The Joy and the Challenge: Parenting Gifted Children

by SENG



  The Joy and the Challenge: Parenting Gifted Children

  Readings and Resources

  Copyright 2011 by SENG

  Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted

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  Table of Contents

  Introduction: National Parenting Gifted Children Week

  Day 1: Identifying and Recognizing Giftedness

  Day 2: The Challenges of Raising a Gifted Child

  Day 3: Underachievement Issues and Twice Exceptionalism

  Day 4: Gifted Minorities, Gifted Girls, and Gifted Boys

  Day 5: Misdiagnosis and Depression in Gifted Youth

  Day 6: Advocacy for Gifted Children

  Day 7: Parenting Supports and Resources

  About SENG

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  Featured Authors

  Lori Comallie-Caplan, SENG Director and President Elect

  Rosina Gallagher, SENG Director and President

  Tiombe Kendrick, SENG Secretary

  Carolyn Kottmeyer, SENG Director

  Linda Neumann, Former SENG Director

  Vidisha Patel, SENG Directory and Finance Officer Elect

  And the authors of Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, Ocd, Asperger's, Depression, and Other Disorders: James T. Webb (SENG Director Emeritus), Edward R. Amend (SENG Director Emeritus), Nadia E. Webb (Former SENG Director), Jean Goerss (SENG Professional Advisory Committee Member), Paul Beljan, F. Richard Olenchak (Former SENG Director)

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  Introduction

  National Parenting Gifted Children Week

  One article in this collection begins as follows: "You are not alone! Whether you need help finding friends for your gifted children or helping them 'fit in' with peers in school, whether you are struggling with your child's over-sensitivities or existential depression, there are other parents of gifted children struggling with the same things."

  Parents of gifted children know the ups and downs of striving to meet the needs of intense, sensitive, driven learners. Often they need help to understand the social-emotional traits of high-potential children and to support their growth.

  To celebrate the joys and challenges of raising, guiding, and supporting bright young minds, SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted) sponsors National Parenting Gifted Children (NPGC) Week, which was established with the National Special Events Registry in 2007. In 2010, SENG issued seven daily newsletters during NPGC Week, each with its own theme, an article by a SENG Team Member, and a list of further resources.

  As part of our celebration for NPGC Week 2011, SENG is making available here, for free, the contents of those issues, complete with new and updated links to further reading. If you enjoy and benefit from these articles, please tell others about this valuable, free resource.

  In 1981, SENG was formed to bring attention to the unique emotional needs of gifted children. Its mission is to empower families and communities to guide gifted and talented individuals to reach their goals: intellectually, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. SENG is an independent, non-profit 501(c)(3) organization led by a highly dedicated volunteer Board of Directors to provide free and low-cost programs to address the social and emotional needs of gifted children and the families, educators and health professionals who serve them. SENG envisions a world where gifted, talented and creative individuals are supported to build gratifying, meaningful lives and contribute to the well-being of others, and, to this end, reaches out to diverse communities that share our mission across the nation and the globe.

  Learn more about SENG and sign up for our free monthly newsletter, the SENGVine, at our website: www.sengifted.org

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  Day 1: Identifying and Recognizing Giftedness

  By Tiombe Kendrick

  Did your child begin reading before the first day of preschool? Do you know a child who is extremely talented in the visual and performing arts? Does your godchild exhibit an in-depth understanding of math and science? Are you an athletic coach for a highly talented swimmer, golfer, or basketball player? Do you have a student in your classroom who manifests the type of leadership skills required to negotiate peace around the world? Answering yes to any of the above questions most likely means you have been in the presence of a gifted child.

  The process of identifying gifted and talented children in general is a very complex and highly controversial topic. Much of the available literature focuses on the recognition and identification of intellectually and/or academically gifted children. Many of these children are identified by intellectual or academic achievement assessments administered by teachers, school districts, psychologists, and academic talent search programs. Typically, children identified as intellectually and academically gifted must score at, or above, a specified cutoff score to qualify for educational programming provided by school districts and private organizations. Some school districts also use portfolios and other non-traditional assessments to help identify gifted students, but this varies among states and school districts.

  There are a few important things people should understand about identification procedures for gifted children. Federal law does not mandate public school districts to identify or service gifted students. States are given the option to identify and service gifted students. States that choose to identify and service gifted children receive very little guidance on identification practices and curriculum development for gifted children. As a result of the latter, school districts often have very different identification procedures, eligibility requirements, and programming from each other. In addition, unlike the assistance they receive to help with the costs of educating students with disabilities, states are not provided with financial assistance for the costs of educating gifted students.

