The Cruel World

by Scarlett Haven

  I grin. “So do you. You look good in a suit.”

  And he does.

  Normally, when I see West, he’s either in workout pants, or he’s wearing shorts and a t-shirt when we’re not training. But seeing him in a suit makes my heart race in ways that I don’t want to think about.

  I come to stand next to West and he looks down at my shoes, raising an eyebrow.

  “Are you sure you won’t break an ankle in those things? You trip over your own feet all the time.”

  “It’s fine. I want to look nice tonight. We’re meeting people I’ll probably be working with and I want to make a good first impression.” I chew on the side of my lip. “I think you and I both know I’m not good at first impressions.”

  He chuckles. “I might have treated you badly at first, but trust me, you didn’t make a bad first impression.”

  “Then why were you so mean to me?” I push a piece of hair behind my ear.

  “Because I was mad at you for being so pretty.”

  My breath catches in my throat.

  The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs makes me back away from West, which gives me a moment to breathe.

  Why are all of our encounters so intense?

  I look up and see Kal. He waves a hand at me, wiggling his eyebrows.

  “Stunning.”

  He walks over, giving me a side hug.

  “You don’t look so bad yourself.” I grin at him, looking at the suit he has on. “We’re going to have to go out more often so I can see you dressed up like this.”

  He winks at me. “Roxy, if you wanted to go on a date with me, all you had to do was say so.”

  West puts a hand between Kal and I, pushing me back from Kal.

  Kal laughs. “If you don’t want anybody else to ask her out, maybe you should ask her out first.”

  He’s got a point. But… West would never ask me out. He’s not interested in me like that. My feelings are definitely one-sided.

  West mumbles something under his breath. I’d pay to know what he said, but maybe it’s better that I don’t know.

  Before West and Kal can start fighting, Ian comes out from the downstairs bedroom. He gets the only room that’s downstairs because he’s on crutches. He looks at me, but quickly turns away.

  I sigh, hating how things are between us. I wish I knew how to fix it. If I could just go back in time… though, what would that help? What could I say to make things be different now?

  Once Alek is ready, we pile into the Jeep and head to the dinner party.

  On the way there, Kal makes a joke about me sitting on his lap, per usual, and somehow, we end up with Alek sitting halfway on both of our laps. West is super grumpy about the fact that we were joking around.

  When we get to the restaurant where the dinner is being held, I am thankful when Alek gets off my lap. He is heavier than he looks. I climb out, brushing a hand over my crumpled dress. As we’re headed inside, Kal grabs hold of my hand.

  I raise an eyebrow at him. “Won’t all the single girls think you’re dating me?”

  He grins. “Yes.”

  I give him a confused look.

  “Girls want what they can’t have,” he says. “If they think I’m dating you, they’ll do all the work to get me.”

  I laugh at his logic.

  These girls have no idea what they’re getting into with Kal.

  “In that case, good luck,” I tell him.

  Alek grabs onto my other hand. “She can be my girlfriend too.”

  I snort. “I don’t think it works like that. If you guys start telling all the girls that we’re dating, I’m pretty sure somebody is going to want to fight me for you.”

  We walk to our designated table. Kal holding onto one hand, and Alek holding onto the other. I think it’s hilarious, but West keeps glaring between the three of us like he’s trying to figure out how to stop us. Ian, on the other hand, just hobbles ahead of us on his crutches, like he can’t stand to even look at me—he probably can’t.

  Once we get to the table, West sits directly across from me. I sit between Alek and Kal, and Ian sits by West. It hurts when Ian scoots his chair so he’s facing slightly away from us. I know that it’s because of me. I hate that I hurt him so much.

  “So, what do we do at this thing?” I ask, looking around the room.

  There are tables set up all around—it’s only about half full right now, we’re about fifteen minutes early, but waiters and waitresses are already taking people’s orders.

  “Eat. Mingle. Try not to trip over those ridiculous shoes,” West says.

