Listen to Your Heart

by Becky Harmon

  “You know I love my job, right?”

  “I do and I’m glad, but I’ll always worry. Back to the original conversation. So, you do like her then?”

  “I like her,” she answered without thinking. Kathleen was easy to talk to and this wasn’t the first time she had ever revealed more than she wanted to. When she was coming over every evening to interview Chase after his ordeal, she and Kathleen had had long conversations about raising children. As well as her own desire to one day have a child. These were things she would never say to Cassie. As far as anyone else was concerned, she didn’t want children or even a spouse to smother her. And mostly that was true. Jemini’s entrance into her life had certainly made her start thinking about what her life could be like if she was willing to let someone in.

  “So, what do you think about tonight?” Kathleen asked.

  “I’m in, if you can convince Jemini.”

  “Leave that to me,” Kathleen said with an evil grin.

  * * *

  The smile was stuck on Jemini’s face as she turned into Lake View and spotted Stephanie’s truck. She was later than she had hoped to be and it appeared the cookout was in full swing. There were quite a few people standing around the brick grill, but it only took her a second to locate Stephanie. Her hands in the pockets of her cargo shorts, she was leaning against a nearby picnic table. Her blond hair was in its usual ponytail, and she looked relaxed but she had seen Stephanie turn her head to follow the car’s path.

  She pulled her eyes away long enough to park her car and then joined the group. She gave Stephanie what she hoped was a casual nod and listened attentively while Kathleen introduced her to the others standing around. Her eyes kept returning to Stephanie and she was pleased to see she was looking at her each time too. She couldn’t help but frown when she noticed the discoloration on Stephanie’s cheek. Stephanie noticed her looking and shrugged. She took that to mean it wasn’t anything serious, but she still had to force herself to resist the urge to check her for additional damage. At the first opportunity to escape politely, she moved away from the group, walking toward the water before she did something to embarrass herself and Stephanie.

  During the drive from Chattanooga, she had almost convinced herself that her feelings for Stephanie weren’t really as intense as she was feeling, but seeing her again had sent her heart racing. Selling the house was an absolute necessity. She couldn’t take care of that much property, and she was pretty sure she didn’t want to live in Dorothy’s house. However, selling the house didn’t mean she couldn’t spend time in Riverview. She wasn’t sure she was completely serious when she asked Karen if she would be willing to move with her, but the idea was starting to take shape in her mind.

  Her gaze drifted to the two boys filling their plates at the table. The heaping piles of food looked ready to fall on both sides. She saw Cassie moving closer to them and she expected her to assist them, but she didn’t. Her fingers absently played with Chase’s hair when she passed him and he turned to follow her, cradling his plate in both hands. Cassie had confidence in Chase’s ability even though he was small and because of that she allowed him the space to be himself. Though Chase still chose to be close to her it was out of love, Jemini could tell, and not because he needed something from her.

  Her heart warmed even more when she saw Brandon choose a seat beside Stephanie. It was sweet the way she stopped eating and helped him settle his plate on the table. She passed him the bottle of water Cassie had brought over for them and watched to make sure he could get it open before returning to her own plate. When Brandon wrinkled his nose at something on Stephanie’s plate, she offered him a bite. He must have liked it because Stephanie gave him a scoop from her plate.

  She had never thought about having children. No one she had dated ever seemed like they would be around long enough to make a family. And then there was her work. She had plenty of surrogate children from her cases but none who would seek her out first as Chase had Cassie. Or even as Brandon had done to Stephanie. She was glad she had broken up with Robin. They had both known there was no future there, and now she could dream about the possibilities. Not that she necessarily wanted children, but she did at least want someone who would welcome her home. She was tired of coming home to the emptiness that haunted her condo.

  “Are you hiding from our guests?” Kathleen asked with a smile as she walked toward her.

  “Not hiding. Just stretching my legs.”

  “That’s understandable. How was your trip? Other than fast. How long is that drive?”

