She might be right, but I had to explore every angle. “Your aunt, the one who’s trying to get the law changed, what’s her stake in all of this?”
“None. Everything would go to Barkley.”
“Who the hell is Barkley?” I asked.
“My cousin.” She winced. “He’s a womanizer and sloth, but not power crazy.”
Olly glanced at London. “Will your brother give me access to his surveillance?”
“We can see. I can call him.”
I shook my head. “No more calling anybody. Olly, see if you can access it the hard way.”
Olly grinned. “You mean the easy way? I just wanted to be respectful and ask permission first.”
I shook my head. Olly was a whiz with computers. He was that guy who people didn’t want to leave their laptop open around. He’d poke around, access your bank accounts, and generally just dick around. Luckily, he was on the side of good, not evil. So that was helpful.
I glanced at London. “Now comes the hard questions. Is there a husband or boyfriend that we need to worry about?”
Her eyes went wide. “A husband? No. Didn’t I just tell you—?”
I shook my head, cutting her off. “Maybe you had a boyfriend. Someone who’s not so happy about the new arrangement. Maybe you’re seeing someone you’re not supposed to be seeing? A commoner or something?”
Her eyes narrowed to slits. “Really? This is what we’re doing?”
I shrugged. “I’m sorry. We have to ask these questions.” I wasn’t sorry at all. I was pissed the fuck off. She’d walked out on me without a damn explanation.
Her lifted brow told me that I didn’t have to ask her questions like this. “No. The last boyfriend I had was six months ago. He dumped me because I was too focused on my career. I think he thought that I’d be more of a partygoer. More of a princess’s princess. So he found me lacking. Other than him, I’ve had a few other boyfriends, but those relationships have been over for ages. No one has any scandalous game.”
“Thank you for letting us know, but we’ll double-check.” I glanced between Olly and Sparrow. “All right, we have to figure out who the hell is after her. Leave no stone unturned.”
To London, I said, “Things are going to get a little more uncomfortable because we’re going to fully deep-dive into your life. If there’s something, anything you’re not telling us, now is the time.”
She lifted her chin. “I told you everything I know. I don’t know why someone’s trying to kill me. I’ve never done anything to anybody.”
I knew that to be a lie. She’d sure as shit done something to me. Somehow, in a matter of two days, she’d managed to wedge herself into a crack in my heart, one that I hadn’t even known existed. For my own safety and sanity, I needed to keep her at arm’s length.
A few minutes after our meeting, I walked by the sitting room and saw London sitting in there. I almost stopped. I wanted to talk to her. Ask her why she ran. Had I hurt her? I hadn’t let her sleep, that was for damn sure, but she’d been happy when we passed the fuck out.
So why run then? Because she’s not for you.
Under my skin or not, I just had to accept that. The princess wasn’t for me. So instead of stopping, I shut the door on my heart and kept walking.
Chapter 13
London
A princess never tells.
* * *
Thanks to Sparrow, I could at least work. And avoid talking to Kannon.
He’d clearly been pissed I’d left him in bed.
How would you feel?
I ignored the twinge around my heart. I’d messed up. I’d only needed some time to think. Then I’d been too terrified to go back to bed. And then, well, he’d been pissed.
Just where I was supposed to go from here, I had no idea. In the last three days, my life had fallen to complete shit. And I couldn’t breathe. Dealing with the flood of emotions around Kannon was too much to deal with.
You want him. Just say that.
I did want him. But I also had no idea where my life was going. I couldn’t examine what I’d started to feel for him.
Sparrow saved me from being in my head too much though. She brought me a laptop, and I was able to log in to my website and clean some things up. I was also able to work on a few emails and replied to the necessary ones. Olly said he’d set up a relay system, so I should be safe enough to not have my IP address recorded. I knew a little about what he was talking about thanks to Breck, so I knew enough to take it seriously. But some of it felt like overkill. At least I hoped it was. If I let myself think it was truly necessary, it would be hard to focus without succumbing to mind-numbing fear.
There was a knock at the door of the library, and I glanced up. Sparrow approached me with a smile.
I took out my earbuds. “Hi. Do you need me for something?”
“I just came to say hello and grab a book. These scenarios are often wait and see with a lot of downtime. And I could use some space to do some research without the boys breathing down my neck.”
Sparrow presented an opportunity to glean a little more information. “Is it just you and Olly who work with Kannon?”
She shook her head. “No, there are four others on the team. A couple of them accompanied our last assignment home, and one more stayed there to take care of the office. It’s just me and Olly left here in France.”
I saw my chance to get to know him better, so I just asked, “Is Kannon always this grumpy?”
Sparrow eased onto the couch across from me. “There are shadows in him. But mostly he’s a growly teddy bear. You just have to get to know his quirks and what makes him tick, I guess.”
That seemed like an understatement. “It must be a full-time job trying to understand what makes the man tick.”
She laughed. “True enough. But you know what? At the core, Kannon’s one of the best people I know. He legitimately wants to help people. And these days, that’s hard to come by.”