  I roll my eyes. “Real helpful.”

  West clears his throat. “Actually, I was hoping to talk to the team before dinner tonight. We’ve had so much going on that I haven’t gotten the chance to.”

  I sit up straighter, giving him my attention. When his eyes home in on me, my stomach sinks. I can’t help but think that this conversation won’t be a particularly pleasant one.

  “Last night, I overheard a conversation between Princess and Rook.”

  I groan.

  “Come on, West,” Kal says. “Roxy can’t help it if he keeps asking her out. He has a crush on her. You can’t get mad at her for it.”

  West shakes his head. “Nah, he didn’t ask her out.”

  I resist the urge to cover my face. “Do you really have to do this?”

  He shrugs. “You know I do, Princess.”

  I huff, turning away from his face.

  “Last night, Rook asked Roxy to join his team.”

  Kal’s head jerks toward me. “Is it true?”

  I nod.

  “You told him no, right?”

  I nod again. “Of course. I don’t want to leave this team.”

  “After she said no, she told him she would think about it,” West finishes.

  Kal’s face falls.

  “Is that true?” Alek looks at me with a hardened facial expression.

  “He’s making it sound way worse than it is,” I complain. “He kept asking me, and I just didn’t want to have the conversation anymore, so I told him I would think about it. I was planning on telling him no the next time I talked to him.”

  “If that were the case, you would’ve told him so last night.” Kal clenches his jaw. “You would have told him that you’re happy where you are.”

  Tears press against the back of eyes and I look at Kal. “You guys were mad at me yesterday. You wanted me to pretend to be happy when half the time my team hates me?”

  Kal puts his fist down hard on the table, making the silverware rattle. “If you think we hate you that much, maybe you should go.”

  “What?” My voice breaks as I look at him. I turn to look at all the guys, seeing if anybody will stand up for me. Alek gives me a sharp look, West glares, and Ian turns his head away. Feeling completely defeated, I run from the table. I have plans on going into the bathroom to have a good cry, but I see a couple of girls walk in there. Wanting a little privacy, I walk out the side door of the restaurant.

  As soon as I’m alone, I lose it.

  Not who I wanted it to be.

  I hide my face in my hands and I let myself have an ugly cry. I know that my makeup is going to be wrecked—thank goodness I wore waterproof mascara—but I can’t bring myself to care.

  Why do I let these boys get to me so much? They were just as horrible, maybe worse, to me when I first joined the team and I never used to cry this much. But the answer is simple now. Then, I didn’t know them. I didn’t care. Now, I do. I’ve grown to love these boys and their harsh words hurt so much worse now.

  Maybe Kal is right. Maybe I really should leave. Cole and Rook seem like they really do want me on their team. I’m not sure how Jensen feels, I’d have to talk to him, but it would be nice for the team I’m on to actually want me there. But then the thought of leaving West, Kal, Alek, and even Ian, breaks my heart. I can’t leave them.

  The side door that I just came out of opens up. I wipe at my fac
e, hoping to see one of the guys come out to look for me. I’m hoping they’re coming to apologize. But it’s… not who I wanted it to be.

  “Are you okay?”

  Rook steps out the door, shutting it behind him, and he walks up to me.

  I wipe at my face, hoping I don’t look like a complete mess. “I’m fine.”

  But my voice breaks, betraying me.

  Like it’s not already obvious I’m been crying. I’m literally wiping tears off of my face.

  “Me finding you alone crying is becoming a habit.” Rook comes to stand in front of me, concern on his face. “Are you sure you’re okay, Roxy?”

  I nod, sighing. “The guys on my team can be… sensitive.”

  That’s one way of putting it. It’s the nice way of putting it. Because even when those guys hurt me and make me so mad that I can’t see straight, I still love them. I won’t talk badly about them—at least not behind their backs. I will definitely be yelling at them later for the way they made me feel tonight.

  He rubs a hand at the back of his neck. “I’m sure they’re kicking themselves over whatever it is they said to hurt you.”

