Protector: Silent Phoenix MC Series: Book Four

by Myers, Shannon

  He’d saved my life, but I hadn’t been able to save his.

  With a roar, I struck the trunk of one of the pecan trees; pummeling the bark until it began to flake off onto my bloody knuckles.

  I wanted to scream; wanted to use my fists to tear through another person’s flesh until they felt the depth of my pain in their bones. This time, there was no enemy I could go after; no blood that could be shed to make things right. The sniper who’d never missed a shot had been taken out suddenly by his own body. Where was the justice in that?

  We still had our entire lives ahead of us. There were plans left to be made… goals that hadn’t been reached… enemies to fight shoulder to shoulder.

  I wandered the orchard, feeling more lost than I ever had in my entire life, and it finally dawned on me what Slim had always known.

  It didn’t matter how far gone I thought I was, he’d always been there to pull me back. He was the first call I made when something went right and the first to call me when something went wrong.

  He was my reset button.

  Even now, I found myself searching for the phone I’d left with my wife, needing to call and hear him tell me that things were going to be okay.

  It was almost surreal. I couldn’t imagine living in a world where I wouldn’t hear his voice again. There’d be no more pranks played at my expense or nights spent arguing over who would kick the other’s ass in a fight.

  I didn’t know how many hours I spent, walking in circles through the trees, trying to come to terms with the magnitude of what I’d just lost. When I finally looked up, I was standing not in the orchard, but in front of the Texas Redbud I’d planted. Even on autopilot, there was a part of me that knew exactly what I needed.

  A place to grieve.

  Celia had added a bench a couple of years ago, and I sank down onto it with a clenched jaw and a heavy sigh.

  “I, uh, I ain’t been out here to visit you in a while,” I began, letting the tears fall onto my cheeks. “Didn’t really know what to say after your sisters got taken away. Maybe I thought you’d be disappointed in your old man. You know—”

  My voice cracked, and I exhaled the sob that had been resting in my throat since I got the phone call. “When you’re young, you think you have all the time in the world. Me, I always thought the club was my measure of success, and I put everything into runnin’ it like a fuckin’ empire.”

  Realizing what I’d said, I hastily added, “Sorry, your mama hates it when I curse. Maybe we’ll just keep that between the two of us. What I’m tryin’ to say is that I put everything into the club only to realize later that I’d never get that time back. And I think if I had it to do over again, I would’ve been more like Slim.”

  My shoulders shook as grief fought for a way out of my body, leaving behind a hoarse voice and a void that I’d never be able to fill.

  “I told you about Slim before, remember? First time I met him, I was scared shi—to death. He was a lot bigger than I was, and some of those biker kids, they didn’t take well to newcomers.”

  My vision blurred as I thought back to that afternoon. Donald had been drinking the hard stuff, and Ma and I had done everything we could to stay on his good side as he drove us down to the canyon. I thought I’d escaped a beating only to be dragged behind one of the buildings by an older boy just minutes after arriving.

  I’d never been hit by another kid before that day, and I remembered touching the blood almost in shock as it ran from my nose. That was when I learned that it wasn’t just my old man I had to watch out for; it was anyone bigger than me.

  I continued. “Slim walked up as another kid was beatin’ my a—butt, and I thought, ‘Here we go. This is how I die.’ I was convinced he was gettin’ in line to go next. Only he didn’t. He threw the kid off and helped me clean up my face; even gave me his shirt since mine got torn. Never mind that it was too big, and my ma knew almost immediately what had happened, that was just the kind of guy he was.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and ground down on my molars, struggling to hold it together. “He knew exactly what he wanted in life but was never too busy to help someone who needed it. And, unlike me, he knew what to fight for and what to leave out to die.”

  My body jerked painfully as I forced myself to say the words aloud. “I’m telling you this because—because Slim met the Reaper today, and I don’t know what happens after… but I like to think he’s somewhere up there with you. So, don’t you worry, you ain’t gonna be alone anymore. Slim’s gonna watch out for you and keep you safe until it’s my time.”

