by Mary Smith
This made her mother laugh. “Boy, you must have a family.”
Another personality trait Jenessa truly disliked about her parents. They used the words boy or girl when addressing those they think were below them.
Shade glanced at Jenessa, and she saw the pain in his eyes before facing her parents.
“I have no family,” he repeated.
“I don’t understand why you can’t answer a simple question, boy.” Her father’s tone grew firm.
Jenessa opened her mouth to give her father a piece of her mind, but Shade started to speak before she could.
“Well, all right, man. I don’t know who my father is because my mother had been a prostitute since she was a teenager. Somehow—and no one knows how—I managed to make it to eight years old before my crack-addicted mother walked out one day. I almost starved to death before I finally left the apartment to find food in a dumpster. It was there the police found me and put me in the foster system until I was kicked out at eighteen. Luckily, I graduated high school early so I managed to start college shortly thereafter. Now, here I am…in a very swanky country club.”
Everyone’s jaws were dropped. She thought her mother might faint. Jenessa went to reach for him, but he stood up.
“Thanks for dinner.” He tossed the expensive cloth napkin down and rushed away from the table.
“Jenessa, you’re never to see that boy again,” her father seethed.
She pushed her chair back and got up. “Dad, I’m going to marry him.” She never knew why she said those words or where they even came from, but she meant every…single…syllable.
“If you don’t I will,” Mikayla added.
Not waiting to hear another word from her parents, she ran away from the table. She had to tell Shade everything that was weighing on her mind.
“Shade! Shade!” Her heels were killing her feet as she ran as fast as she could to catch up to him.
He stopped and turned to her without saying anything.
“Please…” She tried to catch her breath. “Please don’t think I’m like them.”
“Jen, I will never have that.” He pointed to the country club. “I’m not from somewhere fancy, and I’ll probably never have anything fancy.”
“I don’t care. None of it matters to me. Only you. Only you matter to me. I love you.”
“I like you too.”
They both turned to see Mikayla standing a bit behind them, holding Jenessa’s purse.
“I like you too, Kay.” Shade grinned. His focus returned to Jenessa. “And I love you.” He cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers.
“Okay, let’s die down the PDA, people,” Mikayla groaned at their public display of affection.
This made them both laugh against their lips. They pulled apart but were still holding onto each other.
“I’m hungry. Let’s get some burgers,” Mikayla suggested then headed toward Jenessa’s car.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” Jenessa said softly when she thought her sister was out of earshot. “And I’m sorry about your childhood.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything.” Shade held her. “Just know I’ll always love you.”
“Me too.”
Jenessa wiped a stray tear away as she focused on the TV. The score had been tied one to one, and she couldn’t figure out where the time had gone because the third period was almost over.
Watching the screen, she caught a glimpse of Shade jumping the boards. She could pick him out from anywhere on the ice. The camera was panned out, and her eyes never left him. Jarvis passed the puck to him, and he quickly moved it to Zerrick. He settled it down before chucking it back to Shade. Jenessa held her breath as Shade raised his stick, pulling it back and slapping the puck with perfect precision. As if it was planned, it sailed passed the goalie and hit the back of the net.
She clapped and even yelled out a woo-hoo as the camera zoomed in on him celebrating with his teammates. Her heart fell because Shade wasn’t smiling. He looked…heartbroken.
This made her drop her gaze from his face. He always smiled and joked around with his team and friends. Now, a deadness stained his eyes and face. She couldn’t handle it and turned off the TV. Moving through the house, there wasn’t anything to do or anyone to talk to.
Reaching the top of the stairs, her eyes went to the door. Her legs carried her past the master bedroom and stopped in front of it. She couldn’t go in. Her hand wouldn’t even touch the handle. Instead, she pressed her back against the hallway wall and slid down. Her brain rushed memories to her forefront.
The first was when she found out she was pregnant. Shade and she had discussed what would happen if she did become pregnant.
Shade had been out of town when she thought she had gotten a flu bug. She continued to work, but she couldn’t keep anything down. Every time she ate, it came right back up.
Pregnancy hadn’t even crossed her mind until Mikayla brought it up. Jenessa rushed to the drugstore and bought several boxes of pregnancy tests. As much as she wanted to take them at that moment, she had to wait. She knew the morning time would be the best. Plus, she wanted Shade to be there.
Somehow she managed to sleep through the night and was just starting to wake up when she heard Shade coming in the door. She sat up the moment he strolled into the bedroom.
“I didn’t mean to wake you, baby. I took the red-eye flight so I could get home to you quicker.” He set his bag down and gave her a quick kiss.
“You didn’t wake me. We need to talk.” She held tight to his hand and made him sit next to her on the bed.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Concern and confusion filled his voice and face.
“I think I might be pregnant,” she said it matter of fact.
Shade’s face paled for just a second before a gigantic smile appeared. “Yes,” he yelled, jumping off the bed.
His excitement made her sit back. She knew he’d be happy but did not expect this reaction.
“Shade. Shade.” She had to get him to focus again. “I’ve not taken the test yet. I don’t know if I am. I wanted you to be here when I found out.”
