by Cole, Fiona
His nostrils flared, and his eyes blazed with a mix of frustration and hurt. “That’s not fair,” he said around a clenched jaw. “Who I was before Audrey doesn’t come into play. I’ve given all my time to both of you.”
Not able to hold his gaze anymore, I dropped my eyes to the floor, knowing I was in the wrong. The happiness from earlier no longer flickered with hope in my chest. Instead, I felt a jealousy of my own. He wasn’t doing this for me; he was doing this for Audrey.
The realization that I was jealous of my own baby had me choking back a laugh at what a mess I was. I closed my eyes and breathed as deep as my lungs would allow. I needed to reset and calm down before I opened my stupid, hormonal mouth again.
“I know.” I forced my eyes back to his, letting him see my regret. “I’m sorry. The lack of sleep and my own issues are getting to me.”
He nodded, and the tension and irritation faded, leaving us both tired after the sway of emotions.
“You never told me what happened that night,” he said surprising me with the change of topic.
That night I saw Ian for the first time.
The night he found me drowning my sorrows in alcohol.
The night I kissed him.
I huffed a laugh and shook my head. Where did I begin?
He closed the gap between us and tugged me down on the couch next to him where my knee brushed his thigh. Even that small connection eased the pinch that always accompanied thinking about Jake.
“I’d just realized my fiancé was in love with someone else that night.”
“How did you find out?”
I laughed outright at that, not wanting to tell Ian about the threesome I’d had with Jake and Jackson. That was a can of worms for another night. So, I stuck to the lighter side of the truth.
“We were working on a new project, and the manager of the company was one of his old college friends. I liked Jackson.” I ignored the sharp pain from that over-simplified statement. I’d loved Jackson too. In a different way, but I’d trusted him, and we’d grown so close. “He was a fun guy, and when Jake hesitated on closing the gap between them, I pushed for it. It was my fault Jackson was back in his life because I wanted him there. I had no idea that Jake had had feelings for him before or that they’d come roaring back. So, yeah,” I said with a shrug. “That night at the bar was when I finally saw what had been there all along.”
“What a dick.”
I laughed at his easy insult. “Yeah, I guess I just haven’t been the same since.”
Another understatement. I’d closed so much of myself off.
I thought back to the girl who frequented sex shops and sex clubs and danced in the kitchen. I remembered the girl who laughed easily and took on adventures with excitement and no doubts. Now, I took on business deals with a precise, no risk mindset and stopped having sex before Ian.
I wasn’t sure who I was or if I’d ever get the first girl back.
Fingers stroking my hair back behind my ear brought me back to the man beside me on the couch. His touch was soft, and the look in his eyes was the same as when he touched me in his office—full of desire and want.
“I think you’re pretty great.”
His words caressed my skin and brought goosebumps in their wake. I may not know who I was anymore, but every moment I was with Ian like this, the old Carina came out from behind the curtain and urged me to throw caution to the wind.
“There’s no one else, Ian. You and Audrey take up all my time.” The words were breathy, and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at his lips as they stretched into a gorgeous smile. It lulled me into a trance, pulling me forward.
“Good,” he growled, his fingers moving to my hair.
When he leaned forward to meet me halfway, a baby toy fell from the couch, the rattle loud like a warning bell. I jerked back and looked anywhere but at him.
“Dinner,” I almost shouted to break the tense silence. “What do you want to do for dinner?”
He didn’t respond right away, and I took the risk to look up. One eyebrow raised high, and he didn’t have to say a word. He knew what had almost happened and knew he could push to make me admit it. But I pleaded with my eyes for him to let it go.
He shook his head, and I knew he would give me this, just once, but my time was running out before we confronted the attraction between us. “Italian?”
“Ugh,” I answered easily, falling into our safe banter. “Mexican.”
“Tough shit, woman. We’re doing Italian.”
I rolled my eyes but let him have it. He’d let me have more reprieve than I deserved today. Italian was the least I could do.
But I couldn’t lie to myself and shut the door on my growing desire.
Old Carina had popped out, and I wasn’t sure she wanted to go back in.
17 Ian
“Son of a bitch.” Carina gave me a dark warning look about my language, but the throbbing moved from my stubbed toe up to my ankle. “Mother effing-piece of shii…” I faded off and finished with a growl of frustration.
If I stumbled over one more baby item, I was bound to break something or fall and crash and burn.
“Sorry.” She gave an apologetic smile now that I’d word vomited my pain. “I was bouncing her as I looked over some work.”
Audrey sucked her thumb with her eyes closed from her rocking crib next to the couch. Carina rocked her with her foot as she flipped through the papers spread out on the coffee table. I looked to the right at the empty swing wedged in the corner between the chair and the tv stand.
“What about the swing?”
“She wasn’t happy there.”
“Of course not. That girl is a diva,” I said, pointing at the sleeping baby who probably got her diva-ness from me.
Carina shrugged and kept rocking.
“Can I put it back in her room?”
“Umm, yeah,” she agreed, looking around the cramped room like a spot would magically appear. “Just kind of stick it between the chair and her crib.”
