by Mandy Magro
‘So … are you planning on staying home for good, or are you just visiting?’ Her tone was a little wary. She didn’t turn to face him, as if not wanting to hear his response.
Joel didn’t know whether she was worried about his father and didn’t want him to stay for the upheaval it would cause, or was worried about him leaving again. Maybe a bit of both. ‘I’m going to give it a couple of months, see how things pan out.’ He didn’t want to put her under any pressure. ‘And then take it from there.’
She turned to look at him now, smiling. ‘That makes me very happy to hear.’
‘So how do you think the old man’s going to take it?’
Hustling to make them both a coffee, she looked over her shoulder. ‘What do you mean, love?’
‘That I’m home.’
She turned away again, her tiny shoulders slumping as she drew in a slow, steady breath. ‘I honestly don’t know.’ Her reply was slow, careful even. The jug boiled, she poured the water into the mugs and, after carefully measuring out two sugars and a splash of milk in each, clanked the teaspoon around both. ‘What I do know, without a shadow of doubt, is that he loves you. Give him time and he’ll come round.’ She wandered over and placed the steaming cups down. ‘You’ll see.’
‘I hope so, Mum, because I’m not going to feel too comfortable being here if he’s not happy about it. You know he’ll make his feelings known.’
‘Yes. Like I said, stubborn as an ox.’
‘Mmhhmm.’ He watched her grab the tray of cinnamon scrolls from the warming oven with chequered mitts, and his mouth watered. ‘Wow. They look amazing, Mum.’
She eased the tray onto the sink. ‘Good. I’ll give you two then.’ She plonked them onto a plate, along with one for herself, and toddled over to him. Standing, he pulled out the stool for her.
‘Thank you. It’s nice to see you’re still the gentleman I raised.’ She smiled and, with a little bit of an effort, got herself comfortable.
‘You trained me well.’ He settled in beside her and tucked into the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted in all his life, still warm from the oven. ‘Holy dooly. This right here could stop wars.’ He was grinning like mad now, the buttery taste taking him back to his childhood.
‘I know.’ His mum grinned like she couldn’t quite believe he was next to her, eating her cooking. Crow’s feet had appeared, as had laughter lines around her thin lips. Elbows poised on the table, she rested her head into her hands, studying him in turn. ‘You look …’
‘Older.’ He saved her having to speak the obvious.
‘I was going to say tired.’ She took a sip from her coffee, eyeing him over the rim of the cup. ‘So, are you going to be staying here?’
One cinnamon scroll down, one to go. He could easily eat the whole tray.
‘I’d love to, but I don’t want to put you and Dad out, so I’m happy to rent a room at the motel in town, if …’
She cut him off, placing her hand over his atop the bench. ‘Nonsense, you’ll stay here with us,’ she said, patting his hand. ‘For as long as you like.’ She sniffled, straightened. ‘This is your home, Joel. You shouldn’t have been kicked out of it in the first place.’
‘I think Dad might disagree with you on that one, Mum.’
‘Well, let him.’ She huffed. ‘It wasn’t your fault, what happened that night. I know the likes of Levi Muller and his brothers. They haven’t got a decent bone in any of their bodies. Bloody troublemakers if I ever saw them. Desmond crashed his car because he was drink driving, and …’ She tutted. ‘… I honestly have no idea how Levi was blessed enough to become a doctor.’ She made the sign of the cross, muttering an apology to god for being unpleasant. ‘Anyway, now I’ve got you back here, your father is going to have to like you staying, or he can move into the doghouse.’
‘Wow, Mum.’ His eyes widened as he slowly shook his head. ‘That’s a change of tune.’
‘Is it?’ The look on her face spoke of just how wrong he was.
He chewed thoughtfully. ‘Dad’s always ruled the roost here.’
‘Is that so?’ A mischievous grin surfaced and there was a twinkle in her eyes. ‘Oh, Joel. Of course I allow him to think he does, so he feels like the king of the castle, but I know how to gently persuade him to do most things I’d like him to do. And, unlike last time, I am putting my foot down.’
‘Thanks, Mum,’ Joel said, feeling a swell of emotion. His mother had his back. ‘I’m not too sure your tactics will work when it comes to me, though.’ He shoved his last mouthful of scrumptiousness in.
