Isle of View

by Piers Anthony

  He assumed his human form for a moment, so as to use his most familiar senses just in case the girls were near here. It would be awful to miss them and swim down the entire length of the river, while they got boiled by the goblins!

  "Well, look at this!" a raucous voice screeched. "A bare-bottomed young whippersnapper!"

  Dolph whirled, startled. But it was only a harpy, one of the dirty-bodied dirty-mouthed birds of the wilderness. "Get out of here before you poison the water," he said.

  "Oh is that so, stink-face!" she screeched, flapping up close. "I have half a mind to poop on you, son of a woman!"

  "You have half a mind, period," he retorted, stooping to pick up a stick.

  "Are you threatening me, Prince?" she screeched, outraged. "I'll bury you in spit!"

  Dolph swung the stick at her, but she flapped out of the way. "Clumsy! Clumsy!" she screeched harpily.

  But then something percolated through his mind. She had called him Prince—but he had never identified himself, and certainly his costume did not give anything away other than his masculinity. How did she know?

  "Metria!" he exclaimed.

  The harpy became the demoness. "Oh, heck, I was just beginning to have fun," she complained.

  She certainly had been! She hadn't even used any useful fowl words, because she knew he was still technically a juvenile. A real harpy would have delivered a barrage of obscenities that might have represented an intriguing education. She had been teasing him on two levels, as was her delight.

  "Get out of here, spook!" he yelled, swinging the stick at her. Naturally it passed right through her torso without resistance. But she obligingly disappeared. What was the point in her remaining, once he had discovered her identity? He was no fun, by her definition, unless she was fooling him in some demonic way.

  He turned back to the river. What was the best fish form to assume here, where it was so small? He worried that a minnow might be snapped up by some unseen predator. Of course he would immediately change to some larger form and chomp the predator right back, but still it was an inconvenience. Maybe he could be a small water snake and become a larger one as the river got larger.

  "Meow."

  Dolph looked. It was a cat, an orange fluff ball, lying on the ground. What was it doing here? Xanth hardly had any straight cats—just odd variants—but Dolph recognized the type because he had seen pictures of the mundane breeds.

  Oh—the demoness was still having her sport, trying to see if he could be fooled again. "Quit with the games, Metria," he snapped. "I'm not going to give you the satisfaction."

  The cat merely looked at him, not moving. He knew it was the demoness, but somehow he had just a bit of doubt. So he called her bluff by assuming the form of another cat: a big black one. "Say something in cat talk," he meowed, suspecting that she couldn't. He was a Magician, and could speak and understand the language of any form he assumed, but she was a demoness, who merely imitated the forms.

  "Something," the cat meowed clearly in cat talk, swishing his cat tail.

  That surprised Dolph. But it occurred to him that Metria might have learned just a few feline terms to fool him. Maybe she had just imitated his last word. Well, he would require the cat to say something that wasn't that.

  "What is your name?"

  "Sammy."

  Dolph was impressed. But still, he had asked an obvious question, so it could still be the demoness, bluffing. "Where are you from?"

  "Home."

  "You aren't much for dialogue, are you!"

  Sammy merely shrugged, hardly moving.

  "Why are you here?"

  "Help."

  "You're here to help me?"

  "No."

  "You want my help?"

  "Yes." It seemed that the laconic animal refused to expend any more than the minimum energy on anything. This was not Metria's way. Dolph was becoming convinced that Sammy was real. But that only made a new mystery.

  "Well, I have to go help someone else right now, so it will have to wait."

  Now the cat showed some agitation. "But Jenny needs help!"

  "Who is Jenny?"

  "My person friend."

  Now Dolph remembered something else Metria had said: that a foreign elf and a foreign cat had come through the hole in Xanth. And that the elf was trying to help Che. "Is Jenny an elf?"

  "They called her that," Sammy said a bit defensively. "But she's really a person."

  Yet Metria was the one who had told him, so this was no verification. Still, his belief was overwhelming his doubt. "And you two came through the hole?"

  "I didn't notice."

  "Why did you come through it?"

