Protector: Silent Phoenix MC Series: Book Four

by Myers, Shannon

  “Y-you,” I answered shakily, fighting to keep my legs underneath me.

  Jamie moved away until he was crouched directly under the showerhead.

  “Come back,” I begged, running my hands over my breasts. “Please.”

  His nostrils flared, and he moved closer, trailing his fingers across my belly and down to trace the moisture on my lips. My body shuddered at the contact, and I ground shamelessly against his hand. His middle finger plunged inside me, and he slowly pumped it in and out before asking again. “Who’s in charge?”

  My mind was beyond rational thought and only focused on relieving the ache between my thighs. “Y-you are. Don’t stop.”

  Again, he pulled himself from my body and moved away. “Ain’t touchin’ you until you say it, Celia. Tell me who the fuck is in charge right now?”

  I studied the intense expression on his face, and my lips parted in surprise. “Me?”

  “Who’s in charge?” he demanded again.

  “Me,” I repeated, stronger this time. “I’m in charge.”

  He leaned in and licked my slit with a grin. “That’s my good girl. You’re in charge, princess. You want me to stop, I’ll stop.”

  I shook my head, actively aware of my heart pounding out a steady rhythm in my chest. “I don’t want you to stop.”

  “Thank Christ,” he muttered before thrusting his finger back inside my body. I sought to find something to hold onto along the tile before settling for his hair. My fists tightened around the newly shorn locks as he flicked his tongue across me, pushing me to the edge.

  I just needed… “More,” I panted. “Please.”

  He added another finger and lazily moved them both in and out of my body while fisting his shaft in the other hand. “What else do you need?”

  “Your…” Black spots danced across my vision. “Mouth.”

  “It’s all yours, darlin’.”

  He sucked me in between his teeth, giving me just the right amount of pleasure and pain to send me over the edge with a loud cry. My hips bucked furiously against his face as I rode out my orgasm in a mix of moans and pants before blinking drowsily down at him.

  A wide grin stretched across his face. “God, I missed your taste.”

  I clenched my thighs around his fingers, aching to come again. “Please…”

  He rocked back onto his heels. “What do you need?”

  “I need your…” I stopped myself from saying it and pointed down where his shaft jutted up against his abdomen.

  His eyes narrowed. “My what?”

  “You,” I groaned, feeling my cheeks heat. “I need you.”

  “Now, see…” A wicked grin played at his lips. “You’ve got me. I wonder if there’s something else you might be meanin’ though. All you gotta do is say it.”

  “You’re an asshole,” I ground out, fighting to hide my grin.

  “You got a filthy mouth on you, wife. Tell me what you want.”

  Knowing two could play his game, I lowered my hand down to my breast, tweaking my nipple in between my fingers just like he had. “Oh,” I moaned, watching his face contort into one of pure, unadulterated need.

  “Say it,” he forced through clenched teeth. “Fuckin’ say it, please.”

  I licked along my top lip. “Let’s see… I’ve got this hand.” I squeezed my breast.

  “And this one…” I moved the other between my legs. “Do I need anything else?”

  He began jerking himself off with abandon. “For the love of all the saints, tell me you want my cock.”

  My teeth sank down onto my lower lip before I admitted, “I want your cock, baby.”

  With another low growl, he lifted me up and buried himself to the hilt inside me. The men who’d used their bodies to hurt me were gone. It was Jamie’s hands holding my hips in a death grip as he drove himself into me, chasing away the memories of that night with every thrust.

  He brought his mouth down to mine while keeping his eyes open, and I knew he was watching for signs that I might be slipping away.

  I stayed in the present, letting each stroke drive me closer to madness before coming with his name on my lips. He was no longer a biker Pres, and I was no longer a victim.

  We were nobodies, learning to navigate each other’s bodies again while staying safely hidden away from the cruelness of the world.

  His tongue sought entrance into my mouth, and I parted my lips, letting him in fully. My defenses were down, and any urge to fight him was long gone as we let the friction between us take over.

