Listen to Your Heart

by Becky Harmon

  Jemini pushed through to the porch. She wanted to stay close to Steph, but she knew the temptation to return to the bedroom would be too strong. She looked out over the yard with its many small flowerbeds, bushes, and decorative trees spaced throughout. The area was perfectly balanced to highlight the variety of colors with the backdrop of the forest stretching behind. Dorothy and Steph had designed this haven, and it matched the comfort she was beginning to feel being here in their space.

  As the flood of arousal in her body finally ebbed to a trickle, she folded her arms and leaned against the pillar at the edge of the porch. Her mind was at ease here. No people or work demanding her attention or her time. She thought about the moments she spent with Steph and the fire that burned through her when they were close. Steph had pushed her to feel things no one else ever had. She wanted more of this feeling. The amazing high that she couldn’t seem to get enough of. There wasn’t anything in Chattanooga that pulled her back. She was ready to let go of that life for a chance with Steph and a second chance to call the city of Riverview home.

  She crossed to her car but couldn’t convince herself to get in and leave. She might not be able to stay in the same house with Steph, but she could at least stay close by. She climbed the stairs and walked across the long front porch of Dorothy’s plantation house, letting the memories flow through her. The twenty-year-old wish of never having left led to current thoughts of coming home. She unlocked the door to Dorothy’s apartment and stepped inside. Walking past the pictures on the mantel, she opened all of the window blinds and let the light flood through her. She sat down at the table with her bag of Sour Cherries and a Dr. Pepper from the refrigerator and opened the box of letters again. Somewhere in these notes had to be answers to some of her questions.

  She opened each one again, searching for clues that she might have missed earlier. She had spent so many years blaming Dorothy for what she had lost. Now she didn’t know who to blame. Her mother for not telling her the truth? Herself for never coming back to take a chance? The things her mother had told her about what happened that fateful day were all true, but so much had changed over the years. Did her mother ever forgive Dorothy? All of the secrets she had kept made Jemini think that she hadn’t, but why didn’t she? Dorothy’s remorse in each of the letters addressed to her was clear.

  She held her head in her hands. She could forgive Dorothy, but now she had to deal with the pain of the loss she had suffered. Dorothy was gone. She would never get the chance to tell her that she forgave her or that she had never stopped loving her.

  A knock on the door pulled her attention from the letters. Looking up, she was surprised to see that evening shadows had spread across the room. She walked to the door and opened it. Brandon stood on the porch and Agnes rocked in her chair nearby.

  “Mom says you should stay for dinner,” he announced.

  She glanced at Agnes and saw the small smile on her face. Agnes continued to rock without a word. Watching her, Jemini felt a warmth spread through her body. A peaceful feeling that everything was going to be okay. She glanced down at Brandon’s eager face. “I’d like that very much. Please tell your mom that I accept.”

  Brandon ran through the door and upstairs, his feet hitting every step.

  “He’s not supposed to run on the stairs,” Agnes said. “We’ve told him he sounds like an elephant.”

  She was surprised to hear the kindness in Agnes’s voice after their first introduction. She tentatively crossed and sat in the chair beside her. They rocked in silence with only the creaking of the chairs to connect them. Again, the warm feeling of comfort surrounded Jemini and she was surprised at how good it felt. She belonged here.

  “This town grows on you, don’t it?” Agnes said, breaking the silence.

  “Yes, I guess it does.”

  “The people too. Lots of nice ones around.”

  “Yes.”

  Brandon charged back through the door. “Mom’s bringing everything down to Ms. Agnes’s and I’m gonna set the table.”

  She couldn’t stop the smile as Brandon bolted back through the door. His innocent enthusiasm brightened every space he occupied. She thought about Chase, remembering the story of his last, terrifying days in foster care and how vibrant he was now. She was thankful Cassie and Kathleen had been able to bring him into their life. She seldom saw happiness in the children she represented. Their lives had been turned upside down by the time she met them, and most had developed a maturity that they would never lose.