  "For a feather."

  Metria hadn't told him that. Still, he wasn't quite sure. "What feather?"

  "A big one."

  Dolph resisted the urge to get annoyed, knowing that the demoness would like it if he blew his top. "How did you know where it was?"

  "I just knew."

  "But wasn't it hard to find a big feather?"

  "No."

  She was still testing him! "How did you know where to find me?" That should trap her into some giveaway response.

  "I just knew."

  Was he getting anywhere or just wasting time—exactly as the demoness wanted. "Do you know who I am?"

  "No."

  "Then why did you look for me?"

  "I didn't."

  "But you said you came to me to get my help."

  "Yes."

  "How could you do that if you didn't know who I was?"

  "Jenny told me to find help, so I found it."

  "You didn't know what you were finding, just help?"

  "Yes."

  Dolph was stumped. Every time he thought he was getting somewhere, he wound up nowhere. He suspected that he should just leave the cat and head down the river. But suppose the cat was legitimate?

  Metria appeared. "I can't stand watching you fumble any more!" she declared. "I'll have to help you get on with it, or we'll be here all night."

  "But I'm not sure whether he's you," Dolph protested, forming his cat mouth into just enough of a human mouth to speak human words.

  She stared at him. "Are you trying to fool me into thinking you're even duller than you are?"

  Dolph looked from her to the cat and back. How could she be the cat when she was herself? "How would you proceed?" "I'd ask him exactly how he finds things."

  Dolph looked at Sammy, but the cat just lay there without moving. "Dumbbell!" Metria snapped. "Ask him!" "But he heard you."

  "I didn't speak in feline talk. I can't. You have to translate." Oh. "Sammy, how do you find things?" "I just do."

  "He just does," Dolph said to the demoness. "How does he just do it?" she asked. "Sammy, how do you just do it?" "If I'm interested." "If he's interested."

  Metria looked as if she were controlling a monstrous aggravation. It made Dolph's heart glad. "How else?" "How else, Sammy?" "Someone tells me to, and I do it." "When someone tells him to," Dolph reported. "Then tell him to find Nada Naga!" "Sammy, go find Nada Naga."

  Suddenly the cat was in motion. "After him!" Metria cried, floating in that direction.

  Dolph started to run, but immediately slipped in the mud and took a resounding spill.

  "You're such a grab!" Metria called.

  "A what?" Dolph asked as he hauled himself sloppily up.

  "Hold, snatch, grip, seize, entangle—"

  "Embroil?" he asked.

  "No! Gear, wheel, engage, limited-slip—"

  Dolph had heard about something the Mundanes used. "Clutch?"

  "Yes! You're such a clutch!" Then she paused. "No, I'm not sure."

  "You mean you're not going to insult me?"

  "WILL YOU GET MOVING, DOLT!"

  Oh. Dolph assumed red racer form and slithered at top velocity after the disappearing cat. He knew the demoness was annoyed, because she had gotten his name wrong. That was some satisfaction.

  It turned out to be some
distance. Sammy, evidently tired, soon slowed to a walk, but remained intent on his objective, and Dolph was glad of that. This was certainly a better way to find Nada than swimming down the river would have been, especially since they were going directly away from the river. The cat must have had a difficult journey to find Dolph, and now was traveling again.

  That was an interesting talent Sammy had. Dolph had not known of many animals with magic talents. It showed that just about anything was possible.

  But this business of a foreign elf coming to Xanth—that was something he had never heard of before. What business could she have here?

  Another thing bothered him. They seemed to be heading for the territory of the Goblinate of the Golden Horde. Dolph had encountered Chief Grotesk and his evil minions before. If they had captured the girls—

  He shoved that thought away and let it drift off behind him. Fortunately his thoughts seemed even tireder than he was, so could not keep up with his body.

  Dolph was as tired as the cat looked by the time dawn approached; they had been traveling most of the night! But they must be getting closer to Nada; and with luck Electra and Che would be with her, and Dolph could rescue them all. If the cat's direction was right. It had to be!

