front a little sweaty from where she’d been resting all morning. Gently placing her in the seat, I sent up a tiny prayer to the heavens that she didn’t wake up. Her face screwed up, and she grunted a little, but when I began bouncing the seat, she settled again.
Just like magic.
“Damn, I don’t know how Carina did this for the last few months,” I complained, stretching my back before plopping down in my chair.
“Because she’s a hell of a lot stronger than you.”
I scowled, but then shrugged. “You’re not wrong.”
“I rarely am.”
Scoffing, I threw my sandwich wrapper at his head, which he easily dodged. “God,” I groaned. “This sub tastes like heaven after all the calories I burned bouncing her. My quads are gonna be feeling it tomorrow. No wonder Carina has such phenomenal legs.”
“Can’t say I’ve looked since I stare at Alex all the time.”
“Alexandra’s got some great legs too. I’ve looked at hers plenty of times.”
I was barely holding back my laugh before the wrapper hit me in the head. Erik was so easy and protective of Alex. I liked getting a rise out of him.
“So, how has the last month been?”
“Good. Exhausting, but good. Every time I feel like I might face plant from lack of sleep, I look at her tiny face, and it’s all worth it.”
“She’s pretty damn cute.”
“Of course she is. She’s my kid. How could she not be the best-looking baby there ever was.”
“How does Carina put up with you?”
“I think she’s secretly in love with me,” I said with a wink. “She at least likes to look at my body and who could blame her.”
Erik groaned and rolled his eyes. I had that effect on a lot of people. “How are things going with you two? You stay there, don’t you? Are you guys…together?”
“No, we’re not together-together. But things are going well. We’re a team.” I thought of how to explain it and realized I wasn’t sure because we never talked about it. “A team that never talked about how to be a team, but we’re making it work.”
“So, you’ve never sat down and talked to her?” Erik said, slowly. His scrunched face was a mix of confusion, and doubt and it kind of pissed me off.
“No.”
“Ian, how the hell have you been with this woman for two months—basically living on her couch for three weeks as you raise your child
with her—and you haven’t talked about what’s next?”
I scowled at his logic and ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t know. Jesus. Things have been crazy, and we’ve just…fuck, I don’t know.”
He laughed, and I thought of lobbing something sharper at his head. “What do you want?”
“I don’t know.” I sounded like a broken record.
He gave me a doubtful stare. Erik knew me better than anyone; he’d been my best friend since we were kids. “Yes, you do.”
I tried to hold his stare, but Erik was better at being a hard-ass than I was. “Fine. I want her,” I almost shouted, throwing my hands up. Audrey stirred in her seat, and I quickly bounced her again until she quieted down.
“Was that so hard?”
“Yes. Happy?”
“A little,” he admitted with a smirk.
“Don’t gloat. It looks bad on you.”
“Nothing looks bad on me, and you know it.” He laughed at my scowl but sobered. “Talk to her, Ian.”
“I know, it’s just been crazy, and I’m just trying to be as helpful as I can without getting in her way.”
“She isn’t your parents, Ian,” Erik said, nailing the issue on the head. “She’s your partner in this and if you want more from her, then talk to her. Let her know.”
I tried to swallow past the knot of nerves strangling my throat. Carina laughed when I made jokes, but she also glared a lot. It was fifty-fifty on the reaction I’d get from her. What would her reaction be when I told her I wanted more from her? And what kind of more did I want?
“Yeah, I’ll think on it.”
“Good. And on that note, I have a phone call to make.”
Erik stood and headed out, opening the door to Hanna about to knock on the other side, her fist raised in the air. He gave her a quick hug and explained his meeting before walking away.
“Hey, Ian.”
“Hey, Hanna. Come on in. What can I help you with?”
“Can’t a girl just come say hi to a friend?”
