“You okay, boss?” Sparrow asked, and I resisted the urge to flip her off.
“Fine,” I muttered.
“Just curious. What with all the shouting and the praying to God,” she said, buffing her nails.
“Stop it.”
“Hey, we’re not saying anything,” Sparrow said, holding up her hands.
Olly, indeed, didn’t say anything, but I noticed the look in his eyes.
“You’re saying something right now.”
“You’re right. I am. I just want you to be smart. You know who she is, boss.”
“I’m not going to fucking hurt her.”
She shook her head, and I opened my mouth to snap back, but she held up her hand.
“I believe you. I believe you’re going to try. But what about you? What happens when she hurts you?”
I frowned, shaking my head. “It’s not… It’s not that.”
I thought about that broken condom, but I knew it was a long shot. I did not just get her pregnant the night before.
Just the thought of that word made me want to throw up, and I swallowed hard.
Because I had already nearly been a father once, had almost held my child, and now I couldn’t. All of it was gone, and I wasn’t going to put myself in that situation again.
“I’m going to go wake her up. We have shit to do.”
“You’ve got it. We’re here when you need us.”
I shook my head and headed back to the room. London was up by then, already dressed and her hair piled on the top of her head. She frowned at me as I handed over a cup of coffee, and she studied my face.
“What’s wrong? Is it about last night?” she asked, and I felt like a fucking bastard.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I muttered. My tone tight.
She flinched then rolled her shoulders back, becoming the strong princess I knew she was, strapping on that armor that she used to block out the rest of the world.
“I thought… You know what, never mind.”
“There’s something you need to know,” I said, figuring I should just rip off the bandage quickly.
“Did you find out who it was?”
I shook my head. “We will. Today if I have anything to say about it.” I paused, knowing I needed to tell her. “Hell, I’m pretty sure the condom broke last night.”
Her face drained of color, and she set down her untouched coffee on the nightstand. “Are you sure?”
“Looks like it in the trash, but it could have happened afterward when I tossed it in. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed last night if it had happened during…”
Not that I had been thinking too hard other than wanting to get inside her the night before, but I didn’t say that.
She let out a shuddering breath and once again rolled those shoulders back. “Okay. Fuck.”
I hated the fact that my dick went hard at the sound of that word coming from her mouth.
“I don’t know what you want to do about it,” I said honestly. “It’s your choice.”
She shook her head. “I’m on birth control. I have been for as long as I was old enough to make my own decisions. But we can take other precautions.”
I nodded. “We’ll take care of that today.”
“Good.”
“Well then.” I let out a breath, knowing what I was going to say was going to be the worst possible thing, but it was what was needed. “That can’t happen again.” I felt like I was shredding my heart. Last night was one thing, but nothing said get your house in order like a fucking broken condom.
“Excuse me?” she asked, taking a step back. “What the hell?”
“I’m just saying, this was a wakeup call. I’m your bodyguard, not someone you should be fucking.”
“Fucking. So that’s it?”
“That was always what it was going to be, princess.”
“I hate when you call me that. You use it as an endearment once and then a slap in the face the next time. Make up your fucking mind.”
“Look at you with the potty mouth. Is that what happens when you fuck the help?” If I made her angry enough, she’d stay away. She’d see how bad I was for her.
“You’re lucky I don’t slap you right now.”
“Maybe you should just do it and get it over with,” I dared her. I sat my coffee down before I spilled it or broke the fucking mug. “You and me? Last night I—” I needed to get this right. “I thought we could keep this contained here. That I could give you what you needed for a moment in time. But this morning, that was one hell of a wakeup call. You’re not some random woman. You’re a princess. It will be bad for you.”
“Fine.” She squared her shoulders. “But you know what? I’ve had just about enough of men making decisions for me. You’re scared. Say that. Don’t give me some bullshit about not being right for me. About us never working...”
“I’m not scared of anything,” I lied.
“And you are an idiot if you believe that.”
“Maybe I am, but it doesn’t matter. You’re not for me just like I’m not for you. You’re a fucking princess, or did you forget that? Guys like me don’t end up with the happily ever after. That’s not how this goes.”
“How can I forget it? Everyone reminds me every second that they possibly can. And when I look in the mirror, I see the tiara even if it’s not on my head. I had to leave my country because of the title I have. Because of rules that I had no part of, rules I didn’t even realize existed that want to change my purpose and put me on a path that I didn’t ask for. I know I’m a princess, Kannon.”
“And I’m not your fucking prince. You belong with your family, and we’ll get you back there. I’m just the farm boy, and nothing is as you wish.”
I let out a curse as she pushed past me, the look in her gaze pure hatred. She shoved her shoulder into my side and kept going, but I could see the tears that were beginning to fall.
I had done that. I had hurt her. And I deserved whatever came next.
I let out a couple of breaths, knowing I just needed to calm down. But I couldn’t. Not when I had fucking hurt her. I knew I couldn’t be with her. It wasn’t smart for either of us. But what I could do was not hurt her anymore.