‘We’ll see about that, won’t we?’ she said sweetly. ‘You can make use of your eighteenth birthday present now.’
Joel smiled, nodding. ‘Is the old barn still liveable?’
‘It sure is.’ She beamed from ear to ear. ‘I’ve kept it ready.’
‘You did?’
She nodded briskly. ‘For when you decided to come back home. I told you, I knew you would.’ His heart both swooned and ached. His poor mum, holding hope that he would return, for all these years.
‘I’m so lucky to have a mum who looks after me, and out for me.’ Joel leant in and planted a kiss on her cheek. ‘Thank you.’
‘Of course. You’re my son, it’s my job to look after you.’
A diesel engine neared and was cut. A door slammed and gravel crunched underfoot. Joel and his mum exchanged a look, breaths held. The squeaking of the back flyscreen door was followed by heavy footfalls.
‘Whose LandCruiser is that outside, Sherrie?’ His father’s booming voice carried into the kitchen. ‘They’re parked in my spot.’
His mum clamped her lips shut. Joel’s heart stopped beating as he prepared himself for the worst – he was already doing things wrong.
‘And that damn rooster has crapped all over my shed floor again. If he’s not careful, I’m going to put him out of my misery and add him to the freezer for Christmas lunch.’ William walked in his socks into the kitchen, head down as he sorted through a pile of mail. ‘Sherrie, did you hear me?’ he called again.
‘Yes, I heard you. How could I not, with you ranting and raving at the top of your lungs?’ Her reply didn’t hold back that she was annoyed.
Sliding to a stop just shy of Joel, William appeared as if he’d just seen a ghost. ‘Well, strike me down.’ Very slowly, he lowered his glasses to the end of his nose, staring at Joel over the top of them. His face paled and he took one deep, anguished breath. ‘The prodigal son has returned.’
‘Hey, Dad.’ Joel watched his father blink faster but, within seconds, recompose himself as he marched past him and tossed the mail onto the bench. ‘So, what are you doing back in town?’ Folding his arms, he stared Joel down. ‘You need money?’
‘My goodness, William.’ His mum’s tone was harsh. ‘Could you at least try and be civil to your son.’
Joel decided to be the bigger person. ‘No, it’s okay, Mum. He’s allowed to feel however he needs to.’ He stood, took a few steps towards his dad, who was muttering about being very warranted in how he felt, and offered out his hand.
Clamping his folded arms even tighter, William looked at Joel’s gesture as if it was the most absurd thing he’d ever laid his eyes on. His jaw tightening, he arched a bushy brow in question.
Hurt, but not wanting to show it, Joel shoved both hands into his pockets. His father’s reaction wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but it was clearly going to take some effort to smooth things out. The ox he most certainly was, his father wasn’t going to budge. Silence hung between them all, the ticking of the clock above the stove sounding like a bomb was about to detonate.
‘I came off one of the horses on the last muster …’ Joel said finally. ‘I concussed myself, real bad. The doc says I need some time off before I can think about getting back to it, so I thought I’d come home and visit you all, seeing as I’ve finally got some time off.’
‘You did, did you?’ His father remained poker-faced.
�
�Yes, I did.’ Joel tried to take his father’s lack of concern on the chin as he diverted his attention out the kitchen window to where he felt free, unjudged. Understood. ‘I thought it was time we tried to patch things up,’ he added.
William remained silent.
His mum clambered from the stool and rushed for him. ‘Good heavens, Joel, why didn’t you tell me you’d hurt yourself?’ She looked him up and down, as if searching for cuts she could cover with a band-aid. Satisfied there were none, she took his hand and tugged him back towards the stool. ‘Come and sit. Rest.’
‘Oh, for goodness sake, Sherrie, would you stop fussing over him,’ his father grumbled. ‘He’s a grown man, not a ten-year-old boy.’
His mum shot a fiery glance at her husband as she dragged Joel back to his stool. Relieved for the distance between him and his dad, Joel sat.
‘So where is he staying? Because I don’t want him under my roof,’ William grumbled, glaring at his wife, his nostrils flaring and his face reddening.
Even though he’d expected discord, Joel felt a pang of sadness at his father’s open rejection.
