Could I fall for him?
No, I couldn’t. That would put me in the lane of every single woman in history who had fallen for the man who had saved her life.
But I needed to save my own life. I needed a life that was mine, one that I had fought for, and could continue working on.
I had to focus on that and not on the idea that a man who touched me, who said he craved me, could want anything more.
Because going down that path would only hurt us both in the end.
But I wanted it. Wanted him. No man had ever touched me like that. No man had ever made me feel like that.
This feeling, it couldn’t be love.
Because if it was, then I had not only lost my mind, but I’d also lost all semblance of the person I tried so hard to be.
I got up from the bed and began to pace the room.
There were more important things in life than the emotions that I was going through. Focusing on those emotions kept me from concentrating on what was important. Like who was after me, who wanted to hurt my family.
Something nagged me in the back of my mind, something I needed to think of, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. I was so out of my depth, and I needed to find my footing.
It wasn’t easy when all I could do was close my eyes and imagine Kannon over me and me arching into him.
“And that’s enough of that.”
I ran my hands through my hair, picked up my camera, and went through a few of my photos. I flipped through the images, remembered the moment I’d stood in place to take each one.
I was the one capturing those memories, and yet I was on the other side of the lens. I was part of the moment, and yet not. That’s how I felt in every other part of my life too, like I was there but not really an integral part of what was happening around me. Part of the royal family, just so far down the hierarchy that I was only there as a stand-in until Roman finally married.
I was part of my siblings’ lives, and yet wasn’t one of the brothers, and therefore always on the outside looking in.
I was part of my country, and yet mostly just a symbol for them.
I was part of the world, and yet apart. Watching, waiting, asking to be let in, knowing I would never be.
I couldn’t take that step forward and push my way through, because if I did, it might irrevocably harm others around me.
Look at what had happened once I left the confines of my country. Bullets had come at me, but not just at me.
Kannon’s team was in danger because they were protecting me.
How could I go into the real world and pretend that I could keep others safe?
The fact that those words echoed something Kannon had said didn’t escape me.
Kannon.
The one man I couldn’t have.
Not because he didn’t have the right bloodlines. Not because my family wouldn’t approve.
He was just as growly and grumbly as my brothers. They would probably welcome him with open arms after they interrogated him and kicked him around a bit just for good measure.
Because that’s what big brothers did.
But no, Kannon had loved before. He had been broken.
And he felt like all that was left was a shell. Though the shell that had been left behind wasn’t substantial enough to venture far into the world. He was here to protect. He was there for others.
But not for himself.
And therefore, not for me.
There was a light knock on my door.
Assuming it was Sparrow, I called out, “Come in.”
The door opened, and I set down my camera. My words caught in my throat as Kannon walked into the bedroom, his hands running a towel over his head, his body glistening with water from the shower.
I licked my lips and swallowed hard as my gaze trailed down his body, over his thick chest, his narrow hips. That little line of hair that went from his bellybutton and disappeared below the waistband of his jeans.
He was barefoot, his feet sexy and tan.
He had left the button undone on his jeans, and they were open just enough that I knew he wasn’t wearing any underwear, and the coarse hair that shadowed his cock was barely visible. The long, thick line of his erection bulged beneath the zipper, and I could see a very noticeable line that visibly grew at my heated attention.
I swallowed hard and licked my lips again, and Kannon let out a rough chuckle.
“Do you think you can pull your eyes off my cock long enough to meet my gaze?” Kannon asked, his voice deep.
I flushed.
His gaze raked over me just the same, and I knew he was picturing me naked.
After all, he had already seen and touched and tasted every inch of me.
Why shouldn’t I enjoy the feast in front of me?
“We’re not going to talk?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Kannon, I—”
“Got what you wanted, so you took off?”
“That’s not what happened, and you know that. I just needed to breathe, and I couldn’t do that in your bed.”
“So instead of talking to me, you bolted?”
He had a point. “I’m sorry. I just have no idea what I’m supposed to do right now. I’ve never been impulsive. I’ve never felt…anything like this before. I don’t have any answers, and I have no idea what to do.”
He lifted a brow. “I didn’t think you’d tell me the truth.”
“Well right now, it’s all I have.” I didn’t like the way simply telling the truth made me feel bare.
“I’ll tell you another truth. We want each other. And we’re spinning out about what that means. It doesn’t need to mean anything. I’m not going to ruin your life, and my life is already in ashes. But we can’t seem to stay away from each other. While we’re here, we stop fighting. It’s fucking exhausting.”
I swallowed hard. “I—I’ve never had a one-night stand before.”
“And that’s not what this is. Can you stay away from me? Or do you feel the pull right now?”
“I shifted on my feet and spoke the truth. “I feel it.”
“Good. Me too. Now, do you want to keep fighting, or do you want to give in?”
“I—” God, for once in my life how good would it feel to not worry about doing what was expected? “I want you.”
