Protector: Silent Phoenix MC Series: Book Four

by Myers, Shannon

  The fog lifted, freeing me from the endless loop of pain running through my head. “Do you feel any better?”

  “Not one goddamn bit,” he replied icily, palming my breasts in his massive hands. His fingers dug into the flesh, kneading in a way that was somehow intimate without being sexual.

  “I can’t lose them, Jamie.”

  He inhaled deeply. “Believe me, princess, if I thought I could send ‘em both to the Reaper without anyone immediately lookin’ to you, I’d do it.”

  “How can they just take them from me?” I choked. “I know I haven’t been the best mother, but—”

  “The fuck you sayin’, Celia? You’re a goddamn saint. Ain’t no one could’ve done a better job with them.”

  I sat up suddenly and held my breath, waiting for the answer to come to me, refusing to believe it had been that simple to rip away my entire world. I slumped forward, resting my forehead against the lip of the tub.

  How could she have been that cruel?

  “Lift your head, darlin’. It ain’t over yet,” Jamie gently reminded me.

  “I wish it was,” I mumbled.

  “I’ll fix this.”

  * * *

  He couldn’t.

  At four o’clock sharp, after countless phone calls to every club ally in town, I dropped my girls off at my parent’s house.

  With rage flowing through my veins and hate reflected in my eyes, I met them on the porch and handed over the two beings most precious to me in the entire world.

  Kate was sullen, refusing to give me a hug goodbye as she went to stand at my father’s side. She hadn’t spoken a word since I told her the news. My apologies fell on deaf ears, and I died a little more inside with the realization that they would never be able to know the truth.

  Long blades of grass tickled the tops of my feet as I stood frozen in their front yard. Numbness settled like a blanket around my shoulders, almost convincing me that I was doing the right thing.

  “I just don’t want to say goodbye!” Dakota wailed in despair, clenching the bodice of my dress in her fists, and I realized that this was my point of no return. By walking away, I would forever be a villain in her book.

  Their memories would be overwritten with the narrative that their mother had chosen gambling over her own children. A single line that would sum up what they thought of me.

  All because I hadn’t known how to defeat the very people who should’ve loved me like I loved those two little girls. I pressed a kiss to blonde hair drenched in tears, as my father ripped her from my arms.

  Her screams of despair echoed all around me, piercing my armor and leaving me fighting to stay on my feet as I climbed back into my car.

  Alone.

  A masochist until the very end, I forced the car into drive and lifted my eyes to the rearview mirror; watching as Kate buried her face against my mother’s neck, unable to look at me for a moment longer.

  I was convinced nothing would pierce the veil of darkness that had settled around my heart until Dakota lifted her tear-streaked face and reached her hands out for me. A pained scream broke free from my chest, and I collapsed against the steering wheel in a fit of crippling sobs.

  I’d left my babies on that porch, along with what remained of Celia Quinn.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Grey: 2009

  It was just after three in the morning when I turned off toward the orchard. The dark thoughts that had been running through my head only seemed to intensify as I hit the end of the driveway, and I killed my bike before walking it toward the house.

  Maybe the extra time alone would give me a solution to the problems that kept stacking up.

  “You were gone a while,” Celia said from the porch swing.

  The sound of her voice sent my heartbeat racing, to the point that I expected it to burst from my chest. “Jesus, Celia. You tryin’ to give me a heart attack?”

  “You’re the one sneaking up to the house like a kid that missed curfew.”

  I popped the kickstand on the bike and joined her on the porch. “Fair enough. Why you up so late?”

  “Couldn’t sleep. Did you find any underground games?”

  “No,” I lied.

  Cobra and Hawk could wait.

  The nightmares that Celia had fought so hard to overcome had returned with a vengeance since we lost our girls.

  Every second I’d spent fixing up the farmhouse, I imagined what it would be like to have my girls with me. Since that afternoon in the orchard, things had felt like they were moving too quickly, but my plan had always been to propose again.

