In a Great Southern Land

by Mary-Anne O'Connor

  Rory said she needed to get past it, telling her that she had three other healthy children and that more would follow, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. It was as if she kept Sarah alive by thinking about her every day and talking to her soul up there in heaven, and if she didn’t do so then her baby was truly gone.

  And so she sat, and thought about her, what could have been, what was, and she went about her daily tasks, mothering her boys and caring for them all, but it was as if from a distance. She’d thought she’d known grief when she lost her ma and da but this was different. This was a pain that crippled and she couldn’t find the will to send it away.

  The children were playing near the gate and a sudden excited cry turned her head towards them.

  ‘Ma! Ma!’ they called out, pointing up the road.

  ‘It’s Uncle Kieran!’ Thomas yelled, running now.

  Eileen stood slowly as the place on the rise saw her prodigal brother return at last and something moved in her heart aside from grief for a change. If she could have mustered a smile she might have called it happiness or relief, but it was probably just love. And when it came to family, that was always hard.

  ‘They’re heartily sick of it around here, I can tell you that much,’ Rory was saying as Liam brought more beer out onto the porch. ‘Diggers are leaving their claims in droves to go south.’

  ‘They’ll find licence fees down there too,’ Kieran reminded him.

  ‘Aye, but they’re less than up here and only adults pay. They’re forcing lads as young as fourteen to find the coin now and throwing them in the lock-up if they don’t.’

  ‘How are they supposed to pay the fine to get out if they can’t even afford the licence fee in the first place?’ Kieran said, shaking his head and accepting the proffered cup from Liam.

  ‘Now you’re using logic, Kier. There’s not a lot of it goin’ on the goldfields in the north.’

  ‘Not a lot of it to be found in the south either,’ he told them. ‘You’re more likely to find gold and that’s saying something!’

  Rory and Liam laughed but Eileen remained quiet, sipping her beer and staring out over the fields to where the children were throwing stones at tin cups. She’d barely spoken a word to Kieran aside from welcoming him home and asking if he’d eaten and Liam could see his brother’s concern mounting throughout the afternoon.

  ‘So what of you, Eileen?’ Kieran said, turning towards her now. ‘How’s your tonic making coming along? I don’t mind telling you it’s doing me some favours, remembering a thing or two you showed me.’

  Eileen shrugged and Rory stepped in to fill the silence. ‘How so?’

  ‘Let me guess, there’s a woman involved,’ Liam said, lighting his pipe.

  ‘Not just a woman, brother, an angel with flaxen hair and eyes so beautiful they can’t seem to choose their own colour.’

  ‘And terrible taste in men, I’m gathering.’

  Rory laughed and Kieran put up his hand in protest. ‘I’ll have you know she sees something in me with those eyes of hers. She’s…well, she’s agreed to marry me.’

  ‘Marry you?’ It was Eileen who spoke and she was staring at him as if confused.

  ‘Aye,’ Kieran said, ‘she has to get permission first though so…’

  ‘Permission from who? Her father?’ Eileen spoke again.

  ‘Well, it’s complicated you see…she’s a servant.’

  ‘A convict, you mean?’

  ‘Well, yes, but she’s a good woman, Eiles. She’s…’

  ‘What did she do?’

  Kieran was looking uncomfortable and Liam almost groaned when he said the next words. ‘I… er…don’t actually know the full story.’

  ‘What do you mean you don’t know? You could be bringing an axe murderer into the family; have you not even considered that?’ Eileen looked furious now and Liam and Rory exchanged glances, at a loss at what to do. It was the most she’d engaged in any conversation for months, though, so neither of them interfered.

  ‘It’s nothing like that! She was misused by the master of the house, I know that much, and cast out onto the streets so…I guess…’

  ‘What? That she robbed a bank? Stole a horse? Turned whore someplace?’

  There was anger in Kieran’s voice now as he cut her off. ‘You’re not to say such things about her, Eiles. This is the woman I love and she is kind and brave and I’ve seen nothing but goodness in her since I met her. I will be marrying her and if you don’t like it that’s just tough.’