  The ground began to vibrate beneath my feet, and for a second, I was sure that it was a sign from the other side.

  I turned back to see a convoy of bikers coming down the road and swiped at my eyes, convinced I was imagining it. Clouds of dirt kicked up from underneath what had to be over a hundred bikes as they filed down the driveway, two by two.

  Celia was standing on the front porch, with both hands covering her mouth and tears streaming down her face as I rounded the house.

  I realized that I was still barefoot and wearing only a pair of jeans as I jogged up the steps toward her.

  “You did this?”

  Her eyes squeezed shut, and she nodded, shoulders curling over her chest.

  I cut the distance between us and pulled her into my arms. “You got no idea how much this means—” my voice cracked as I swiped my thumbs under her eyes, catching her tears.

  “You needed your brothers,” she whispered up at me. “Now, more than ever.”

  Wolverine was the first one off his bike, pulling his sunglasses off to reveal bloodshot and swollen eyes. His boots thudded heavily against the wood as he made his way up the porch steps. “Jamie—” he ground out.

  I nodded. “Wolverine.”

  To anyone watching, it would’ve looked like nothing more than a casual greeting, but it ran so much deeper than that. Besides Slim, Wolverine was the only other man in my life that had given a damn; the only one to see me as anything other than a waste of space.

  I couldn’t speak, but with him, I didn’t have to. With one word, he’d conveyed that he was beside me in the trenches. With one word, I’d let him know that I needed him to take the reins.

  His nostrils flared as he squeezed my shoulder with a jerk of his head before stepping up to the railing. Once every bike was in front of the house, his voice filled the yard.

  “We lost a brother today. John “Slim” Greene wasn’t just a Nomad. He was a father, a husband, and most importantly, a brother to any man who needed him. He wore his colors with pride until the very end, and we will continue his legacy by living like he did—with honor.”

  He paused and mashed his lips together before looking to me. “Pres, I’ve reached out, and almost every chapter will be meetin’ up at certain points to ride in a funeral formation down south. Think it’d be right for you to ride between. Slim would’ve wanted it that way.”

  My throat tightened, making it difficult to swallow. In funeral processions, one biker rode in the middle to represent the fallen biker. It was usually reserved for a close friend or family member.

  I pinched my lower lip between my fingers and took a deep breath. “It don’t seem right to move on—to live in a world that he ain’t in. If he were here right now, there’s not a doubt in my mind that he’d tell me to harden the fuck up and quit my bitchin’.”

  Several people chuckled, and I looked up toward the sky. “And I’ll do it because I know that’s what he would’ve wanted, but first, we’re gonna stand as a club and honor his memory by ridin’ down to be a support for his Ol’ Lady and son.”

  Someone shouted, “Once a brother, always a brother!”

  Celia came to stand at my side as another biker repeated it, slipping her hand into mine. It grew into a chant, and I wondered if Slim could hear us from wherever it was he’d gone.

  Had he known the impact he had on people when he was alive?

  Could he have even kno
wn the hole he was leaving behind with his death?

  When I was a boy, I’d believed in heaven and hell. Times were simpler then—good people went to heaven, and bad people were taken to hell. If you were pure, you lived a long time, but if your soul was tainted like mine, you’d be struck down with the wrath of an angry god.

  Now, none of it made any sense.

  Because if there were a god, he would’ve let Slim live forever and sent me to hell in a pine box decades ago.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Celia: October 2016

  “What do you mean you didn’t tell her, Kate? You promised me you’d tell her right after you bailed her out.”

  “Look around you,” she hissed back at me. “She came home to this. At what point should I have dropped that bomb on her? She’s in bad shape.”

  I took in the ransacked living room, my heart thudding dully in my chest. The cops had done a thorough job of searching the house; even going as far as taking a knife to the throw pillows on the couch in their search for contraband.

