The Dawn of Nia

by Lauren Cherelle

“Porter Restaurants. You know, the group that owns the little chicken joints?”

  I know the company. It’s a locally owned family chain— in the news a few years back, cited for fraudulent practices and health code infractions.

  She looks eager for a response. “I went to their soul food restaurant once. The food and the people were disgusting.”

  “Were. The corporate office has relocated and restructured, and they’re rebranding. Hence, me.”

  Deidra is finally moving toward independence and demonstrating for her daughter how to start anew. I should show some excitement, but I can’t muster any enthusiasm. I prefer her open schedule, her being present, me arriving from work to a clean house and warm dinner. No doubt about it, she has spoiled me.

  She leaves her seat to stand by my side, lifting my head to deliver a kiss. “Be happy for me,” she whispers.

  “Is there a part of you that’s doing this for me? You said once that I’ve given you mixed messages, but baby, you know I don’t have a problem being here for you financially.” I wrap her hips in my arms. “You don’t have to work. But, at the end of the day, I know it’s your choice.”

  A week later, I’m forced to adjust to the changes. She’s leaving for work daily, in the process of purchasing a brand new sedan, and treating Tasha and me to a spa day.

  30

  WHAT SHOULD I SAY to my girlfriend’s seventeen-year-old? I can’t charm Shannon by playing with her Barbie dolls or offering her money or candy. She’s a teenager. She’s more than capable of judging me for the slightest infraction. I stand in my closet, searching the racks for a suitable first-impression outfit, wondering how she feels about me. Am I the lesbian who’s stealing her mom from her dad, the sole reason her mom won’t return home to Virginia?

  Chances are I’ll walk into our first time meeting with two strikes against me. Deidra assures me that everything will be okay. But what mother would admit ‘my daughter can’t stand your ass’?

  Today also marks the first time I’ll ingratiate myself with Deidra’s family. I’ve only met her sister and two high school friends. My interactions with Shannon and the larger family have to go well. I don’t want any ill feelings to have an adverse effect on our relationship.

  I step to the end of the clothes rack to sort through hangers, again, recalling my teenage years and how damn judgmental I was back then. That’s why I have to find a trendy and appropriate ensemble. Too bad I lost my personal stylist when I broke-up with Kayla. I select a few options and thrust her out of my thoughts. After four outfit changes, I snatch the price tags off a pair of red high-rise shorts and an airy, white button-down blouse.

  I inspect myself in the mirror, admiring how the sheer material reveals a hint of my red bra.

  ~ * ~

  In my previous visits to Juanita’s home, someone different answered the door each time. Today is no different. A woman around my age welcomes me inside and escorts me to the kitchen. Her low-cut, sleeveless dress bares her even brown skin. The floral tattoo across her shoulder is as attractive as her bright smile.

  “By the way, I’m Courtney.” She extends her hand. “You are too cute. Deidra talks about you all the time. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  A welcoming introduction, smile, and compliment? I don’t remember Deidra ever mentioning Courtney, though the name seems familiar. I think harder and recall hearing her name during the consultation about Pat’s Will. Is she the witness who signed the document? I don’t know what to say, so I substitute words with a smile.

  “Have a seat. I’ll get Deidra for you,” Courtney says and walks out the back door.

  In the meantime, I stare at the relatives passing between rooms as the two women preparing food chat with me. The one in jeans is Deidra’s aunt. The younger one is her cousin. After introductions, the aunt pulls me into their spat about whether green beans are an appropriate side dish with spaghetti. “I like both,” I say, remaining neutral.

  A woman who hasn’t already made an appearance enters from the den. I can’t see her face while she’s on the phone and bent down to access the bottom of the refrigerator. Her yellow shorts are just long enough to safely cover her posterior. The tight fit nicely cups her plump cheeks. She flips her long hair over one shoulder, calves flexing as she stands upright. From behind, she’s eye candy as sweet as the grape soda in her hand. I don’t know what happened to Juanita, but Deidra has some good-looking women in her family.