  I was going to get down on one knee; do it right the second time around.

  The ring had felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket, but the timing never seemed to be right. I didn’t want Celia distracted with finding Cobra and Hawk or worried about the girls having to switch schools.

  It didn’t matter though.

  Norma stepped in and ripped the life we were supposed to have away from us, and the house that I’d moved us into when Celia was pregnant with Kate turned into a graveyard of bad memories, sending her spiraling out of control.

  There was no proposal… no ring.

  I called the club in, and we packed it up before moving her out to the farmhouse. At first, she’d managed to keep the attacks at bay by staying busy with repainting and decorating.

  I’d thought she was getting better.

  Until she proudly led me into the spare bedroom one evening, and I realized the majority of her efforts had been spent recreating the girls’ bedroom from the previous house.

  “I just want them to feel at home here like I do,” she’d said with a soft smile.

  I’d sworn to myself then that no matter how long it took, I would find a way to bring my family back together—my entire family.

  And I’d gladly kill anyone who stood in my way.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I sighed and shook my head. “Crossbones got arrested a few hours ago while movin’ shit for the club.”

  She rubbed my arm. “I’m sure you know someone who can make those charges disappear.”

  My molars ground together. “Mikey arrested him.”

  “Oh.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. It’s a fuckin’ shit show.”

  Back in the day, Silent Phoenix had an agreement with the local police department. They stayed out of our way, and we continued doing whatever the fuck we wanted.

  It had worked out nicely.

  Until now.

  “Could Comedian talk to him—”

  “You think he’s gonna listen to a goddamn thing Comedian has to say? Kid’s been fightin’ to get away from him his whole life.”

  More and more, I found myself wondering if my kids being raised by psychopaths was some form of divine retribution for all the sins I’d racked up in my lifetime.

  I thought back to club gatherings we’d had when Mikey was still a kid. He’d always been quiet, not once doing anything that would’ve drawn attention. Sometimes, he’d disappear with other kids his age, but for the most part, he’d always kept to himself.

  It was funny how some things changed, but others stayed the same. Mikey had moved into our backyard but was still doing everything he could to keep himself off Comedian’s radar.

  Celia stifled a yawn and crossed her arms over her chest. “What happens if you can’t get him out?”

  I ran my tongue over my teeth. “He was smugglin’ blow and semiautomatics. If that were to get out, or if the fuckin’ thing went to trial, we’d all be screwed.”

  Mikey’s actions had created a logistics nightmare for the club; one that would trickle down to the people we did business with. If any one of them got cold feet, it would throw a wrench in our whole operation. All it took was one motherfucker flapping his gums to bring the entire house of cards down.

  I should’ve been proud. My son had chased his dreams and become a cop. He wanted to rid the world of crime.

  Unfortunately, he w
as doing it one biker club at a time.

  Bear had been the one to break the news to me, along with the fact that our drugs and weapons were now residing in an evidence locker.

  “Then, you’re going to have to do it.”

  I cocked my head to the side. “Do what?”

  She shrugged. “If you want to operate the way you used to, you need him on board. It’s time to let him know you’re alive.”

  “You want me to stroll up to the kid’s front door and say what exactly? ‘Hey, Mikey remember me? Guess what, I’m not dead. Oh, and can you call off the investigation into my club?’”

  Her lips moved into a flat line. “Well, maybe not quite like that, but yeah. You need him—”

  “He wouldn’t do it. Not in a million years, Celia. He was gonna be one of the good guys, don’t you remember?”

  “Look around you, Jamie! There are no good guys!” She stood up and began pacing the length of the porch. “Even if there were, it wouldn’t matter. The bad guys win every time.”

  “What happened today, Celia?”

  Her eyes filled, and she turned away. I stood up and slowly walked over to her. “You went to the school again, didn’t you?”