  My daughter was in trouble.

  I’d played by the rules my parents set and kept my distance, knowing there was no way to ensure the girls’ safety from behind bars. I should’ve realized when my letters and calls went unanswered that it was no longer about doing what was best for my kids.

  They were hellbent on punishing me.

  Somehow, I’d managed to stay off my parent’s radar while doing everything I could to be near my daughters. I thought they’d go off to college and live a normal life where their biggest concern was whether they’d remembered everything on their grocery list.

  Once the men who hurt me were all gone, I’d planned on reaching out to them.

  I’d become Jamie; living in my head, convinced that someday we’d be a family again.

  Someday had come in the form of bail money.

  Instead of going home after her shift at the mall, Dakota, who’d never cared about anything but her superhero comics, managed to evade the biker sent to watch over her. She’d landed herself in the middle of a drug bust and had promptly been arrested. To make matters worse, she’d caught the attention of an undercover cop.

  Fate hadn’t been kind to me, but I’d always hoped things would be better for them.

  Life didn’t work like that, though.

  I ran a hand over my face, suddenly craving a cigarette after going years without one. “I know things are a mess right now, but Dakota deserves to know the truth about where the money came from.”

  You both deserve the truth.

  Kate tucked her lip between her teeth, studying me through narrowed eyes. “Why don’t we start with how you got my cell phone number? You didn’t get it from Nan, I know that for a fact.”

  “College directory,” the lie rolled off my tongue.

  If it hadn’t been for Jeremy’s hacking skills, I wouldn’t have been able to reach out to her over the past year. Granted, our conversations had been brief and filled with awkward pleasantries, until tonight.

  When Kate found out Dakota had been arrested, she could’ve called anyone, but chose me. It left me feeling hopeful that I could somehow undo the mess my mother had caused when she took them.

  “And why is it so important for her to know the truth? You chose to leave us. You can’t just change your mind and expect everything to go back to normal.”

  Bile rose up in my throat, and I swallowed. “I know what you must think of me. I really should’ve been here—”

  “Mama?” Dakota stood frozen in the hallway.

  “Hey, baby girl,” I rasped, tears pricking the back of my eyelids. “Come here.”

  As she walked toward the couch, a line of sweat trailed down over my spine, leaving me feeling faint.

  “Why are you here? Why now, after all these years?” she demanded, eyes darting from me over to Kate. “You bailed me out, didn’t you?”

  I sucked in a strangled breath and nodded. “I did. I couldn’t let my baby sit behind bars.”

  Dakota shook her head. “But you can sure leave your ‘baby’ and run off to a casino for ten years. I’m grateful that you got me out of there, but this doesn’t make up for everything you’ve missed.”

  Kate intervened. “Dakota, please hear her out. I didn’t know who else to turn to when I found out you were in jail. If it weren’t for her, you’d still be there.”

  I patted the couch next to me, praying that she didn’t see the way my hands had begun to shake. “Come here, it’s time you know the truth.”

  Kate shook her head. “Mama, not now. She’s had too much for one day.”

  I could’ve taken her advice, but I refused to wait any longer. If what I suspected was true, then someone had set my daughter up.

  Dakota dropped onto the couch, suddenly interested. “No, I haven’t, especially if you’re about to come clean over where you’ve been for the last decade.”

  I could do it.

  They deserved to know.

  “When you and Kate were little, you remember how we struggled a lot financially?” They both nodded, and I continued. “Well, I found a way to make money. Gambling. But I got in a little over my head.”

  Celia, sweetheart, where’s your old man?

  I looked up at the ceiling, fighting to stay in the present. My skin crawled with the memory of their hands on my body, but I pushed through it. “Sorry, it’s still hard to talk about. The men I got mixed up with threatened to hurt not just me, but both of you girls too. I was so young and scared. I went to a man that I knew could take care of the threats, but that came with a price too. His world was even darker than I could’ve imagined, and by choosing him, I opened us up to even more danger.”

