Twice Blessed

by Taryn Noelle Kloeden

  Rayna stood. “But the Soulousian seer. What do we know of her?”

  “Precious little,” Marielana and Kado stood as well. “But I think together, you and I can change that. We must find her before Terayan can. For once, we have the advantage. Soulous is but a few days’ ride from here.”

  “What about me?” Kado asked.

  Marielana considered him. “Your quest will be one closer to home. Stay here in Fenear. Ground yourself in the home you didn’t know you had. Terayan is not done with you yet. He will attempt to recover you, so you must do all you can to guard against his influence. Stay in Fenear, learn about your nation and your packmates.”

  “But what about—” Kado looked away. “What I am? My powers?”

  Marielana smiled. “The path forward for the white wolf will reveal itself in time, but for now, all I care about is the path forward for Kado Aronak.”

  “All right. I’ll leave you to your planning.”

  As he left, Marielana turned back to Rayna. “Could you be ready to leave today?”“Today?” Rayna had barely returned home, and already her seer duties called her away. “Must it be so soon?”

  “I would say the quicker the better. Pheros won’t like it,” Marielana admitted. “He would prefer we bring an armed retinue along I'm sure, but in the interest of time we must travel light, and quickly.”

  “I see. Pheros won’t be the only one who won’t like it, though.”

  “You speak of Channon.”

  Rayna gulped. “Him, but my aunt as well. And Mina, Kellan...”

  “Yes, but Channon is the one whose approval weighs most heavily on your heart.”

  A sudden memory awoke in Rayna’s mind’s eye: Channon disappearing the night they had been in Sinthahelm, him telling her later of a vision of their future—no details, just that it was a good one.

  “Marielana, last fall you showed Channon something. What was it?”

  “You will need to ask him that. Go to him. Make him understand why we need to undertake this mission, that hopefully it will give us the advantage we need to end this cold war for good. I will speak to Pheros and the Alphena in the meantime. We must leave with all haste.”

  “Yes, of course.” As Rayna turned back toward the site to find Channon, Marielana stopped her.

  “Rayna, I don't know what Channon saw when he drank of the ever-flowing spring. But I do know that it is a future he will never see, not as he stands today. What he saw was his heart’s truest desire, but to reach that, he must reject the darkness growing within him.”

  “Darkness?” A jolt of icy dread pierced Rayna’s core. First Kellan’s warning, then Channon’s strange behavior, now this? “What do you know of the darkness within him?”

  “The Sionic Hex is an insidious curse. You may have broken it, but its effects linger on, like a scar upon his soul. And like a scar, it will never heal if he keeps reopening it. Help him find the light again, if you can.”

  “And if I can’t?”

  “I’ve never known you to be one to accept impossibilities. Why start now?” She patted Rayna’s shoulder. “Go to him,” she repeated.

  Sensing that Marielana was not going to say more, Rayna hurried back toward the site. She focused on finding Channon among the midday bustle. Following his scent, she tracked him to the tanning racks.

  It was only when she halted behind him that she realized she hadn't thought of what to say.

  Channon finished stretching a deer hide across a frame. “Ray?” He looked over his shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “I…” She exhaled, clinging to the first words that came to her. “Do you want to go hunting?”

  Channon’s brow furrowed. “It’s a bit late, don’t you think?”

  “For deer,” she agreed, “but with the strawberries ripening, rabbits are bound to be out and about.”

  He nodded slowly and wiped his hands on a cloth.

  “But, if you’d rather not—”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Let’s go.”

  Soon they walked side-by-side along the western trail.

  Once they had walked a league from the site, Rayna was ready to drop the pretense. “Channon,” she said. “Can we talk about what happened last night?”

  “I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. ”I shouldn’t have run out like that.”

  “Why did you? Was it something I said?”

  “No, no.” He gestured for her sit on a log and he joined her. Cautiously, his hand found her side. “It wasn’t you.”

  “Then what happened? Please, I want to understand.”