  “I just don’t understand how Manny stayed under the school’s radar,” she said softly. “The minute I get within a hundred feet of my daughter, I’ve got the superintendent in my face, demanding that I leave the grounds.”

  “Darlin’, we been over this,” I said carefully. “Told you to talk to me first before you do shit like this. Your bitch of a mother took our kids, don’t think for a second she wouldn’t press charges and put you behind bars.”

  “I know, but I had to try. Did you see Kate?”

  I nodded, my jaw tightening. “Yeah, waited outside her dorm and saw the prick she’s been seein’. Shut that shit down—”

  Her eyes widened. “You killed him?”

  “He ran into one of his buddies in the parking lot; talked about wantin’ to fuck her. She’s only nineteen, for Chrissakes. Too fuckin’ young to be thinkin’ about that.”

  “So, you killed him?” she asked again.

  “Jesus, Celia. Didn’t kill him… just gave him a nice warnin’.”

  Giving me a smirk, she threw in, “With your gun?”

  I pulled her into the crook of my arm and walked us back toward the swing with a grin. “The hell is wrong with you?”

  She waited for me to sit down before stretching out across the swing, letting the back of her head rest against my chest. “You said Kate’s too young to be thinking about sex. You do remember that I was seventeen, right?”

  Several of her dark curls lifted in the breeze and landed against my lips. I brushed them back down before answering. “You were too fuckin’ young. If you’d been my daughter—”

  “Oh,” she giggled. “Is this some role play thing you wanna try now? Want me to call you daddy?”

  Jesus.

  “Not unless you want me to bend you over my knee and tan your ass.”

  She lifted her chin until she was looking up at me before tapping a finger against her lips as if considering it.

  “Celia,” I warned. “Don’t fuckin’ call me daddy.”

  She pushed her lips into a fake pout before asking, “Are you planning on chasing every one of Kate’s boyfriends off?”

  “Maybe. I got a prospect keepin’ an eye on her for me—”

  “Keeping an eye on her how?” she interrupted with a raised eyebrow.

  “Not like that.” I reached out and swatted her bare thigh. “It’s Jeremy. Damn near got a hard-on when I told him we were sendin’ him to college. Asked if he could major in business or some shit like that. Told him as long as he kept my daughter safe, he could study to be a fuckin’ astronaut for all I cared.”

  “What if—” she paused. “What if Mikey could keep an eye on her too? On both of them?”

  I considered it. “And how would you suggest we talk him into it?”

  “Who says you have to talk him into anything?” She gnawed on her lower lip. “You know I love Mikey like he’s my own, but the club covered up a murder for him. And if I remember correctly, you hold the evidence that’s keeping him out of prison.”

  “Celia…” I brought my fist up to my forehead. “I swore I’d never make him choose this life.”

  “You’re asking him to keep your men out of jail; not to patch in. You scratch his back by keeping what he did under wraps and in return, he does the same for you.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, it was the best option we had.

  “You know he always thought you hung the moon,” she said, watching me carefully. “Maybe this is your chance to get to know him again. He deserves to hear the truth, maybe not right away, but someday, when the timing is right. He’s a part of our family.”

  The truth was that, despite my best efforts, I was going to condemn my son to the life of an outlaw.

  Just another promise I’d failed to keep.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Grey: 2010

  Slim met me in the hallway and slipped the room key into my hand with a wry grin. “Do I even want to know what he did this time?”

  I ground my teeth together and shook my head. “I’m sure David could tell you a thing or two about the shit he’s pulled lately.”

  He tugged at the collar of his dress shirt with another chuckle. “Well, if David wasn’t tryin’ to bow out of his own reception to run off and fuck his new bride, I might just do that. As it is, I’m liable to end up with a black eye.”

  “Fuck. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave—”

  “Oh, you absofuckinlutely should’ve. I’m wearin’ linen pants and a shirt that’s been stranglin’ my muscles all goddamn day. Is Celia still with Lou? If so, meet us up in our room later. I got plans.” He rubbed his hands together with a grin, and I took a step back.