I studied her. “You respect him a lot, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Of course I do. He’s— Well, he gave me a shot when no one else would. He’s sharp as a tack, keeps the bullshit level low, and the company gave me a family. I’d like to think that I gave him the same thing.”
I studied her closely. “Are you two—?”
Sparrow lifted a brow and gazed at me over the top of her laptop. It took her a moment to realize what I was asking, and then her brows lifted before she threw her head back with a loud bark of laughter. The action made her look young and beautiful, as if she didn’t have a care in the world having to watch some random woman that people were shooting at. “Oh my God, that’s priceless. I’m going to tell Olly.”
A flush crept up my neck. “I’m sorry. That was really nosy. None of my business.”
Sparrow put out a hand and waved me off. “No. No. Oh God, no. You can relax. It’s not like that. It has never been like that. He’s obviously very pretty. It actually became kind of a game to watch women throw themselves at him. We have running bets on the team as to how long he can ignore them before he actively brushes them off, or how long before he gives in. It depends. But no, it’s never been like that with me and him. He’s my boss. And my friend. And yes, surprisingly, over the course of the last few years, he has become family.”
“How long have you been with him?”
She smiled then, and I realized what a travesty it was that she didn’t smile more often. I’d guess she was in her late twenties, close to my age. But that smile, it lit up her whole face. It probably stunned men and women alike, turning them completely stupid. When she was stern, there was a glint in her eye that said, if crossed, she could be deadly. Which I respected. But she was gorgeous with her high cheekbones and thick dark waves cascading down her back. Not to mention the kind of lips women the world over probably tried to emulate.
“I’d been sacked from my government job, for something that was not exactly my fault. I’d been applying at places, but nothing was coming through, and
things were getting a little desperate. Luckily, a friend of a friend asked him to give me a call, and he did. He saved my ass. That’s Kannon for you. He comes through when you need him.”
I nodded. “He seems like that kind of guy.”
She still watched me, and I could feel her eyes dissecting every nuanced movement, the brush of my fingers through my hair, my lifted brow, the graze of teeth over my lip, and I was hyper aware of it all. “You’re curious about him.”
I shook my head. “I... Well, I am a mess, and I probably have no business asking anyone about their relationships, considering I don’t really know how to maintain one.”
She tilted her head, her gaze on my face. “Why is that?”
“My parents, when they were alive, they doted on me. I was the only girl. The youngest. Desperate to be seen. They poured love on me as much as they could. But they were busy, as active royals should be. So there were lots of nannies and governesses and boarding school and the like. I missed out on some things like the ability to climb into bed with my mom, chats about relationships, and someone to actually talk to.” I shook my head. “I’ve always had my Aunt Rebecca, though she didn’t fill that space completely. She did her best. Was always kind and there for me, even when trying to mold me into the princess I needed to be. It was her duty to ensure I was ready to be Princess London, not just London.”
“That couldn’t have been easy.”
I smiled softly. “No, but it’s hard to complain when there are so many others who have had horrible lives while I’ve been privileged with many parts of mine.”
Sparrow studied my face. “You had your aunt, which I’m thankful for, but what about your brothers? Are you close to them?”
I looked down at my hands, trying to formulate my response. “As much as I love them, I’ve always felt a little separate from my brothers. I’m the last born after three sons. I knew my Mom wanted a daughter. My brother Roman got the bulk of the royal-duty role. Wilder is in intelligence, though he’s also a lovely pianist. Breck... Breck is into tech and the like. You never know what he’ll be up to next, but he’s always had more freedom. And I am... I don’t know. I’ve always sort of felt like the appendage. The jewel, as they called me. The Jewel of Alden. Not expected to say much or have opinions, or generally stand out in any way, I guess.”
Sparrow’s brows knitted. “But you’re beautiful. And if you’re off to the Amazon to take photos, you’re probably talented. I guarantee you’re probably well educated, so you’re smart too.”
“All of those are surface things. My parents loved me. I knew that. My brothers love me as well. I know that too. But I don’t know. I’ve always felt like the forgotten one. Like for anyone to have any kind of deep connection with me just wasn’t going to happen.”
“That can’t feel good. And it sounds like a lonely life.”
I shrugged. “I don’t need pity. My life is good. Better than so many others. I just always feel a little restless, you know? Disconnected. Always looking for that real connection point that anchors me.”
“I know, of course. Everyone wants to feel like that. Everyone wants to have that thing that feels like it belongs to just them. Everyone wants to be seen and appreciated, right?”
“I just wish I could be appreciated for more than my womb.”
Sparrow snorted. “I still can’t believe they’re trying to marry you off to get someone for a line of succession. It’s ridiculous. What about love? And like a real, deep understanding of knowing someone? I mean, do you think your brothers are going to be able to just change the law?”
I sighed. “I don’t really have much choice but to believe in them, right? And to believe in you guys to make sure someone doesn’t kill me before they can get it done. I don’t know. All my life, I haven’t really been special. And I was okay with that. I’ve been looking for a real sense of purpose and grounding for a long time.”