  I was raped and beaten.

  I’d been confident that if I ever got the opportunity to sit down with my daughters, I’d tell them the truth about how they ended up with my parents.

  Instead, I was repeating the same worn-out lies.

  Dakota rubbed at the sides of her head with a frown. “Mama, what you’re saying sounds a lot like a movie. And not necessarily a good one.”

  “I know how it sounds. When you were a little girl, you asked me if I was in love with the man that would stop by from time to time. I didn’t know how to answer in a way that would make sense to you, but you’re an adult now. I do, Dakota. I love him, but his world is so different from ours. When I chose to be with him, I was faced with an even more difficult one—walking away from both of you. I’m so sorry. Please know that I never wanted to make that decision, but I couldn’t provide for both of you and keep you safe.” A sob broke free from my chest, and I covered my face, trying to compose myself.

  She took you from me.

  Why couldn’t I just say it?

  Reaching for Dakota, I took the coward’s way out, knowing they’d never believe the truth. “I made the decision to have you live with my parents and sent money there every month. I told your Nan to make sure you both had everything you needed.”

  Kate jumped up off the couch with a yelp. “Everything we needed? First of all, we needed a mother! Secondly, we never saw a dime of that money! I’ve tried to help Dakota out as much as I can, but doing so has put me in a tight spot. You’re telling me that we were supposed to be receiving money every month from you? Yet, you never bothered to follow up with that?”

  The pain in my throat intensified. “You’re telling me you never got it? There was enough to cover clothing, a car when you got older, and even college.”

  Kate kicked the edge of the coffee table before exploding. “You’re telling me that I’ve been taking on double the patient load in an attempt to pay off my student loan debt and car, while Nan drives around in a shiny Cadillac? You’re telling me she and Pops stole the money?”

  I should’ve been honest.

  It was bad enough that she’d ripped them away and made them believe I was off gambling, but the entire time I’d been laboring under the delusion that my mother was using the money we sent her every mo
nth to give them everything they needed.

  Before I could say a word, she marched over to the front door and screamed across the street. “Little Ricky—we’re gonna need another skull t-shirt. Size small!”

  “You got it, boss!” he yelled back.

  Initially, I’d been skeptical when Jamie told me that he’d recruited Molly’s idiot son to keep watch over Dakota, but it was a job he’d taken very seriously.

  “Rick’s always been a good kid,” I said with a small smile, wondering how much I could give away.

  They both turned to me in shock before Dakota managed to find her words. “You know him? How?”

  “Well, he works for me… technically.”

  She nodded slowly, waiting on me to elaborate. When I stayed silent, she sighed, “And what is it you do exactly, Mama, that you can afford to pay for cars and college?”

  I met Kate at the front door and led her back to the couch. “You’re gonna want to sit down for this, Katydid. How familiar are you both with the Silent Phoenix Motorcycle Club?”

  They both shook their heads, and I laughed while trying to decide how to best explain the club. “Well, they don’t exactly advertise themselves. They’re more of a one-percenter MC. Um, this is harder than I thought it would be. They’re one of the most powerful clubs in this region, and have made quite a few enemies over the years doing what they do…”

  Enemies that were now coming after them.

  “What is it that they ‘do’ exactly?” Kate quietly asked, the color draining from her face.

  I picked at the cotton guts protruding from one of Dakota’s mangled pillows, pushing the batting back in. “There’s, uh, there’s drug and weapons trafficking…for starters.”

  Kate’s eyebrows raised, but she quickly channeled her expression into one of indifference before asking, “And what is your role in this—business?”

  It was probably the same expression she used when counseling unstable clients.

  Deciding there was no salvaging it, I plucked a wad of cotton from the pillow and began shredding it in my lap to keep my fingers busy. “I’m—I’m married to the President and founder, okay?”