  Eileen stood from her chair and stared him down. ‘Well, she won’t be putting a foot in the family home until I know why she’s a criminal, do you understand me?’

  ‘Eiles,’ Rory warned, finally interjecting.

  ‘These are your children too,’ she said, turning to him. ‘Don’t you think they have a right to know if their new aunt is going to kill them in their beds?’

  ‘Eileen, have a little faith in me, for Godsakes,’ Kieran said, standing too. ‘Do you really think I would endanger my own kin?’

  ‘I don’t know what to think, Kieran. I feel like I don’t even know you, you’ve been gone so long.’

  ‘You know that I love my family, Eiles,’ he said more gently, ‘and that your happiness is the most important thing to me in the world.’

  ‘I’m not sure if I still believe that,’ she said, her glare cold. ‘I’m not sure I know anything anymore.’

  She walked away then, down the steps and across towards the creek and Kieran stared after her. ‘Do you think I should follow?’

  ‘No, let her be,’ Rory said with a sad sigh.

  ‘That did her good, I’m reckoning,’ Liam commented. ‘At least she got some of that anger out. She barely talks these days.’

  ‘Trust me to be the one who makes her angry,’ Kieran said ruefully, sitting back down and nodding across at Rory. ‘I’ve always been the one to set her off and you’ve always been the one to calm her back down.’

  ‘What’s my job then?’ Liam said, smoking his pipe and watching his sister.

  Kieran sighed. ‘Figuring out a way to help her.’

  ‘Where are you two off to?’

  Kieran turned at the sound of Rory’s voice and spoke for Liam as well. ‘We thought we might head over and check out the pub at Ophir to celebrate the final payment. Want to come along?’

  The last instalment had been made on their land debt and Rory seemed to consider the idea of joining them but declined. ‘I think I’d best stay home. I need to finish mending the gate.’

  It had been three days since Kieran arrived and the tense atmosphere was starting to wear on him. It didn’t help that he was unable to show his face in town and had therefore been farmbound the entire time. His restless spirit had been sorely tested and when Liam suggested this celebratory adventure he’d jumped at it, especially as Liam had heard some travelling musicians were playing at a pub over there tonight.

  They set off at a canter beneath a brilliant sunset, farewelling the children who ran with them down to the gate with excited shouts and waves.

  ‘Bye, Uncle Kieran! Bye, Uncle Liam!’ they called.

  ‘Bring us back some presents!’ added Matthew hopefully.

  They hit the road and Kieran welcomed the bite of the air and the feel of horseflesh once more.

  ‘Race you to the tree!’ Liam called and they took off, whooping and laughing, feeling like children again themselves. Liam won and there was a fair amount of crowing that resulted in a second race, then a third, all of which Liam also won, and by the time they arrived at Ophir the horses were tired and the men were more than ready for an ale. It was well past dark by now and the party was in full swing. In fact it was standing room only, despite talk of the northern goldfields becoming more and more deserted, and Kieran felt right at home among a bunch of drunken miners once more.

  The band was good, especially the singer whose face was obscured by a massive black beard but nothing could hide the man’s height nor his heavys
et physique. He was simply enormous, yet his voice was so melodic it could even be termed sweet, an incongruous combination. He was singing ‘Wild Colonial Boy’ and Kieran wished Dave was here to hear it.

  Come along my hearties, we’ll roam the mountains high,

  Together we will plunder, together we will ride.

  We’ll scar over valleys, and gallop for the plains,

  And scorn to live in slavery, bound down by iron chains

  Kieran and Liam were soon singing along, downing ales and chatting to other miners as the merry evening wore on, and by the time the band finished their last song Kieran found himself feeling rather misty, so touching was the singer’s rendition of ‘The Girl I Left Behind’.

  ‘Feeling alright there, are you, Kier?’ Liam teased.

  ‘Aye, you just wait. One day it’ll be you and you’ll know how it feels,’ Kieran said, blinking fast.

  ‘I’d best start going places that actually have women in them for that to happen,’ Liam said, looking around at the sea of hairyfaced men in the room.

  ‘There’s always Mass?’