  “About three or four hours, depending which way I go. Through Atlanta is faster, but traffic is heavier. The trip went well and I got everything I asked for from the judge.”

  “That’s great, but speaking of getting everything you asked for, I’ve been hounding Cassie for weeks for a night out. Would you like to get away for a while tonight?”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Cassie, Steph, and I are going to a lesbian bar in Pensacola.”

  Jemini’s mind froze and she was glad her gaze had been locked on the fountain of water in the middle of the lake in front of her. Could she handle an evening at a dark bar with Stephanie? She wanted to and, really, nothing else mattered. The idea of having an excuse to be close to Stephanie without having to make any decisions for the night was a wonderful thought.

  “So, what do you think?” Kathleen asked, reminding her she was still waiting for an answer.

  “Sure. It sounds like fun.”

  “Excellent. We’ll leave around eight. Cassie will need a shower after standing over the grill, but she’s fast.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  Kathleen nodded toward the group. “Ready to join everyone again? The food is getting cold.”

  She looped her arm through Kathleen’s and fell into step beside her. The burgers, hot dogs, and steaks were sitting on a nearby table, and Kathleen left her to fill her plate. She willingly took the empty seat beside Stephanie and listened to her tell police stories. Everyone laughed when she explained what had caused her bruised cheek. She tried to avoid looking at her while they ate, but when her leg accidentally brushed against Stephanie’s, she didn’t move it. The pressure was comforting and she liked the feel of the heat from touching her thigh. Stephanie didn’t seem to mind the contact either. Tonight was going to be interesting.

  Chapter Ten

  Steph hadn’t noticed Cassie sneak off to the shower, but she saw her return with wet hair. The cookout was winding down and she watched her moving through the remaining guests as she said goodnight to each of them. She looked down at her cargo shorts and was pleased to see no stains. She was glad she had chosen a blouse rather than a T-shirt. Cassie wore cargo shorts too and when Jemini and Kathleen appeared from the house a few moments later they also wore shorts.

  “Ready to go?” Kathleen asked, threading her arm through Steph’s.

  “How about if I drive my truck?” Steph suggested.

  “Oh, I like that idea. I’ve never been in the backseat with Cassie.”

  Steph shook her head. “I’ll put you both out if you fog up my windows.”

  Kathleen laughed and slid her other arm through Jemini’s as they walked toward Steph’s truck.

  “Want me to go grab Cassie?” Steph asked when she noticed Cassie was still talking with some guests.

  “No, I’ll rescue her.” Kathleen slid out from between them, placing Jemini’s hand on Steph’s arm. Jemini didn’t pull away, and Steph squeezed her elbow against her body, holding Jemini’s hand tightly. When they reached the truck, she pulled open the front passenger door and held it while Jemini climbed inside.

  “Wait, I’m not driving?” Cassie stopped at Steph’s truck. “We’ll be more comfortable in my SUV.”

  “Just get in, Cassie.” Kathleen nudged her. “I want you in the backseat.”

  Cassie shrugged and climbed in behind Kathleen.

  “What were the boys doing when you went in t
o shower?” Kathleen asked Cassie.

  “Greg was making a frozen pizza and the boys already had sheets spread across the living room.”

  “Sheets?” Jemini asked, turning to look at Cassie and Kathleen.

  “Chase likes to make clubhouses out of sheets. That’s probably where they’ll sleep tonight. It’s like a tent,” Kathleen explained.

  “That sounds like fun.” Jemini turned back to the front.

  “I’d build you a sheet fort if you come home with me,” Steph said softly, hoping only Jemini could hear her. The smile on Jemini’s face told her she had. So had the others.

  “I’m too old for sleeping on the floor,” Cassie moaned.

  “I don’t think you were invited, sweetheart,” Kathleen whispered loudly as she pulled Cassie’s arm across her shoulders and snuggled in against her chest.