  I kept a death grip on his shoulders, the muscles in my body losing tension as he drove himself into me. The blood drained from my face, and a scream ripped from my throat as I came before his fingers dug into my backside and he yanked me up, spilling his seed onto my belly.

  His heart pounded so forcefully that I felt it in my own ribs, each of us fighting to draw air back into our lungs and come back down from wherever it was we’d just gone. “You okay?” Jamie gasped.

  When I nodded shakily, he let his forehead drop down to rest between my breasts, pressing a soft kiss against my sternum. The water had gone cold at some point, and I shuddered against the chill before drawing him closer.

  He reached out and shut it off with a soft chuckle, keeping a tight grip on me as he moved us onto the tile. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

  Bypassing the plethora of bath towels, he strode out of the bathroom and toward the bed in the master bedroom, ripping the comforter back before lowering me into it. I wrapped my fingers around his wrist as he settled in at my back, pulling him around me like a blanket.

  “I missed you,” I whispered, and his arms tightened around me in response. The sounds of our heavy breathing drowned out the sounds of spring rain on the window, and my eyes grew heavy with fatigue.

  I drifted off to sleep with the knowledge that while my biker didn’t know how to be soft, he had given me the one thing I hadn’t even realized I’d needed.

  Control.

  * * *

  I awoke to a completely dark bedroom and the soft sounds of snoring behind me. Slipping out from under the sheets, I padded into the bathroom to relieve myself.

  The rain had finally stopped, and I listened as a pair of coyotes yipped to each other from somewhere out in the orchard.

  My eyes were still swollen from crying, and I blinked blearily against the overhead light, trying to let them adjust. With a yawn, I tore several sheets of toilet paper from the roll, wincing slightly as it came in contact with my sensitive skin.

  A flash of color caught my eye, and I froze before slowly lifting the tissue up.

  Blood.

  I was bleeding.

  A soft whimper escaped past my lips as panic tightened like a vice around my chest. There was a low thud from the bedroom, followed by the heavy tread of Jamie’s feet racing across the hardwood.

  “Celia?” He opened the door, hastily rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  I shook my head. “I just—I—”

  “Hey, it’s alright. I’m here.” He walked over and knelt beside the toilet, taking my hand in his while somehow remaining oblivious to the fact that we were both still completely naked.

  “It’s nothing. I just saw some blood and freaked out. Sorry to wake you—”

  “You on the rag, or…” He trailed off and looked up at me helplessly. “Fuck, I don’t know.”

  I mashed my lips together. “I think that—it’s just—this is really awkward—”

  Suddenly wide awake, he moved in front of me. “You okay, princess? Do you need me to call a doctor?”

  Mortified didn’t even begin to cover it.

  My face heated as I blurted, “I think it’s just been a really long time since we’ve had… relations and there might’ve been some tearing. It’s not a big deal and before this wouldn’t have even been an issue, but—”

  “You saw the blood, and it took you back,” he finished for me.

  I nodded. �
��I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t fuckin’ apologize…” He grinned. “Well, I take that back. You called what we did ‘relations.’ I feel like I’m owed an apology for that one.”

  He swatted my thigh and stood up. “Come back to bed.”

  I let him get to the door before admitting, “I could watch you walk away all night.”

  Jamie looked back over his shoulder with a grin. “You starin’ at my ass?”

  He flexed his muscles when I nodded, and I chuckled before adding, “I like your ass… a lot.”

  “Got a dirty mouth on you, darlin’. I like it.”

  I almost expected to see the old me reflected in the mirror above the sink as I washed my hands, but the warrior met my gaze instead. I stared until her lips curved up in a playful smirk, bringing with it the realization that the girl Jamie fell in love with was still in there. She just wasn’t as soft as she used to be.

  He was sitting up in bed when I returned. “All good?”

  I pulled the covers up around my body and settled in at his side. “All good.”

