The Struggles of Brown, Jones, and Robinson

by Anthony Trollope

  CHAPTER X.

  SHOWING HOW THE FIRM INVENTED A NEW SHIRT.

  It has already been said that those four men in armour, on theproduction of whom Robinson had especially prided himself, weredispensed with after the first fortnight. This, no doubt, was broughtabout through the parsimony of Mr. Brown, but in doing so he wasaided by a fortuitous circumstance. One of the horses trampled on achild near the Bank, and then the police and press interfered. Atfirst the partners were very unhappy about the child, for it wasreported to them that the poor little fellow would die. Mr. Brownwent to see it, and ascertained that the mother knew how to make themost of the occurrence;--and so, after a day or two, did the firm.The Jupiter daily newspaper took the matter up, and lashed outvigorously at what it was pleased to call the wickedness as well asabsurdity of such a system of advertising; but as the little boywas not killed, nor indeed seriously hurt, the firm was able tomake capital out of the Jupiter, by sending a daily bulletin fromMagenta House as to the state of the child's health. For a week thenewspapers inserted these, and allowed the firm to explain that theysupplied nourishing food, and paid the doctor's bill; but at the endof the week the editor declined any further correspondence. Mr. Brownthen discontinued his visits; but the child's fortune had been madeby gifts from a generous public, and the whole thing had acted as anexcellent unpaid advertisement. Now, it is well understood by alltrades that any unpaid advertisement is worth twenty that have costmoney.

  In this way the men in armour were put down, but they will be longremembered by the world of Bishopsgate Street. That they cost moneyis certain. "Whatever we do," said Mr. Brown, "don't let's have anymore horses. You see, George, they're always a-eating!" He could notunderstand that it was nothing, though the horses had eaten gildedoats, so long as there were golden returns.

  The men in armour, however, were put down, as also was the car ofFame. One horse only was left in the service of the firm, and thiswas an ancient creature that had for many years belonged to thebutter establishment in Smithfield. By this animal a light but largewooden frame was dragged about, painted Magenta on its four sides,and bearing on its various fronts different notices as to thebusiness of the house. A boy stood uncomfortably in the centre,driving the slow brute by means of reins which were inserted throughthe apertures of two of the letters; through another letter abovethere was a third hole for his eyes, and, shut up in this prison, hewas enjoined to keep moving throughout the day. This he did at theslowest possible pace, and thus he earned five shillings a week. Thearrangement was one made entirely by Mr. Brown, who himself struckthe bargain with the boy's father. Mr. Robinson was much ashamed ofthis affair, declaring that it would be better to abstain altogetherfrom advertising in that line than to do it in so ignoble a manner;but Mr. Brown would not give way, and the magenta box was draggedabout the streets till it was altogether shattered and in pieces.

  Stockings was the article in which, above all others, Mr. Brown wasdesirous of placing his confidence. "George," said he, "all the worldwears stockings; but those who require African monkey muffs are incomparison few in number. I know Legg and Loosefit of the Poultry,and I'll purchase a stock." He went to Legg and Loosefit and didpurchase a stock, absolutely laying out a hundred pounds of readymoney for hosiery, and getting as much more on credit. Stockings isan article on which considerable genius might be displayed by anyhouse intending to do stockings, and nothing else; but taken up inthis small way by such a firm as that of 81, Bishopsgate Street, itwas simply embarrassing. "Now you can say something true in youradvertisements," said Mr. Brown, with an air of triumph, when theinvoice of the goods arrived.

  "True!" said Robinson. He would not, however, sneer at his partner,so he retreated to his own room, and went to work. "Stockings!" saidhe to himself. "There is no room for ambition in it! But the word'Hose' does not sound amiss." And then he prepared that small book,with silk magenta covers and silvery leaves, which he called _The NewMiracle!_

  The whole world wants stockings, [he began, not disdaining to take his very words from Mr. Brown]--and Brown, Jones, and Robinson are prepared to supply the whole world with the stockings which they want. The following is a list of some of the goods which are at present being removed from the river to the premises at Magenta House, in Bishopsgate Street. B., J., and R. affix the usual trade price of the article, and the price at which they are able to offer them to the public.

  One hundred and twenty baskets of ladies' Spanish hose,--usual price, 1_s._ 3_d._; sold by B., J., and R. at 9-3/4_d._

  "Baskets!" said Mr. Brown, when he read the little book.

  "It's all right," said Robinson. "I have been at the trouble to learnthe trade language."