  She loved her job. Didn’t she? What would she do if she moved to Riverview? Could she find a way to contribute to the town that she always believed would turn away from her? She thought about everyone she had met since she arrived. No one had treated her like the pariah she thought they might believe she was. Was it possible that Riverview was still the same town she loved as a child? It hurt to think how much she had given up because she had been afraid to take a chance on coming back. If she decided to stay, she wasn’t going to miss out on anything this time.

  Agnes stood. “We should help him. The last time he broke two plates and a cup. I’m running out of dishes.”

  She followed her through the door to the apartment across the hall from Dorothy’s. A simple white door with a large B on it announced that it was a separate residence. A woman with Brandon’s thick black hair and rich skin tone was coming down the stairs, and Jemini stopped to hold the door open for her. The woman’s piercing black eyes were expressive as she appraised Jemini.

  “Hi, I’m Kim,” she said as she placed a casserole dish on the table and turned offering Jemini her hand.

  “Jemini.”

  “It’s nice to finally meet you. The whole town is buzzing with your presence, and I was starting to feel a little left out.”

  “Yes, this town…” She didn’t know what to say. Did she love this town? Or did she hate it?

  “This town can be overbearing and nosy,” Agnes cut in.

  “They certainly can be,” Kim agreed. “But mostly they’re good people.”

  “Where’s Ms. Steph?” Brandon asked.

  “She’s probably working,” Kim answered.

  “No, she’s sleeping. She worked all night again,” Agnes said with a clear distaste for the hours Steph worked.

  Jemini stared at the noodles cooling on her plate. Agnes seemed to know everything that went on around here, and she felt her face blush. Agnes must have seen her helping Steph into the house earlier. At least she hadn’t lingered inside too long with her.

  “Is she going back out tonight?” Kim asked, looking at Jemini.

  “She…she didn’t say,” she struggled to find the words with everyone’s attention focused on her.

  “Well, we’ll make her a plate, and you can take it over after we finish,” Kim stated as if it was understood Jemini would be going over to Steph’s later.

  Brandon carried the conversation through dinner and she was happy to listen to his stories. She enjoyed the ones that involved Steph the most. Brandon clearly looked up to her and it was nice that she took the time to do things with him and take him places. When dinner was over, Jemini took the opportunity to tell them that she would be signing the house and the property over to Steph instead of selling it. After grilling her about remaining in Riverview, Agnes quickly left the table with Brandon to watch a baseball game on television.

  She helped Kim clear the dishes from the table, and they stood side-by-side washing and drying them.

  “You made us all very happy with your announcement,” Kim said hesitantly. “Are you sure this is what you want? You seem sad.”

  She tried to smile. “It’s the best option for everyone.”

  “And everyone includes you too?”

  “I have a job and a home in Chattanooga.” Why was she giving this argument again? Why didn’t she want anyone to know she was thinking about what life would be like in Riverview? With every conversation she was digging herself deeper into staying in Chattanooga.


  “You’re a lawyer, right? You could do that anywhere.”

  “I could, but I worked hard to become a partner in my firm.” She had everything she had always wanted, including a condo in the heart of downtown. She couldn’t say it out loud, though, because she was afraid Kim would see right through her. She had everything she had always wanted, but now her wants and needs had changed.

  “I won’t complain about your decision. Steph is wonderful, and she’ll make sure everything is handled fairly. Agnes didn’t seem happy with the situation either, though.”

  Jemini leaned her head toward Kim and lowered her voice. “What’s her deal? I thought she would be ecstatic when I told her.”

  Kim frowned. “I’m not sure. At least she was nice through dinner. I can’t say I’ve seen her act like Steph described your first meeting. I bet Steph was happy when you told her, though.”

  “She took it about the same as Agnes, but she doesn’t know I’m giving it to her. Only that I’m not going to sell it.”

  She could read Kim’s face, and she saved her from asking. “I didn’t have a chance to tell her. She got called away to work before I could.”