  Just as the soda cutie leaves the kitchen, Deidra’s sister enters from the backyard. And this is the best I’ve ever seen Juanita. Her swooping bang flows into a ponytail. Her jeans and casual blouse are ironed, no holes or stains. Jeweled sandals, gloss on her lips, shadow below her brows. She actually looks like Deidra’s younger sister today.

  “Hey, lady,” I say.

  She acknowledges me with a nod. The makeover did nothing to improve her attitude. “It’s fuckin’ hot outside. If Deidra wasn’t so busy bein’ George Foreman, she’d have her ass in here right now. Anyway…” She swigs her beer. “You want a lil’ somethin’ to drink?”

  “Yeah, I’ll take water.”

  “Girl, I said to drink!”

  I’m anxious about meeting Shannon. Sitting here gives me time to acclimate to my surroundings. Liquor would relax me a little, but then I’d notice that I’m too comfortable and that will make me nervous. “Just water,” I request.

  “Suit your damn self then.”

  Juanita fixes me a glass of water as Deidra steps inside with another relative. She places a foil pan on the counter before sitting with me. The scents of heat and charcoaled meat accompany her.

  “Who’s Courtney?” I ask.

  “My cousin.”

  “That’s surprising.”

  “What’chu try-na say?”

  I laugh at her bad attempt to speak colloquially. “I’m saying you ain’t never mentioned her.”

  “I do all the time. That’s NeNe.”

  Prior mentions of NeNe fill my head. She’s the elementary school teacher with two rumbustious kids; Shannon’s godmother; the one who texts Deidra morning, noon, and night without considering what we may be doing. Before now, I didn’t realize that NeNe is married to that guy I met at Gillespie— that this is the couple who witnessed and signed Pat’s Will.

  My mind lingers on these new connections, but I’m distracted every time a door opens. And whenever someone cuts through the kitchen, I’m looking for traces of Deidra in a young girl’s face. Deidra talks about her daughter so often that I feel like I know her already.

  At this point, I think I’ve been introduced to everyone except her daughter. “Where’s Shannon?”

  “She’s in here somewhere.” Deidra stands and crosses the kitchen to poke her head in the adjoining room. “Shannon, get off the phone.”

  “Ma, I have friends,” Shannon responds beyond the wall.

  “Your friends don’t pay your cell phone bill.”

  “Neither do you,” Shannon says as she steps into my line of sight.

  While Deidra gives her daughter a stern don’t-play-with-me face, my stomach sinks to my feet. Why is Shannon the “woman” with the grape soda? If I had seen her face earlier, I would have noticed the resemblance between her and Deidra, the likeness between her and Pat. And I would’ve kept all inappropriate glances of her ass to myself.

  “You’ve been here for almost twenty-four hours,” Deidra says, “and you’ve been on the phone for twenty of them.”

  I take advantage of each spare second to pull myself together as they bicker. If I could kick myself for gawking at a minor, I would. The mistake isn’t entirely my fault, though. Shannon surely doesn’t look like a teenager. She’s too curvy, too stacked, and too sparsely dressed. She doesn’t look like the girl from all the photos Deidra has shown me.

  “Sit—down,” Deidra orders Shannon, pointing to the table.

  Obediently, Shannon shuts her mouth and walks toward me, plopping down in the seat facing mine, placing he
r soda can on the table. “Only my mom would embarrass me just when I’m meeting you.”

  Suddenly, the person I initially thought was years older transitions to years younger.

  Deidra sits and stares at Shannon the way my mother often stared at me when I was a teenager. It’s that so-what-you’ll-live type of look I received whenever I disagreed but didn’t have the power to make a decision or the freedom to open my mouth again— not unless I wanted to be popped in the mouth. It’s strange seeing these two interact. Before today, Deidra was my sexy, sharp-tongued lover. Now, she’s in mommy-mode, dividing her attention between Shannon and me.

  “Do you mind if I go to the movies?” Shannon asks me. “She wants the three of us to hang out after this.”

  “Don’t even try it,” her mother says. “You can go out when you get home.”

  Shannon sighs. “Fine.”

  The dormant teenager inside of me feels bad for Shannon. I should help. “You’re not leaving till Thursday, right?” I move my eyes to Deidra. “That’s four days from now. We can get together between now and then.”