  ‘Eileen has stopped going so we have too.’

  Kieran paused mid-ale. ‘Shite, she is in a bad way.’ For his sister to lose her faith said more than even her anger or silence.

  ‘Aye,’ Liam said, looking despondent. ‘I just don’t know what else to do, Kier. I’ve tried everything I can think of to bring her back into normal life but it’s just like…like something has died inside of her too.’

  ‘You’d think the boys would be able to draw her out.’

  Liam shrugged. ‘She still manages them but it’s almost as if she isn’t there, you know? Like her heart isn’t in it.’

  Kieran nodded. ‘Grief can be like that,’ he said, thinking of his own experiences, ‘but hearts can heal, Liam. She’ll come back, you’ll see.’

  Liam looked to say more but the conversation was interrupted by the approach of the giant singer from the band, and to Kieran’s surprise he walked straight up and stood before him, massive arms hanging by his side.

  ‘I’ve got something for you,’ he said, his dark eyes boring and the crowd around them quietened down and watched on with interest.

  ‘For…for me?’ Kieran said, nervously watching one meaty hand move. The man reached into his pocket and they all watched as a cap was produced.

  ‘I never did get to thank ye for this.’

  Kieran stared at the man’s face, recognition dawning. ‘Big Pete?’

  ‘Just Striker these days. I got lucky on the fields, as it turned out.’ He broke into a gap-toothed smile then, holding out the cap, and Kieran stared at his own name written on the inside brim.

  ‘Well, how do you like that?’

  ‘Take it,’ Striker said, offering it to him.

  ‘No, no, you keep it as a souvenir. At least you never forgot my name,’ he added, nodding at the inscription.

  Striker grinned again, putting the too-small cap on his large head and clapping Kieran on the shoulder. ‘I never would have forgotten ye regardless. Drinks on me for this man tonight,’ he declared and a few people cheered as Kieran almost fell then regained his equilibrium.

  ‘This is my brother, Liam,’ he thought to say, and the two men shook hands, Liam’s dwarfed by Striker’s huge paw.

  ‘Pleased to meet you,’ Liam said.

  ‘Drinks for the brother too,’ Striker called over to the barman.

  ‘Well, that’s mighty kind of you,’ Liam said, looking enquiringly at Kieran.

  ‘We…er, had an interesting night in Sydney together once,’ Kieran said by way of explanation.

  ‘Yer brother here is a good man,’ Striker said, ‘as I’m sure ye know.’

  ‘Oh, he has his moments, although he couldn’t win a horse race to save his life.’

  ‘He’s been known to win a bet on a fight on occasion though, or so I’m told,’ Striker said, passing over ales while Kieran laughed.

  ‘You can blame my mate Dave for that.’

  ‘Seeing as he’s not here,’ Striker said.

  ‘Exactly,’ Kieran said, grinning. He sipped his ale and looked at Striker curiously. ‘What are you doing singing in a band if you’ve found gold and you’re…well, a wealthy man now, I’m guessing?’

  Striker shrugged. ‘The wealthy don’t want the new breed of gentlemen that come from the fields. You can put on all the fancy clobber and ride about in a fine carriage but they’ll no’ give ye the time o’day and I don’t fancy sittin’ around trying to convince them to.’

  Kieran had heard that. Of the few diggers he knew who’d struck it rich, most had either ended up blowing it on the wrong things and been left with nothing to show for their big find; or they’d met with ill fortune in one way or another, drinking themselves senseless and getting robbed or beaten up. Their dreams of fortune hadn’t factored in the world where fortune lives; a place where most of the lower-class diggers would never belong.

  ‘I imagine it must be a rich life in itself, to use such a god-given talent to give pleasure to others,’ Liam said.

  ‘Well, it seems the brother is a right nice fella too,’ Striker said, looking pleased. ‘Come on, let’s get good and sloshed and ye can tell me yer life stories.’

