Millie and I were so absorbed we didn’t notice that Teddy had also been listening. When he heard his mother weeping, he jumped down from his stool and ran after her while crying out, “Mama, don’t cry, Mama. Don’t cry! Teddy kiss your booboo. Teddy kiss your booboo.”
I took off after him, but by the time I’d reached them, his mother had scooped him up in her arms and was whimpering against him as he smoothed her hair with his chubby little hand. I stood nearby not knowing what to do, but decided that it was best not to interrupt such a tender moment. As I returned to the kitchen, I saw Mr. Trellis gazing out the window toward the site of the future pool party, his eyes filled with a cold rage that frightened me. If not for his finger tapping out an agitated rhythm against the table, he was perfectly still, and so preoccupied that I couldn’t be sure he noticed I was in the room. Hoping to keep it that way, I walked lightly past him, almost on tiptoe.
“I know you’re there, Ana,” he said, not bothering to turn around. “In fact, I know you were on the other side of the door eavesdropping on us. I’m sure that our petty arguments are greatly entertaining to such a gentle and holy creature as you. Disturbing perhaps, but entertaining just the same.”
Having said this, he turned to face me and the fierce accusation smoldering in his eyes left me cold. I wanted to run away, but I could only stand before him and mutter softly, “I was not eavesdropping, but it was impossible not to hear.”
He continued to glare at me for a moment or two, then he leaned back in his chair and began to nod slowly. “You must feel very relieved to have chosen a life free of romantic complications like these. I’m sure you figured out long ago that love can wrap itself around your heart so what feels like a tender embrace one moment, becomes an agonizing constriction the next. You understand how the fool becomes addicted to this endless cycle of pleasure and pain, until one day he wakes up to find that his life is nothing but a desperate attempt to please and appease the source of his misery.” He focused his eyes on me again, and for a moment he appeared almost hopeful. “But you’re far too wise to play such silly games and that’s why you chose differently isn’t it?”
Feeling anything but wise, I didn’t understand why he was saying such things or how he wanted me to respond. I could only focus on his immense hands that had tightened into fists and the fine throbbing vein running down the center of his forehead. “I…I really haven’t thought about it very much,” I finally said.
He sat forward and narrowed his eyes at me, as though he couldn’t believe his ears as well as his eyes. “You haven’t thought about it very much?” he repeated, derisively. “Well, then, you are undoubtedly even a greater fool than I.” He stood up with an impatient sigh and left the room in the direction of his study.
I remained where I was, caught in a disturbing trance until the sound of Teddy calling for me from upstairs shook me free of it. I tried to dismiss the encounter with Mr. Trellis as meaningless, but I couldn’t remember ever having felt more naked and awkward in all my life. And in an effort to ease my shame, I replayed the exchange countless times over the next few days trying to come up with other ways I might have responded to him in order to prove that I wasn’t the fool he thought I was. Several acceptable alternatives came to mind, and I even toyed with the idea of confronting him with what my mother had taught me about men, but in the end, I had to concede that such a feeble defense would’ve only made me appear more foolish. The truth is that I had avoided thinking about how it would be to love or be loved because I was afraid of where it would lead me. This door in my life had been closed long ago, and for the time being that is how I wanted it to remain.
The day of the party finally arrived, and workers spent most of the morning up in the trees stringing colored lights through the branches. When Teddy and I saw them we pretended that we were on a trek through the Amazon jungle. Teddy laughed and laughed as he pointed to the treetops, saying, “Look, monkeys in the trees, Nana. Monkeys in the trees.”
Lillian Trellis was upset that her husband kept to his usual schedule. He left at eight in the morning for the office with his briefcase in one hand and his jacket slung over his shoulder, barely glancing at the men suspended high above him.
Millie stayed true to her promise and disappeared into her room, although I ran into her occasionally in the kitchen. She was glassy-eyed and worn out, as though she’d spent hours crying alone in her room. I asked her if she was upset about something. “Just tell me when it’s all over,” she said, shaking her head miserably.