  “Today’s been a lot for you.” He stroked my shoulder, and I brought my head down to rest against his chest.

  “You know,” I said, my jaw stretching wide with a yawn. “I can’t remember the last time I slept this good. I have this weird routine where I get up every hour and check all the locks. Then, it’s like every little noise makes me jump.”

  His body tensed beneath mine and I lifted my chin, straining to see him in the dark. “What’s wrong?”

  “Just thinkin’,” he said quietly. “Wish I would’ve been there for you—”

  “You were,” I cut in. “There were so many times I asked myself, ‘Celia, would Jamie be scared of a cicada in the kitchen window?’”

  His chest rose and fell in a deep belly laugh. “Fuck yeah I would. Those fuckers are nasty. And how many times did cicadas get in the house that you had to ask that?”

  I punched his shoulder playfully. “I was using that as an example. It only happened once or twice.”

  “Hey, princess?”

  “Yeah?”

  He mashed a button on his watch, illuminating the face. “You know it’s only nine o’clock, right?”

  I sat up. “Are you serious? But I’m starving… I thought maybe it was close to morning.” As if on cue, my stomach rumbled loudly, eliciting another chuckle from my biker.

  “Not sure if you remember or not, but we kinda missed lunch.” His hand connected with my thigh under the blankets, squeezing lightly. “C’mon, darlin’. Let’s get you fed.”

  I’d been at war with my body for almost five years; hiding under baggy clothes and cutting myself open just to feel. Nothing would erase what had been done to me; but tonight, in front of the man I’d pledged my life to, I was completely comfortable in my own skin.

  I didn’t bother picking up the shirt on the floor as I followed him through the living room and into the kitchen. “Do you have eggs? I could make breakfast for dinner.”

  He gestured toward one of the stools near the butcher block island. “Sit your pretty ass right there, and I’ll get ya fixed up.”

  In our relationship, I’d been the one in charge of meals, but watching him rummage through the kitchen cabinets while humming to himself, felt normal. It was as if no time had passed at all.

  I quickly realized why I’d always done the cooking when he held up the bright blue can with a triumphant grin.

  “Spam?” My nose wrinkled, and I shook my head. “You don’t have anything else?”

  “You ever had a fried Spam sandwich?” he asked, pulling the tab back before dumping a flesh-colored block onto a plate. “It’ll put hair on your chest.”

  “And that’s something I would want?”

  “Just you wait, darlin’. You’re in for a treat.” He cut it into thin slices and arranged them on a plate before grabbing a cast-iron skillet.

  I watched him fry up the canned meat, convinced that there was no way I’d be able to eat a single bite and keep it down. Then, I smelled it, and the appetite that had fled around the same time the blue can appeared suddenly returned.

  The oil popped in the pan and Jamie jumped back.

  I grinned. “You better be careful, or you might end up with burns in some pretty uncomfortable places.”

  He flipped them and turned back to me. “I’m a pro, baby.”

  After several more near-misses with the hot oil, he snagged a couple of pieces of bread and carefully spread mayonnaise and mustard over them before adding the meat. He placed the entire thing in front of me like a chef would a food critic.

  I bit into it as he sat down next to me, watching my face expectantly. “Well?”

  “It’s surprisingly good,” I said around a mouthful.

  “Surprisingly,” he scoffed. “You country club types have been missin’ out, admit it.”

  “Fine. We’ve been missing out.” We devoured our sandwiches, slipping into a comfortable silence.

  “What are they like?”

  “Who?” I asked with a frown. “Country club people? About like most people, I expect.”

  “No, the girls. What are they like?”

  “Oh.” I finished chewing. “Well, Kate is a moody teenager. So, that’s fun.”

  Jamie rested his elbow on the island, leaning in toward me. “But what does she like to do, though? Is she in sports or a club at school?”

  The hope reflected in his blue eyes was almost childlike. He wanted to know our girls; all of the little everyday things that I’d taken for granted over the years.