  Many parents, therefore, often endure the burden of having their child evaluated to determine giftedness. Unfortunately, many parents experience a difficult time locating appropriate educational services for their child once they are classified as gifted, or if they relocate to a state that does not provide gifted services. Parents from low income backgrounds or culturally and/or linguistically diverse populations often experience significant challenges getting their children evaluated by school districts or private practitioners, which often contributes to the underrepresentation of children in gifted programs from low income families and culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.

  Some experts in the gifted field insist that gifted children be identified as early as possible, while others deter parents from seeking identification unless the child is experiencing some type of distress or when the child reaches middle and high school. It is important for parents to understand that gifted programming is a type of educational service and not a class for “privileged” children only. Parents should also consider the educational and social and emotional needs of their children when making the decision whether to have their child assessed for giftedness. Parents must have a good understanding and working knowledge of the specialized needs of gifted children in order to advocate effectively for their needs. Therefore, it is very important that gifted children are identified as early as possible for the purposes of future educational planning.

  SENG Director Tiombe-Bisa Kendrick, S.S.P., NCSP, is a nationally certified school psychologist and is licensed to practice school psychology in the state of Florida. She has been employed with the Miami-Dade County Public School District as a school psychologist since 2005. Ms. Kendrick has a very strong passion for addressing the needs of gifted students from culturally and linguistically diverse populations and has been instrumen
tal in significantly increasing the numbers of culturally diverse students participating in the Gifted Program at her schools.

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  More Resources

  SENG ARTICLES

  "Asynchronous Development," by Jean Goerss

  Asynchronous development is the hallmark of giftedness and in a very real sense, as gifted children mature they "grow into" their intellect and become more balanced, more normal. The more extreme the intellectual advancement is; the more extreme is the asynchrony. Social and emotional development depends on the way we perceive and process information and therefore is profoundly influenced by our intellect...

  "Can We Capture and Measure the Creativity Beast?" by Rose Blackett

  There appears to be ongoing debate and discussion about what creativity is and how to identify and enhance it. Many question if it can measured at all. Traditionally, the person, process or product has been the focus in the search to capture creativity and give it meaning. Sometimes products are not accepted at a given point in time: their originality slowly emerges and is only acknowledged and appreciated by new generations. Many famous artists have died in poverty, yet their work is now considered that of a "genius"...

  "Is My Child Gifted?" Free Service Bulletin from SENG and NAGC

  All children are special and have their own areas of strength. However, some children have unusually advanced abilities that require special adjustments at home and school to help them grow and learn. As you watch your child grow and develop, you may notice skills or characteristics that are quite different from those of other children the same age...

  "Making Sense of I.Q.," by Nadia Webb

  An individual's IQ test result is a sample of demonstrated abilities. A good evaluation should identify if there was any concern about a child putting forth his or her best effort. Even under appropriate testing conditions with full effort, IQ scores remain estimates of ability; it is more accurate to say that we are 90% or 95% certain that the true IQ is within a certain range. Making a distinction between children with measured IQ of 130 or 140 is just silliness. Both children could have the same IQ since the rule of thumb is that the IQ score is really +/- 6 points. There is never a point where we can peer into your soul and find "IQ of 129" floating there...

  "Overexcitability and the Gifted," by Sharon Lind

  A small amount of definitive research and a great deal of naturalistic observation have led to the belief that intensity, sensitivity and overexcitability are primary characteristics of the highly gifted. These observations are supported by parents and teachers who notice distinct behavioral and constitutional differences between highly gifted children and their peers. The work of Kazimierz Dabrowski, (1902-1980), provides an excellent framework with which to understand these characteristics...

  "Young Gifted Children," by Beverly Shaklee

  Young children in general are very complex. They are amazing in the tasks, abilities and areas that they develop in the first five to eight years of their life; some researchers estimate upwards of 80% of all of their deep knowledge is constructed at that time. Having a young child who is also cognitively gifted gives added dimension to that complexity. Although there are many issues that arise during this period of development, probably one of the most difficult to understand and address as a parent and teacher is the difference between aspects of a child's development that are age-appropriate and those that are developmentally advanced...

  BOOKS

  Artistically and Musically Talented Students, edited by Enid Zimmerman (Corwin Press, 2004)

  Early Gifts: Recognizing and Nurturing Children's Talents edited by Paula Olszewski-Kubilius, Lisa Limburg-Weber, and Steven Pfeiffer (Prufrock Press, 2003)

  Five Levels of Gifted, by Deborah Ruf (Great Potential Press, 2009)

  High IQ Kids: Collected Insights, Information, and Personal Stories from the Experts, edited by Kiesa Kay, Deborah Robson, and Judy Fort Brenneman (Free Spirit Publishing, 2007)

  ONLINE

  Duke University Talent Identification Program: https://www.tip.duke.edu/

  Davidson Institute for Talent Development: https://www.davidsongifted.org/

  Johns Hopkins University Center for Talent Youth: https://www.cty.jhu.edu/

  National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC): https://www.nagc.org/

  Northwestern University Center for Talent Development: https://www.ctd.northwestern.edu/

  Western Academic Talent Search: https://www.centerforbrightkids.org/index.html

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  Day 2: The Challenges of Parenting a Gifted Child

  By Vidisha Patel

  It is summer. Time for some quiet fun, late mornings, relaxed unstructured days, and NO HOMEWORK. Right? Not if you are the parent of a gifted child. Whoever said parenting was easy, especially parenting gifted children?