  There were sounds ahead. The dim uproar of angry goblins and some nearer crashing, as of more goblins forging through the brush. Nada must be running from the horde!

  Dolph changed into fire-breathing dragon form and summoned his last strength. He leaped ahead of the cat to intercept the charging party.

  He encountered a huge serpent. Behind it were several goblins! This was worse than he had feared to hope! But if Nada was in danger—

  He inhaled, about to scorch the serpent's head off its body.

  "Dope!" Metria screamed. "That's Nada!"

  Startled, Dolph choked back his fire and changed to serpent form, matching the species of the other. He felt backed-up smoke sifting between his teeth; he had changed form, but it hadn't. He coughed.

  Nada appeared in her natural form: a serpent with her human head. "Dolph!" she exclaimed gladly.

  He changed again, to his human form. "Nada! I almost—"

  She became human. "I know!" Then they embraced.

  Somewhere in the background he heard a lesser dialogue: "Sammy! You found help!"

  "Meow." Dolph was no longer in feline form, so could no longer understand cat talk, but it wasn't hard to guess. Sammy never uttered two words where one would do.

  Then he became aware of several things. The first was that they were both naked, because their clothes didn't change with them. The second was that Nada was the most wonderful armful of woman he could imagine, especially this way. He had never before gotten to hug her like this, for reasons that had to do with his mother's odd notions of propriety. The third was that they were not alone.

  He looked around. He saw nine pairs of eyes focusing on him, belonging to four goblins, one Betrothee, one centaur foal, one elf, one demoness, and one cat. The eyes of the cat didn't bother him; he knew Sammy didn't care. That left—well, he wasn't sure how many eyes, math not being his strong point, but he knew it was about eight pairs too many.

  "Uh, let's change to naga form," he murmured in her ear.

  Nada glanced around. Her lovely lips pursed. She turned naga. He followed, so that they were twined together but relatively sanitary.

  "Uh, what's going on here?" he asked, still somewhat at a loss, and not just because of the strangers he saw.

  "The Adult Conspiracy forbids an answer," Metria replied. "If she had had panties on, we would have had to lock you up and swallow the key."

  Nada's head turned to cover the demoness. "And who is she?"

  "Uh, she's Metria," Dolph faltered. "Demoness Metria. She—"

  "I see." For now the demoness had assumed a form even more luscious than Nada's, which was a feat only a supernatural creature could accomplish, and she surely couldn't maintain it for long.

  "She just appeared!" he protested. "She said she needed—"

  "I can guess."

  "Oh come on, Nada," Electra said. "You know he loves only you."

  Nada was taken aback. "You mean I was getting jealous? Woe is me!" Then she laughed.

  Dolph suspected that she was teasing him, but he wasn't sure. He also didn't know how to respond to Electra's remark, because of course Electra was the one who loved him. So he got away from that subject as fast as his tongue could take him. "I mean, who are these goblins?"

  One stepped forward. "I am Godiva and these are my henchmen, Moron, Idiot, and Imbecile. We abducted the centaur foal, but also helped rescue him from the horde."

  "Well, I came to rescue Che," Dolph said. "And I know Nada and Electra did too. So you can go now, because we're taking him back to his dam."

  "You've got it mixed up," Electra said. "We made a deal with Go-diva. The horde is after us all."

  "A deal?" he asked, befuddled.

  "Arrangement, bargain, pact, pledge," Metria said.

  "I know that! I mean, just which side are these goblins on, anyway?"

  "Ours, now," Nada said. "We can't just take Che home. We have to settle with Godiva. But first we all have to get away from the horde."

  "I can become a roc and carry you all away," Dolph said. "Except the goblins; four extra is too many. What deal did you make?"

  "That we would work together to rescue Che and the elf from the horde, then decide who would get to take Che."

  "What about Jenny?" Dolph asked. "Who takes her?"

  "How do you know my name?" the elf girl asked, surprised.

  "Sammy told me."

  "But Sammy can't speak!"

  "He can't speak human," Dolph told her. "I talked to him in feline."