His gaze was molten lava on mine then he dropped the towel and shrugged so casually I nearly swooned.
Damn the man, using his sex appeal to cloud my thoughts.
I wasn’t thinking clearly as it was, and he wasn’t making it any easier.
He scratched his stomach, the motion making his arms flex and his pants ride just a little bit lower.
I could see the outline of the base of his cock, and my mouth watered.
Damn the man.
“You’re just going to stand there and present yourself like a peacock?” I asked, enjoying the way that his eyes narrowed just a bit at my tone.
“I think you could be doing something far better with your mouth than using it to sass me.”
“Sass? Is that what you call someone talking back to you?”
My heart fluttered in my chest. I was having too much fun. He helped me get my mind off everything else, and for that, I was grateful because it meant I could just live in the moment.
I needed to. I had never allowed myself that before. So for now, I would have fun. And when he had to walk away, I’d find a way to deal with it. After all, I’d done that already. Countless times when I’d been the one left behind.
I sauntered over to him, a smile on my lips and humor in my gaze as I slowly ran my fingers along the edge of his jeans.
His jaw tightened, and I heard the growl in his chest.
“You’re playing with fire, princess.”
“I think there’s something else you want me to be playing with.”
Then I went down on my knees in front of him.
“Jesus Christ, London.” His voice went raw. “You don’t have to do that.”
I only had to unzip his zipper very carefully and then tug his pants down slightly, and his cock sprang free into my hand.
He was long, hard, and thick. My fingers couldn’t even wrap around the base, and he groaned as I pumped him twice.
“I think you should stop telling me what to do,” I said right before I pounced.
I laughed at him, angling my mouth. I hollowed my throat and bobbed, licking him, taking more. I let his balls fall heavily into my free hand and kept going.
When he tugged on my hair, I didn’t pull back, and then he pressed me farther down onto him, fucking my face as he buried himself in me. I groaned, humming against him.
He pumped and then pulled hard, tugging me away.
I looked up at him and licked my swollen lips, and before I knew it, he was down on his knees in front of me. He sent a brazen kiss across my lips and tugged my hair even harder.
“I’m going to blow my load, and I’m not about to do that down your throat.”
Somehow, I was on my back, my pants were off, and his head was between my legs.
I arched my back as he spread me, licking me, sucking. His tongue stretched me, eating me out as if he was a man dying of thirst and need.
I let my hands work themselves under my shirt, playing with my breasts as I arched my back. The tableau of his head between my legs nearly sent me over the edge.
And then, when he twisted his lips and hummed against my clit, I fell.
I came, jerking in his hold as he pressed my hips down, laughing at my orgasm.
Then he was over me, kissing me, his dick on my belly, hard and wet, and I ached for him.
I ran my fingernails down his back, digging into the skin, and he groaned, deepening the kiss.
And then he pulled away from me and tugged my shirt over my head, and then his hands were on my breasts, his lips plucking at my nipples.
“Kannon,” I moaned.
“That’s it, say my name.”
“Inside me. I need you inside me.”
“Need a condom,” he whispered.
“Hurry. Please.”
I never begged. A princess did not beg. But I would fall to my knees and bow before his massive erection, even if it made me the worst of beggars.
Then he was back, the condom over his length, and he pushed me to all fours.
“That’s it. I want to fuck you from behind. You want that, princess? You want your fingers in the carpet as I pound into you from behind?”
Over my shoulder, I scowled at him. “That’s a lot of talking. Inside me. Now.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
And then he gripped my hips and pounded into me in one thrust.
I froze, his fingers digging into me, my body stretching to accommodate his size.
“Jesus Christ, you’re so tight. Jesus.” He just kept muttering that over and over again, and then I pressed my ass against him, rotating gently. Needing him to move.
In that space, time stretched forever as I waited for him to make love to me. And then he did.
I lowered my head, my cheek to the carpet as he thrust in and out of me, pounding into me as if neither of us knew when to stop.
I met him thrust for thrust, my body aching, my need increasing with each movement.
He slid one hand around, flicking my clit, the other squeezing my breast before coming back to my hips.
My knees ached, and I knew I’d have rug burn in the morning, but if he kept hitting that spot, I really didn’t care.
There’d be aches, and there’d likely be bruises, and it would all be absolutely worth it.
Because this was everything.
I grunted, shouting his name, and then he had me up again, my back to his front as he pounded in me, one hand around my throat, his fingers along my jaw, the other hand over my clit.
“There are other people in the house, princess. They’ll hear you if you shout my name while you’re riding my cock. You’ve got to be quiet. You don’t want them to hear you. You don’t want them to hear how much of a bad princess you are. How much you like taking my cock.”
“Kannon,” I whispered, the illicitness of it all turning me on even more.