I didn’t have to push her away because she was going leave anyway. I didn’t have to hurt her to accomplish that.
She’d realize who I was, and then she’d walk away. I had simply done it first.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
I pushed out of the room and looked around the house. My team was gone. They must be switching out patrols, and I was fine with that.
But where the hell had London gone?
Something was wrong, I thought, the hairs on the back of my neck tingling. I frowned, went out the door, and everything inside me went on alert. There was a large pool of blood around the poolside cabanas, and neither London nor Sparrow was anywhere to be found.
Someone had fucking taken them.
And it was all my fucking fault.
Chapter 16
London
The ones you never saw coming hurt the most.
* * *
I awoke to what felt like a mouth full of cotton. My head throbbed and my muscles ached. I tried to blink, but my eyelids were far too heavy. When I tried to raise my hands to rub them, the skin on my wrists felt abraded.
What the hell?
And then in startling clarity, it all came back in a panorama of images just like in a movie. I’d been angry with Kannon. Angry that he’d pushed me away. Angry that he hadn’t wanted me. And then I’d gone running from the house. It was like every other day, but the security gates were open, and Olly... Where had Olly been?
That’s right. Kannon had said he’d gone for supplies. Had he not reset the alarm? That didn’t even make sense. They were all so careful. These three people I didn’t know had decided to protect me, even though they had other things to do, lives to get back to, and I’d put them in danger.
Oh shit. Sparrow.
I’d stormed out of the house, eager to just get some space. I went out and around to one of the guest houses. I figured she could help me with her boss a little bit. And I found her by the pool under one of the cabanas.
Everything started coming back at once. There was a horrendous sticky substance on the tiles near the pool, and her silky dark hair had been matted with it. Oh God, this was my fault. Someone had come to that house looking for me. Instead, they’d found Sparrow, and they’d hurt her. I’d been so preoccupied with my damn love life I hadn’t even noticed her until it had been too late. There wasn’t even time for me to run or scream or do something, anything. I just stood there, staring at her. The woman had become my friend, and I had been unable to help her. Is she going to be okay?
“Uh-uh-uh, I wouldn’t do that if I were you. The more you struggle, the more the restraints are going to chafe.” I forced my eyes open then, turning toward the voice. That voice, it was all too familiar. It was only then that I realized I was on a plane. A private one. My hands were pinned with zip ties to the seat, and my Aunt Rebecca was lounging on the seat across from mine. “Yes, darling. You never were particularly bright, were you?”
I frowned, trying to understand what the hell was going on. This was my aunt. My safe harbor. The one who’d been there for me after my parents died when I had no one else. Why was she doing this? “Where is my friend? Where is Sparrow?”
“You can stop with that face. Like this is some grand betrayal. And the other woman is being dealt with. Shame she had to get caught up in all of this.”
I tried to form words, but my mouth was having a hard time working around my thoughts. Finally, I managed to mutter, “Why?”
“Sweetheart.” She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and clasping her hands together. I’d never seen her look so free. Her hair was down and loose for once, not pinned back in an elegant chignon or styled in some up-do that was “befitting her age” as she liked to say. Instead it was down and hung around her shoulders. It made her look younger, less matronly, softer. And she had on makeup. Not the usual understated nude lipstick she wore, but bright flamenco red. And she was in a turquoise pantsuit.
She looked ready for battle in the boardroom. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about these things. There are events happening here that are way above your pay grade.”
“I trusted you.”
We all had. Bile filled my throat as I desperately tried to catch up. This woman...this was my aunt? She’d been part of all of this? Oh God, she’d hurt Sparrow.
How had I missed it?
How had we all missed it?
“Well, that was your first error. God, how many times you cried on my shoulder. ‘Oh auntie, my life is so hard. Nobody loves me.’ Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to tell you what a whiny little brat you were being? You wanted Mommy and Daddy back to tell you how loved you were, and yes, that you too could be special. The thing is, you’re not. You’re a tool. And, had everything gone as planned, I would have used you appropriately. But you and your brothers had to entertain other ideas. This has always been your problem. You’re far too independent.”
Who the hell was this woman? “No, this isn’t right. This isn’t you. You don’t even have anything to gain by kidnapping me. Why?” It didn’t make any sense. Aunt Rebecca would gain nothing from my death.
“Well, you see, love, I never meant to kidnap you. You were supposed to have a little accident on the road, but the men I hired failed to successfully make that happen. Because, of course, poor, sweet, naïve, unloved London would find somebody who couldn’t help but save her. Your knight in shining armor ruined everything. What is it about young pretty little things? Men cannot help but be drawn to you, to help you out of whatever peril you found yourself in. God, to be young again.”
“You sound like you hate me.” My hands shook, and even as I tried to get myself out of my restraints, I knew my aunt had been correct. Every time I moved, the bands went tighter, digging into my skin.
How was I going to get out of this?
I couldn’t rely on anyone else. I needed to get to safety... But how?