  Steph concentrated on driving and let the others carry the conversation. She was surprised Jemini had agreed to come along and that Kathleen had confirmed she was a lesbian. It was weird because now she wasn’t sure how to act around her. She loved the way Jemini had smiled at her flirting comment and she wanted to make it happen again.

  The drive to Pink’s went quickly as she listened to Jemini and Kathleen talk about their work with children in and out of the foster care system. The laws between Florida and Tennessee seemed comparable as was the number of children being neglected. She maneuvered the truck through the streets filled with Friday night traffic. Pink’s was located in an industrial area and was the only building showing any movement at this hour. It had only been open for a couple of years and it catered to both male and female patrons. Lesbian night was Friday; the boys would take over on Saturday. Steph could only remember being here once before. It hadn’t been a pleasant night—blind dates almost never were.

  The thump-thump of music from the bar bombarded them as they crossed the parking lot. A uniformed security guard walked between the cars, a grim reminder that their sexuality was still a target for any crazy lunatic. The door at the entrance was propped open and a bouncer dressed in black met them as they approached. A 1980s Madonna song blared from behind her as she checked their driver’s licenses with a small flashlight. The neon pink lights around the door were the only sign that they might be entering a lesbian bar.

  Steph followed her instinct and took Jemini’s hand as they followed Cassie and Kathleen inside. She stopped just inside the door behind Cassie as they each took the time to absorb the atmosphere of the room and adjust to the throbbing music. Strobe lights flashed from multiple locations around the dance floor, casting an intermittent glow across the tables. Though the dance floor was already crowded, there were still a few tables open.

  Cassie leaned into Steph, speaking loudly. “We’ll get a table if you’ll grab the first round.”

  “Beer?”

  “Yep.”

  She glanced at Kathleen and Jemini, yelling over the music. “Beer?”

  They both nodded.

  She gave Jemini’s hand a squeeze before dropping it and heading to the bar. When she was finally able to reach the dark, glossy counter, she stopped and watched Jemini follow Cassie and Kathleen toward an open table. She took a few minutes to savor the idea that tonight she would be allowed to touch Jemini without worrying about the consequences. Being on a dance floor meant the imaginary boundary between them had been lifted. Then tomorrow they could go back to the way things were. The music was so loud she didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing and driving Jemini farther away. Steph felt her heart race. A part of her wished urgently that they were alone instead of in public. She turned back to the bar and waited her turn to place their drink orders.

  * * *

  Jemini’s eyes scanned the room across the faces and bodies of many women but stopped as they reached Stephanie. She couldn’t help but appreciate the way Stephanie carried herself. Her back was always straight with her head held high, but she knew it wasn’t a stiff posture. She had felt Stephanie’s body pressed against her own and she knew it was soft in all the right places. She couldn’t help but like the confidence that radiated through her. She wanted to attribute her attraction to Stephanie to lust, especially the way her blood had boiled each time Stephanie kissed her, but deep down it felt like more. She was eager to get on the dance floor and be wrapped in her embrace. Her eyes quickly found Stephanie still standing at the bar when she felt movement beside her. She glanced at the woman who now occupied Stephanie’s seat. Her gaze moved to the fresh bottle of beer on the table in front of her and then to Kathleen’s raised eyebrows.

  “You looked a little thirsty,” the dark-haired woman said, leaning closer to be heard.

  “My partner is at the bar getting our drinks.”

  The woman raised both hands. “No problem.” She glanced at Cassie and Kathleen, shrugging. “Can’t blame a girl for hitting on the most beautiful woman in the room.”

  Cassie shook her head, laughing. “Maybe that line will work on someone else tonight.”

  The woman stood and shrugged again before disappearing into the crowd.

  * * *

  “What…where?” Steph looked at the drink in front of Jemini as she set the bottles she had bought on the table.

  “Someone else was trying to hit on your girl while you were gone,” Kathleen teased.

