As we secured the netting to the poles, few words passed between us and I tried not to look at Mr. Trellis, who was as somber as he was focused on his task. Once finished, he surveyed his work, and appeared pleased with it.
“I don’t think that one little fence could possibly ruin a party, do you?” he asked, his tone decidedly lighter.
I breathed a sigh of relief, glad that his anger had subsided somewhat. “I don’t think so, but Ms. Lillian is very upset. I doubt she’s in the mood for a party anymore.”
At the mention of his wife, he appeared to tense up again, and I immediately regretted mentioning her. He sighed. “You underestimate my wife. She can be an amazingly resilient woman when she wants to be.”
“Well, then, I should probably go find Teddy so she can finish getting ready,” I said, eager to leave the scene of the crime for fear that there might be another explosion. I’d already taken several steps away when I heard Mr. Trellis call my name softly. I turned to find him gazing at me with an expression I’d never seen on his face before. This time he didn’t appear angry or indifferent or disapproving. Instead I saw tenderness, gratitude, and something more. Was it admiration? I couldn’t be sure, but for the first time, I felt that I was seen, not as a child, a nun or a nanny, but as a woman.
“You risked your life for my son,” he said. “I will never forget what you did.”
As I looked into his eyes, I became aware of a powerful stirring within me that I couldn’t identify as anything but awe, and it made me extremely uncomfortable. Not knowing what to say or do, I nodded and quickly left the patio in search of Teddy, only to find Lillian reclining on a lounger in the sunroom, her eyes moist with tears and her dress wet from where Teddy had been resting. When she saw me enter, she gazed at me adoringly and her fine manicured hands reached out to me. “Ana,” she said. I sat next to her and she took hold of my hand, pressed it to her cheek, and started to sob. “Adam was right, you saved my little Teddy while I could only stand by and watch,” she said once she had composed herself.
“You were in shock, Ms. Lillian. I’ve seen it happen to people before,” I said, remembering how some of the children in the orphanage never recovered after the horrors they’d witnessed.
“But if you hadn’t been there, my little Teddy could’ve drowned.”
“Don’t think about it anymore, Ms. Lillian. Teddy is fine, and people will be here any minute for your party. Everything is beautiful and you look lovelier than ever.”
“God has sent you,” she said. “God has sent you to take care of us.”
After his dinner and a warm bath, Teddy fell asleep almost instantly. As I ate my dinner alone in my room, I became aware of a pleasant humming sound in my ears and a tingling sensation all throughout my body that made me feel as though I were floating. Thinking back on the remarkable events of that afternoon, I could’ve sworn that my heart had grown to one hundred times its previous size and that, somehow, I had redeemed myself and that I was changed because of it.
In pajamas and bare feet, I left my room and went down the hall to look out the window at the pool and patio below. The sun had just begun to set, and tiny lights twinkled from the tree branches like a canopy of stars. The guests were milling about and the merry sound of clinking glasses, laughter, and the hum of pleasant conversation could be heard. I felt like an angel looking down from heaven on mere mortals frolicking in the Garden of Eden. I caught glimpses of Ms. Lillian beyond the canopy, swirling through the crowd like a graceful dancer, remarkably light on her feet despite her pregnancy and delighting her guests at every turn. It was a wonder to me how quickly she’d recovered. Looking at her now, no one could’ve guessed that just an hour ago she’d been despondent beyond words. Mr. Trellis knew his wife well.
My eyes scanned the crowd for him, but I was unable to find him. I stood at the window and watched for a very long time. I watched as the dinner was served and cleared away and then dessert arrived. I listened as the band played and the guests danced on the patio beyond the edge of the pool where Lillian had stood frozen only a few short hours ago. I would’ve easily recognized his slightly hunched posture and his thick wavy hair. Even from such a distance, I would’ve detected his dark brooding expression. But the party was coming to a close and I was certain that he never made an appearance.
