Her Own House

by Kim McCoy

  Bella felt self conscious around men like Rob. He looked like a true family man in his button-down shirt. He must have just left work, and decided to meet his wife at the fair for something different to do. Bella thought about the only boyfriend she had ever had, Ben. She had met him online after some of the other carnies convinced her that was the best way to meet people nowadays. But it became clear early on that Ben had some fetish for freaks. Bella found a scrapbook of photos with him and all sorts of women—one with a hooked arm, and conjoined twins with floor-length hair. But the most hurtful was AnaLise—the French woman who held the title of the smallest woman in the world for a five-year period. Bella felt used and left Ben’s apartment that night without saying goodbye. He tried to call and explain, but she wasn’t interested in anything he had to say.

  Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Joe talking in her ear. He had purchased earpieces and a camera, so he could communicate with Bella as he watched the crowd’s reaction to her. Bella didn’t like this. She didn’t want Joe’s kind of help.

  “Yawn really loud,” Joe said. “And show some teeth.”

  Bella shook her head.

  “Do it,” he said. “You’re boring people to tears, and I can’t have that.”

  Bella hated that she just gave in to Joe, but she did so time after time. She wanted to remind Joe that she wasn’t an animal. She was a piece of art to be appreciated. Instead, she stretched her long arms above her head, and let out a deep howling sound.

  Rob who’d been busy trying to avert his attention to an ant crawling on his shoe looked up and noticed Bella Alta’s straight white teeth. They stood out perfectly against her brown skin. He imagined what it would be like to lick them. He imagined running his tongue along them until it bled.

  He forgot about his wife for a few minutes and finally looked in her direction. Sue had been studying one of Bella’s large hands and trying not to look at her husband. She gasped and jumped back when Bella yawned. She thought the big woman was getting ready to jump out of her cage, but realized by her outstretched arms that perhaps she was just tired. Sue would never make such a loud noise, not even in her home. But she figured it must be freeing. Sue had preferred being in the background most of her life. That’s why she didn’t start wearing makeup until she was 33. It’s why she became an acting teacher instead of an actor. It’s why she wore her long hair in a bun instead of down around her shoulders.

  Sue stepped a few feet away from Bella, and Bella felt ashamed. She hated Joe for making her do things like that. But he thought that her sweet act was stupid and not model-like as Bella had always claimed.

  Her yawn drew the attention of a couple with two children. The teenage boy started to laugh and his little sister began to cry. Her mother said, “Don’t you worry. They’ve got the big, bad girl in a cage, so that she can’t hurt you.”

  Bella wanted to cry when she heard that. She would never hurt anyone. If anything, she was the one used to being hurt. As a child, her parents teased her because of her height. She later realized that was their way of keeping her in her place so that she wouldn’t revolt and use her mass against them.

  Sue thought that the mother’s comments were rude and decided to do something that was totally out of character.

  “Bella Alta, I’ve never met anyone like you,” Sue said, stepping closer to Bella. “I’d like to invite you over to our house for dinner. That okay with you, Rob?”

  Sue had never bothered to invite another woman to their house unless she was related. She was ready to know how Rob would behave. If he had gotten his desire for other women out of his system. She wanted to see how he’d react to another woman in the comfort of his home. Would he drop his guard and start flirting without even realizing it? Leave the house with Bella? Nothing seemed to hard for her to believe. She wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea of using Bella for her experiment, but was drawn to Bella because she seemed safe. Surely, Rob wouldn’t cheat with someone like her.

  The girl’s mother shook her head and walked off with her crying daughter.

  Rob nodded his head, and wondered what his wife was doing. If she were suddenly open to new things that he hadn’t figured she’d ever be open to.

  Bella didn’t say anything at first. Her eyes widened. She had never visited the homes of any of her gawkers, and wondered what they would discuss and what kinds of foods they liked to eat. She figured the visit could be a good learning experience and accepted.

  The next night Bella followed Sue’s directions to her family’s home. Their polished look matched the route that Bella traveled. She drove from the bad part of town with the worst schools and cars parked in the grass to the part of town where neighborhoods were gated and schools were private. The homes looked like something from a 50s sitcom. Bricks, well-manicured lawns, and wooden fences that cried, Welcome to perfection.

  She reached Rob and Sue’s home and was impressed by its heavy columns and pink rose bushes. She was glad that she had worn her best dress—a flowy aqua-colored summer dress that she had planned to wear to the beach if she ever visited one. She decorated her hair with a plastic hibiscus. Sue answered the door, wearing a white apron so clean that it must have been for decoration not for actual cooking.

  “Welcome, Bella Alta,” Sue said.

  Bella was prepared to say, “What a lovely home you have.” But the home had nothing in it.

  “What a lovely new home,” Bella said.

  “It’s not new,” said Rob who emerged from the kitchen. “We’ve lived here 10 years. Let me take you on the grand tour.”