  Anger filled Steph as she thought of anyone else touching Jemini. She reminded herself that maybe someone else’s advances weren’t unwelcome to Jemini. She needed to accept the fact that she might not be the only person dancing with Jemini tonight; she didn’t have any right to lay claim to her. She tried to keep the anger out of her voice and the sarcasm slid out instead. “Don’t let me interrupt your moves.”

  “And on that pleasant note, we’ll head for the dance floor.” Cassie pulled Kathleen to her feet. As she passed behind Steph, she leaned in and whispered, “You should know she turned her down flat.”

  Steph dropped into the seat beside Jemini. “I’m sorry. Seems my instincts aren’t working well tonight.”

  “It’s okay. How are mine? I saw the bartender touch your hand when she gave you your change.”

  Steph shrugged. “Just being friendly I guess. The music was too loud for words.”

  Jemini raised an eyebrow before pushing the rejected bottle aside and grabbing one from in front of Steph.

  Her breath caught as she watched Jemini place the bottle to her lips and tip it up, taking a long drink. She suddenly found every movement Jemini made erotic and she pulled her eyes away from Jemini’s fingers, wet from the moisture on the bottle. She turned to watch Cassie release Kathleen and then pull her close again as the slow song faded into a fast rhythm. She wanted what they had and she was tired of waiting for it to happen. She looked back at Jemini. “I’m not the best dancer, but I’m willing if you are.”

  Jemini stood, placing her hand in Steph’s. “Let’s do it.”

  Though she didn’t want to, she released Jemini’s hand when they reached the dance floor. The music was even louder here and she closed her eyes trying to feel the rhythm. She felt Jemini step closer as their bodies began to move together. She opened her eyes and connected with Jemini’s inches from her own. They were dark and filled with temptations she wasn’t sure she had ever experienced. Her body struggled to find the rhythm of the music again. Thankful that the music had drowned out her groan, she tried to pretend Jemini’s closeness wasn’t having an effect on her. She concentrated on the pounding beat, letting her body move with Jemini as they danced through several fast songs. When a slow song finally made it into the rotation, she hesitated, waiting to see if Jemini would choose to return to their seats.

  Jemini didn’t miss a beat, sliding into her arms. Overwhelmed by the sensations coursing through her, Steph squeezed her eyes shut again. Jemini’s skin was soft. But the muscle beneath was hard. She pulled her tighter, resting her head against Jemini’s. Though Jemini’s hands roamed up and down her back, sliding in and out of her hip pockets, St
eph forced hers to remain still at Jemini’s waist. The heavy breaths Jemini was taking when she buried her face in her neck did nothing to prepare her for the gentle wisps she felt as Jemini’s breathing slowed to match the music. She inhaled deeply, taking in Jemini’s scent. The fresh clean smell was mixed with a light touch of lavender, reminding Steph of the purple flowers growing outside her bedroom window.

  * * *

  Jemini had fought the urge for as long as she could and now she gently pressed her lips to Stephanie’s neck. Little kisses traced a line to her earlobe and back down to the base of her neck. She pulled her head away, quickly reading her face before she began placing kisses on the other side of her neck. Stephanie’s eyes were closed, but Jemini was encouraged by the look of rapture on her face. As the end of the song neared, she stopped directly in front of Stephanie’s face. She wanted to kiss her and she couldn’t think of a single reason not to. Stephanie. Steph. Whichever name she used it still made her feel the same. Sliding her arms up to rest on Steph’s shoulders, she played with the wispy pieces of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. When the last note faded, she pulled Steph’s head toward her and pressed her lips to Steph’s.

  There was no hesitation, but she still feared Steph would pull away. When Steph opened her mouth and their tongues met, however, the kiss deepened sending a blast of heat through Jemini’s body. She knew this was the passion that she had heard others talk about. The desire for more cascaded into a need she didn’t want to quench. Their motion stopped when a hand fell on each of their shoulders.

  “The music stopped,” Cassie said, her voice filled with laughter.

  “Leave them alone,” Kathleen chastised.

  “I just thought they should know that everyone in the room is watching.”