  She knew why Steph was disappointed. She was beginning to feel the same way. I want my friend back. She had been happy, before all of this was dropped into her lap. Now she was afraid to return to Tennessee and her lonely normal life. No friends and no Steph.

  “Dishes are finished and everything is put away. Shall we see who’s winning the ballgame?”

  She followed Kim into the living room.

  “We have to text Ms. Steph!” Brandon demanded when his mother appeared. “They won again. That’s four in a row.”

  Yes, she thought. Let’s text Steph. Her heart raced at the thought.

  “Not while she’s sleeping. You can tell her when you see her. At least she’s finished with uniform patrol. I’m sure she’s relieved.” She looked at Jemini. “She doesn’t normally work the evening shift. She’s just covering for others on vacation.”

  “No, normally she works twenty-four hours a day,” Agnes said sarcastically.

  Kim shrugged. “She does work a lot, but she doesn’t work a regular patrol shift.”

  She frowned. “She doesn’t work a regular patrol shift?”

  “No—”

  “She’s a detective,” Brandon said enthusiastically, cutting his mother off.

  “Brandon, it’s time for bed. Let’s head upstairs.” Kim stood, pulling him to his feet.

  Jemini was shocked when Brandon hugged her after hugging Agnes. It must have showed on her face because Kim laughed.

  “He’s a hugger,” she explained.

  “I better go too.” Jemini stood. She didn’t want to be left alone with Agnes. Their talk had been pleasant enough earlier on the porch, but she didn’t want it to be awkward alone in Agnes’s living room. She also didn’t want to have another conversation about her moving to Riverview.

  “Are you coming over tomorrow?” Agnes asked.

  “I’m not sure.” Jemini hesitated. Why did Agnes care if she was going to be around?

  Agnes grunted her displeasure without looking away from the television.

  Jemini glanced at Kim and they both smiled. Maybe if she hung around long enough, one day she would understand Agnes.

  “We look forward to seeing you again soon,” Kim said, patting her arm as they parted in the foyer.

  She nodded. She looked forward to seeing them too. But no one more than Steph. She crossed the hall back into Dorothy’s apartment and placed Steph’s leftover dish in the refrigerator. She really wanted to go check on her, but she didn’t want to wake her yet. She had told Steph she would come back, so she should hang out here for a few more hours before waking her. She leaned down and flipped on the lamp beside the couch in the living room.

  * * *

  Jemini’s scream brought Steph quickly to her feet.

  “Why are you sitting in the dark?” Jemini exclaimed, staring at her.

  She rubbed her eyes as they adjusted to the light from the lamp. “I’m sorry. Your car was still here so I was waiting for you. I must have fallen asleep.”

  “It’s okay. I didn’t expect anyone to be in here. Kim sent leftovers for you. I just put them in the refrigerator.”

  “Great. I’m starving.” Steph walked into the kitchen and pulled the container out. She needed a distraction from the closeness of Jemini. Her sleep had been filled with dreams of Jemini and her arousal was barely contained. She knew Jemini was attracted to her too, but she wasn’t sure how far Jemini was willing to go. She held up the dish. “I’m going to take this back to my place. Do you want to come?”

  Steph didn’t want to assume anything. Jemini always seemed to push back whenever she assumed things. Asking had seemed like the right thing to do. She was still a bit surprised when Jemini nodded, no hint of hesitation in her face. Feeling the thrill of what the future might hold, Steph took Jemini’s hand and together they crossed the yard.

  “Do you want to go for a walk?” Steph asked when they reached her porch. She had been waiting for days to share a piece of their past with Jemini. This was the first opportunity and she didn’t want to miss it.

  “I thought you were starving?”

  “I am, but I want to show you something. Wait here.” She took her leftovers into the house and returned with a flashlight.