“I do. But rest assured it’s not anything that you’ve done to me personally. I can’t have you going to your grave thinking ‘Oh, how could I have wronged my beloved Aunt Rebecca?’”
I narrowed my gaze at her. “What I’m thinking is more along the lines of ‘I can’t believe Aunt Rebecca is such a cunt.’”
Her brows lifted, and I thought she was going to shoot me or have someone come out and just stab me or something, but instead, she laughed. “Oh my, look who’s got teeth. Well, good for you. I always hoped that you would turn out more like me in the end.”
I swallowed, trying to get some moisture in my mouth. “So I was supposed to have an accident, but now you’ve kidnapped me? What’s the next part of the plan?”
“Listen to you talking about a next plan. I mean, how did you manage to find a security consultant, in Paris nonetheless?”
“Good things come to those who are nearly assassinated by their aunts.”
She waved a hand and tsked. When she sat back, she gave me an easy smile. “Relax, we’re going home. You will die in Alden, my love. Now, we’ll have to stage it so that it appears you returned home unbeknownst to Roman, Breck, and Wilder. You thought you were going to fix your little predicament, and then you had an unfortunate accident there. Which is fine. I’ll pick a narrative.”
“You’re crazy.” I knew of course that you should never call a crazy person crazy, but sometimes you had to call a spade, a spade.
“No, I’m not crazy. You think you’re the only one who has ever wanted anything in her life? You’re the only one who’s ever fought for anything? See, with the freedom you were given, all you wanted was someone to notice you and to love you. In my generation, before the laws were different, I couldn’t even date unless my husband had passed away. And after your father died, well, I couldn’t take the throne. All I could do was be an adviser to the young upstart. If he’d been underage, I could have ruled and set things up nicely for myself. But oh no, I had to be content to stay on the sidelines watching children lead my country, my home.”
“That means what? You’re trying to steal it to give it to Barkley? He’d just as soon ruin Alden and you in a breath. He’d be wasted most of the time. High too.”
“No, he will fall in line, or I will remind him that there is a codicil that states should the ruler be determined to be unfit, and ruled so by the Council of Lords, that a regent will be appointed over him. As he’s my son, I will rule.”
I blinked at her, my heart racing as I tried to catch up. “My God, so this is what crazy looks like. I’ve always wondered.”
She pushed to her feet and strolled over to me, placing her hands in her pockets. I tilted my chin up to glare at her. Even though she had the upper hand and the higher ground, I still gave her my best evil-death glare. “So, why lie? Why pretend?”
“Because this has been in the works for a very long time. At the very least, I was hoping to influence the court with your marriage, but you always seem to thwart my attempts. I could have ruled through you, and I’d have had those men’s balls in a vice. Only every young man I introduced you to, you found something wrong with him. You were never satisfied. You always wanted more. You never wanted to be a princess. Over the years, do you understand how frustrating it has been? If you had just done as I told you, things would be easier now.”
“Well, it’s never going to happen now.”
“You’re right. It’s not. Don’t take it personally. I did care for you.” She looked at her nails rather than my face as she said it.
“Oh yes, of course.” I shook my left wrist. “These restraints prove that.”
“Don’t be mouthy. No one likes that in a woman.”
“You know what’s weird? In the last three days, I have learned more about love and connection than I have ever known. My brothers love me, but
you kept me separated from them most of the time. And you did that on purpose, so I wouldn’t know how much they loved me. I could hate you for that alone.”
She snorted. “Oh sweetheart, look at you having opinions and thoughts all on your own, not ones that were given to you.”
My hands shook. “I always had these thoughts. I felt sorry for you. You had no one to love you, so I made that my job. Too bad. But now that I see you clearly, I find you lacking.”
Over the years, I’d learned to read Aunt Rebecca’s rage button. It was in the corner of her mouth, the way it pressed ever so tightly when she was furious, even if only for just a second. Like the time Wilder had broken her priceless Ming vase, one that she’d acquired with her own money after Uncle George had died. She had been furious. Part of me thought that she would actually hit him or something, although, given what was going on now, that possibility probably hadn’t been too far off.
I needed to get away, and if making her talk long enough so I could form a plan would work, I’d keep going. “Look, Aunt Rebecca, I know you’ve had a sad, sad life. You didn’t get to rule like you thought you should. Too bad. But doing all of this is not going to change who you are inside. It won’t make you any less miserable. You’ve believed that you were unlovable your whole life, and well, you’ve proven it now.”
I didn’t see it coming, didn’t anticipate it and couldn’t brace for it. And the sharp blow she dealt me exploded like a bomb inside my head and sent the edges of my vision graying as I once again slumped forward on my seat.
Chapter 17
Kannon
I never expected her.
* * *
My heart was doing its level best to jump outside of my body.
You idiot. You sent her out running away from you. And now she’s gone.
My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as I peeled out onto the main road. Next to me, Olly clutched at the door handle. “Jesus fucking Christ, boss, I thought the goal was to save Sparrow and London, not die on the way there.”
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