Listen to Your Heart

by Becky Harmon

  She stepped back, knowing she needed to put distance between them, or things would move faster than she wanted. She was barely able to resist the feel of Jemini’s body under her hands again.

  “I guess I should go.” Jemini’s words sounded reluctant, and Steph wished she could say no.

  “Right. Me too.”

  Jemini quickly opened her door and slid inside the car. Steph took another step back, pushing the door closed and leaning on the open window frame.

  “Good night, Deputy.” Jemini tapped the gas and the Mercedes pulled back onto the road.

  Steph watched the taillights disappear before climbing into her cruiser. She was a little shocked at her own behavior. Never had she kissed a woman while on duty and certainly never like that. She seemed to have no resistance to Jemini. Even now she longed to feel her again. She made a U-turn, driving back toward town. She hoped Jemini was headed back to Lake View for another night. She had forgotten to ask, but she knew she couldn’t follow her to find out. She had to be patient and give Jemini room to make her own decisions. She radioed dispatch that she would be making a swing through town before heading again to the Pace residence.

  Chapter Eight

  Jemini pulled to the side of the road and rested her head against the steering wheel. Her lips felt hot and bruised. She couldn’t believe how easily she had given in to Stephanie’s touch again. She prided herself on always maintaining control, but she had to admit Stephanie had been calling all the shots. It was bit unnerving that she and Stephanie couldn’t carry on a conversation without arguing or kissing.

  Why had Stephanie kissed her again? Maybe she shouldn’t lay all the blame on her. She had to admit that she had wanted to feel Stephanie’s lips on hers again. She hadn’t been able to think about anything else since that moment. There was no way that she was the first woman Stephanie had ever kissed. Could there be a future for them together? She sighed. There would be no future if they couldn’t talk. Stephanie had to tell her what happened after she left all those years ago. They had to clear the air between them before they could move forward.

  The truth was she had spent her whole life searching for what Stephanie had just made her feel. Most women, even Robin, were comfortable companions, but there was never the physical connection. Stephanie’s kiss evoked feelings in her she couldn’t even describe. Stephanie. She sighed again. Too bad their paths had led them to this point. She would never see her again once the house was sold.

  * * *

  Steph parked several blocks away from the Pace residence and dialed Sondra. She told her she would be outside periodically through the night but to call dispatch immediately if she heard anything. She attached an earpiece to her radio, turning the volume down low and quietly left her cruiser. She made a wide circle first and then moved in closer, making sure there was no one around the house. She settled quietly onto one of the chairs on the back porch.

  The night was still and warm and she allowed herself to decompress from the day. Leaning her head against the back of the chair, she tried to identify the sounds of the night animals as they settled in around her. The chirp of a cricket or a toad. The occasional screech of a night owl on the prowl for food. She didn’t have any doubt that if someone tried to come close to the house, she would be able to tell when the sounds around her went silent.

  She replayed her memories with Jemini like a movie in her mind. The earlier unexpected kiss and then tonight’s intentional one. She could feel Jemini pulling her closer and responding with fervor. The way Jemini’s lips had felt against her own was a sensation she had never experienced. It made her head spin.

  She shook off her sudden craving for the taste of Cherry Sours candy. She had to be realistic about this. Jemini lived in Chattanooga and she didn’t want to move to Riverview. It seemed there was nothing Steph could do to change her mind. She reminded herself that Jemini had a life in another town. One that possibly included a partner. It seemed unlikely a woman as beautiful as she was would be alone. Until today, she might have believed that partner was a male, but after their kiss, she was pretty sure they had at least one thing in common.

  She glanced at her watch. She needed to move before she fell asleep. Apparently whoever had made the tracks around Sondra’s house wasn’t going to show his or her face tonight. She moved silently off the porch and circled the house as she had when she approached over two hours ago. No sign of anyone. Next time she would come in the early hours of the morning. She had hoped to catch a teenager looking for a peep show, but someone who came after the members of the house were asleep was only looking for trouble.

  She rubbed her face as she slid behind the wheel. Her car smelled like grilled cheese. She unwrapped the sandwich, eating half of it. At the convenience store, she threw out the remaining grilled cheese and picked up a fresh cup of coffee. As an afterthought while standing at the checkout counter, she grabbed a bag of Cherry Sours. She wasn’t sure she could eat them, but her mouth watered at the thought. She made another pass through town and around Sondra Pace’s residence before returning to her office.

  The old stone building housed the Riverview City Council as well as the Sheriff’s Department. At night the doors were locked and there was no receptionist in the lobby, so she used her key to open the front door. With only two deputies on this shift, it was quiet in the building. She went straight to her office, dropped the bag of candy on her desk, and sat down, pulling the first file from the stack in front of her. She had about two hours left on her shift and without interruption she would be able to clear this entire stack.