  I thought about it. “Kate loves music. Nothing else breaks through to her quite like it. She’s in the choir at school, but it’s the songs on the radio that I catch her listening to late at night. Some days, I’m convinced that she feels things on a deeper level. Does that make sense?”

  He nodded with a soft smile. “Complete sense. What about Dakota Mae?”

  “Do you remember how she was obsessed with Thor when she was a toddler?”

  “Yeah,” he laughed, rubbing at his forehead. “I had more silverware thrown at my face during that phase…”

  My hands moved up between us, as I animatedly described his children. “Well, it wasn’t just a phase. She is a full-blown comic book junkie, but only with Marvel. Otherwise, it’s no good. She helped start this comic book club that meets once a week at the library. From the sounds of it, all they do is argue, but every week, she’s ready to go back and do it again.”

  He picked at the skin around his thumbnail. “When I came into the house a few nights ago, I saw the closed door and just immediately thought of it as bein’ a nursery, but they ain’t babies anymore. Don’t matter if I wipe out every rival club in the country, I can’t get that time back.”

  I often found myself thinking something similar when it came to Kate and Dakota, especially after losing the baby. I wondered if they knew how much I loved them and how proud I was of the young women they were becoming. There were the nights I’d laid awake, worried that my grief had impacted my ability to be a good mother.

  “Before, you said that you had walked away from the club. What were you going to do?”

  He ran a hand roughly over his face. “Doesn’t really matter now, does it?”

  I reached over and laced my fingers with his. “It does to me. You think I don’t imagine how different our lives could’ve been?”

  “You do?”

  “I do. Just last night I had a dream that we were on a beach together—”

  “A beach?” His mouth turned up. “What kind of beach? Like a clothing-optional one?”

  “Sorry to disappoint, but it was not a nudist beach. You were wearing black swim trunks and an unbuttoned shirt, and I was wearing a bikini under this see-through cover-up thing.”

  “Did we seem happy?”

  I thought back on it and smiled. “We did.”

  His grip tightened around my hand. “Maybe I’ll take you to a beach someday, prince
ss.”

  “I’d like that.” I spun the ring on his left hand before pulling back in surprise. “You’re still wearing it.”

  “Been on my finger since our wedding day. Noticed you were wearin’ yours too.”

  My gaze dropped down to my hand. “I am. Hey, do you remember that day in the cemetery?”

  He paused, considering my question. “Yeah. Greek mythology and, uh, the constellations, right?”

  I nodded. “You asked me a question before leaving, and I said that maybe someday I’d tell you…”

  The blood drained from his face, and he swallowed. “I asked you what Persephone wanted. More I think about it, the more I realize that she would’ve been better off had she never met him.”

  It was easier for him to pretend we were talking about fictional gods and goddesses instead of ourselves.

  “Would she though? Stuck tending a garden for the rest of her life? Doing everything her mother commanded?”

  Jamie pulled his hand back and stared down at his empty plate. “Least then she would’ve been safe…”

  I shrugged. “If anyone knew what it meant to eat those pomegranate seeds, it was Persephone. She knew, and yet, she did it anyway. Don’t you see that?”

  His head cocked to the side. “What are you sayin’?”

  “She could’ve stayed in the garden, safe from the world for the rest of her life; but she would’ve spent every second wondering what lay beyond.” I smiled up at him. “Hades never took Persephone, Jamie. She went willingly and chose to stay in his world.”

  “You didn’t know what you were gettin’ into then…”

  I held up my left hand. “I know now, and still, I chose to stay. The day I take it off is the day you’ll know I’ve given up on us.”

  A slow smile spread across his face. “Then I’ll fight every day to ensure it stays on your hand.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Grey: 2005

  I kept one hand on Celia’s shoulder and the other over her eyes, as I led her around the back of the house. “Okay, keep ‘em closed. Shit, watch out for that puddle.”

  “I can’t see anything, remember?” Celia noted dryly.