‘This place is beneath my roof, too,’ she replied, closing her eyes for a moment, as if drawing strength, and sighed. ‘I know you two have a lot of unresolved issues, but I’ve told Joel he can stay in the barn, especially seeing as it’s his to begin with.’
‘That barn is on my land, so that makes it mine.’ William’s harsh tone cut like a knife.
‘It makes it ours, William,’ his mum replied curtly. ‘We gave it to him for his eighteenth birthday, don’t forget. And I don’t stand for taking back a gift.’ Mimicking her husband’s defensive stance, Sherrie folded her arms, and both of them looked at each other as if about to quick-draw.
Joel’s heart sank. This wasn’t good. The last thing he wanted was to cause friction between his parents. ‘It’s okay. I’ll just go and stay in town.’
‘Oh no you won’t, Joel.’ It was said through his mother’s clenched teeth, without her looking away from his father. ‘William?’ One word, but it was said with so much gravity.
His dad remained tight-lipped. The stalemate continued.
Joel felt uncomfortable, but dared not move or speak. He’d never seen his mother like this, standing her ground. It was a sight to behold – she clearly felt very strongly about keeping him home. It made him feel extremely loved.
With a massive huff, William threw his hands up in the air. ‘Oh okay, all bloody right. You win.’ He glanced towards Joel. ‘Just keep the barn clean, no bloody strange people coming to visit, and stay out of my way.’
Joel gave one curt nod. ‘You got it.’
‘Good.’ With that, William brushed a cranky kiss over Sherrie’s cheek and stormed out of the kitchen. ‘I’m going to check on the cattle,’ he grumbled over his shoulder. ‘I’ll be back in time for supper.’
Sherrie waited until the slam of the back flyscreen door before she ran to Joel and wrapped her arms around him, dancing on the spot. ‘See? I told you.’
‘Yes, you did.’ He grimaced. ‘That was magic to watch.’
‘Even though he’s like a grumpy old brute, and only getting more stubborn with age, your father is a big softy underneath that hard exterior.’ She clapped her hands together. ‘This is going to be so wonderful, having you home.’
‘It’s going to be real nice spending time with you, Mum, that’s for sure.’
Cupping his cheeks, his mother regarded him with kind eyes. ‘You’re a good boy, Joel, with your father’s determination and my soft heart. You’ll get there with your father, I promise.’
‘I hope so, Mum.’
‘I know so.’ Wandering to the stove, she took the lid off the huge pot. ‘Your sister is coming for dinner too.’
Joel sculled the last of his coffee. ‘Grouse. I can’t wait to give her a hug. I’m glad I get to see her before she takes off on her overseas adventure.’
‘She can’t wait to see you, too, Joel,’ she said over her shoulder.
Two hours later, Joel was still sitting at the kitchen bench, chatting to his mum as she rolled dumplings and plopped them into the bubbling stew, when he heard a car door slam, quickly followed by hurried footsteps across the verandah and down the hallway.
‘Sounds like your sister is here,’ Sherrie said, smiling.
‘Couldn’t miss her. Sounds like a herd of cattle coming this way,’ Joel replied with a chuckle as he jumped up to meet her.
‘Oh my gosh, you’re really here!’ Rounding the corner, her long bohemian skirt swaying around her ankles, Zoe leapt into his arms, wrapping hers around his shoulders.
Joel found himself choked up with emotion – she’d grown up so much. He’d missed so much. ‘Far out, little sis. You’re like an incoming missile.’ He lifted her from the floor and spun her round. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’ His heart was singing a happy tune as he was drawn back to better days, with Zoe as his shadow.
He eased her down until Zoe’s bare feet touched the floor and she beamed up at him. ‘I’m so happy you’re home, bro. About bloody time too.’ She flashed a wayward grin and gave his biceps a squeeze. ‘Gee whiz, you got some guns there, too. You been working out?’
‘Nope, I’m not the gym type,’ replied Joel. ‘All hard work and no play, that’s all.’
‘Fair enough,’ she said, turning to acknowledge their mum, who was tearing up as she watched her children together.
‘Just when I’ve got you both home, one of you is leaving again,’ Sherrie said, sniffling.
‘Oh, Mum, don’t cry.’ Zoe reached out and wiped a stray tear from her mother’s cheek. ‘You’ll get me started if you don’t stop.’