  When for the third time in an hour she found herself staring at the bag of candy instead of the open file in front of her, she reached out and pulled the bag toward her, ripping the cellophane open. She popped a bright red ball in her mouth and shivered at the sour taste as her teeth crunched the hard candy shell. How does Jemini eat this crap? She took a sip of coffee, hoping to wash the taste out of her mouth, but it only made it worse. She grabbed a spare toothbrush from her desk and went into the bathroom where she scrubbed her teeth. She made a fresh pot of coffee, pouring herself a cup without sugar or creamer, and savored the bitter taste.

  She dropped the bag of candy on a coworker’s desk, where they would be better appreciated, and left the building. Tonight she was not going to be productive, so she would drive around until her shift ended. As she passed the path to the old railroad trestle, she realized her thoughts of Jemini were no longer of the bugs and ice cream of the past, but passionate, heart-stopping kisses and images of muscular legs with smooth, soft brown skin. She was happy when she heard the next shift radio dispatch that they were on duty and she radioed that she was headed home. She fell into bed, her clothes in a pile on the floor, her last thought the taste of sour cherry in her mouth and the feel of Jemini’s lips on hers.

  * * *

  Jemini carried her suitcase and laptop out to her car. She had placed them in the backseat of her Mercedes when Kathleen appeared beside the porch.

  “I’ve been watching for you,” Kathleen explained. “Do you mind?”

  “Of course not.” Jemini was surprised at her answer and even more surprised that it was true. She had enjoyed their walks and was looking forward to having her private sounding board again this morning. She did worry about Kathleen’s relationship with Stephanie, and she didn’t want to disclose that they had kissed. Not only once but twice in the same day. “I need to get on the road soon.”

  “Do I hear a ‘but’ coming,” Kathleen asked.

  “But.” She smiled as Kathleen guided their steps toward the lakeside path. “I wanted to talk with you first. I met Agnes yesterday and she didn’t seem happy to have me around.”

  “That’s strange since she told Steph to convince you to stay.”

  “She did?”

  “Yes, I’ve been told it was what Dorothy wanted.”

  Jemini took a deep breath. Why would Dorothy want that? Twenty years ago, Dorothy’s words to her mom ha
d been clear. She could live any lifestyle she chose but not under her roof. Being a lesbian wasn’t something Dorothy would approve of even if it meant losing her granddaughter and surrogate daughter.

  “Why would the woman who kicked us out want me to come back?” she finally asked. She wished she could but she didn’t expect Kathleen to be able to answer that question.

  “She kicked you out?”

  This was the conversation she should be having with Stephanie but hadn’t been able to. Now that she was pretty sure Stephanie had been living a secret lesbian life that Dorothy hadn’t known about, she wondered if she would ever be able to tell her the truth. Stephanie would be crushed as she and her mother had been. She knew she had piqued Kathleen’s curiosity, but this conversation would get personal way too quickly. She answered as vaguely as possible. “Well, technically my mother was kicked out and I went along for the ride.” She paused for a second before switching topics. “The real estate agent has an offer for the house.”

  “A buyer already?” Kathleen asked, letting Jemini steer the conversation.

  “Yes, but unfortunately it’s a developer, and he wants to tear down Dorothy’s house for a shopping mall. I’m going to tell him I’m not interested. I still want to sell, but it’s only going to be to someone that will allow the tenants to stay.”

  “That’s kind of you and it will be good for Agnes and Kim. I’m a little disappointed, though.”

  Jemini glanced at her in surprise.

  “I thought maybe you would move here and I could have a friend.”

  “A friend?”

  “Well, a friend of my own. Everyone I know here is friends of Cassie.”

  “Right, you haven’t lived here very long?”

  Kathleen sighed. “Almost a year. I came for the summer to supervise four girls for the City to Country program and never left. Chase had witnessed a murder and Greg brought him to stay with Cassie right before we arrived. I already liked Cassie but seeing her in that role told me what an honest and sincere person she was. I fell in love immediately and didn’t want to leave.”

  “Wait, did you just say Chase had witnessed a murder? That little boy I saw yesterday morning?”

  “He was in the Alabama foster system and had been placed with a husband and wife that were selling drugs. The dealer came after his money and made an example out of the husband. Chase was watching from his bedroom and then hid in his closet until they left.”

  “Wow, that’s crazy. I thought I dealt with bad cases in Chattanooga. Is he doing okay?”

  “He is. He and Cassie go to counseling every week. Cassie is great with him. Even Steph spent a lot of time with him last fall. Oh, I didn’t mention that the dealer sent a thug to kill Chase after Greg brought him here.”

  “Here at the farm? Your life has been like a television show.”

  Kathleen nodded. “Chase led the murderer into the woods. It took Cassie and Steph along with the sheriff’s department and a search and rescue team most of the night to find him. That might have been the moment I knew I was never going to leave. When he was missing, I couldn’t think right. Then Cassie went to look for him and I didn’t have either of them. Thank goodness for Shelley, Dillon’s wife. Dillon is our full-time cowboy. Shelley helped me put things in perspective about Cassie. I already knew in my heart that I was attached. I just didn’t know how much or how to move forward.”