  As a mental health professional and the mother of two gifted children, I can attest to the fact that parenting gifted children poses unique challenges.

  Gifted kids are on a different timeline from the average child. They generally process information at a different rate and in a different style from their peers. They react differently in social situations and tend to be highly emotional and easily frustrated. As a result, they are easily bored.

  Johnny can figure out the math problem faster than the time it takes to write it down. So why does he have to write down all the steps? Yet the teacher takes points off because he doesn’t show all his work! His grades don’t reflect his knowledge of math.

  Sally came home from school crying because someone squashed a spider at the lunch table. She is vegetarian and she can’t understand why the other kids thought it was funny and normal to kill the bug. She could literally feel the pain that the spider felt when it was squashed.

  Jean has daily tantrums in the summertime. Her parents can’t understand her. They thought she would welcome the quiet, unstructured time at home after a challenging year of middle school. For Jean, the structure gives her security. She knows what is coming next. Even if it is lots of homework or an arduous dance practice, she knows what to expect. The mornings when she wakes up and has no schedule are scary for her.

  Tim locked himself in his room and refused to come out when his parents threw him a surprise party for his 13th birthday. He doesn’t like surprises. He would rather have known about the event so that he would have time to prepare himself.

  What do these kids have in common? They are all highly gifted kids, and, as a result, they tend to be highly sensitive and emotional. Parenting a highly sensitive and emotional child can be extremely challenging. As parents, we feel we have a responsibility to raise secure, confident, well-adjusted children. But, sometimes, our gifted children take us by surprise. So what can we do to help ourselves in these situations?

  Take a step back and assess the situation. Is your child upset about the specific situation, or is the reaction a symptom of another problem? Johnny’s performing poorly in math is more about the fact that he doesn’t write down the steps to the solution than an understanding of his abilities.

  Take time to talk with your children. We underestimate the time we actually spend having a conversation with our children. Frequently, we just talk at them instead of talking with them.

  Take time to BE with your children. Many times we think we are spending time with our children, but we are not present. We are doing other things, or our minds are on something else. Focus entirely on your child for even a few minutes. The time spent will make them feel special.

  Do the best you can, and recognize that sometimes they will have to work through their own emotional roller coasters.

  Recognize your limitations, and know when it is important to seek outside assistance. Even if your child’s behavior is considered normal for a gifted child, recognize that it may be too much for your family to handle, and you need to seek outside assistance.

  Most of all, remember to have fun. Parenting may be a challenge, but w
e have a short window of time with our children, so enjoy your time with them as much as you can!

  SENG Director Vidisha Patel has a doctorate of Education in Counseling Psychology and practices as a therapist in Sarasota, Florida, where much of her work is with gifted children and their families, with a focus on stress and anxiety. Dr. Patel is active in her local community and regularly speaks at conferences, schools, and parenting groups throughout the community and the state. Dr. Patel holds an MBA from Columbia University and worked in finance on Wall Street and overseas before obtaining her doctorate in psychology. Dr. Patel is the mother of two gifted children.

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  More Resources

  SENG ARTICLES

  "Benny and Me: A Father Sees Himself Through His Son," by Michael Postma

  We learned, the hard way sometimes (and with much consternation on my part), that dealing with Ben was going to take a little extra. You see, I work in the field of gifted and talented education and, by 2001, already had some experience working with what we have since labeled the twice- or multi-exceptional child. Ben, it turned out, had Asperger’s Syndrome, something that I, the so-called expert, didn’t see in my own child. Nor did I see it in myself. Yet, as we grew up together, I saw and relived my own childhood as a multi-exceptional student through living with, chasing, laughing, lecturing, supporting, admonishing, dragging, and, yes, advocating for Ben...

  "Dos and Dont's for Raising Your Gifted Kids," by Deborah Ruf

  Many parents, like their own parents before them, figure that someone in the schools will tell them if the child is gifted; therefore, if they are the only ones thinking something is amiss, something must be wrong with them (or their kid). Fortunately, sometimes the parent has enough confidence and courage to persevere on behalf of the child despite all the apparent odds. It is a good sign if you are a parent reading this article. You have taken some important steps to learning what you can about what ails your child, and about what you might do to make it better. Here are some ideas to get you started...