Kiss Me, Stupid

by Gia Riley

  It wasn’t until the last song he sang, the one about me, that Wirth noticed I’d been in the bar the whole time.

  My heart thumped wildly as he sang to me. And I wanted nothing more than to hug him as soon as he was done. He sounded amazing, and I was so proud of him for performing again. I hadn’t been sure he ever would.

  As Wirth walks toward me, I can’t decide if I should get up and greet him or if I should stay in my chair.

  Will he want me to touch him?

  Am I even allowed?

  God, I hate this.

  My palms are sweaty, so I rub them on my lap, just in case he touches me.

  He won’t.

  It’s too soon.

  I keep my eyes on the table, afraid that, if I look at him, I’ll read too much into his expression.

  “Sit with us,” Maisie tells him.

  He hesitates for a second, and then he pulls out a chair and sits down. It’s awkward, to say the least. Clearly, neither of us knows what to say or where to begin.

  Wirth turns toward his sister, giving her a warm smile. “Hollis wants to talk to you,” he says.

  “Am I in trouble?” she questions.

  “You will be if you don’t go over there.”

  Maisie begins to say something and then closes her mouth. She’s blushing when she stands up.

  Wirth notices her hesitation and says, “Go,” like she needs a verbal push to get her legs to move.

  But it works. Maisie walks away from us. And, now, we’re all alone.

  I’m sure Wirth doesn’t want to hear my apologies. And I doubt they would help anyway.

  So, instead of asking for forgiveness again, I just blurt out, “I miss you.”

  He wasn’t expecting those words to come out of my mouth, and when he glances at me, he looks as anxious as his sister did a minute ago.

  “I mean it,” I tell him. “Nothing feels right.”

  “I know,” he says.

  If he feels that way, too, then why hasn’t he tried to come home? Why has he stayed away?

  “What can I do, Wirth? I didn’t mean to screw us up.” My voice is shaky, and I can barely get the words out without crying. But, now that I’ve said them, I’m relieved I did.

  When he doesn’t respond, I decide to tell him more.

  “I miss walking to work with you. And knowing you’re just a few feet away while I dance. I’m so nervous every time I go to the studio, but then I remember that I have you, and I settle down. I haven’t been able to settle down since you left.”

  “You’re a great dancer, Chandler. You were before you got here, and you’ll still be, no matter what happens.”

  That’s not the response I was hoping for, so I try again.

  “Moving to New York scared the shit out of me, Wirth. The entire drive to the airport, I was a mess of nerves. But then something happened on that plane. I wasn’t sure I’d ever see you again, but I knew, whether I did or didn’t, that I could survive all of the changes. You gave me confidence from one kiss.”

  “That kiss changed me, too,” he admits.

  “When you showed up at the apartment, I’d never been so shocked or excited in my life. That was the first night I fell asleep with a smile. Having you on the other side of the wall was comforting.”

  “You still have Hollis on the other side.”

  He’s going to make me work for this. That’s what I deserve, but I need him to understand where my head is.

  “I don’t want Hollis. I’ve never wanted him. The only person I want touching me is you, Wirth.”

  He swallows and runs his hand over his face.

  My heart’s hammering again.

  Just say you’re coming home. Please.

  “I’m sorry, Chandler. But I’m not ready to move forward yet. My head’s still a mess.”

  “But you will be? Right?”

  “I don’t know,” he says.

  More confused than ever, I reach across the table, but he moves his hand before I have a chance to hold it.

  The rejection stings. It’s like a slap in the face from my best friend.

  He knows I’m upset because he says, “If you touch me, Chan, I won’t be able to walk out of here without you.”

  “Then, don’t.”

  He glances over his shoulder. Hollis and Maisie are having an animated conversation. There’s a cherry involved, most likely from the stash behind the bar, and Wirth quickly looks away.

  “That’s going to take some getting used to,” he jokes.

  I almost wish they weren’t here.