  “I like you,” Shannon says.

  I laugh. I need to laugh and relax.

  “You’re prettier than I thought you’d be,” she adds.

  Caught off guard, I don’t respond. But Deidra fills my silence. “Seal your lips.”

  “Ma, I’m just saying. Look at that shirt. I’d rock that shirt. I thought she’d be wearing men’s clothes and some played-out cornrows.”

  ~ * ~

  After Deidra warned her daughter to ‘act right,’ she should’ve found her sister and warned her to do the same. Juanita’s house sits on a corner lot, and she’s spent the last two minutes spouting obscenities because the neighborhood kids are shortcutting through her yard.

  The family has set up two folding tables and extra chairs so that everyone can gather in the kitchen and dining room to eat. We’re enjoying barbeque with all the trimmings while Juanita is nibbling, drinking, and fussing. “Them lil’ bitches need to stop walkin’ in my damn grass,” she complains.

  “What grass?” Deidra asks between bites of potato salad.

  “That’s my damn point. I can’t get the shit to grow ’cause these bad-ass kids ’round here too damn lazy to walk on the sidewalk.”

  The family members around the table of eight ignore Juanita’s ranting. Deidra, however, is annoyed. She keeps placing her fork aside and cutting her eyes at Juanita. “You need to watch your language around these kids,” Deidra says.

  “Girl, they sittin’ all the way over there,” Juanita argues, pointing with her fork to the kids’ table in the corner of the dining room. “I’m gone pop some shots at they lil’ assess and I bet you they stop then.”

  Deidra mumbles under her breath and then sits her fork down again. “I need a moment of silence from you.”

  “Then go outside.”

  Deidra shakes her head. “Of all the problems you have inside this house, you’re sitting there worried about a yard full of weeds?”

  They exchange verbal jabs before their aunt intervenes and ends their sisterly spat. We finish the meal in peace, but Juanita continues to drink.

  She doesn’t even sit the beer can down when we gather in the den to play charades. We split into four teams of three with Deidra and Shannon as my teammates. During round one, I learn I’m on a competitive mother-daughter team. Round two, Shannon takes her position before the fireplace.

  “Come on Shannon,” Deidra says and claps. “You know I hate to lose. Let’s get this one.”

  Shannon considers the word on the game card and springs into action. She waves her hands through the air with one foot raised off the carpeted floor. I have no idea what she’s interpreting but that doesn’t stop Deidra from yelling out possible answers. Thirty seconds later our time runs out, and we still don’t have any points.

  “I need to teach you how to pantomime,” Deidra says when her daughter returns to her seat.

  “Did we not miss the first one because of you?” Shannon reminds her.

  “I did it perfectly. Y’all are just slow.”

  When my turn comes, I pray for an easy word or phrase. If I don’t do a good job, Shannon will probably blame me for a lack of points and Deidra will attack my intelligence. I stand before the fireplace and think of the cleverest thing I can do. I extend my arms to maneuver like an airplane and twirl one finger above my head. Two seconds later Deidra shouts, “Helicopter.” I return to my seat and receive a congratulatory kiss from Deidra and a pat on the back from Shannon.

  The next half hour goes well. Our team wins by four points and Shannon takes advantage of Deidra’s high spirits to garner permission to leave for the movies. When the house clears out, Deidra, Courtney, and their aunt stay behind to cleanup and put away leftover food. Juanita doesn’t feel obligated to pitch in.

  I really want Deidra to come home with me, but she opts to stay the night with her daughter and family. Before leaving for home, I head to the bathroom, running into Juanita as she staggers down the hallway. She steps close to me, the stench of beer almost backing me into the wall. I can’t advance left or right without bumping into her. I shield my nose and wait for her to step away.

  “You’re wastin’ your time,” she says.

  “Excuse me?”

  “With my sister,” she clarifies.

  I glance back. No one is in sight. I hope the beer isn’t tempting her to get a little frisky? It’s time to leave this awkward run-in, even if I have to gently push her out of my way.