  Rook surprises me with his response. I didn’t expect him to stick up for them. I guess I thought he’d just try to recruit me for his team. It’s the perfect opportunity. Honestly, he might even be able to almost convince me to join him because of how upset I am.

  “You’re not supposed to be nice to your rival team.”

  He shrugs. “I don’t see West and the rest of the guys as rivals. I hope someday we can all get along and even work cases together. Lots of Royal cases take multiple teams to work.”

  “You’d want that?” I ask.

  He nods, reaching a hand up to push a piece of hair behind my ear. “I still want you on my team.”

  I swallow hard, not knowing what to think.

  Why does Rook have to be so nice? This would be a lot easier if he were a jerk like Jensen.

  “Cole told me he talked to you.” Rook leans his back against the building.

  “Uh, yeah.” I lick my lips. “He seemed excited about wanting me to join you guys.”

  He grins. “We’re all excited by the idea, but Jensen doesn’t think you’ll join us.”

  Jensen is right about that, but I don’t say it out loud.

  “Are you sure you’re not dating the tan one?” Rook asks.

  I raise an eyebrow. “Kal?”

  He nods.

  I snort. “No, trust me. We’re just best friends.”

  “I saw you holding hands earlier. With the Russian one too.”

  “Kal had a theory that if girls thought I was his girlfriend they’d want him even more. He thinks girls want what they can’t have. And then Alek decided Kal had a good idea.” I laugh at their logic. “I can’t pretend to know what goes on in the mind of those guys. They’re insane. But I love them.”

  “Do they love you too?” he asks. “Because it seems like they’re always hurting you.”

  “I know.” I chew on my lip, not knowing what else today. Rook is right—the guys do hurt me a lot. It seems like, no matter what I do, it’s never good enough. I always say or do the wrong thing and the guys get mad at me. They constantly break my heart.

  Rook sighs. “I know I should be using this time to convince you to join our team, but you just look so upset. Maybe you should go in there and talk to them.”

  I blow out a breath. “Trust me, it won’t help. They’ll be mad at me the whole night. It’s best to just wait until tomorrow. I’m sure by the morning it’ll all blow over and Kal and Alek will go back to treating me like their best friend again.”

  “What about West?” Rook raises an eyebrow.

  I shrug. “Who knows with him. He’s moody on days that end in ‘y.’ Sometimes you’ll see a glimpse of a nice guy beneath his hard exterior, but that is rare.”

  He chuckles. “That sounds like West. But what about the other guy? I thought you and Ian were friends.”

  “That’s… complicated.”

  I wish St. Thomas would have never happened.

  I wish Ian didn’t have feelings for me.

  Or I wish I could feel the same.

  “What was it like when you joined your team?” I ask him, hoping to change the subject.

  “Cole and Jensen had been a team for a few months before I joined. Jensen voted for me. Cole voted for some other Spy School agent. But they were both very accepting of me. It took a few months before I felt like I was really part of the team. They had bonded already, and it took a bit for me to feel that way. But now, everything is great.”

  “How long is a few months?” I ask, hoping that my ‘few’ months are almost over.

  “About two or three,” he answers.

  I frown. “It’s almost been four months and I still feel like I’m on the outside looking in.”

  Will the guys ever see me as part of the team? Or am I just kidding myself? They hate me and I am only making them miserable.

  Tears begin to roll down my cheeks again and Rook puts his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. It’s nice, but it’s not the same because he’s not West, Alek, Kal, or Ian. Then again, he’s here. Where are they? The thoughts only make me cry harder.

  I can’t believe I’m crying into Rook’s chest. This is completely mortifying.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, once I get my tears to stop. I pull back. “I don’t usually cry so much. I’m stronger than this.”

  He reaches his hand to my face and gently brushes away the tears. “I don’t know who told you that crying doesn’t make you strong, but they were lying. It’s okay to cry, Roxy.”

