by Cole, Fiona
“Any time you want,” I answered, smiling. Her dark, shoulder-length hair swayed when she sat back in the seat Erik had just vacated.
Hanna was like a sister to me, and I loved her like family. I always made time for her, giving her the attention she deserved. She was a bit of a recluse after what she’d gone through, so I always tried to be there for her, but it went both ways. We were friends, and she was there for me as much as I was there for her.
“How you hanging in there?” she asked with a warm smile.
“Well, I’m currently stuffing a sub in my face as fast as I can while I bounce a baby with my foot. So, things are going well.”
She laughed and looked down at Audrey who had woken up at some point and now had a thumb in her mouth. My heart melted a little more each time I watched her little lips work around that tiny thumb. God, I loved her.
Her big eyes looked around as she kicked her legs and remained quiet for the first time all morning while I wasn’t holding her. That chair really was magic.
Hanna wasn’t immune to her baby magic either because she was out of her seat and crouched over Audrey in a second. “Oh, my god. I’ll hold her. She’s begging me with those gorgeous eyes.”
Hanna picked her up and cradled her, burrowing her face close to Audrey and taking in her baby scent.
“So, how’s life, Hanna?”
“I can’t complain.” She took a moment to look up and smiled. She was beautiful—she looked a lot like Erik—but still beautiful.
“Dating anyone?” I asked, using a stern, deep voice.
That made her laugh. “Hardly.” She shrugged. “I’m kind of caught on someone else anyway.”
“Oh, really?” I waggled my brows, but then sobered. “Best to not pursue that and stay single. Erik and I would have to beat up whoever lusted after his baby sister.”
“Ian, I’m twenty-three years old.”
“So, you’re still Erik’s little sister.”
“I’m hardly a little girl.”
“Whatever you say, Little Brandt,” I said with a wink. “We’ll always protect you, even when you’re fifty.”
“There’s a vision,” she deadpanned but laughed.
“We’ll beat him up with our old-man canes.”
She dropped her head back and laughed just as Carina came strolling around the corner into my office.
I couldn’t stop my smile from growing even more. She looked radiant in her flowy dress and boots, a section of those legs I’d told Erik about, displayed perfectly. Her hair was down and curled, and for the first time since we came home, exhaustion didn’t cling to her.
I waited for her to smile back, but her face was blank. It was almost like she was frozen with her hand on the door jam, taking in Hanna with Audrey. For a second, I saw an emotion similar to the one I saw in the bar that night she was drinking over Jake, but it was gone before I could blink.
“Hey, Carina,” Hanna greeted her.
“Hey,” she responded, giving Hanna a cordial smile. “How was she?” she asked me.
“Perfect. How could she not be? She takes after Daddy.”
That same reaction she always had—the Carina-responding-to-Ian reaction—relaxed shoulders, reluctant smile, and eye roll. This time there was even a little laugh and a shake of her head. Like she knew laughing would encourage me, but she couldn’t stop it if she tried.
“I was just holding her while he ate,” Hanna explained, handing Audrey over after Carina had lost her jacket.
“Thanks for helping out.”
“Anytime. She’s beautiful.”
“Thank you,” Carina answered politely.
“Well, I’ve got to head back. See ya, Ian.”
“Bye, Hanna. Stop by to say hi anytime.”
She bit her lip and nodded, tucking hair behind her ear before giving one last smile and leaving.
My attention moved back to Carina, who looked like she was scowling at the open doorway.
“You okay?”
She blinked like coming out of a trance and smiled. “Yeah, I’m great. It’s amazing what a two-hour nap and a shower can do. I curled my hair for the first time since being home from the hospital, and I feel almost human again.”
“You look great.”
She blushed, and it was nice to watch her eyes drop away like my compliment made her shy. Carina wasn’t shy, but I liked that my words could make her submissive to me. She was a dominant personality, but I think that was just a shell to protect her from what she’d gone through. I think once I cracked through, she’d bend to me—at least in the bedroom.