I took a deep breath, and the whole of me shuddered with satisfaction as I pictured him reading alone in his study and then standing over me after he’d pulled me out of the pool, the breadth of his shoulders, the intensity that shone behind his eyes as he looked at me. And as I thought of him, I slowly slipped down with my back against the wall until I was sitting on the floor in the dark, gazing now at the shifting patterns of light on the wall opposite me. I stayed where I was until the guests drifted off one by one and all the lights were turned off and the shadows crept in and it was pitch-black and silent all around me. And I was in my hammock, and my mother was rocking me to sleep. “Let’s imagine, mija. Let’s imagine that tomorrow we will wake to the sound of guitars softly strumming…”
Teddy’s screams tore through my reverie. “Nana! Nana!” he cried, and I leapt up from the floor and ran to his room. When he saw me, his arms reached out for me, and I immediately embraced him and felt his little body tremble against me.
“It was just a bad dream. I’m here, and I’ll never let anything bad happen to you,” I whispered, careful to keep my voice calm, although I too felt frightened.
“There was a monster,” Teddy said, choking down sobs. “Monster eat Teddy.”
“There’s no monster,” I said stroking his hair, which was damp with perspiration.
“Monster eat Nana too,” Teddy said, and his sobs lessened. “I hate monster. I kill monster so it won’t eat you.” He pulled away from me and looked into my face to see if I was sufficiently comforted by his courage.
“Then I won’t be afraid,” I said, guiding him back to bed. And I stayed with him, singing a lullaby my mother used to sing to me, until he was sound asleep.
Duerme, niñito, no llores, chiquito.
Vendran angelitos con las sombras de la noche.
Rayitos de luna rayitos de plata,
Alumbran mi niño que está en la cuna.
Now sleep, little baby, don’t cry, little darling.
The angels are coming with shadows of evening.
The rays of moonlight spin fine threads of silver,
To shine on my baby asleep in the cradle.
Six
ANA ROSE FROM HER chair and peered into her beloved’s face. He hadn’t stirred, yet she noticed that his breathing was disrupted by halting spasms that seemed to emanate from deep in his chest. He didn’t seem bothered, but Ana made a mental note to discuss it with the nurse when she arrived later that afternoon. It was then that she heard sounds coming from downstairs and assumed that Sister Josepha had gone in search of something for lunch. She didn’t like being fussed over and was more than capable of looking after herself, but the kitchen was in such disarray that Ana knew it would be difficult for her to find anything.
She waited for Adam to inhale and exhale a few more times, and then reluctantly left him to go downstairs, but when she entered the kitchen she was surprised to find not Sister Josepha, but Jessie up to her elbows in soapy water, washing dishes and sniffling loudly as she worked.
“Jessie, I didn’t realize you were here,” Ana said, and the young woman turned around. Her eyes were puffy and red, reminding Ana of how she looked when she was a little girl, but Jessie wasn’t a child anymore. She was a young woman who was studying abroad and she had a new boyfriend who she described as “special,” maybe even “the one.” Ana marveled at the possibility that before too long little Jessie might be a wife and mother with children of her own.
Ana went to her and although Jessie was nearly a full head taller, she collapsed into the smaller woman’s arms. “Oh, Nana,” Jessie cried. “I’m so frightened. I don’t think I can go up and see Daddy.”
&n
bsp; “I know it’s hard,” Ana replied. “He’s sleeping right now, but when he wakes up, he’ll be very happy to see you.”
Ana helped Jessie to sit at the kitchen table, where Jessie dried her eyes with a napkin. “When I spoke to Peter a few days ago, he told me that Daddy was worse. I don’t know what to expect. Do…do you think he’ll recognize me?” she asked, her lips trembling.
“Of course he will,” Ana said. “He’s doing well today, a little better than yesterday, and he’s been asking for you and Teddy.”
“How can this be happening, Nana? Daddy was always so healthy and strong. I thought he was going to live forever.”