Lillian Trellis was electrified as she pranced about the house surveying the work being done and giving orders as necessary. After the lights were strung up, the workers began to drape a transparent fabric from the tree branches to create a whimsical canopy. Earlier, I’d overheard the consultant saying that when evening fell, the effect would be like that of stars glimmering through a fine veil of clouds, and I remembered how Lillian Trellis had gasped when she heard this.
The furniture began to arrive at about noon. But before the table and chairs were artfully placed around the patio, Lillian directed the workers to remove the fencing around the pool. Once this was done, the courtyard and pool area looked much larger than before, and Teddy was so excited that he started running about in circles, and then he headed straight for the pool, but I got to him just before he was able to dip his foot in the water.
I took hold of him by the shoulders and spoke to him firmly. “Teddy must never go near the pool without Nana, or Daddy and Mommy nearby, do you understand?”
He was startled by my intense reaction and his eyes began to water, but even as they did, his little foot edged toward the pool as though to test me.
“No,” I said, giving his shoulders a little shake. “Teddy is being a bad boy, and Teddy is making Nana feel very sad.” I too made my eyes go sad and watery looking, and I pouted a little too.
Teddy considered me with certain fascination, his mischievousness suspended for the moment. Then he threw his arms around my neck and pressed his cheek against mine. “Teddy sorry,” he said. “Teddy not make Nana sad anymore.”
I wrapped my arms around him and stood up with him still in my embrace. With his legs latched around my waist we made our way to the kitchen for some lunch. Teddy enjoyed a peanut butter sandwich and half a banana, and I had the same because Teddy insisted. It seemed very important that I appease him because more yesses early in the day meant that he’d better tolerate the inevitable noes that would come as the guests arrived. Lillian had already informed me that she thought it best if Teddy wasn’t present for the party.
“I don’t want to take any chances with the fence down,” she said. “And it’ll be hard enough to deal with Adam when he sees it.”
By the time the guests had arrived, at six-thirty or so, Teddy would’ve had his dinner and bath. Lillian wanted me to go down at around seven so that Teddy could say good night, and then we’d go back upstairs to resume our usual evening routine. Once Teddy was asleep, I looked forward to peeking through the window overlooking the courtyard so that I might enjoy the spectacle from afar.
Before Teddy went down for his afternoon nap, I made it a point to play a boisterous game with him in the back garden, during which we ran in between the trees until we were laughing and panting. We were both tired, and soon after he closed his eyes I stretched out in my own room and dozed off as well. I awoke an hour or so later and quickly went to the window to check on the progress below. The tables had been set with turquoise and white linens, accented with shells and shimmering pebbles to make it appear as though a magical wave had passed over every table, leaving behind the ocean’s gleaming treasures. A small stage had been erected at the far end of the courtyard for the band, and at the other end two men were setting up the bar. Earlier, the caterers had arrived and taken over the kitchen completely. Millie had ambled between them like a ghost, looking at no one and saying nothing as she made herself a sandwich and took it back to her room. She didn’t even reply to
Teddy’s warm greeting.
“Millie mad,” Teddy said, taking hold of my hand for reassurance.
“I think Millie might not be feeling well,” I said.
“Millie feel better tomorrow,” Teddy said. “And she play with us.”
“Maybe,” I replied.
I was preparing to check on Teddy in his room when I saw Lillian Trellis emerge from the portico already dressed for the party. She wore an exquisite salmon-colored chiffon dress that swished and flowed around her ankles and made her appear as though she too had alighted from the clouds. Her hair was brushed back from her face into an elegant knot, and she wore long shimmering diamond earrings. Stunning as she was, I had no doubt that her husband would take one look at her and decide that all the expense and effort had been worthwhile.
