I let out a sigh, hoping sleep would take me.
“I’m right here,” she murmured against my chest.
I smiled again. She was almost passed out, and yet she was still trying to offer me her warmth. It was a lucky man who got to have her in his life. She was going to make an excellent mother one day. Demokritos’ words flashed through my mind. I wouldn’t be the father to her kids. Like he said, I would make a terrible father. A kid deserved better than me.
Nicole was a good woman, too good for me. It was like I told her earlier—relationships and me didn’t mix.
I wouldn’t drag her into my drama. I had a feeling she had dealt with enough in her life.
Chapter 24
Nicole
It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I stretched out on one of the chairs on Rand’s deck, my bare legs and my fresh pedicure on display as I got in a little sunbathing. Bella appeared over me, handing me a cold beer from the cooler we had dragged onto the deck.
“It’s nice, huh?” she commented, sitting down in the other chair.
“It is,” I said. “Did you ever imagine yourself sitting on a deck, drinking a cold beer in one of the most beautiful cities in the world?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t. I guess I dreamed about it, but I certainly didn’t think it would happen. Adrian changed my world. He changed my father’s world. He made everything a hundred percent better.”
“He seems like a good guy,” I told her.
“He is. Rand is a good guy, just in a different way. He likes to hide who he really is, but I’m sure you’ve figured that out.”
I laughed. “Yes, I have.”
“How are things going with the two of you?”
My eyes moved out to the water where Adrian, Rand, and his friend Cade were all riding jet skis. We’d been spending a lot of time together the past two weeks, but I didn’t feel like we were moving anywhere. We just were. I worked. He worked. We went back to his house and had dinner before going to bed.
“I don’t know. I’m not really sure what we’re doing. I think we’re just enjoying one another’s company.” I hoped I sounded casual.
“In all the time I’ve known Rand, I have never known him to spend much time with a woman,” she informed me. “He’s dated, but never daytime dates like this. He never introduced me to any of the women.”
I nodded. “I believe that. He’s very anti-relationship.”
She chuckled. “He says that, but I think it’s safe to say you guys are in a relationship.”
I grimaced. “I don’t know.”
“I do,” she said. “He seems happy with you and more relaxed than usual.”
“I want to ask you something, but please don’t think I’m trying to pump you for information. I swear I’m not, but I’m worried about him.”
“Worried about Rand?” she asked with surprise.
“Yes, he’s been having nightmares,” I said. “Vivid, loud nightmares every night I’ve been here. He always tells me he doesn’t remember what they are about, but I don’t think he’s being completely honest. Is there something that you know of that could be haunting him so bad?”
She shrugged a shoulder. “Not that I know of. Are you sure it isn’t because of the death of his grandfather?”
“I thought that might be it, but I’ve heard him yelling and sometimes, sometimes I think he might even be crying,” I said in a low voice.
“That’s sad,” she murmured.
“I know,” I said. “I want to help him, but I have no idea how. He seems lost, like a little boy trying to find his way. I have this need to comfort him and help him find his way, but he doesn’t want my help.”
Bella sighed, taking a sip of the beer. “He’s a stubborn guy and very headstrong. As far as I know, he’s been on his own for a long time. He probably doesn’t know how to lean on people. He might think that makes him weak.”
I scoffed. “Dumb.”
She burst into giggles. “I know, but you know some people, especially men, can be that way.”
“That’s the truth.”
“Has Adrian mentioned anything?” I pressed on.
She shook her head. “No. He and Rand often divide and conquer. Maybe there’s something Rand is dealing with that Adrian doesn’t know about. I’m sure it’s just work. He’s probably trying to land a client, or maybe a client is threatening to leave.”
“I guess,” I mumbled, not buying the work excuse.
It felt bigger, more personal. I’d seen the dark circles under his eyes and knew it was taking a toll on him. I would give it a few more days. If he was still struggling, I would make him tell me what was going on.
“Do you want some of these olives?” Bella asked, picking up a tray from the table of snacks we had put out for the guys.
She held the plate out to me. I started to reach for one of the olives, but the smell hit me first. Suddenly, an olive was about the last thing I wanted. I jumped up and raced inside, heading down the hall to the guest bathroom. I managed to get the toilet lid up about a second before I lost the few snacks I had munched on earlier.
I got up, my legs shaky as I moved to turn on the faucet. I splashed cold water on my face. I felt like I was in a bit of shock. The bout of nausea had snuck up on me. I had been fine, enjoying a beer, and then those olives. Even thinking about the olives had me feeling nauseated again. I stood still, waiting to see if my stomach was settled. Everything seemed fine, but I had thought I was fine before.
I took a deep breath, patted my cheeks to get a little color back in them, and opened the door. I moved back to the deck. Bella was sitting at the patio table when I returned. “Hey, are you okay?”
“Yes, sorry. I’m not sure what came over me.” I was a little embarrassed by my body’s reaction.