Erik’s words came to mind, and he was right, I needed to talk to her about what I wanted. I needed her to know that I wanted more.
“Do you mind if I close the door?”
“Not at all. I don’t want anyone else seeing the goods.”
“I’m just feeding, Ian. There’s nothing sexual about it,” she explained, unbuttoning her dress and bringing a hungry Audrey to her breast.
I watched in awe, warmth moving through me, down to my cock. “I’ve seen you do this tons of times and I’m in awe—not necessarily turned on by your boobs—although they’re spectacular. I mean they’re really freaking great—but it kind of turns me on watching you feed her. Watching you take care of her.”
More color rose high on her cheekbones, and she swallowed. “I get it. It’s just a parent thing,” she explained with a shrug even though she looked anything other than nonchalant. “It’s kind of like when I find you with our girl against your broad chest.”
A slow smile formed as realization of what she was admitting spread through me. She struggled to meet my eyes as I rounded the desk and squatted at her feet. “I turn you on?” I asked, my voice deep and filled with desire.
“What?” she asked, breathless and with too much innocence to be real.
“I mean, I get it. You being a mother completely does it for me. You’re beautiful taking care of our baby. A goddess.” I looked down at Audrey latched onto Carina’s breast, and a growl worked its way up from my chest. I was a caveman, possessive of his woman and offspring.
“Ian…” Carina was almost panting from just my claim, and I wanted to make it worth it. I wanted to make her breathless and gasping.
I rested my hand on her knees, her skin soft and warm under my rough palms. Holding her heavy-lidded stare, I slowly slid up her thighs, past the edge of her skirt.
“This is a bad idea,” she breathed.
I smiled and adjusted my legs so she could see the hard-on pressing against my slacks. “I don’t think it is.” She gave the gasp I wanted when my thumbs brushed down between her thighs. Nowhere near where I wanted but getting closer. “You know, we never talked about what happened before Audrey arrived.”
Carina swallowed and tried to lift her chin in the air, but her parted lips and burning gaze gave her away. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“I disagree.” I didn’t pull my hands away, but I didn’t push for more. She knew what I wanted, and that had to be enough for now. I had my foot in the door. “It’s up to you, Carina. I just want to let you know; I’m here for any lusty desires you may have.”
She gave me that typical look I associated with her—the laugh and shake of her head, but this time, it was mixed with her heavy breathing, and it was everything I wanted.
Before she could respond, a knock on the door broke the moment.
“One moment,” I called out. “It’s feeding time.”
“Okay. Be back later,” Jared called from the other side. He had two kids of his own, so he knew the drill.
I stood and took Audrey to burp her as Carina fixed her dress back up. My girl gave a completely unladylike belch and then went back to sucking her thumb.
“We should get going,” Carina said once she was all put together again.
“Okay,” I strapped Audrey into her seat before facing Carina who was trying to give me the proud, I’m-not-effected-by-you look. I shook my he
ad, knowing she was trying to hide behind it, but I wasn’t going to let her anymore. “Let’s talk tonight. I’ll bring home some dinner,” I suggested as I opened the door.
Surprisingly, she nodded as she stepped outside. Jared and Hanna were standing by Laura’s desk, discreetly watching our goodbye. Nosy bastards.
Carina noticed but ignored them and faced me. “I’ll see you at home,” she said with a smile. “Thanks for this morning.”
I froze when she stepped closer, but naturally moved my hands to her waist when she raised on her toes to press a kiss to the corner of my mouth. I was so shocked or else I would have held her to me and taken more than that tiny peck. She stepped back and gave a shy smile, looking behind her to see Jared and Hanna gawking. She brushed them off, gave me one last smile and left.
I looked over to the two still staring. Hanna’s eyes were downcast, and Jared had a brow raised in question.
I adjusted my suit jacket and pulled my shoulders back, feeling about ten feet tall. I smiled like getting a kiss goodbye from Carina was the most natural thing in the world and headed back into my office where I could relive her lips pressed to mine for the rest of the day.