  I chew on my lip, thinking my mother would hate this guy. She is the one who taught me the crying makes me weak. Over the years, I thought I trained myself not to cry, but maybe I just grew callous toward my mother’s cold words, but not from others.

  “It’s not always so bad with them.” I defend the guys because I don’t want Rook to hate them.

  “I know.” He sighs. “But Roxy… you’re too good to be treated like this. I can’t promise that everything will be perfect if you join our team, but I promise you that you will be treated well.”

  And I do know that. Jensen may be a flirt—at least before I punched him—but when we were on our mission, he never cared that I was a girl. He treated me like one of the guys.

  I chew on my lip. “I promise I will think about it.”

  But deep in my heart, I already know what I want.

  My team… they might be a mess, but they’re my mess. I love those boys and God only knows why.

  We will get through this week and somehow things will work out—even with Ian. I am certain of that. And if I gave up so easily, would I really be worthy of being a Royal? I really don’t think so.

  “Let’s head back in there.” Rook nods at the door. “You can sit with my team.”

  I grin, thinking my guys will hate it. But maybe they deserve it after what they put me through.

  Thursday, December 14

  It’s an option.

  Thursday, I’ve learned, is a break from the games. Today, there are celebrations—cookouts, bonfires, and just a fun beach day. It’s a time for everybody to get to know one another. I am thankful for the break—I desperately need it.

  I head out early on Thursday morning. Rook told me last night that they’re staying a couple houses away from us and Jensen apparently excels at making waffles. My stomach growls just thinking about it.

  I feel a little guilty as I head down to their house, leaving the guys behind. I shouldn’t be hanging out with the rivals, but anything is better than facing their wrath first thing this morning.

  As I approach their house from the beach side, I see that Michael Sinclair is sitting on their back deck. I’m confused because I don’t see Jensen, Cole, or Rook around.

  He nods at me as I walk up the steps and pats the seat beside him. Hesitantly, I walk over and take a seat, wondering what this talk is goin
g to be about. Does he know about all the fighting on my team? Are we about to be dropped in a forest again?

  I rub my hands against my dress. “Hey.”

  “Hello, Roxy. How are you doing?” Michael asks.

  “I, uh, I’m good.” I clear my throat. “How are you?”

  He chuckles, patting my back. “I’m good. Thank you for asking.”

  I chew on my lip anxiously, waiting for him to tell me why he wants to talk to me. It isn’t a coincidence that he’s here today. Usually, when Michael wants to talk to you, it’s about something important. I just hope I haven’t done something wrong.

  “Don’t look so nervous. I’m not here to get onto you for anything. You’re doing a fantastic job. I was impressed with your shooting on Tuesday.”

  My eyes widen. “But I made my team lose.”

  His eyes wrinkle around the corner. “Yes, but I remember you used to get sick when you had to give a speech during class. You had an almost perfect score in front of all those people. I was extremely impressed. You’ve made progress.”

  My heart warms at his statement.

  This is why hardly anybody leaves Spy School—because Michael Sinclair is so nice. He has a way of making everybody feel special.

  “Thank you,” I say shyly.

  “The reason I wanted to talk to you is probably obvious, considering where I’m sitting today.” He motions at the house.

  I swallow hard as I realize—he knows.

  “Jensen, Cole, and Rook really want you on their team,” Michael says, coming right out and saying it.

  I nod. “Rook talked to me about that.”

  “I wanted to talk to you and get your feelings on it,” he says.

  “It’s really possible to switch team?” I push a piece of hair behind my ear. “I mean, I thought you were the one who formed teams. Switching like that… isn’t it counterproductive?”

  “It is possible when everybody agrees. And those three boys all agree—they want you on their team.”

  “Oh.” I fold my hands in my lap not knowing what to say. I want to tell him that I’ll think about it. That fight last night was bad, but it’s no different than the fights we have on any given night. But I don’t want to leave my guys. I can’t. “I don’t want to switch teams.”