  “Wasn’t it hard to leave your job and life behind? What about friends?”

  “I didn’t have any close friends to walk away from. I do miss my job sometimes, but I have enough going on with Chase and Greg. Occasionally I hear from some of the kids that I took care of back then. Honestly, my life with Cassie is everything I could have ever wanted. She is a wonderful woman.”

  “But your life is not your own.” Jemini grimaced. “I didn’t mean that to sound as horrible as it did. I only meant that you gave up everything to run this resort with Cassie. Don’t you miss the life you worked so hard to create?”

  “I understand what you’re asking and the answer is no. I have everything I could ever want here. I could’ve kept my career and traveled to Pensacola for work. But why? I love waking up every day with Cassie and the life we share. I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

  Jemini struggled to make Kathleen’s words match her own life. Could she be happy in Riverview with Stephanie? Or without her? Her career had always been her life and she had worked hard to be where she was. Could she give it all up?

  “I hope that no matter what happens you will still visit,” Kathleen said with a smile.

  “I’d like that. This place is beautiful and I’ve enjoyed your company too.”

  “What has Steph said about your decision to sell?”

  “I want something more permanent.” Stephanie’s words echoed through her mind. Did Stephanie really want something more permanent? And did she want it with her? She couldn’t really think about that right now. Maybe she could hope for a chance to have a real conversation with Stephanie. One that involved talking.

  “She only cared that I was still selling the house and I didn’t get a chance to tell her that I would make sure the new owner would allow the tenants to stay.”

  Jemini had guided their walk back toward her car. She needed to get on the road if she wanted to have time to talk with Karen before the hearing.

  “Maybe you can tell her tonight. You’ll be back for the cookout, right?” Kathleen asked.

  “I’m going to try. My hearing is at one so unless the judge has a lot to say we should be out of there by two.”

  “Whatever time you get here will be fine. I’m just glad you’re coming back.”

  She was too. She only hoped that Stephanie would be glad too.

  * * *

  Jemini tried to feel excited about returning home, but even the view of Chattanooga in the distance didn’t seem as welcoming as it normally did. The city that she called home seemed cold and foreign to her today. Chattanooga had been the first big town she and her mother had come to the day they left Dorothy’s house. It had felt so large to her that day after being in Riverview. When her mother asked if she wanted to stay here, she had said yes. There were plenty of mountains and trees surrounding Chattanooga. Everything a young tomboy could want. Except her best friend.

  She had made new friends but never allowed them to get as close as Stephanie had been. In the back of her mind, she was always waiting for her mother to decide it was time to move again. She knew her heart couldn’t take that kind of a loss for a second time. She had picked up and dropped friends like the rocks in her backyard, never holding onto one for any period of time.

  The little house with the yard her mother had found for them had been perfect, but as soon as she graduated from college she’d found an apartment in the heart of the city. Her body had craved something different from Riverview. She wanted the old brick and steel buildings to surround her. To feel their strength and power in her life every day. When she finally had enough money to search for something better to call her own, she went straight for the cold edges of the city’s modern steel condos. There was no doorman there to remember her name each night when she came home from work, only an electronic scanner that recognized her keycard. There was no one to say good-bye to each morning. And no one to break her heart when they left.

  Her condominium was located on the tenth floor of a fifteen-story building. Walking around its sparsely decorated rooms, she tried to spot something that made it feel like home. It just felt cold and lonely. She wondered if other people saw her life that way as well. Would Stephanie?

  She was tired of being alone, Jemini decided. She wanted someone to fill the emptiness in her life. Someone she could trust to share her life. She didn’t know, though, if Stephanie was the one who could fill that void. Or if she would even want to try.

  It was crazy how solid her life had seemed barely a week ago, everything moving along smoothly until the call from Mr. Cross changed it all. She no long
er felt comfortable here. The strangest part for her was how many times in the last couple of days she had insisted she could not leave this life. What exactly was she holding on to? She wasn’t really sure anymore. As she filled her suitcase with clean clothes, she steadfastly avoided thinking about how long she planned to stay in Riverview. She quickly grabbed her bags and returned to her car.

  The drive from her condo to her office was less than two miles, but early afternoon traffic was out in full force. She was able to avoid the heavy congestion on Interstate 24 and deal with only local traffic once she got to Georgia Avenue. Hanging her permit from the mirror, she found a parking spot in the garage beneath the courthouse. The prestigious law office of Thompson, Myers, and Rivers was located just across the street. In fact, she could look out her office window and into one of the many offices assigned to county judges.

  She was waved around the metal detector on the first floor and headed straight to the elevator. She’d only been away for a day, but since she’d never missed a day before and was around most weekends, the security staff at the office appeared to feel the need to welcome her back. She exited the elevator on the eighth floor and gave a wave to the firm’s receptionist, who was engaged with a client on the phone.