Ana pressed her lips together, unwilling to discuss the matter of her beloved’s death so candidly when she herself wasn’t convinced at that moment that it was imminent, no matter what Peter and the other doctors said.
Jessie took hold of Ana’s arm. “Please come upstairs with me, Nana. I don’t think I can go by myself.”
“I’ll go with you,” Ana said, patting her arm. “And then you’ll see that things aren’t as bad as you think.”
Strengthened by these words, they left the kitchen and proceeded up the stairs with Ana leading the way. When they had nearly reached the top, Ana asked, “Have you heard from Teddy?”
“Yes,” Jessie replied softly.
“Do you think he’ll…?”
“He says he’s not coming,” Jessie said abruptly. “That’s what you were going to ask me, isn’t it?”
Ana nodded, keeping her eyes focused straight ahead. But when they reached the landing, she said, “When your father asks you about him, as I know he will, I want you to tell him that Teddy will be here shortly.”
“But that isn’t true. He told me he’s not coming, Nana, didn’t you hear me?”
“Trust me on this, Jessie.”
“I trust you more than anyone, but I don’t want to lie to Daddy, especially not now.”
They walked down the corridor arm in arm, saying nothing until they reached the door. Ana placed her hand on the doorknob. “Teddy will come. I know he will,” she said, and they entered the darkened room.
Trembling with emotion, Jessie cautiously approached the bedside and gazed down at her father’s withered face and body. She gently placed her hand over his, and her eyes filled with tears as she felt his pulse throbbing weakly beneath her fingertips. Ana brought the chair for Jessie while she stood back near the window, grateful for this space of time in which a minute could last a month and an hour a year if she needed it to, until her beloved woke and brought her back to the present.
Two weeks before Lillian was due to have her baby, I passed her on my way to the kitchen. She was leafing through a magazine in the sunroom while trying to get comfortable on the chaise longue. Teddy wasn’t with me, as I’d just put him down for his nap. Without looking up, she said, “Adam is still upset with me. He hasn’t recovered from the pool incident.” She closed her magazine and frowned. “He’s always upset with me or with somebody. I’ve never known such an unhappy man.”
Several days had passed since the party, and I noticed an unmistakable distance between them. Almost every evening since then, Lillian had taken her meals in her room while Mr. Trellis ate alone in his study. I imagined that matters didn’t improve when he went upstairs to bed, and I wondered how men and women were able to sleep together in the same bed under such uncomfortable circumstances. “I’m sure he’ll get over it once the new baby arrives,” I said, trying to sound hopeful.
She looked up with large melancholy eyes and then with a flick of her wrist she motioned for me to close the door leading to the kitchen. “You know how Millie’s always slinking around with those giant ears of hers,” she said once I’d taken a seat next to her. “Do you have time to talk?” she asked.
“Teddy should sleep for another twenty minutes or so,” I replied.
All at once, Lillian’s eyes began to fill with tears and she covered her face with her hands. “Oh, Ana,” she said. “Sometimes I feel like the worst wife and mother in the world. I’m so sick and tired of being pregnant. I just can’t wait to have this damn baby so I can get my life back, not to mention my figure. Do you think that’s horrible of me?”
“I remember the mothers at the center feeling the same way toward the end of their pregnancies. Try not to be so hard on yourself.”
“But I should be thinking about the new baby, and getting all excited about her room and about all the little dresses I’m going to get for her, but the truth is I don’t care about any of that right now. I just don’t,” she concluded with a shameless pout. She sighed deeply as her arms flopped down to her sides. “I barely have the energy to hold up my head these days, but the doctor says I should make an effort to walk a little bit every day. Would you walk with me, Ana?”
I helped Lillian to her feet, and we set off together arm in arm along the garden path. It was a beautiful summer day and quite warm, so I thought it best that we head for some shade.
“I’ve noticed that you and Millie are getting quite friendly,” Lillian said.
“She’s a nice lady,” I replied.