  “Ain’t doin’ a fuckin’ orgy with you, Slim. No matter how much you love participating in ‘em at the club.”

  He clapped me on the shoulder. “Good to see that the drive down didn’t fuck up your sense of humor.” Before turning to walk toward the elevators, he added, “Oh, and I’ll be sure to let everyone downstairs know that you’re lookin’ for some swingers action. We’ll get you fixed right up, Pres.”

  “Yeah, fuck you,” I called before entering the room.

  I’d come to Galveston to watch Slim’s boy tie the knot, but after watching the drunken spectacle that was Mikey’s best man speech, I realized taking a weekend off had been nothing more than a pipe dream.

  He was more of a liability to me now than he was the morning Comedian and I showed up on his doorstep to let him know I was alive.

  As Comedian had dragged him out of bed, I realized that the scrawny kid who’d been scared of his own shadow and couldn’t surf to save his life was long gone. In his place was a bulked-up man-child who sank his dick into anything with a cunt. And if he wasn’t doing that, he was buried in a bottle of tequila.

  Just like his old man had been.

  It seemed like the longer I stared, the more of myself I saw in him, and I wondered how long I’d be able to keep my secret.

  When we confronted him with the surveillance footage and photographs I’d taken, he’d agreed to help us, but it seemed as if the majority of our time since had been spent covering his ass.

  Quickly moving around the empty hotel room, I retrieved the weapons Mikey had stashed in the closet and nightstand. The last thing I needed was to walk out with a bullet in me. He’d taken off toward the beach with a redhead, but I knew I only had as long as it took him to fuck her before he was back.

  Unable to resist, I opened the door of the fully-stocked minibar and my mouth flooded with saliva, as if nine years of sobriety had just been for laughs. I cracked my neck and focused on each inhale and exhale before dropping into the overstuffed chair beside the bed and lighting up a cigar with the trembling fingers.

  Initially, I’d bought them to help Celia conf
ront the demons of her past, but found that they kept me calm when I was close to losing control.

  And right now, I wanted a drink… badly.

  I straightened at the sound of a keycard being swiped against the door and took another puff to clear my head as the overhead light was flipped on.

  “Holy fuck, Grey! Who let you in here?” Mikey kept his eyes on me as he moved into the room, no doubt going for guns that were no longer there.

  He glanced at the nightstand and then back at me.

  “Don’t bother, kid. I already got that one.” He nodded slowly before looking toward the closet. “’Fraid I got that one too. I came here to talk some sense into you—if that’s even possible anymore. Have you fuckin’ seen yourself? You’re gettin’ sloppy.”

  Ignoring me, he went straight for the minibar, and I clenched my molars as everything in me fought to join him.

  After draining the small bottle of liquor, he squared his shoulders and faced me with a grin, reminding me so much of myself that it hurt.

  “You think I’m getting sloppy? Then start doing your own fucking dirty work. Oh, yeah, you think you’re a big guy running an empire from underground. You know what me and the rest of the goddamn world think? That you’re a fucking pussy. You’ll hide behind the club walls and let the world think you’re dead so that you get off scot-free and the club’s left holding the smoking gun. You wanna talk about me? Well, guess what, motherfucker? I wanna talk about you. Where the fuck do you get off?”

  Something inside of me snapped, and I was on him before he’d even finished spouting off the bullshit he believed was the truth. Using his lapels as handles, I shoved him into the wall, wondering how Wolverine had dealt with this and not sent me to the Reaper.

  “Only one of us in this room has any motherfuckin’ sense when it comes to runnin’ a club,” I snarled. “And that sure as fuck ain’t you, boy. No, you’re too damn preoccupied with where your next lay and drink are coming from to see the big picture. Now, I’m shellin’ out a lot of cash to someone who isn’t putting the club first. You care to remind me why?”