  “Rayna, last night, a dream I’ve had for a very long time finally came true.” He brought his other hand to her cheek, sweeping her hair behind her ear. “I’ve loved you since before I knew how. And to know you feel the same—it’s more happiness than anyone deserves.”

  “Not more than you do.” Rayna pivoted toward him, touching her knees to his. “Channon you deserve all the happiness in the world. I want to give you that, if I can.”

  Channon froze. His hands grasped her side and cheek. His eyes stared unblinking at the ground beside her, but he remained still as Rayna raised her lips to his jaw.

  She brushed a light kiss then pulled away. “I can’t pretend that I understand what you went through, but Channon…”

  His pupils had expanded, leaving only a sliver of cornflower blue.

  “If the pain and torture that Rhael put you through made you lose your way then...” Rayna slid her palm to his face. “Wouldn’t it make sense that the way back can be found in pleasure and love?”

  He exhaled. “I wish it were that simple.” He did not pull away, but made no move to close the distance between them, either.

  Rayna released her hold on his cheek. Her hand fell to his arm as they separated enough to settle her own racing heart. “Help me understand why it’s not.”

  Channon sighed. “I’ll try.” He looked away from Rayna, taking in the forest sights surrounding them.

  A woodpecker flitted methodically from tree-to-tree above them. The wind rustled through the new spring leaves, carrying their fresh scent for leagues on end.

  “When did you know?” Channon asked.

  “Know what?”

  “That you loved me.”

  “I—” she broke off, unsure how to answer. During their separation, Rayna had wrestled with her conflicted emotions.

  She had always loved Channon, but it took almost losing him forever for her to realize she was in love with him.

  “Deep down, I always loved you, but I didn’t know how much. There was this moment, when I was climbing the mountain. I barely remember it—the magic there messed with my mind—but, I remember seeing you in my memories. And for the first time I understood. I knew that I had to get you back, not just to save you, but because I needed you to know I loved you.”

  He smiled softly. “It took you that long, huh?”

  “I know. I was a fool.” She laughed. “What about you? When did you know?”

  “It was a day rather like this one. Spring, we were hunting, the two of us. In fact, it was our first solo hunt. Do you remember?”

  She nodded. “It was a competition to see which of the pairs in training could take down a full grown doe on our own first. I really wanted to win.”

  “Aye. You picked up the trail like it was the easiest task in the world. I tagged along—basking in your brilliance, as usual—hoping some of it might rub off on me.”

  Her cheeks heated at his gentle, teasing praise.

  “We found the doe so quickly. We would’ve won easily, but do you remember why we didn’t?”

  Rayna pursed her lips. “I messed up.”

  “No.” Channon laughed. “That’s not it at all. The doe had a late-season fawn. I remember its little head popping up in the tall grass behind its mother. I remember its ears swiveling, and the way the sun shone on the white spots on its back.”

  “I remember the fawn’s eyes—glittering and black.
So unlike ours, and yet, when it looked at its mother…” Rayna trailed off.

  “You turned to me, and shook your head without a moment’s hesitation. We weren’t taking that doe.” He half-smiled. “We lost the contest, but I didn’t care.” He stood, his back toward her. “That moment, where you—the fiercest hunter I knew—showed compassion to her prey, it changed everything. I understood for the first time you were the embodiment of what it means to be a true Fenearen. You're wild, ferocious, and unstoppable, yes, but never without empathy, mercy, or...” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Love.”

  “That’s when you fell in love with me? That was years ago. Why didn’t—” she swallowed. “Why didn’t you ever say?”

  “I was afraid.” He laughed. “It’s funny. Now that I’ve known true terror, the idea that something as precious as love scared me is ridiculous.” He shook his head. “That’s why ever since you saved me, I’ve been more direct, and more obvious in my intentions. At least, so I hoped.”

  Rayna stood. “You have been. At the Peddler’s Toe, and last night. But I still don’t understand why you left then.”