Flipping on the light to the baby room, I took in the tastefully decorated—but overly full—space. There was baby shit piled on top of more baby shit. The closet was tiny for storage and overflowed into the dresser, jam-packed with clothes and diapers. This room was designed to be more of an office than an actual room.
I thought about my empty apartment that had too many rooms and had been empty for the better part of a month. Dropping my eyes to my poor abused feet, I thought back to when I first suggested we move into my place. She’d looked at me like I’d lost my mind and immediately shut me down.
But that was then, and I’d approached it cautiously, letting her back away from the topic too easily. She probably never expected me to stay on her couch as long as I have, but I meant what I said when I told her I didn’t want to be away from them.
I was ready to broach the topic again, and this time, I was going to smother her with good reasons and not let her back down. The plan sounded fantastic in my head. It sounded even better when I tripped over a rattle as I made my way out to the living room.
It sounded less good barreling out of my mouth, and Carina looked at me like I had grown a second head.
“Let’s move in together.”
“What?” she almost shrieked. “Ian, we already discussed this.”
I ignored her scrunched frown and pushed on. “Come on,” I urged, moving to sit beside her on the couch. “We’re basically doing it anyway, and my place is so much bigger. It makes sense. Things have settled, and we’ve created a good rhythm. Let’s keep it going with more space.”
“You want me to give up my apartment?” she asked like I’d suggested she get rid of a limb. “We’re not even a couple, Ian.”
“We sure aren’t,” I answered quickly, a victorious smile forming. She raised her brows, shocked at how happy I was she’d pointed it out. Carina was practical, and I was only winning this battle by not trying to seduce her. “We’re partners in this, and that means mor
e than anything else.”
I held back my fist pump when I saw the first crack in her resolve—practicality for the win.
“Yes, it does mean a lot,” she agreed slowly. “But how long can this last? What about a year from now when you want to start seeing someone? Or I want to start seeing someone?”
Clenching my jaw, I barely held back the jealous growl at imagining her with someone other than me. My inner caveman was shoving practical aside, but I managed to keep him at bay with a deep breath. “I know we haven’t talked about us, but I don’t see myself having anything to give when I give it all to Audrey.”
And her, I added mentally. Carina wasn’t ready to hear that…yet.
“But we bicker all the time…”
“It’s who we are. It’s not out of malice or because we dislike each other.”
“Speak for yourself,” she muttered.
I scowled until she relented.
“Fine. You’re okay.” She rolled her eyes at my smile but was ready with more half-hearted arguments. “It’s bound to fall apart.”
“Then I’ll help you move when it does.”
“Ian…”
I was so close.
“I have a baby room ready, but we can trash it for what she already has if you don’t like it.” Wide eyes lifted to mine. “But I matched it pretty well to the stuff you got.”
“You have a baby room?” she almost whispered.
“Yeah. As soon as she was born, I set it up in case she ever stayed at my place.” She swallowed and, like a lawyer, I got ready to deliver my winning closing argument. “It’s about being practical, Carina. I have a guest room for you as well as Audrey’s room. There’s tons more space everywhere, and you can decorate however you want. No more cramming stuff between other pieces of furniture. And we’ve proven we can inhabit a single space without killing each other.”
She licked her lips and swallowed, and I swear, I heard the Jeopardy song playing somewhere as I held my breath and waited for her answer.
“Fine,” she said on a huff.
Victory surged through my veins and flooded my body with adrenaline. Holy shit, she agreed. Without thought, I lifted her in my arms and hugged her tight, standing, and swaying side to side. “I win. I actually won.”
She pushed off my shoulders and stood, doing her best to glare, but I saw the humor lurking behind those baby blues. “I may rescind so you don’t get a big head.”
“Too late, baby.”
She heaved a sigh and rested her hands on her hips, looking down at the scattered papers. “Well, not to interrupt your self-celebration, but I’m going to clean this up and head to bed. We can discuss the details in the morning.”
I helped her pick up and moved Audrey to the bedroom. Carina was in the kitchen, getting a glass of water when I grabbed my pillow and blanket. I was just getting ready to lay down when she stopped at the end.
“Oh, my god. Just come to my room. I can’t stand to watch you sleep on that tiny thing one more night.”
It wasn’t that tiny, but I was a big guy. A big guy who wasn’t going to argue with the offer to sleep next to the most beautiful woman I knew. I hopped up. “Hell, yes.”
“Calm down,” she warned. “Just to sleep.”
Walking past, I waggled my brows. “If you insist.” She slapped my back and narrowed her eyes. “Alright, alright. I’ll be on my best behavior.”
Standing across the bed from her as I stripped out of my clothes and she pulled her long hair up in a messy bun thing felt surreally natural—domestic. I had to stop and stare and take in that this was my life right now. It may only last a moment, but it was a moment I wanted to recreate again and again.
The more domestic moments we had, the more I realized how much I wanted it. My parents accused me of never wanting to settle down, but they were wrong. I did want a family of my own. One better than the one they gave me. I just never found anyone who made me want to try.
“What the hell, Ian?” Carina whisper-yelled.
“What?”
“Where are your clothes?”