Sparrow nodded. “That’s kind of how I felt when Kannon took me on. It was like all the years of not quite fitting in finally paid off, and suddenly I knew where I belonged.”
“That’s exactly it. You never really know. But soon, hopefully, I’ll be able to get back to my life. Get back to work. Put all this behind me.”
Sparrow smiled softly. “If anyone can make it happen, it’s Kannon.” She closed her laptop and watched me. “What is it that’s going on between you and Kannon?”
My face flushed with heat. “You must be protective of him.”
Sparrow smiled. “I am, but he’s also a grown-ass man. However, I will tell you that even though I wasn’t around when Phoebe died, I know it still sits with him. Some of the others were around, and they’ve told me that thing that he does, not letting anyone in, it used to be much, much worse. This is Kannon 2.0.”
My brows popped. “You’re kidding. It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall.”
“I will tell you though, I’ve never seen him this rigid and stubborn before. He’s being a right pain in the ass.”
That made me laugh. “Ugh, thank God. I thought it was just me. What have I ever done to him?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m saying don’t lose faith or hope. He’s a good guy.”
I read between the lines of what she wasn’t saying. “And you’d rather I didn’t hurt him?”
She shrugged. “That too. He’s the only family I’ve got. I don’t need him moping around.”
“I’m aware that he had a wife before, and he lost her. I’m not trying to mess with him. I’m just trying to figure out what the hell is happening to me and get back to my life.”
She cocked her head. “Maybe it’s none of my business, but I think you could be good for him.”
I laughed at that. “Hardly. He probably needs someone a little more open. Someone who knows exactly who she is in the world and what she needs. I don’t think I’m that person.”
“Maybe you are exactly what he needs.”
I just blinked at her. “Well, I guess we’ll see about that.”
“I guess we will.”
I leaned closer, studying her face. “What about you? You said you and Kannon aren’t a thing, but how about anyone else on the team? Olly’s very attractive.” It had been awhile since I’d had girl talk like this. Rian was even busier than I was, and while we talked nearly every day, I didn’t have many friends back home, thanks to my position. I had Kate, and was forever grateful I did, but she couldn’t always be there.
She gagged. “Oh my God, the boys are like my brothers. Where I worked before, it was a boys’ club, and I was a moron and fell in love with my boss. You know, as one does. I could see the disaster coming. I just didn’t duck and dive quickly enough, and I got hurt. I’ve put relationships on pause for a minute.”
“There’s nothing wrong with taking a beat. While I might not be one for love, I am very good at fixing people up.” At least I thought I was. I hadn’t heard any complaints from those at court and in my other life at work.
She laughed. “Oh no, I beg you. Please, I’m not really good at being fixed up.”
“Oh come on, we could go trolling on the internet. Maybe next time you’re in Paris, you can meet my friend Rian and we can all go out.”
Sparrow grinned at that. “Now that I can get behind.”
I smiled. “You know what’s funny? Talking to you made me realize I haven’t had a good girl chat in a million years. It’s nice to have that again.”
Sparrow grinned. “When Kannon said princess, I thought we were getting, you know, a Kardashian or something.”
I snorted a laugh. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. I can bust it out if I have to.”
She chuckled. “Please, no.”
“A lot of people tell me I’m not what they expected, which is good, I guess, but it also makes me feel somehow lacking. It’s nice to have a friend who isn’t worried about trying to date one of my brothers or who is only hanging out with me because I can get them into some A-list parties. Being assigned to guard me
, notwithstanding, I think I like you.”
Sparrow grinned. “I think I like you too. You’re not so bad for a princess.”
“And you aren’t so bad for a bodyguard. Now please, tell me what you like in a guy, or a girl. I can find you someone.”
She laughed. “I’m not going to get out of this, am I?”
“Nope, and apparently, I’ve got nothing but time.”
She flushed and ran a hand through her hair. “Okay, fine. I’ve got a list of requirements.”
I laughed and closed down all of my work stuff. “Okay, how about we start with a Charlie Hunnam type and go from there.”
“I do like how you think.”
Chapter 14
London
Cue the solo ballad
* * *
After Sparrow left, I returned to my room and sat in the middle of the bed, trying my best to put my thoughts together. I had to figure out a way to help my brothers nullify the succession law. I also needed to figure out exactly who had the most to gain, who was after me, and why.
Not to mention the fact that I still had to figure out how to get back into my boss’s good graces. I’d had two opportunities and blown them both. When this mess was over, I wanted a life. A real one. And like it or not, Roman was going to have to give it to me.
All of that filtered through my mind, but they weren’t the only thoughts I was wrestling with.
Not when Kannon echoed through my thoughts and made me think of things I needed that I couldn’t have.
It had to be the emotions of everything else tumbling through my brain for me to feel like this.
I barely knew him, but I felt him. He had told me his deepest and darkest secrets, and he had leaned on me.
Maybe for him, it could be just sex. It could just be flesh and need and desire.
And I would have to be okay with that.
What worried me most was the idea that I kind of wanted more.
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