  He ground his teeth. “The moment that made me love you, was when you showed mercy to something completely in your power. Then, I understood your choice. But last night you told me you didn’t want secrets between us, when unbeknownst to you, I’d decided to keep one from you forever. That’s why I left. I was ashamed.”

  Rayna slowly walked toward him. Her heart pounded like a caged animal. She stood behind him. “What secret?” When he did not answer, she continued. “Nothing you could say would make me love you less.”

  He glanced over his shoulder. Tears ran down his cheeks. “I’m not sure that’s true.”

  She wrapped her arms around him, laying her head against his back. “I am,” she whispered.

  He took a shuddering breath. “When I was in Hell, they did things to me I can’t describe. That demon with the changing face would appear as everyone I loved, or hated. It would taunt me, torture me, until I fought back. The only thing that ever gave me any peace or relief, was when I killed it. It was like, that’s what the demons wanted me to learn. And I did. Killing stopped the pain—at least for a while. The demon always came back, wearing someone else’s face, like you saw.”

  “None of that is your fault. Besides, it’s over now.”

  “That’s just it. It’s not over for me. I don’t know how or why, but that lesson still rings true. More true than anything else. Killing used to be a last resort—a dishonor in the best of circumstances—but now I crave its release.”

  “I—I don’t understand.”

  “I killed Swann, not because he was a threat, not even exactly for vengeance. I killed because I wanted to.” Channon balled his hands into fists. “I killed him for the pleasure of it, Ray. For the satisfaction of seeing his smirk vanish. For the thrill of the blood spreading across this throat, and sinking into the stones of that filthy city. I killed him because, in that moment, nothing would’ve given me greater joy.”

  She paused, searching for some excuse. “He was an evil man.”

  “It’s not just him though, Ray.” Channon's voice was tight, as if someone gripped his lungs. “I’ve killed dozens of men over the last few months, and the memory of each death brings me nothing but satisfaction and the desire for more. I’ve been trying to pretend, but the truth is, I’m not myself anymore. I’m not the man you love, or the one that fell in love with you.”

  Rayna came to stand in front of him. “I don’t believe that. I refuse. You are Channon Lyallt, the love of my life. And I won’t lose you again, not when you’re standing right here in front of me.”

  “I’m sorry.” He sunk to the ground, head in his hands. “That man is gone, and I’m all that’s left.”

  For a moment, Rayna froze. But Channon needed her almost as much as he had when he'd been trapped in the Mouth of Hell.

  Because, in a way, he still was.

  Channon was trapped in a hell of his own making. Except this one, Rayna feared, could prove even more difficult to penetrate.

  She knelt beside him.“Channon, Channon, Channon.” She repeated his name quietly, like a prayer, as she folded her arms around him. She docked her chin over his head as he leaned against her.

  “That isn’t true. You’re lost, you’re scared, and you don’t recognize yourself. You and I may have experienced different traumas, but I still know the feeling of losing who you thought you were. You say all you feel is pleasure in killing, but if that were true, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. You recognize this blood-lust isn’t you. You’ll find your way back. You need to be patient with yourself.”

  He looked up, drying his eyes. “So, you don’t think I’m a monster? You aren’t afraid of me?”

  In answer she touched her lips to his. “I think you’re in pain, but together, we can heal you.”

  To her surprise, he laughed.

  “What?”

  “I think I know how that doe must’ve felt.”

  “This isn’t mercy Channon.” She smiled. “It’s love.”

  “I’m not sure there’s much of a difference.” He kissed her again, this time more deeply.

  She broke away as several scents registered over the currents.

  They had just enough time to stand and smooth their clothing before Silver, Pheros, and Marielana entered the clearing.

  Silver's lips formed a tight line.

  Had Marielana already broken the news about their plans to leave for Soulous? Surely her aunt could not object to that—Soulous was an allied and peaceful nation.

  Guilt pulsed through Rayna's veins as she took in Channon's confused expression, further heating her already smoldering cheeks. In her haste to understand Channon’s behavior, she had forgotten what she was supposed to be discussing with him. She had not had the chance to ask about the vision he had seen in Alvorn, or explain why she needed to leave, again.