  Bella wasn’t sure what the purpose of the tour was. Everything looked the same—empty. There was no furniture in the living room or dining room or guest bedroom. There were no photographs, artwork, or knickknacks of any kind anywhere. The master bedroom was the most complete with a mattress resting on the floor. A white sheet and two pillows were on top. The closet had no door or curtains, and Bella was relieved to see clothes hanging and shoes on shelves. She waited for an explanation or an apology for the emptiness, but never received one. For a moment, she appreciated the camper that had become her permanent residence since joining the fair. Her long legs hung off the bed and the stiff sofa wasn’t deep enough to make her comfortable but at least it looked cozy. At least people wanted to be there. The woman who was part snake and the funnel-cake maker often came over for dinner and complimented her famous spaghetti and meatballs.

  Rob didn’t tell Bella that Sue had gotten rid of most of their things because it reminded her of all his affairs. He used to collect little reminders of all the women he had been with. Just small tokens, like a refrigerator magnet or a railroad tie or a potted plant. Only once had he taken something that he considered unusual. He took a woman’s tonsils that were floating in a jar. She had saved them since childhood, and Rob was fascinated that something that had once been inside her could be preserved outside her perfectly well. He took them and put them on a bookshelf in his home. Once things started adding up, Sue couldn’t take it. She had a meltdown and threw things away in their trashcan and even the neighbors’ trashcans. Other things she burned in the front yard or hauled off to charity. It didn’t matter that most of the things, like their couch and dresser and dining room table had nothing to do with the women Rob had been with. Rob wasn’t sure why Sue stuck around. And he wasn’t sure why he stuck around either.

  Sue called them in for dinner. Bella was surprised to see a single chair in the kitchen.

  “We borrowed that chair just for you,” Sue said as she removed her clean apron. “Rob and I will eat on the floor.”

  Sue said this as if it were a perfectly normal way to go about eating a meal. She had been trying to convince herself for years that her life was perfectly normal. When people saw her and Rob out together, she knew they never suspected otherwise. Sometimes when they went to visit friends, she’d sit in Rob’s lap and ru
b her fingers through their hair as if they were so happy. Rob, who at least felt guilty about his actions, played along.

  “No, no that’s not necessary. I’ll join you on the floor. I don’t mind at all.”

  “No, you’re the guest,” Rob said. “Be our queen for the day.”

  Bella blushed, and Sue wondered what he meant by that.

  Sue and Rob held their meal of lobster, polenta, and a fresh spinach salad with bacon in plates on their laps. Wine glasses were placed on the floor. Bella had never eaten a meal so fancy and had never figured her first fine dining experience would occur like this.

  “So Bella, what’s life really like in the fair?” Sue said.

  “The traveling is nice and I get to meet a lot of people. But they’re not always nice like you.”

  That was the type of thing she figured Joe would like her to say. He wouldn’t want her to say that he hated her manager and sometimes wished she had never joined the fair.

  “Oh, I can imagine,” Sue said. “People can be cruel.”

  Sue looked over at Rob who looked down at his plate.

  “What are your plans for when your fair days are over?”

  “I’m trying to figure that out. Maybe I’ll go on the speaking circuit or write a book. Who knows.”

  “Well, Rob, why are you so quiet? Don’t you have any questions for Bella?”

  “Um, um, I don’t know. Let me think.”

  “I don’t know what his problem is tonight,” Sue said. “Bella, that’s a beautiful flower you’ve got in your hair. What is that? A hibiscus? You look perfectly Hawaiian.”

  “Thank you,” Bella said. “It’s not even real. It’s just a barrette.”

  “May I see it?” Sue said, and pulled it out of Bella’s dark hair before she could answer.

  Bella didn’t like Sue’s forwardness. It reminded her of those overzealous fairgoers who tried to touch her or say inappropriate things to her.

  “You don’t mind if I keep this, do you?” Sue said.

  Bella did mind, but she didn’t like confrontation, and figured her dollar store hair décor wouldn’t be worth arguing over.

  “Yes, I’d love for you to have it.”

  Rob’s face turned red. He knew that Sue wouldn’t appreciate Bella’s flower the way he would. She would probably throw it in the fireplace as soon as Bella left.

  “Honey,” Rob said. “Don’t be silly. You can’t take Bella’s hair clip. I’m sure we can find one like it at the mall.”

  “No, it’s okay. I want her to have it.”

  “See, hon,” Sue said. “Bella and I are friends. I’m going to keep this forever.”

  Sue was proud of herself for getting to Bella before he did. She wanted him to know that she had some power too.

  “Well, Bella, it’s getting late,” Sue said. “I’d understand perfectly well if you had to go.”

  Bella felt hurt. She knew it was her cue to leave and they hadn’t even eaten dessert yet. A chocolate cake with fondant icing and decorative swirls that looked like it belonged at a wedding had been taunting her from the counter ever since they had come into the kitchen.

  Rob felt embarrassed again. Sue had never been this cold. This must be it, he thought. She’s finally going to leave him and wanted to prove how fed up she was. He was surprised that he felt a little nervous.