At least until I could get home and get a hell of a lot more than just a peck.
16 Carina
A few days later, I still couldn’t stop reliving every millisecond of my lips pressed to Ian’s. It wasn’t even his full lips, just the corner of his mouth and I was an overheated mess each time the memory slammed into me.
Somehow, I’d been able to avoid him and that conversation he’d wanted to have. I’d been pacing back and forth across my apartment that day waiting for him to come home and instead my phone had buzzed on the coffee table, letting me know he had a meeting he couldn’t miss and would be back late. Then we became ships passing in the night, or at least passing around Audrey’s sleep schedule, which had been extra rough the past couple of days. She’d been pissed about something and kept me up.
So, instead of talking about how I’d almost dissolved into a puddle of lust when he touched me or how I kissed him, he let me sleep while he took some baby shifts.
I knew it had been wrong to kiss him, but I’d seen Hanna watching, and I remembered the fiery burn of jealousy that had consumed me when I’d walked into his office to find them laughing and her holding my baby. I’d needed to make a point.
A laugh tried to bubble up as I realized how damaged I was from Jake leaving me for another person—his friend. Hanna was Ian’s friend. Did he like her more than me?
This time, I did laugh. Could I have sounded any more like an immature girl in high school?
“Carina, what’s so funny?” my Aunt Virginia asked.
I blinked, snapping out of a daze and looked at her tilted head across the table. My aunts had called and suggested we get some lunch out so they could see Audrey and have mimosas.
“She’s probably thinking about the delicious man-meat waiting for her at home,” Aunt Vivian muttered.
“Oh, my goodness, Vivian,” Violet scolded. I gave her a smile of thanks, but she made me want to take it back immediately. “Don’t call her out on her dirty daydreams we all know she’s having. She’s blushing now. If she wants to fantasize in the middle of a restaurant, let the girl have a moment.”
“Nah,” Vivian responded, resting her chin on her hand. “Carina, why don’t you tell us all about your daydreams about Mr. tall, dark, and sexy.”
Virginia shook her head, smiling down at the table, not stopping them, but thankfully, not joining.
“Hell, we know how committed I am to Gloria, and even I find myself wanting to daydream about him,” Vera chimed in.
“Come on, details,” Vivian pleaded. “Just one. How big is he?”
I coughed and did my best to glare at her. She shrugged and finished off her second mimosa.
“All right, you old hags. That’s enough,” Virginia finally stepped in.
“Thank you, Aunt Virginia.” I could always count on her to save me.
However, I could also count on her to call me out on the serious topics. “All jokes aside, what’s going on with you two?” she asked.
Keeping my eyes glued to my plate, I went for innocence. “Nothing.” It wasn’t a lie. Nothing was going on between us. We were surviving together, but the more accustomed we became to our situation, the more opportunities arose.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “What do you want going on between you two?”
I peeked up from under my lashes at four sets of blue eyes staring back at me, and I knew I wasn’t getting out of this.
“I don’t know. Honestly. Audrey’s all I can focus on right now.”
“Do you want more than the partner you have now?” Violet asked. “Do you care for him?”
“Of course, he’s Audrey’s father.”
“Listen,” Vivian cut in. “You can have a kid with someone, and not care about them, trust me.” Vivian had a son from her first marriage, and he was kind of a douche—like his dad, Vivian’s ex-husband.
I took a deep breath, letting my frustration bubble up. If I could admit my feelings anywhere, it was with these women who helped raise me. “Yes,” I confessed, and once I started, it all boiled out. “We bicker all the time, but it’s like a weird version of foreplay. He provokes me because he likes my bossiness. And he’s so caring and, oh my god, he’s so hot,” I groaned, my hands fisting on the table. “And the further I get from this pregnancy, the more I remember how amazing it was between us, and I swear to god it’s all I can think about some nights.”