  Tonight was about putting Wirth and me back together, and so far, that hasn’t happened.

  “I understand you aren’t ready to be with me yet, but are you coming home at least?”

  He shakes his head.

  “Why not?”

  “Same reason I can’t touch you,” he says.

  The thought of another night without him makes my chest ache. I just want everything to go back to the way it was before Hollis screwed it all up. If that night had never happened, there’s no telling where Wirth and I might be at in our relationship.

  I’d imagine we’d be sharing a bed tonight, wrapped around each other until morning. We’d walk to work together and meet up again for lunch. After work, we’d share stories about our day over dinner and cuddle on the couch until we couldn’t keep our eyes open.

  There wouldn’t be any of this. These awkward conversations that leave me feeling like a stranger.

  “How long will you be gone?” I ask him.

  “I’m not sure.”

  I want to scream that it was just a stupid kiss. That what happened between me and Hollis doesn’t matter! But, to Wirth, it was just another mistake in a long line of betrayals.

  Still, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

  Pushing my chair away from the table, I stand up. And then I slide my arms into my coat and take one last sip of my beer.

  Wirth’s eyes land on my bare thighs. The dress is short, but that’s how I planned it. I thought he’d be coming home with me and that he’d be the one to unzip me and slide it off my body. Once it was on the floor, he’d help me step out of the fabric and guide me into bed.

  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “Good night, Wirth.”

  “Let me get you a cab,” he says in a rush.

  “I’m walking.”

  There’s no use in hurrying home. I’ll be alone anyway. Because, from the looks of it, Hollis and Maisie aren’t leaving anytime soon.

  “You’ll freeze in that dress, Chandler.”

  “I’ll be fine,” I tell him as I practically run out of the bar.

  Once I’m on the sidewalk, I gulp the cold air into my lungs. I didn’t realize I’d been suffocating inside.

  It’s only ten blocks home, I tell myself.

  But I only make it three before the sadness wins.

  Wirth

  Chandler’s just as stubborn as I am. Maybe that’s why we get along so well. Or maybe that’s what’s wrong with us.

  We might be messed up, but if she thinks I’m letting her walk all the way home in that dress, then she doesn’t know me well at all.

  As soon as I’m outside, I flag down the first empty cab that drives by. Hopping in the back, I tell the driver to catch up with the blonde walking on the sidewalk.

  He glances at me in the rearview mirror.

  “I’m not stalking her,” I tell him. “She’s my girlfriend.”

  Technically, it’s a lie, but deep down, it’s still the truth. Regardless of what she did with Hollis, I still have feelings for Chandler. I still want her. And I’m still protective as hell about it.

  “Lovers’ quarrel?” he questions with a thick New York accent.

  “Something like that.”

  He steps on the gas, and I panic. Chandler can’t see me in the back of the cab. If she does, she won’t get in. She’ll keep walking until her feet are bloody from the sexy heels she’s wearing. The same
pair I told her not to wear to the theater.

  “Slow down,” I tell the driver. “Let me out here.”

  “I thought you wanted to pick her up?” he questions.

  “I do. But I’m getting out first. When she gets in, take her home.”

  I hand him a twenty-dollar bill, way more than her fare will cost. He snatches the money out of my hand.

  I’m careful as I shut the cab door, hoping she doesn’t hear it and turn around to see who’s nearby.

  Then, I hide near some bushes and watch the driver inch toward Chandler. When he’s close enough that she can hear him, he rolls down the window. I’m sure he’s telling her to get inside, and that’s when I realize how shady this plan must look.

  Chandler declines the ride and starts walking faster.

  “Shit,” I grumble when he pulls the cab over and waves the twenty-dollar bill in the air.

  This couldn’t have gone any worse, so I run down the sidewalk, yelling Chandler’s name until I finally catch up.

  The second she sees me, she runs to me. In my attempt to protect her, I scared the shit out of her.