  "He does that," Electra told Jenny. "He can talk the languages of the animal forms he assumes. But it's a good question: once we decide where Che goes, what about you? Are you going back where you came from?"

  Che turned to the elf. "Oh, please don't do that, yet, Jenny!" he protested. "You have been such a friend to me, I do not want to lose you so soon."

  "She can't go home," Metria said. "We blocked the hole."

  "The hole?" Electra asked.

  "The hole in Xanth through which she came," Dolph said. "I had forgotten. Monsters were coming through, so Metria and I blocked it. Jenny can't go back, because we closed it. So I guess she'll have to stay with us for a while."

  Jenny hugged Che. "I didn't want to leave yet anyway," she said.

  "We can't stand around talking," Godiva said. "The horde will catch us."

  "Let's settle this fast," Nada said. "We'll decide where Che goes, and if we win, you goblins help us take him to his mother; and if you win, we'll help you take him to Goblin Mountain."

  "Now wait!" Dolph protested. "We can't give him to the goblins!"

  "We made a deal," Electra said. "We may not like it, but Godiva did help rescue him by distracting the horde."

  "Yes, she did," Che agreed. "I saw her dancing. When she distracted them, then Jenny's magic caught them and we were able to escape. I will go with whoever wins. It is fair."

  "But these goblins abducted you!" Dolph said.

  "True. But they did not harm me."

  "We can work out those details later," Nada said. "Right now we need a fast, fair way to decide. What do we do, guess numbers?"

  "But we're all on one side or the other," Electra pointed out. "Someone could cheat."

  "I know a goblin game," Godiva said. "I think it would do, because it's clear who wins."

  Dolph realized that they were determined to settle this before running from the approaching horde. "What game?"

  "It's called godo," Godiva said. "We make a little noose of string, like this." She brought out a length of string from somewhere in her long hair and nimbly twisted it into a loop. "Then one person buries it in sand, and others try to poke sticks through it. The one who first succeeds, wins."

  Dolph looked at the others. "Does that seem fai
r?"

  "I think so," Nada said. "But the one who buries it shouldn't play. In fact, the one who buries it shouldn't be present, because he might signal a player."

  "I'll bury it," Metria said. "Because I don't care who wins. I just like to be amused by the action."

  "She's right," Dolph said. "She doesn't care about any of us. So who plays?"

  "I will," Godiva said.

  "I will," Electra said.

  "Give me the noose," Metria said.

  Godiva gave her the noose. The demoness took it, and turned into a dark small cloud. There was a stir of dust. Then she reappeared. "It's done. Choose." She presented small sticks to Godiva and Electra.

  There was a smooth patch of sand; somewhere under it lay the noose. "Wait!" Dolph cried. "How do we know when someone pokes through it? Maybe she'll win and not know it!"

  "She just lifts the stick and the noose is on it," Godiva said, making a gesture as of twisting and lifting.

  "I want something more certain than that," Dolph said. "I mean, the noose could slip off or something."

  "Sammy can find it," Jenny said.

  Dolph looked at the cat. "How?"

  "I'll tell him to find the noose with the stick through it. He won't move until it's there to find."

  The roar of the approaching horde was getting louder. They did not have time to waste. "Okay, I guess," he said.

  "Who tries first?" Nada asked.

  "She does," Godiva said, "because I chose the game."

  Dolph was impressed. Not only was the gobliness a remarkably comely example of her kind—he wished he could see more of her, but her hair somehow always managed to fall into the path of anything interesting, obscuring it—she seemed both sensible and fair.

  Electra took her stick, pondered the dirt briefly, and poked it in. She glanced at the cat, but Sammy seemed to be asleep. So much for that aspect! Electra twisted her stick and brought up the end, but there was no string on it. The way she had done it, she probably would have brought up the noose, it she had speared it.

  Godiva stuck her stick in another place, but came up similarly empty.

  Electra tried again, and missed again. So did the gobliness. The smooth patch of dirt was getting messed up by the failed attempts, but that did not necessarily make future prospects easier, Dolph realized; the loop might be right alongside of a failed effort, under the stirred-up dirt.