  Four hundred dozen white cotton hose,--usual price, 1_s._ 0-1/2_d._; sold by B., J., and R. at 7-1/4_d._

  Eight stack of China and pearl silk hose,--usual price, 3_s._; sold by B., J., and R. for 1_s._ 9-3/4_d._

  Fifteen hundred dozen of Balbriggan,--usual price, 1_s._ 6_d._; sold by B., J., and R. for 10-1/2_d._

  It may not, perhaps, be necessary to continue the whole listhere; but as it was read aloud to Mr. Brown, he sat aghast withastonishment. "George!" said he, at last, "I don't like it. It makesme quite afeard. It does indeed."

  "And why do you not like it?" said Robinson, quietly laying down themanuscript, and putting his hand upon it. "Does it want vigour?"

  "No; it does not want vigour."

  "Does it fail to be attractive? Is it commonplace?"

  "It is not that I mean," said Mr. Brown. "But--"

  "Is it not simple? The articles are merely named, with their prices."

  "But, George, we haven't got 'em. We couldn't hold such a quantity.And if we had them, we should be ruined to sell them at such pricesas that. I did want to do a genuine trade in stockings."

  "And so you shall, sir. But how will you begin unless you attractyour customers?"

  "You have put your prices altogether too low," said Jones. "It standsto reason you can't sell them for the money. You shouldn't have putthe prices at all;--it hampers one dreadful. You don't know what itis to stand down there among 'em all, and tell 'em that the cheapthings haven't come."

  "Say that they've all been sold," said Robinson.

  "It's just the same," argued Jones. "I declare last Saturday night Ididn't think my life was safe in the crowd."

  "And who brought that crowd to the house?" demanded Robinson. "Whohas filled the shop below with such a throng of anxious purchasers?"

  "But, George," said Mr. Brown, "I should like to have one of thesebills true, if only that one might show it as a sample when thepeople talk to one."

  "True!" said Robinson, again. "You wish that it should be true! Inthe first place, did you ever see an advertisement that contained thetruth? If it were as true as heaven, would any one believe it? Was itever supposed that any man believed an advertisement? Sit down andwrite the truth, and see what it will be! The statement will showitself of such a nature that you will not dare to publish it. Thereis the paper, and there the pen. Take them, and see what you can makeof it."

  "I do think that somebody should be made to believe it," said Jones.

  "You do!" and Robinson, as he spoke, turned angrily at the other."Did you ever believe an advertisement?" Jones, in self-defence,protested that he never had. "And why should others be more simplethan you? No man,--no woman believes them. They are not lies; for itis not intended that they should obtain credit. I should despise theman who attempted to base his advertisements on a system of facts,as I would the builder who lays his foundation upon the sand. Thegroundwork of advertising is romance. It is poetry in its veryessence. Is Hamlet true?"

  "I really do not know," said Mr. Brown.

  "There is no man, to my thinking, so false," continued Robinson, "ashe who in trade professes to be true. He deceives, or endeavours todo so. I do not. No one will believe that we have fifteen hundreddozen of Balbriggan."

  "Nobody will," said Mr. Brown.
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  "But yet that statement will have its effect. It will produce custom,and bring grist to our mill without any dishonesty on our part.Advertisements are profitable, not because they are believed, butbecause they are attractive. Once understand that, and you will ceaseto ask for truth." Then he turned himself again to his work andfinished his task without further interruption.

  "You shall sell your stockings, Mr. Brown," he said to the seniormember of the firm, about three days after that.

  "Indeed, I hope so."

  "Look here, sir!" and then he took Mr. Brown to the window. Therestood eight stalwart porters, divided into two parties of four each,and on their shoulders they bore erect, supported on painted frames,an enormous pair of gilded, embroidered, brocaded, begartered woodenstockings. On the massive calves of these was set forth a statementof the usual kind, declaring that "Brown, Jones, and Robinson, of 81,Bishopsgate Street, had just received 40,000 pairs of best Frenchsilk ladies' hose direct from Lyons."

  "And now look at the men's legs," said Robinson. Mr. Brown didlook, and perceived that they were dressed in magenta-colouredknee-breeches, with magenta-coloured stockings. They were gorgeousin their attire, and at this moment they were starting from the doorin different directions. "Perhaps you will tell me that that is nottrue?"

  "I will say nothing about it for the future," said Mr. Brown.

  "It is not true," continued Robinson; "but it is a work of fiction,in which I take leave to think that elegance and originality arecombined."

  "We ought to do something special in shirts," said Jones, a few daysafter this. "We could get a few dozen from Hodges, in King Street,and call them Eureka."

  "Couldn't we have a shirt of our own?" said Mr. Robinson. "Couldn'tyou invent a shirt, Mr. Jones?" Jones, as Robinson looked him fullin the face, ran his fingers through his scented hair, and said thathe would consult his wife. Before the day was over, however, thefollowing notice was already in type:--

  MANKIND IN A STATE OF BLISS!

  BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON have sincere pleasure in presenting to the Fashionable World their new KATAKAIRION SHIRT, in which they have thoroughly overcome the difficulties, hitherto found to be insurmountable, of adjusting the bodies of the Nobility and Gentry to an article which shall be at the same time elegant, comfortable, lasting, and cheap.

  B., J., and R.'s KATAKAIRION SHIRT, and their Katakairion Shirt alone, is acknowledged to unite these qualities.

  Six Shirts for 39_s._ 9_d._

  The Katakairion Shirt is specially recommended to Officers going to India and elsewhere, while it is at the same time eminently adapted for the Home Consumption.

  "I think I would have considered it a little more, before I committedmyself," said Jones.

  "Ah, yes; you would have consulted your wife; as I have not got one,I must depend on my own wits."

  "And are not likely to have one either," said Jones.

  "Young men, young men," said Mr. Brown, raising his handsimpressively, "if as Christians you cannot agree, at any rate you arebound to do so as partners. What is it that the Psalmist says, 'Letdogs delight, to bark and bite--.'"

  The notice as to the Katakairion shirt was printed on that day, asoriginally drawn out by Robinson, and very widely circulated on thetwo or three following mornings. A brisk demand ensued, and it wasfound that Hodges, the wholesale manufacturer, of King Street, wasable to supply the firm with an article which, when sold at 39_s._6_d._, left a comfortable profit.

  "I told you that we ought to do something special in shirts," saidJones, as though the whole merit of the transaction were his own.

  Gloves was another article to which considerable attention wasgiven;--

  BROWN, JONES, AND ROBINSON have made special arrangements with the glove manufacturers of Worcestershire, and are now enabled to offer to the public English-sewn Worcester gloves, made of French kid, at a price altogether out of the reach of any other house in the trade.

  B., J., and R. boldly defy competition.

  When that notice was put up in front of the house, none of the firmexpected that any one would believe in their arrangement with theWorcestershire glove-makers. They had no such hope, and no such wish.What gloves they sold, they got from the wholesale houses in St.Paul's Churchyard, quite indifferent as to the county in which theywere sewn, or the kingdom from which they came. Nevertheless, theplan answered, and a trade in gloves was created.

  But perhaps the pretty little dialogues which were circulated aboutthe town, did more than anything else to make the house generallyknown to mothers and their families.

  "Mamma, mamma, I have seen such a beautiful sight!"

  one of them began.

  "My dearest daughter, what was it?"

  "I was walking home through the City, with my kind cousin Augustus, and he took me to that wonderfully handsome and extraordinarily large new shop, just opened by those enterprising men, Brown, Jones, and Robinson, at No. 81, Bishopsgate Street. They call it 'Nine Times Nine, or Magenta House.'"

  "My dearest daughter, you may well call it wonderful. It is the wonder of the age. Brown, Jones, and Robinson sell everything; but not only that,--they sell everything good; and not only that--they sell everything cheap. Whenever your wants induce you to make purchases, you may always be sure of receiving full value for your money at the house of Brown, Jones, and Robinson."

  In this way, by efforts such as these, which were never allowedto flag for a single hour,--by a continued series of originalcomposition which, as regards variety and striking incidents, was,perhaps, never surpassed,--a great and stirring trade was establishedwithin six months of the opening day. By this time Mr. Brown hadlearned to be silent on the subject of advertising, and had beenbrought to confess, more than once, that the subject was beyond hiscomprehension.

  "I am an old man, George," he said once, "and all this seems to benew."

  "If it be not new, it is nothing," answered Robinson.

  "I don't understand it," continued the old man; "I don't pretend tounderstand it; I only hope that it's right."

  The conduct which Jones was disposed to pursue gave much moretrouble. He was willing enough to allow Robinson to have his ownway, and to advertise in any shape or manner, but he was desirous ofhimself doing the same thing. It need hardly be pointed out here thatthis was a branch of trade for which he was peculiarly unsuited, andthat his productions would be stale, inadequate, and unattractive.Nevertheless, he persevered, and it was only by direct interferenceat the printer's, that the publication of documents was preventedwhich would have been fatal to the interests of the firm.

  "Do I meddle with you in the shop?" Robinson would say to him.

  "You haven't the personal advantages which are required for meetingthe public," Jones would answer.

  "Nor have you the mental advantages without which originalcomposition is impossible."

  In spite of all these difficulties a considerable trade wasestablished within six months, and the shop was usually crowded. As adrawback to this, the bills at the printer's and at the stationer'shad become very heavy, and Robinson was afraid to disclose theiramount to his senior partner. But nevertheless he persevered. "Faintheart never won fair lady," he repeated to himself, over and overagain,--the fair lady for whom his heart sighed being at this timeCommercial Success.

  _Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum._ That should be the motto of the house. Hefailed, however, altogether in making it intelligible to Mr. Brown.