She strolled the perimeter of the pool, surveying the tables one by one, righting a fork that wasn’t quite right, repositioning a flower or two to her satisfaction. When all was in order, she looked up at the netting and lights in the trees and frowned, not too convinced by the effect. Then she turned to survey the pool, and her expression softened with obvious pleasure. Floating on the surface of the water were countless faux lily pads painted in silver and gold, and perched on each one was a votive candle. These too would be lit at twilight. She glanced at her watch, and I did the same. It was nearly four o’clock and the courtyard was empty. The caterers were busy in the kitchen and the rest of the staff wouldn’t be arriving for another hour or so, but Mr. Trellis was due at any moment, as he had agreed to come home early on this day.
It was then that I heard Teddy’s high-pitched voice calling out, but it wasn’t coming from his room, where I assumed he was still napping. He was already downstairs.
“Mommy!” he cried when he saw his mother on the other side of the pool. “Monkeys in the trees, Mommy. Monkeys in the trees!” he said, pointing up at the lights.
He ran to her and Lillian said, “Teddy, you’re not supposed to be out here. Go back inside with Ana.” She looked around for me, but I hadn’t moved from the window. My eyes were glued to Teddy, as I willed him to stop running. But Teddy kept running toward his mother, shrieking with wonder at the new playground.
He bumped into a couple of chairs and the stemware rattled. Lillian placed her hands on her hips. “Ana, where are you, for heaven’s sake!” she cried, and I forced my feet to step away, but it was difficult because leaving meant taking my eyes off Teddy, which seemed like the worst thing I could do at that moment. He was having a grand old time running around and in between the tables, making his way closer to the pool as he went. Then all at once, he saw a clearing between the table and chairs and he took off running at full speed toward his mother.
“No, Teddy. Stop, Teddy!” Lillian Trellis called, but it was too late. Teddy did a flying leap onto one of the lily pads in an effort to walk across the pool toward his mother, but disappeared beneath the water instead. Lillian stood frozen at the edge of the pool, her face blank. The only movement was the flutter of her dress around her ankles.
“Get him, get him!” I yelled, but she was completely oblivious to my calls, and the workers inside couldn’t hear me. She stood there, motionless, as though in a stupor, and I realized that she was in shock. I bolted from the window and ran down the hall. I flung myself down the stairs, tripping and falling most of the way down, and all the while calling out, “Teddy! Teddy, Nana’s coming, Teddy! Hold on, Teddy!” The more I cried, the faster I ran, motivated by the horrible image of my little Teddy gasping for air as he descended to the bottom of the pool.
I pushed through the tables and chairs, knocking several over, faintly aware of the sound of breaking glass as I rushed toward the pool. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lillian Trellis as I’d seen her from the window, frozen in time, gazing into the water as though arrested by a hideous vision. I jumped in more or less where I’d seen Teddy go in, and the water rushed in over my head as I sank to the bottom of the pool. I flailed my arms and legs about, desperately looking through the hazy water for Teddy’s red shirt. I saw him at the bottom of the pool, and by the grace of God managed to get myself close enough to grab firm hold of his arm. Then I pushed with all my might with my feet off the bottom toward the surface. As soon as we broke through, Lillian came to life and grabbed Teddy’s shoulder, pulling him out of the water and onto the deck. But once my task was complete, my sanity returned like a lead weight around my neck, and I was unable to keep my head above water no matter how much I flailed my arms. As I sank to the bottom my heart pounded, and my lungs exploded from lack of air, and all the while there was this strange humming all around me, as though I could hear my soul seeping out of my body.
“This is how it is to die,” I thought, and an indescribable peace overcame me as the whole of me drifted away toward the beautiful birds that lived at the bottom of the pool. Their glistening blue-and-green wings beckoned me to come closer so that they might embrace me, and I would live with them forever in their soft watery world.
In the distance I became aware of a splash, seemingly on the other side of the universe. Suddenly, an alien force encircled my waist and pulled me with astounding strength up toward the surface. “This is no human,” I thought in the peaceful feathery cocoon that had enveloped me. “I’m already dead and this angel is taking me to heaven, where I’ll be greeted by the other angels, and saints, Jesus himself, and even my mother.” The angel then touched me with such warmth and longing that I was able to breathe underwater, and his spirit flowed through me, and I sensed the exquisite tenderness of his soul, and we were flying as one beyond this world.