  She was pleasantly surprised when Jemini slid her hand back into hers as they walked along the trail toward the forest. The thrill of excitement she felt at Jemini’s soft touch almost sent her back toward the house. Did Jemini understand what she did to her? They hadn’t talked about what was happening between them, and she knew she hadn’t been clear about what she wanted from Jemini either. How could she be when Jemini had been perfectly clear about not leaving Tennessee?

  “Do you have to work tonight?” Jemini asked.

  “I certainly don’t plan on it.”

  Jemini’s tight squeeze of her hand sent shivers down her spine. She realized how hard she had been trying to fight this attraction and what a terrible job she had been doing. She wanted to stop fighting and follow Jemini’s lead, but her heart ached at the fear of Jemini leaving again. Maybe tonight she could put away her fears and take what Jemini offered at face value. If one night was all she was offering, then that’s what she would take.

  * * *

  Jemini clung tightly to Steph’s hand. There was so much between them. Childhood memories. The attraction that was sizzling between them. And pain, so much pain that she didn’t know if they would be able to move past it all. She wanted to, though. She wanted to find a way to have Steph in her life. Tomorrow she would figure out how they could make things work. Tonight she only wanted to enjoy the feel of Steph touching her.

  The woods around them were dark, but she remembered running through them as a child. She had never needed a flashlight to find her way around. This was her domain. The smell of pine trees and damp leaves was all around her, and it took her breath away. As they rounded a corner on the trail, recognition hit her.

  “Is our fort still here?” she asked excitedly, pushing forward on the trail and pulling Steph along. She remembered everything about the secret hiding place she and Steph had shared. The wooden panels they had borrowed from the stash Steph’s father had to build his greenhouse. They had leaned the panels together and the cherished fort wasn’t much more than a lean-to. In the glow from the flashlight, she could see the grin on Steph’s face.

  A dark shape began to rise in front of them, and Steph shined the flashlight over what was now a tiny square cabin before pushing open the door. There was just enough room inside for the small table and four little chairs. The vibrant colors on the wall were obviously left over from the renovating at Steph’s cottage and they brightened in the glow from the flashlight. Four rectangle windows lined the top of each wall and Jemini could imagine what it looked like during the daylight when the sun peeked through the trees.

 
She gasped as she spun around the room, looking at every corner. Steph had made their special fort into every child’s dream playhouse. It even had a roof and a wooden floor instead of the dirt one they had planned to have. The only thing missing was electricity and running water.

  “You did everything we talked about.” She took the flashlight from Steph, spinning in a circle again.

  “I planned for the day you’d come back.”

  “I’m so sorry it wasn’t sooner,” she said, laying the flashlight on the table and putting her arms around Steph. She buried her face in Steph’s neck and inhaled the scents. The fresh aroma from her recent shower blended perfectly with the amber smell of her cologne or body gel. The small kisses came naturally, and she didn’t allow herself to think about anything but how good she felt as she made a trail of kisses to Steph’s lips.

  Their bodies came together in a hard embrace as their tongues met in a passionate dance. She wanted to pretend she didn’t know where tonight was heading, but she did and she wanted to believe that Steph did too. She backed her into the wall and pushed hard against her, their mouths releasing and then delving back together in a rhythmic pattern. She needed to feel Steph’s soft skin, and before she even realized it her fingers were grazing thin cotton-covered mounds beneath Steph’s shirt. She caressed them gently, running her thumbs over both nipples.

  She couldn’t hold on much longer, and Steph hadn’t even touched her yet. She unzipped Steph’s pants and slid her hand inside. Sliding through the wetness she found there, she began a slow steady stroke. Steph’s body felt like putty beneath her fingers as their bodies molded together. Her gyrating hips pushed hard into Steph’s thigh. Steph’s hands, which had seemed frozen on her waist, came alive with a purpose. She slid her hand inside Jemini’s shorts without unfastening them. Her touch was firm and gentle and effective. Very effective. Jemini put one arm around her neck and held on tightly as convulsions racked her body.

  Their kissing slowed and she struggled to hold them both upright.