  “Silver—” Rayna began, but Marielana cut her off.

  The Priestess had changed to closer cut traveling robes. “Rayna, I'm afraid there's a complication.”

  Channon turned to her. “Rayna, what is she talking about?”

  Silver answered. “I received an urgent falcon from Seperun. His agents in the Republic tell him three of the Kyrean councilors have been killed.”

  “Killed?” Rayna's mind raced—half hope, half suspicion. “Is Terayan dead?”

  “I'm afraid not,” said Pheros. “He and Amblin Laevul were the only survivors.”

  Rayna laughed humorlessly. “Of course, and more than likely the perpetrators.” Killing political rivals to consolidate his power seemed an all too Terayan choice to make.

  “Perhaps,” Silver said. “But Terayan lays the blame on Seperun and Maenor, and by association, the entire Peninsula.”

  “What?” Channon and Rayna said together.

  “We are at war.” Pheros's violet eyes narrowed. “But the Priestess tells me there is a chance the Soulousian seer can provide insight into Terayan's mind. If that's true, we can use any advantage we can find.”

  “I can't say for sure what she might know,” Rayna began, conscious of Channon's confused stare. “But the Gods showed me her name—Ayalah Dell—and location, a village called Kerigan. If we find her, she may be able to keep us a step ahead of Terayan.”

  Pheros nodded. “I'll send a falcon to Sinthahelm. We will deploy a force to retrieve Ayalah Dell at once.”

  “General.” Marielana's soft voice turned stern. “The seer is my responsibility—mine and Rayna's. We should be the ones to find her.”

  “I don't see why it has to be you.” Pheros crossed his arms.

  To Rayna's surprise, it was Silver who answered. “Pheros, if this Ayalah Dell's dreams are anything like Rayna's, or my late sister's, then soldiers dragging her from her home is the last thing she needs. I think my niece and your Priestess should go. They're the only ones who understand what Ayalah is going through.”


  Silver's understanding and faith in her brought a tear to Rayna's eye. “Thank you.”

  Silver smiled. “If the gods say you need to help this girl, and that she might help us, then who am I to stand in the way? But Rayna, the two of you need to hurry. Seperun has called for a war council.”

  “Kerigan isn't far,” Marielana said. “On horseback and in wolf form, we can be there within a day and a night.”

  Channon had said nothing for some time.

  Rayna glanced at him, her heart in her throat.

  After the discussion they had, how would he react to all this news?

  He looked aside, his mouth a pensive line. After a moment, he turned his gaze to Rayna. “Can I come with you?”

  Rayna smiled. She wanted more than anything to say yes, to give Channon the security of her being at his side. And, if she were being honest, the security it would give her as well. “Surely one more Fenearen wouldn't overwhelm Ayalah?”

  Marielana hesitated. “Very well.”

  “Priestess—” Pheros began.

  “General,” Marielana touched his forearm. “You should take Lurenia and Winiam home. Our people deserve to be informed of Terayan's declaration in person. I will attend the War Council upon my return from Soulous.”

  Pheros shrugged away from her touch. “I respect the need for a small party, and I understand Miss Myana is accustomed to lone adventuring, but surely you need protection, my lady?” Although he maintained the traditional tone of respect with which Alvornian men addressed women, Rayna could sense his unease in the knit of his eyebrows.

  “General Pheros,” Rayna said. “There is no need to be concerned for Marielana's safety. Channon and I wouldn’t let anything happen to her, nor would she let anything happen to us. Besides, we’re going to Soulous. It's hardly the Mouth of Hell.”

  The skin around his violet eyes crinkled in thought. “I see you mean to remind me that you have been to the Mouth of Hell itself, and survived. Not to mention, succeeded in your quest.” He nodded to Channon. “I do not doubt your fighting ability, Rayna Myana, any more than I doubt the wisdom and strength of my priestess. That said, it is unheard of for the priestess to travel in a foreign country without a senior member of the Alvornian military by her side.”