If he had said anything like that outside of what we were doing just then, I’d have slapped him, kicked him in the balls, and told him exactly who I was. But right then? Hottest thing I’d ever experienced.
He flicked his finger over my clit again, turned me ever so slightly to capture my lips, and I came, my pussy clamping around his cock.
He filled me then, his entire body shaking as he pounded into me one last time, the condom the only thing between us.
I fought to catch my breath, fought to catch everything.
Because I fell into the abyss with him, and I knew there would be no crawling out.
Not without pain. Not without forgetting.
But for now, it didn’t matter.
For now, he was with me, and that was all that mattered.
I’d have to face the truth after he walked out.
And I would do that.
But for now, I could pretend.
For now, I could feel.
Chapter 15
Kannon
Mistakes happen. Life shouldn’t be one of them.
* * *
I woke up slowly, not knowing where I was like I usually did. Years of training had taught me to open my eyes as soon as I woke up, assess my surroundings, get my bearings, and know what situation I was in. Now it wasn’t like that.
Because of the woman in my arms.
The woman whose ass was currently pressed against my dick. I had come to talk to her for a reason. To do another security protocol for her next family call. To make sure she’d eaten something. I knew the stress could mess with appetite.
Shut up, you wanted to talk.
Which was such bullshit. I never wanted to talk. But I hated the chasm between us. Problem was I was there to protect her, not fuck her. Someone needed to tell my dick that, though.
Something lurched inside me at the word fuck and the emotion pulled my lips into a frown.
Why didn’t I like the word fuck when it came to her? It shouldn’t bother me. She couldn’t be more than just a fuck. And yet, I couldn’t get her out of my mind.
I wasn’t a complete fool. I knew that outside of this house, this situation, we didn’t work. She’d go home. And I’d go back to work. But for this moment in time, if I could chase the shadows from her eyes, I would.
What about your own?
She might not agree, but I cared about her. She didn’t need my particular brand of bullshit. But If I could make her smile for a couple of days, then I’d do that and pray to Christ we didn’t destroy each other in the end.
My hand was on her breast, and her nipple pebbled into my palm. She moved back into me in her sleep, as if needing my touch, and my cock pressed against her ass. One movement and I’d be able to slide right into her.
But hell, I couldn’t.
Not when doing so would screw up what I was trying to stay away from to begin with. And I didn’t have a condom, and there was no way I was going to slide into her sweet heat without protection. But Christ, the more I thought about it, the harder I became.
I slowly pulled away at that thought, knowing that I couldn’t do this again. I needed to walk away and be the man that protected her and not let myself fall again.
Because I could feel it.
That unnamed emotion that wanted something more. I hadn’t let myself feel that since Phoebe.
And I’d be damned if I let anyone that close again.
I slid out of bed then tucked London in, as if seeing her uncomfortable in any way did something to me that I’d rather not think about. No, it was just because I didn’t want her to get a fucking cold.
Because if she did so, then I’d have to deal with her complaining. That was why I did it. Not for some sense of comfort or some other shit.
I headed to the bathroom, took care of busi
ness, and washed my hands, my gaze straying to the trashcan right next to the sink.
I frowned, trying to wrap my mind around what I was actually seeing.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered and then reached down into the trashcan, lifting away a piece of tissue and cursing.
“Fuck.”
My heart raced, and I clenched my fist at my side, knowing I couldn’t go back and change it, but Jesus, how could this have happened?
No, it had to be a mistake. It had happened later, not during. It couldn’t be this. It just couldn’t.
“Jesus.”
I’d tell her when she woke up. Then we’d figure out what to do. Because maybe the condom had broken after, not when I had been buried balls-deep inside her, both of us screaming each other’s names while trying to keep quiet so the others couldn’t hear.
Who are you kidding?
I damn well knew the others had heard, and I hadn’t given a shit. That just egged me on even more. Just made me want to pound into her harder. But apparently all that pounding meant I’d fucking broken the condom. I tried to breathe, but I couldn’t.
This was not fucking happening.
I quickly changed then headed back out to the bedroom where London was still sleeping. I didn’t wake her, but as soon as I got back into the room after checking in with my team, I’d tell her.
Then we’d deal with it. That’s going to go well.
I shook my head, pulling my gaze from her soft curves and the way that she looked so gentle and peaceful in her sleep.
As if she wasn’t already scared shitless.
I found Olly and Sparrow in the dining room, going over plans and purposely not meeting my gaze.
Fuck, apparently, they had heard. We hadn’t been quiet last night. London was a screamer.
“I need coffee,” I muttered.
“Feeling a little parched there, boss?” Sparrow said.
I narrowed my gaze at her as she and Olly smirked right back.
“Fuck all y’all,” I mumbled as they snickered.
I poured myself coffee and drank half the cup, ignoring the fact that it scalded my throat. Thankfully it wasn’t too hot since they had left the coffee pot out, but Jesus, I really was a glutton for punishment.
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