I scanned the table, looking for the offending olives.
“I put them away.”
“Thank you,” I said, trying to think of an excuse. “Maybe it was the vinegar smell.”
“Maybe you’re pregnant,” she quipped.
I nearly fainted on the spot. “What?” I gasped, putting a hand to my stomach.
“You took one whiff of those olives and lost your cookies,” she said authoritatively. “I don’t have any personal experience, but as I understand it, that’s a pregnancy symptom. Like a single thought, smell, or visual can trigger a reaction.”
I shook my head. “No. I can’t be.”
“You haven’t had sex with Rand?”
I blushed. “I have, but—”
“Are you seeing anyone else?”
“No!” I quickly shot down the very idea.
“Have you used protection every single time?” she asked.
Her questions were extraordinarily personal, but I wasn’t going to take offense to it. I believed her questions were generally out of concern for my health. “No,” I confessed, a little embarrassed.
“Then, don’t you think it could be possible?” she suggested.
I flopped down in one of the patio table chairs. “Oh no.”
“Is this the first time you’ve been sick?”
I nodded my head. “Yes. I thought it was supposed to be in the morning? It’s almost noon.”
She giggled. “I believe it can happen at any time.”
“Great,” I groaned.
“I also hear it’s only supposed to last the first couple of days.”
I looked out at the water and noticed the guys had parked the jet skis and were coming up. “Please don’t say anything to Rand or Adrian.”
“Your secret is safe with me,” she said. “You can talk to me, you know? I know what it’s like to be the lone American in a foreign country. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be there for you, but can I give you one piece of advice?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t go too long without telling Rand,” she said. “I think he deserves to know, even if you don’t want to be with him. He is a good man. I know he can be a little tough to love, b
ut at his core, he is kind and loyal and fiercely protective. He would make a good father—eventually. I’m sure there might be a learning curve, but I bet he would come around quick. It might be the thing he needs to feel more sure of his place in this world.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, her words resonating.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, and you can never tell him this, but he reminds me of a lost little boy. He’s an adult and a functioning adult, but there is this emptiness in his eyes, like he’s lost with nowhere to go.”
I nodded, understanding exactly what she meant. “I know what you mean. I’ve seen it too. Maybe it’s why I’m drawn to him. I want to help him. He does seem lost, and I know he’s alone. I would love to show him the world isn’t as dark as he thinks it is.”
“You seem to have a bright outlook on life,” she said. “Is that inherited from your parents?”
My eyes drifted back to the beach, checking to see how close the men were. “No. I inherited nothing from them. At least, I don’t think so. I never met my mother, but I know for damn sure I’m not like my father and I never will be,” I said vehemently.
Her brows shot up. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not close with my father,” I said, trying to quickly explain before Rand came onto the deck.
“I understand,” she said quietly.
“Hey, ladies!” Adrian greeted, stepping foot onto the deck.
Bella rose to greet him with a kiss, trying to keep her body away from his wet shorts. He grabbed her around the waist and hugged her close while she squealed and batted at his shoulders.
“Did you guys eat?” Rand asked me, far more reserved, sitting down in one of the chairs, a towel around his neck.
“Yes,” I quickly answered, praying he wouldn’t offer me a bite of anything.
“I could eat!” his friend Cade chimed in, taking one of the available seats at the table and reaching for the platter of fresh fruit.
“How was it?” I asked Rand, trying to sound upbeat.
“Refreshing. Do you want me to take you out for a spin? I think you’d love it.”
I shook my head, the idea of being tossed into the spin cycle did not sound at all appealing. “Not this time,” I said with a smile.
He gave me an odd look before reaching for some of the cheese. Bella and Adrian were on the opposite corner of the deck, wrapped in each other’s arms and softly talking to one another. I hoped she wasn’t telling him about my little issue. I didn’t know her all that well, but I thought I could trust her. I hoped I wasn’t wrong. I didn’t need to add to Rand’s worries. I didn’t even know if it were the case yet. I’d get a test tomorrow and find out before I let myself get too worked up over the situation.
I inwardly scoffed. That was easier said than done.
“Want another beer?” Rand asked me.
“No thanks!” I answered a little too quickly, earning another strange look from him.
“Wine?”
“No, I’m just going to grab a bottle of water,” I mumbled and left the deck.
I walked into the kitchen, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. I heard footsteps behind me and spun around to find Bella standing there. “Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m just trying to process all of this,” I said. “I can’t tell him. He has something going on. I can’t add to his worry.”
She offered a friendly smile. “Rand is a tough guy. He can handle this. I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, realizing I was making a problem out of something she was desperately trying to have.
“For?”
“This.” I waved over my stomach. “I know you’re trying to get pregnant. I should be happy and feel blessed.”
“You can feel any way you want to about it. Your life is not mine. I’m not worried. I’ll get pregnant when the time is right. I was serious earlier. You can talk to me if you need a friend.”
“Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” I answered, grabbing a bottle of water and rejoining the men on the deck.
Chapter 25
Rand
I sat down at one of the small tables in Cade’s gelato shop with a bowl full of chocolate. I needed my gelato fix for the day. A nice little sweet treat was always good for the soul. Or at least, that was what Cade always told me. I tended to believe him. Cade took care of a few customers before grabbing a drink and joining me at the table.
“You’re not having any?” I asked, noticing he didn’t bring his own gelato like he normally did.
He grinned, patting his belly. “Nope. No gelato for me, unless it’s a special occasion.”
“Wow. You’re really committed to this.”
“I am,” he said with a grin. “Speaking of commitment, what’s the deal with you and Nicole? You two looked awful cozy this weekend.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. I guess that’s a very good word for how things are going. We’re cozy. And comfortable. It’s easy to be with her. She doesn’t make any demands on me and is cool to do whatever. We can hang out on the beach or go to dinner, and she is completely on board. She doesn’t whine and complain about everything under the sun. She’s always checking on me, and just, I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.” I stopped, realizing I was rambling a bit.
Cade was grinning, a big, goofy grin on his round face that I just noticed in that moment wasn’t quite as round. He was losing weight. “That’s awesome. I like her. She was very nice, and she is good for you.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m not sure if it’s anything serious, but I like where it’s going. By now, any other woman would have asked me a hundred times what I felt, and were we serious, and dropping hints about rings. Nicole seems happy to just kind of go with things and isn’t in any rush to make things official.”
“You’ve finally met your other half,” Cade said with a laugh.
“I don’t know about that, but I am enjoying myself,” I said. “I never thought I would find a woman I liked being around. I’ve liked being with plenty of women, but I like being around her, like a friend.”
Cade nodded his head. “I guess I can count you out of the bachelor’s club.”
“Let’s not get hasty. What about you? You keep losing weight, and you’re going to have a hard time fighting the ladies off.”
He made a big show of flexing his arms. “I’ve been working out. I worked with a trainer last week, and he showed me some exercises. I just have to keep doing it. I have to say I’m really missing my meatball subs. I dream about them. Is that weird?”
I laughed. “I don’t know, but I think dreaming about a meatball sub is better than a nightmare about the same sub attacking you.”
“I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a hunk. I like food,” he said dryly, earning another laugh from me.
“A hunk?” I asked. “All right, but don’t expect me to call you a hunk.”
He flexed again. “Pretty soon, I’m going to have to walk sideways through doors.”
I looked at him. “What? Why?”
“Because I’m going to be as built as you are,” he said with a wink before jumping up to help another customer.
I rolled my eyes. “I can’t wait to see that.”
I took a bite of the gelato, letting the frozen treat soothe my soul. Truthfully, I needed the sugar boost to get through the day. The nightmares were still coming, and sleep was elusive. I was dragging ass most days. If I didn’t start getting some sleep, I was going to be going on a diet with Cade. I couldn’t keep eating my feelings and sustaining on sugar.
My phone began to vibrate across the table. I checked the screen but didn’t recognize the number. “Rand Mattas,” I answered in my professional voice.
“Mr. Mattas, my name is Henry Conway. I’m an attorney that worked with your grandfather before he passed. I handled most of his financial affairs, as well as his final estate planning.”
“Yes?” I said, not expecting what was
coming next to be anything I actually wanted to hear.
“We’ve got a situation that needs to be handled fairly quickly,” he said. “I know this is short notice, but is there any way you can stop by my office today?”
I looked at my watch, knowing I had nothing on my schedule, and decided to rip the band-aid off and get it over with. “I can be there in an hour. Where are you located?”
I knew it was going to be something to do with the estate. Maybe I needed to sign some paperwork, or maybe there was a hang-up with the transfer of the deed. Things had been all quiet on the family front, and I believed they had all gone back to their own lives to leave me in peace.
The man rattled off his address. I knew exactly where he was. His offices weren’t all that far from Great Greeks, which told me he was one of the high-priced attorneys in town. It made sense for my grandfather to only use the best.
Then again, it could be a collector coming after the estate for a debt. I had found almost nothing in regard to the finances. I had put in several calls to my own attorney to work on the matter, which he assured me he was handling. I thought about calling him and letting him know about the phone call but dismissed the idea. I could handle one meeting.
I took another bite of the gelato before tossing the rest in the trash, waving at Cade as I walked into the humid heat of the day. I got in the car and drove toward the office of the lawyer. When I arrived, I realized it was an estate lawyer. My guard immediately went up. I gave my name to the woman out front before taking a seat.
“Mr. Mattas, you can go in,” the woman said with a friendly smile.
I walked into the large office, and an older man wearing an expensive suit stepped forward to greet me. “Thank you so much for coming right away.”
There was a choking sound to my left. I turned to find Demokritos standing next to a sideboard, pouring himself a cup of coffee. I inwardly sighed. I should have known.
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