Joel swallowed against the emotion rising in his throat. ‘Yeah, trust me, you don’t want to see me cry. I look horrific.’ He pulled an over-the-top face to mimic it, and both women burst into laughter.
‘Forever the larrikin, you are,’ Sherrie said, giving him a playful slap on the arm.
Joel gently pulled her and Zoe into a group hug. ‘Let’s just try and be happy that we’re all together for tonight.’
Both nodding into his chest, Zoe and his mum garbled their agreement. They didn’t have Joel’s view out the window. He watched as his father stomped across the driveway, his frown so deep it looked as if it had been etched into his weathered face.
Yes, they were all together. Now, if only they could all be happy.
CHAPTER
8
The candle flickered on the ledge of the shower cubicle, emitting the comforting scent of musk and vanilla. Resting her forehead against the coolness of the tiles while her aching back relaxed beneath the scalding water, Juliette couldn’t help but add to her pain and imagine the complete opposite to her reality. She envisioned racing from the toilet, a positive pregnancy test in hand, to tell her doting husband the good news. He would then cry out with joy and take her into his arms as their life took its next perfect step. It was a ridiculous thought. Never, ever, would it unfold in such a magnificent way, especially not now. She allowed the tears she’d been holding back to fall in racking sobs as she wrapped her arms around herself, like she could hold all of her broken pieces together. As she’d suspected, her monthlies had arrived, and with a vengeance. The cramps were now almost unbearable, the hormones overwhelming, and her head aching as if a jackhammer were trying to smash its way out.
The distinct ringtone of her mobile sounded distantly, the Led Zeppelin tune ‘Whole Lotta Love’ shattering the ear-ringing silence of the rambling two-storey homestead. Begrudgingly, she turned the taps off and stepped from the steam of the shower. Snatching up her towel, she dried herself, wondering who’d called. Maybe, hopefully, it was Lachlan finally returning her call, almost four hours later. Or perhaps she was just kidding herself.
Glancing at the array of misleadingly happy wedding snaps, professionally framed and gathering dust on the hallway walls, she swore beneath her breath as she headed past what was now classed as Lachlan�
�s bedroom and on to hers. Now she knew the cold, hard truth, she could see it in Lachlan’s eyes in every single shot, and even wondered how she’d missed it. Although, apparently no one in town was any the wiser to his secret, or so he’d told her. The images of her, wrapped up in her new husband’s arms, were a different story. She was very clearly floating amongst the clouds. She’d been a young woman back then, full of exhilaration and hope for a future that was nothing like she’d imagined or been promised.
If only things had been the way she’d imagined way back when she’d truly been head over heels in love – with Joel. She towelled her hair, pondering what her life would be like now if he’d stayed – married to a doting husband, with beautiful children, and undoubtedly very happy and very much in love. Even though she felt guilty, thinking about him when she was still a married woman, it had been a contemplation that had plagued her over the years, had left her tossing and turning all the nights she’d spent alone while silently questioning where Lachlan was and who he was with. Wishing she could rewind time so she could stop them going to the river that horrific night, Joel’s handsome chiselled face preoccupied her mind and sent a quiver through her body. Just knowing he was back in Little Heart, virtually only minutes down the road from her, made her even more edgy. She tossed her towel over the corner of her bedroom door and got dressed. After working a faded pair of jeans up her damp legs, she opted for no bra and pulled her favourite comfy singlet over her head as she made her way towards the spiral staircase with her tiny, four-legged shadow, now off the end of her bed and by her bare feet.
‘Finally decided to join the land of the living, hey, Brute?’ she said, smiling down at her Jack Chi – a Chihuahua crossed with a Jack Russell. ‘Correct me if I’m jumping the gun, but I reckon it’s only because it’s dinnertime, hmm?’
Brute stared up at her as he yapped a sharp reply. Zoe was wrong – Brute totally counted as conversation. To save him descending the stairs, a bit of a feat with his short legs, she picked him up, cuddling him to her. He rewarded the kind gesture with a sneaky lick to her face. ‘Oi, you cheeky little bugger. You know better than that.’ Grinning, she wiped at her cheek with the back of her hand, then kissed the top of his head. ‘Thank god I have you for company. I love you so much, my little buddy.’