“Umm, sorry, but I don’t have pajamas. I figured I was being a gentleman by leaving my underwear on.”
She tried not to, but her eyes kept bouncing down my body like she was in a battle with her mind over where her eyes should look. If she kept looking, I’d get an erection that would be impossible to hide behind these boxer briefs.
Her eyes slid down until they rested on my crotch. Heat built and burned its way to my cock. I knew making me hard wasn’t what she wanted, so I broke the moment, rocking my hips Magic Mike style.
“Oh, my god.” Her hand shot up to cover her eyes, and I laughed.
“That’s the real reason you invited me in. You just wanted a show.”
She glared between her fingers, and I linked my fingers behind my head, exaggerating my dance moves, even humming a song.
She shook her head but laughed. “God, get in bed, you perv.”
She may have given me shit about what I slept in, but the way her breasts swayed under that thin cami and her thighs flexed in her short shorts as she got in bed was damn near indecent.
I quickly got under the covers before she could catch my semi. She flicked off the light and moved around about seven million times before settling on her back. She didn’t even have to speak for me to know her mind was going a thousand different places. I closed my eyes and counted, making it to seventeen before she finally spoke.
“Are you sure about this?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.” The answer was heavier than I intended, and I made a joke to ease the tension radiating off her. “I’m bound to break something if we stay here.”
She laughed, but it faded, and I could hear her thoughts again. Shifting to my side, I took in the shadow of her profile. Her nose perfectly sloped over pouty lips she was currently gnawing on.
“Carina, look at me,” I commanded. After only a moment, she complied, turning on her side to face me. We were both at the edge of our pillows and less than a foot apart. “We’ll make this work. Even if we’re just friends the whole way. Like Batman and Robin.”
“K, but I’m Batman.”
I narrowed my eyes, and she pinched her lips, fighting back a smile. “Fine.”
Her lips parted as she finally gave in to a full smile. With just the moonlight shining through the curtains, she glowed like a siren calling me to her. My breath stuttered in my chest as the smile slipped from her lips, and her eyes dropped to my mouth. Unable to help it, I licked my lips just imagining the taste of her on them.
“Can I…can I try something?”
Her words took me back to the night at the bar when we first met. She’d uttered the same words before kissing me, and I held my breath waiting, barely getting the answer out. “Of course.”
She inched forward, closing the small distance between us. I tried to stay still but could only hold back so long and moved to meet her halfway. Our lips barely pressed against each other’s, but my body quaked with desire. She pulled back, but only enough to take in a breath and latch on to my bottom lip, flicking it with her tongue.
I lost it.
My hand buried in her hair and held her to me, trying to meld myself to her. Her soft hand explored my ribs and tugged me closer. I wasn’t going to deny this woman anything and inched over until my cock pressed against her body. She moaned, and I took the opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth, making my own sounds of pleasure as her tongue tangled with mine.
Her nails dug softly into my skin, and I abandoned her hair to grip her thigh, tugging it up over my hip so I could rock my hard length against her hot core.
“Ian,” she gasped. The desperate plea of my name on her lips shot down my spine, lighting me on fire.
I was just about to roll her over—take control of the situation—when a soft baby grunt came from her side of the bed, and she froze.
Each of her muscles tightened before she sof
tly pushed back and lowered her leg out of my grip. I didn’t want to ruin what we had accomplished tonight. I didn’t want her to think she couldn’t give an inch without me taking a mile. I didn’t want her to overthink this and come up with some off the wall conclusion that had her changing her mind about moving.
So, I brushed her hair behind her ear and pressed a gentle peck to her lips before re-situating back on my own pillow. “Don’t overthink it, Carina. Just enjoy the comfort tonight, and I’ll let you get away with hiding from it tomorrow.”
Her jaw dropped, and I knew challenging my little hellcat on hiding would be enough to bring out her fight rather than flight.
“I’m not hiding.”
I just cocked a brow and smirked, barely holding back my laugh when she growled and rolled to face the opposite wall.
Pushing my luck, I gripped her hip and tugged her back to me, wrapping my arm around her. She laid stiff for only a moment before finally relaxing.
When her breathing evened out, I kissed her shoulder and whispered my promise.
“I’ll make you happy, Carina. You deserve it.”
I thought she’d been asleep, but her hand moved to slide her fingers through mine and when she didn’t say anything, I took my own advice.
I didn’t overthink it. I just held her close and enjoyed the night.
18 Carina
“This place is amazing.” My eyes roamed from the hardwood floors, past the floor to ceiling windows, up to the exposed ceilings. “Are all the walls brick?”
“For the most part,” he answered, setting down a box we’d just carried up. He looked around with me like he was seeing it for the first time. “It had been mid-renovation when I stumbled upon it, so I was able to have a say in what was kept and what wasn’t.”
I stacked my box next to his and tried not to drool over the wall of bookshelves. “I love it.”
“Well, feel free to make any changes. It’s yours now too.”
Moving in with Ian still made me a little short of breath. I hadn’t even really lived with Jake, and here I was, moving in with a guy I wasn’t even dating. Breathing a laugh, I bit back the manic laugh that threatened to break free. It was all so surreal.