Silence met the end of my verbal vomit, and I hesitantly lifted my eyes to find some smirks and smiles.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Vivian gloated.
My shoulders dropped in defeat. Saying it out loud didn’t make it any better than when it was floating around in my head.
“You need to talk to him,” the always sensible Virginia said.
They all nodded, and I wanted to take back the last five minutes so I could keep avoiding the talk Ian and I were barreling toward.
Audrey took that moment to make her presence known from the car seat propped on a highchair, and there was no build-up. She was pissed and wasn’t giving any warning about it. I lifted her out and tried to bounce her. I checked her pants, and nothing was there. We tried to eat, and she wasn’t having it.
“I’m sorry, guys. I think I should take her home.”
They all agreed, and we decided to meet up again soon. After hugs and kisses—done at super speed because Audrey was still wailing—we left. I’d just started the car when the most horrendous sound from the tiniest human came from the back. The silver lining was that she stopped crying, but the drive was long and smelly.
“Your daddy is right; you are the smelliest baby in the world.”
I almost dropped Audrey’s car seat when I opened my apartment door, and Ian came around the corner from the kitchen. I’d given him a key a while ago since he pretty much stayed here every night, but it was still early in the day. I assumed he was at work.
“Where were you?”
His accusing tone had me pulling up short and slowly setting the car seat down. I took in his tense shoulders, hands on hips, and clenched jaw.
“At lunch,” I answered slowly, still unsure of his mood and what caused it.
“With who?” he barked.
His third-degree questions and irritation had my tone shifting from cautious to bitchy. “Not that it’s any of your business, but my aunts.”
It was as if my answer poked a hole in his balloon of anger. His shoulders sagged, and one hand ran across his face as he blew out a hard sigh. He looked across the space as I got Audrey from her seat, and I saw the apology before he even opened his lips.
“Listen, I’m sorry. I just got home, and you weren’t here, and I basically reacted like a teenage girl, working myself up. I realized you could be out doing anything, and I have no right to know otherwise, and it killed me. And then I s
tarted thinking about what you could be out doing and I just…kind of lost it in my own head. I overreacted. I just…” He stopped, and his face screwed up. “My god, is that her?” he asked, pointing an accusing finger at the tiny baby smiling in my arms.
“Yup. Our little angel.”
Ian made gagging noises as I passed, heading to her room to get rid of the offending diaper.
I scrambled to understand Ian’s reaction when I’d walked in. He thought I was out with someone else? A guy? Was he jealous? The thought of Ian being jealous of me with someone else sparked a light in me that I wasn’t sure I wanted to look too closely at. But it felt a lot like happiness.
When I came back out to the living room, Ian still had a guarded look, and I realized the conversation I’d been avoiding was about to happen. I swallowed down the nerves and tried to stand tall—look more confident than I felt—and waited for him to start.
“Listen, I get that we aren’t officially together, but I think it’s best that we don’t bring anyone else into this.”
My muscles pulled tight, his suggestion wrapping around my chest and squeezing. I knew it wasn’t rational—this anger that flooded my veins. Maybe it was because I felt attacked as soon as I walked through the door. Maybe it was already frazzled nerves at having this conversation at all.
But, really, I knew it was because of that spark of happiness I’d felt at his jealousy. I knew it was another way to open myself up for hurt—and that terrified me. I wanted to believe it’d only be Audrey and me but hoping for that left an opportunity for him to let me down if he didn’t follow through—if he lied.
Despite knowing how irrational I was being, it didn’t stop me from reacting.
“That’s rich coming from you,” I scoffed.
It was such a bitchy thing to say, and I regretted it, but now that I’d said it, I wondered how true it was. He wasn’t with me all the time. He could have been having quickies all over town, and I’d never know. Hell, Hanna spent all day with him, and they were close. Maybe they’d already slept together.
“What the hell, Carina?”
“Ian, how long do you usually go without someone? You’re a woman magnet and flirt with anything that has legs. You’re telling me you won’t or haven’t been with anyone?”