“Don’t let her turn you against me, Ana.”
“Of course not,” I replied, chuckling.
“You know she’s a drunk don’t you?”
“I…I…don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Believe me,” Lillian said with an all-knowing nod. “Every time she says she’s going for a nap, she’s going for a nip as well, and if I’m not mistaken, she’s partial to whiskey. Adam knows all about it, but he won’t let me get rid of her.”
I didn’t want to believe this about Millie, but I couldn’t deny that it explained the strange glassy-eyed expression I’d seen in her eyes after her naps and her sudden mood changes as well. “I’m surprised that Mr. Trellis tolerates it,” I finally said.
“Normally he wouldn’t, but I’m sure Millie told you all about the accident.” She glanced at me. “Knowing Millie, she told you all about it before you even had the chance to unpack.”
“It’s all very sad,” I said. “Millie must’ve loved her husband very much and she obviously still misses him.”
Ms. Lillian leaned more heavily on my arm as we crossed to the path that would take us to the shadiest part of the garden. “Adam told me they were newlyweds and that Millie was expecting a baby. She lost it almost immediately after the accident. I suppose it was the shock of it all, or maybe it was the whiskey. Anyway, the point is that she takes advantage of Adam’s pity for her. She can drink herself silly and spend all the time she should be working ‘napping’ in her room. Anything short of burning down the house, and she knows that she’ll always have a job here.”
“I didn’t realize,” I muttered.
“And that’s why I couldn’t bear it if you and I weren’t friends because of her. I feel such closeness to you, Ana, as if I’ve known you all my life and not just a few weeks.”
“Don’t worry, Ms. Lillian,” I replied, touched by what she had said. She’d never referred to me as her friend before, but I couldn’t deny that ever since the night of the party, Lillian’s manner toward me had changed. Genuine warmth radiated from her eyes when she spoke with me, and she looked for every opportunity to confide in me, even to share embarrassing tidbits, such as the fact that she’d wet her bed a few nights ago when the baby put pressure on her bladder.
We walked out from under the shade of the trees arm in arm and made our way toward one of my favorite spots. The roses had just begun to bloom, and their delicate aroma drifted all around us. It was enough to make you forget anything worrisome, but I sensed that Lillian’s thoughts were as heavy as ever. After several minutes of silence, she said, “Everyone who knew Adam before the accident tells me he was an amazing pianist, but no matter how much I plead with him, he won’t play a single note. Imagine how wonderful it would be for Teddy to hear his father play the piano.”
“It would be wonderful, but I suppose it must br
ing up too many painful memories.”
Lillian tugged on my arm with an air of exasperation. “Life goes on, Ana. I learned a long time ago that the best thing to do is to forget about the past and move on. I tell Adam the same thing, but he doesn’t listen to me anymore.” She sighed and stopped for a moment to rest. “Have you ever been in love?” I was confused by this unexpected question, but already I was getting used to the way Lillian’s mind flittered about aimlessly at times. To follow her thoughts and her moods one had to be willing to flit and flutter as well or risk getting left behind.
“Me, oh no,” I answered, chuckling. “I don’t know anything about romance.”
“Well, if you ever are, you’ll know it because your heart races just thinking about your beloved, and you can’t concentrate on anything else but him. You’ll want to be near him, talking to him, touching him, loving him every second you’re alive.” She was silent for a moment and added, “That’s how I always hoped it would be with the man I married, but I never felt that way about Adam.”
I was shocked to hear her say this. I didn’t think Lillian was the type of woman who would settle for anything less than perfection.
She took my arm and we began to walk again. “When Adam sets his mind on something or someone there’s no escaping him. I was powerless against him, although I must admit that to feel such devotion from a man was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before or since. Of course, now I’m worse for it because these days he hardly knows I’m alive.”
“Oh no, Ms. Lillian. I’m sure that you’re wrong. Mr. Trellis still loves you very much.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Vigil Page 12