  Bella got up to leave, but something didn’t feel right. The whole evening felt wrong and she wanted to try again.

  “Why don’t you all come back to the fair tomorrow? I’d like to offer you a special treat.”

  Before Sue could say no, Rob answered.

  “That sounds great. We’d be glad to stop by.”

  “Yes, Bella. We look forward to it,” Sue said.

  Sue hated that she and Rob always spoke in terms of ‘we.’ It sounded fake. ‘We’ was a long time ago.

  The next day Rob went to the mall and had a woman in a department store spray him with cologne. There was no use buying the bottle because he knew Sue would throw it away. On the drive to the fair, Sue kept coughing and saying, “What’s that smell? Do you smell that? It’s awful.” Rob hated Sue’s games. “I don’t smell anything,” he said.

  They arrived at Bella’s spot in the fair and found her standing with her hand on her hip. Rob and Sue both noticed that her space seemed larger today. It even had a little table and two chairs.

  “Good to see you,” Bella said. “Please join me.”

  She pointed at the table and chairs.

  “In there?” Sue said.

  “In here.”

  Bella opened the door with the plastic bars across it, and Rob and Sue stepped inside. Sue felt as if she were in one of those dioramas that she used to make in elementary school. Rob had fantasized about something like this. He had always wanted to make love in a public setting.

  Sue thought this must be some kind of joke. She looked over at Rob waiting for him to burst out laughing, but he didn’t. Instead, he went and sat in a chair as if it were a perfectly normal thing to do. Not wanting to be outdone by Rob, she sat in a chair, too.

  “Just thought you might like to see what it’s like,” Bella said. “You can leave whenever you want.”

  Bella felt cramped, but liked the idea of giving others a taste of her life. She knew some people could never understand why she’d put herself on display. She wanted them to see the courage it took.

  “Oh, good, then I’ll leave now,” Sue said, trying to make a joke.

  “But honey we just got here,” Rob said.

  Bella heard Joe in her earpiece, and rolled her eyes.

  “Pretend you’re mad at that those people for being in there,” Joe said. “Shake the cage.”

  “No,” Bella said.

  “Do it, or you won’t have a job tomorrow.”

  Bella stood up and put her hands on the cage. She jumped up and down and started grunting. People passing by started pointing. An old couple who had seen Bella many times before came closer to the cage to get a look at Rob and Sue.

  “Look at those people at the table,” an old man said.

  Bella started grunting louder.

  “What’s wrong with them?” the old man’s wife said.

  Sue thought they couldn’t be talking about her and Rob, not with Bella going crazy. Rob liked the attention and wondered whether he should join Bella’s outburst or just continue to sit quietly.

  The old couple continued to look into the cage.

  “Well, I don’t know. That woman’s outfit looks like she didn’t take the time to iron this morning,” the woman said of Sue.

  Sue touched her blouse, and couldn’t believe she was being criticized for a wrinkle that she blamed on the seatbelt from the ride over. Rob knew that Sue was sensitive and felt sorry for her for a moment. He looked at her and mouthed, “Don’t worry about it.”

  “And look at the man. Just sitting there with a goofy grin. Maybe he doesn’t have all his wits about him,” the old man said.

  Rob decided to play along and popped a button off his shirt.

  “Destroying such a nice shirt. Shameful,” the old woman said.

  Joe’s voice came through the earpiece again.

  “Ok, ok, stop grunting. It’s not working,” he said to Bella. “Try interacting with those people you brought in.”

  Bella didn’t like that idea, but she knew there was no use arguing with Joe. She started running her fingers through Rob’s hair as if she were styling it.

  “Oh, I think she’s their caretaker,” the old woman said.

  Rob enjoyed the feel of Bella’s large hands in his hair. And Bella liked that the old woman had called her a caretaker. It made it sound as if she were needed and important. Sue tried not to look annoyed, and sat with her hands neatly folded. But her mind started to wander. She wanted to know
what exactly this old couple was seeing. Maybe they could tell she wasn’t happy with her husband. Maybe they knew she lived in a house with no furniture. Sue jumped up and started shaking the cage. Bella stopped fingering Rob’s hair and Rob jumped out of his seat.

  “Well, I’ll be,” the old man said. “I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

  “Think it’s real? She might be putting on a show,” his wife said.

  “No, no. I think its real.”

  Bella didn’t like the attention that Sue was attracting. Rob began to feel guilty watching his wife go crazy before his eyes. All of her craziness was because of him, and it made him uncomfortable. Rob stood up and pried Sue’s hands off the bars. She just stood there, breathing heavily. Pieces of hair had come undone from her bun and her face was shiny from perspiration. Rob took a handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed Sue’s forehead. She was surprised by the gesture, and just wanted to go home, to her home filled with nothing.

  Joe came around the corner.

  “I’m sorry, but you two are going to have to leave,” he said to Sue and Rob. “You’re distracting people from Bella.”