  “I don’t know why he’s following me,” she says.

  “Calm down, Chan. I told him to pick you up. I was just in the cab and paid him before I jumped out.”

  “Why didn’t you just stay in the cab?”

  That would have been the smart thing to do. And I’d have avoided this entire confrontation.

  Before I have a chance to explain myself, she says, “Because you didn’t want to be in the same cab as me. Or make me think you cared. Right?”

  “I do care, Chan.”

  “Not enough to take me home, obviously,” she says with so much pain lacing her voice that it guts me.

  Chandler is reading this situation all wrong. If I didn’t care, I’d have left her to walk home alone and then gone to my aunt’s house without so much as a second thought.

  But I care so much that it’s killing me to be away from Chandler. Hell, I want to go home with her right now.

  If we try again though, we need to do it with a clear head and conscience. I have to work through my bullshit, or I’ll resent what happened with Chandler and Hollis forever.

  Because all I’m doing now is hurting Chandler. And her only real offense is needing me.

  She didn’t want that kiss with Hollis.

  I know that.

  She knows that.

  Hollis even gets it. That’s why he’s out with my sister right now.

  My sister. Fuck. This keeps getting weirder.

  “Please, Chandler. Let this man take you home. You’re freezing.”

  “You don’t get to make those decisions for me,” she says. “I’m fine.”

  If she were fine, she wouldn’t be yelling at me.

  “The car. Please.”

  This time, she doesn’t fight back. She slides into the back seat and crosses her legs. Her dress rides up to the top of her stockings, and I just about combust.

  “Thank you,” I tell her.

  “If I don’t make it home, it’s on you, Wirth.”

  Chandler’s not from the city. She trusts very few people, and either she’s just being difficult or she thinks all cab drivers chop their female passengers into pieces. Regardless, the driver isn’t amused.

  He holds his hands up in the air and then turns toward me. “Get in the back,” he says. “I need a witness.”

  Considering he hasn’t taken his eyes off me since the request, I’m guessing he’s serious. I can’t blame him. We must look like a couple of crazy people.

  “Move over, Chan.”

  “Ride up front,” she grumbles.

  I walk around to the other side of the cab and get inside. The meter’s been running the length of the argument, so I’ll be lucky not to owe the driver more money by the time we get to the apartment. I don’t care though. At least she’s finally out of the cold.

  The driver pulls away from the curb, and five short minutes later, we’re at the apartment.

  Chandler climbs out before the car comes to a complete stop.

  I try to run after her, but then I realize that, if I walk away from the cab, it’ll leave. And I still need a ride back to my aunt’s house.

  “Give me a couple of minutes. I’ll be quick,” I tell the driver.

  “The meter’s running,” he says with a smile. He’s enjoying this. Probably because he’s making a fortune.

  Running to catch up with Chandler, I open the door to the building and find her inside, waiting for me. It’s unexpected, considering how quickly she got out of the car.

  “Who’s chasing who?” Fisher asks as he pulls his mail out of the mailbox. He hasn’t picked it up in so long; he has to use all his strength to unwedge it from the tiny metal box.

  Ignoring him, I point toward the stairs. “Go up, Chan. I’m not leaving until you’re in the apartment.”

  “Please don’t call me that,” she says.

  “Why? That’s your name.”

  “My name is Chandler.”

  “I didn’t realize it bugged you. I’m sorry.”

  “It doesn’t bother me, Wirth. What bugs me is the way you’re saying it—like we’re fine. Like you’re still mine.”

  The thought of Chandler with anyone else makes me insane. So, I guess she still is mine regardless of titles or the fact that I’m not living here.

  “Drama,” Fisher whispers as he sneaks by and wraps his arm around Chandler’s shoulders.

  She leans her head against his chest and takes the first two steps on the staircase alongside him.

  I hate that he’s touching her. I hate it even more that she lets him.