  As soon as I move my feet, Juanita opens her mouth. “Deidra fucked up her marriage ’cause she couldn’t keep her panties on. And she gone fuck you over, too.”

  “Really, Juanita?”

  “I’m drinkin’, but that don’t mean my mind ain’t right.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “ ’Cause she think she better than everybody in this damn family. She always tryin’ to be like them damn richie-rich Carters and they ain’t never wanted her ass. But really I’m tellin’ you ’cause you too good for her.”

  “We all have our issues,” I remind her, glancing at the beer can. “Give your sister some credit. She left Shannon and her stability behind to start over and become the woman she wants to be.”

  Juanita steps closer and I move backward. I press my back against the wall to keep our chests from touching. “Deidra didn’t leave behind shit! She didn’t come back to Memphis for Pat, my kids, or nobody else. She came back ’cause she got pregnant by another man. I’m the one who took her ass to the abortion clinic. And then she begged me not to tell nobody ’cause she don’t want folks to know she dirty. Hell, she don’t wanna walk or talk like nobody in this family but always expect me to put up with her shit. That’s why she was stayin’ here. Where the fuck else was she gone go?” She laughs and waves her finger in my face. “Didn’t take long before she found a sucker to shack-up with.

  “Look, I’m a bottom-bitch on her totem pole, so she don’t mind me knowin’ the truth. And I’m gone tell it: Deidra will lie and fuck her way from point A to point B. Save yourself while you can, honey.” She grins then walks away with pep in her step like we had a friendly conversation.

  Sweat tickles my underarms. I’m unsure whether Juanita has conned me into anger or threw me a lifeline I didn’t know I needed. If Courtney or anyone else in the family had told me the exact same thing, I would have reacted differently. I would have immediately believed them. But this shit stings coming from Juanita. In less than two minutes she’s created a wave of uncertainty.

  I decide to skip the bathroom and leave. I try to bind my irritation before entering the kitchen and seeing Deidra, but my restraint is a second too late. “Something ruffle your feathers?” she asks. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.”

  “Stay inside,” I say. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  31

  I’M GRATEFUL for work today. I need something to occupy my time and thoughts. I’m tired o
f stressing over Juanita’s allegations. During lunch, I sit alone in the cafeteria and emotionally prep myself for today’s outing with Deidra and Shannon. I don’t want to ruin the rest of Shannon’s time with her mother. Once we’re together, I hope Deidra will do or say something that helps erase all the negative sentiment her sister has created.

  I meet Deidra and Shannon at a pizza buffet. Juanita’s eldest kids accompany them. We talk and laugh and joke with the kids, challenging each other to taste pizza with odd topping combinations. The entire time, I remind myself of all the things I appreciate about Deidra. I like her confidence; her sometimes sweet, sometimes salty demeanor; her commitment to the kids; her ability to bring out the best in me; the way she lets me experience her emotionally; the influence of her vulnerability.

  I go back and forth over the pros and cons of our relationship. Without question, the good outweighs the bad. I never felt Deidra deliberately misled me. She has good intentions. So, I feel bad for allowing Juanita to incite my skepticism. At the same time, I can’t ignore the possibility that Deidra has kept the origins of her transition to Memphis confidential— just as she concealed her husband and daughter.

  We leave the pizzeria with full stomachs and head to the park to let the kids roam, yell, and play. Deidra, Shannon, and I sit at a picnic table, keeping our eyes on the kids while chatting about Shannon’s last year of high school and her possible move down South.

  “I’ve been talking to my friends about doing something memorable before graduation,” Shannon shares while texting. “Something like skydiving.”

  “Uh-uh,” Deidra says. “That’s too dangerous.”

  Shannon lifts her head. “So is your driving, but I’m alive.”

  “I skydived once,” I share.

  “Here?” Shannon asks.

  “No, about four years ago in Cancun.” I jumped from a plane during a weeklong summer vacation with Pat, Loca Tres, Kayla, and three additional relatives. That was the same week Kayla and I admitted we had feelings for each other, stealing time to sneak around and have sex in random places. I keep that tidbit of information to myself. “I’ll never do it again, but I’m glad I did it. You only live once.”