I was laid on a rough surface, but the angel still lingered within me. I felt it on my face, my throats, my lips.
“She’s fine, she’s breathing, and it doesn’t look like she took in any water,” I heard a voice say, and I opened my eyes to see Mr. Trellis shaking himself over me like a giant dog. His wet clothing clung to his body, accentuating his great size and height, and I sat up, blinking the water out of my eyes just as he swept the hair out of his so that he could better see what was going on at the other end of the pool. There Lillian was prostrate with Teddy on her lap, contentedly playing with her earrings that dangled in his face. Whenever she looked away from her son to meet her husband’s glare, she seemed to shrink just a little bit more.
“Don’t look at me like that, Adam. I know what you’re going to say, so just go ahead and say it,” she said, trying to sound strong, although her voice wavered.
As he spoke it seemed that every word cost him a supreme effort, and then I realized he was still winded after pulling me out of the pool. “We agreed that the fencing would not be removed,” he said, between gasps.
“No. That’s what you demanded, but we never agreed to anything,” Lillian replied with a haughty toss of her head.
Mr. Trellis continued to glare at his wife while I sat near his feet, shivering like a worm. Certain that somehow I was guilty by association, I hoped that he’d take no further notice of me, but he tore his eyes away from his wife to consider me next.
“And you don’t swim a stroke, do you?” he asked, obviously disappointed.
“No, I…I’m sorry,” I replied.
“How are you feeling?”
I felt shaky and bewildered, but I didn’t want him to see me as weak. “I feel fine,” I said.
“Come with me, then,” he said, extending his hand and pulling me up to my feet. He surveyed the courtyard for a moment or two and then strode away from the pool toward the newly erected stage as I followed. He began searching around and under it and eventually found what he was looking for and handed me a few metal poles, although he took the bulk of them himself.
“What are you doing, Adam?” Lillian asked, horror-struck.
Mr. Trellis didn’t answer as he started to place the poles back around the perimeter of the pool, indicating that I should do the same. I watched how he did it and copied him as best I could.
“Adam, don�
�t you dare!” Lillian cried. But he continued setting the poles in one by one, ignoring her completely.
“Ana, leave those poles!” she commanded.
I stopped what I was doing, but Mr. Trellis finished his section quickly, took the remaining poles from me, and put them in place. Then he went around back for the netting and began to clip it to the poles.
“You’re ruining my party!” Lillian wailed.
Mr. Trellis addressed me calmly. “Ana, I need you to hold the netting while I secure it at the base,” he said, showing me where he wanted me to hold it. I did as he asked although it was difficult to work with Lillian sobbing hysterically in the background. All the while Teddy patted his mother’s head, quite confused about what was happening. As far as Teddy was concerned, he’d just gone for a wild swim with his favorite playmate, and he couldn’t understand why everyone was so upset.
“Don’t you touch that netting, Ana. Don’t you dare,” Lillian ordered once she was able to catch her breath.
I released the netting at once.
“Ana, don’t let go,” Mr. Trellis directed more forcefully, and I retrieved the netting.
“Ana, did you hear me?” Lillian shrieked.
Mr. Trellis straightened up and placed his hands on his hips. “I’ve had just about enough of you, Lillian,” he seethed. “Our son nearly drowned and you’re worried about your party? Do you put this party before the safety of your child?”
“You know I don’t!” she retorted, crossing her arms.
“Then be quiet and let us finish,” he returned.
Lillian groaned and sat sullen for a while with Teddy still on her lap, watching her with big round eyes. Finally, she stood up with some difficulty and grabbed Teddy’s hand rather brusquely. “How dare you disrespect me? I am not your servant, Adam, I am your wife!” she said and then she rushed off with Teddy in tow, saying, “Mama no cry. Mama please no cry.”
Vigil Page 11