  “My bed or yours?” Fisher says loud enough to piss me off.

  I know what he’s doing, and hell if it doesn’t work.

  I take the stairs two at a time until I catch up to them.

  “Hands off, Fisher.”

  “Am I bothering you?” he questions with a smirk.

  “You fucking know you’re bothering me. Go home.”

  Laughing, he continues walking alongside Chandler—without touching her—until we’re in front of the apartment. Then, he hugs her and smiles.

  That one smile has me wondering just how much they’ve been talking since I’ve been away.

  But she’s not focused on Fisher anymore. He’s in his apartment, and Chandler’s looking up at me with her big blue eyes.

  “Are you staying?” she asks.

  “Unlock the door, Chandler.”

  I have my keys, but I need her to do it.

  Her hand shakes as she slides the key inside the hole. It’s so quiet; I can practically hear the metal teeth turn the lock.

  Chandler pushes the door open and looks over her shoulder. Her lashes flutter, and she bites her lip. Without saying a word, she tells me to come inside.

  “Chandler,” I warn.

  I’m hanging on by a thread, and she knows it.

  “Why aren’t you calling me Chan?” she questions adorably.

  “Because you told me not to.”

  “Since when do you listen to me?”

  Laughing, I take a step toward her. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

  She nods and licks her lips. “Are you staying the night?”

  I should say no. I should walk away and get back in the cab because I’m racking up a hell of a bill, standing here, looking at her. But she’s so damn beautiful, and the second she unbuttons her coat and lets it fall to the floor, I realize just how much I need her. And that scares the shit out of me.

  “I should go,” I tell her.

  She’s not buying it and takes a step closer. “Don’t leave,” she whispers.

  The willpower I’ve managed to possess over the past couple of days vanishes. Suddenly, I’m just a guy standing in front of a girl with no more self-control.

  “My bed or yours?” I ask her.

  With a completely straight face, she cocks her head to the side and says, “Isn’t that Fi
sher’s line?”

  She wants to play dirty.

  Chandler

  Wirth kicks the door closed and then grabs my hand, pulling me down the hallway. He spins me around in the middle of my bedroom and gives me one of his looks. His eyes are as intense as I’ve ever seen them. And they’re focused on my mouth.

  “Just kiss me, Wirth. Don’t think about anything else.”

  He pulls me against him, and I can feel just how much he wants me.

  Wirth isn’t normally a rough guy, but right now, he’s digging his fingers into my arms like he’s trying to convince himself that he can do this. That, if he holds on tight enough, the guilt inside of me will clash with the pain inside of him, and then we’ll both be free to move on.

  “Can I have you?” he asks.

  “Isn’t that why you came inside?”

  He stops moving. Maybe even breathing.

  And then he’s all hands and mouth, picking me up and wrapping my legs around his body. My dress rides up to my waist, and my entire ass is hanging out. He must catch a glimpse in the mirror because he growls just before tossing me into the center of the bed.

  He hovers over top of me, searching my face. I pray he finds what he’s looking for because I can’t wait much longer. I need him to see me and only me, not what I’ve done in the past.

  “How did we get here?” he questions.

  I’m not sure if he’s asking about our time apart or the fact that we’re lying in bed, about to have sex. I choose to focus on the now and leave everything else in the past, where it belongs.

  “A couple of plane tickets,” I remind him as I reach up and unbutton his pants.

  “Are you sure about this, Chan?”

  “I’ve never been more certain about anything.”

  He exhales as I tug his pants down along with his boxers. And then his entire body tenses as I lick my lips.

  “I won’t last if you do that,” he says.

  “Do what?”

  “You know what you’re doing.”

  I’m well aware I’m teasing him. “I intend to follow through, Wirth.”

  He groans and then pushes my dress out of the way. He gets caught up in the fabric, eventually, wrapping his thumbs around the sides of my panties and sliding them down my legs. They get tossed on the floor next to his shirt.