  They drank until the pub closed before moving on to a campfire in the bushland out back to yarn the night away. Striker brought along some of his bandmates so there were songs too, and much laughter until the wee hours, with the firelight orange against the trees and the smoke curling towards stars that shone clearly in the cold dark above. Eventually they crashed on blankets before preparing to make their tender way home in the morning, and Striker promised to look them up when the band went touring south later in the year.

  ‘There’re some mean troopers down there, mate,’ Kieran warned him.

  ‘Mean bastards everywhere ye go, Kieran, but I think I can hold me own.’

  ‘He could hold several people’s owns,’ Liam muttered as they waved and rode away. ‘Must be a handy man to have around in a fight.’

  ‘That he is, brother,’ Kieran said, ‘although I wouldn’t recommend betting on him unless he’s fighting against the law.’

  ‘Best stay clear then, Kier,’ Liam said, looking over at him meaningfully.

  ‘Aye,’ he replied. But he was thinking it would be better to stay close.

  Twenty-Seven

  The kookaburras were swooping and making their laughing calls as the rain began to fall in hard pellets, releasing a refreshing, earthy scent as it met the ground.

  ‘She’ll be soaked,’ Liam said. They were all watching her, the lone figure dressed in black down by the creek.

  ‘She never seems to care,’ Rory replied and he sipped his tea resignedly. His brother-in-law was looking older, Kieran observed, the lines around his eyes and mouth more pronounced now, telling a tale of sorrow.

  ‘I don’t think my presence here is helping,’ Kieran told them with a sigh. ‘Maybe I’m even doing more harm than good.’

  Rory moved to sit on the bench and fill his pipe. ‘At least you stir something inside her.’

  That comment worried Kieran further. His sister’s marriage seemed in a sorry way and even though he was sure Rory would always remain loyal it was tragic to see the once-happy couple broken down to such a state.

  ‘I don’t think any of us are helping, to be honest. I don’t think we’re capable; it has to come from her,’ Liam said, his intelligent eyes sad.

  She was returning and Kieran made up his mind that now was the time to tell them all what he’d decided beneath those southern stars last night. After three weeks there was nothing more for it: it was time for him to go.

  ‘Nice walk, love?’ Rory said as she mounted the steps but she said nothing so he simply handed her a cloth and she patted her hair dry, walking inside to where the children were resting.

  ‘It’s time for me to hit the road, I think,’ Kieran said, knowing she was within earshot. ‘Dave will be needing me b
ack at the claim and I can’t really stay here, hiding away from the world indefinitely.’

  ‘So soon?’ Liam said, looking disappointed. Kieran knew his brother had enjoyed having him here these past few weeks and he hated to part from him too.

  ‘It’s a life of freedom for me in Victoria, lads, and opportunity too.’ He didn’t mention Eve but he knew they realised she was the biggest part of the motivation. His late-night mooning outside kind of gave him away.

  ‘When will you be back?’

  ‘In a few months, I’m thinking.’

  ‘A few months,’ Eileen’s voice could be heard and she came to stand at the door, her face expressionless and drawn. ‘It was a year and a half this time. Soon it will be a few years and then you’ll never come back at all.’

  Kieran stood away from the porch rail where he’d been leaning to face her. ‘I’ll always come back, Eiles.’

  ‘And bring the convict wife with you, I suppose.’

  ‘If she’s welcome.’

  ‘She won’t be welcomed home by me.’ There was a tense silence interspersed only by the sound of the rain. ‘She won’t be welcomed because I won’t be here.’

  The three men stared at her and it was Liam who spoke. ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘I want to go south too,’ she said, her voice firm with the decision. ‘I can’t…I can’t stay on this land anymore.’ Her gaze flickered towards the creek before coming to rest on Rory. ‘I’m just… just…’ Then unexpectedly her face began to crumple, the hardness she’d worn for so long falling away to reveal the rawest of sorrows. ‘I’m just so e-empty inside.’ Her voice broke into a whisper as tears filled her eyes and she shook her head from side to side. ‘I can’t…I just can’t…’

  Rory rushed to sweep her in his arms and Eileen collapsed into them, crying for the first time since Kieran had arrived, in pitiful tears that wrenched his soul. He and Liam came forward too, to place comforting hands on her back.