“Take it. Take it now! Do you have to pee? I can get you some water.” His words came out fast, and she could barely understand him.
She grabbed his wrist as he tried to bolt toward the door to get her some water. “Stop. Calm yourself.” She forced him to sit down. “I have to pee. I don’t need water. However, I need you to calm down because I’m freaking out here.”
As if she flipped on a light switch, Shade relaxed and cupped her face.
“I’m here. This is going to be great. Whatever you need or want I will get.” He kissed her softly.
“I’m going to pee and then we’ll figure out what to do after we get the results.” She tried to sound confident, but her mind raced, and her insides flipped.
“I’ll go with you.” Shade began to make his way to the bathroom.
“Shade Wooten!” She gasped. “I can pee. Alone!”
“I know. I know.” He stepped back. “I just don’t know what to do.”
She felt bad for snapping at him. Gently she tugged on his wrist and guided him over to the bed and sat down with him.
“Stay here and wait for me. I’ll only be a minute.” She kissed his cheek and went into the bathroom, closing the door.
When she finished and came out, Shade had remained on the bed. His legs bounced up and down. Over the years, she knew he had that nervous tick when he was the most anxious. Kneeling down in front of him, she placed her hands on his knees to help make the jerking stop.
“Talk to me,” she said softly.
“What if I’m a bad father?” he whispered.
“If I know anything in this world, it’s there isn’t a bad bone in your body. You’ll be an amazing father because you’re an amazing person.”
Every word she spoke was the absolute truth. Shade oozed kindness and love. It would only multiply with their child. She moved up to kis
s his lips. The kiss deepened and Shade pulled her into his lap. They continued to share their passion for several minutes. Jenessa always loved the way he kissed. A perfect mix of firm to get his point across that he wanted her but soft to show his tenderness.
“You know how to calm me down,” he stated with a smile when they broke apart for air.
“Because I love you.”
“I love you.”
They briefly kissed before she said, “Are you ready to look?”
“Yes, and no matter what I love you,” Shade said.
“Me too.”
He helped her to her feet, and they held hands as they walked into the bathroom. On the sink counter was a small white stick with a blue cap. They looked at the display—Pregnant.
Shade grabbed her face and kissed her. Then he picked her up in his strong arms. Over and over again he said how much he loved her. She could feel it.
She never felt more love.
“Nes!”
Mikayla’s voice brought her back to reality.
“Here,” she said barely audible, remaining on the hallway floor.
Her sister came up the stairs and slowed when she saw Jenessa on the floor. Not saying anything, she immediately sat next to her, looping her arm through Jenessa’s. Mikayla rested her head on Jenessa’s shoulder.
“You smell like nacho cheese,” Jenessa said, making them both giggle.
“I ate at the game,” she informed her.
“I watched it.”
“I knew you would,” Mikayla stated.
“He did good.”
“He did,” Mikayla agreed.
They sat quietly as the tears flowed softly. She thought of Shade, her baby, all the pain inside her. Shade needed to be happy and all she had done to him during the past three years was cause him heartache. He had tried time and time again to bring her out of the world of darkness she’d taken up residence in and every time she’d push him away, by being rude, yelling at him, or just ignoring him altogether.
For three years, she treated him like…nothing.
It’s definitely not something one would do to the love of their life. No person that you claim to love, especially someone you love as much as she loved Shade, should be treated the way she treated him. To her, during those times, he was just some guy living with her. A roommate.
“I brought you something.” Mikayla sat up and reached for the bag next to her. Jenessa didn’t even notice it. She placed it on her lap.
Opening it, the first thing she saw was a dark brown jersey. Then bright golden letters which spelled out Wooten.” Pulling it out, she saw the number fifty-seven. Turning it around the big C was shining. She ran her fingertips around it, touching the thick material and stitching.
“Call him.”
Jenessa said nothing and continued to stare at the jersey.
“He stayed, Nes. This is your chance for you to tell him the truth. To tell him how sorry you are and how much you love him.” Mikayla’s gentle tone made her tears fall faster.
“I can’t do it,” Jenessa finally said.
“Why?” she pushed.
“Because he’s better without me.”
“No…he’s not.” She gritted her teeth. “You’re being a fool. If you keep this up you’ll lose him forever.”
With her words, she knew losing him would kill her soul and spirit, but he’d be happy. She’d hurt him for so long, he deserved to be happy.
Without her.
Chapter Nine
Shade
Focusing on the stick handling drill, Shade tried to clear his mind the best he could. But today would be harder than most. His stick moved the puck with his commands but stopped when someone slapped his shoulder.
Turning, he saw Hamilton slightly glaring at him.
“Practice is over.”
Shade nodded.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded again.
“You seem a lil lost today.”
Shade caught wind of the southern accent Hamilton normally hid well. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Anything you need help with?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He skated off the ice and strolled to the visitor locker room.
The Bears were on a road game in his hometown of Buffalo. Being here, especially since today was his birthday, had always carried a bittersweet feeling. He loved the city because this was where he met Jenessa. It carried many memories of happiness. He’d pushed away the bad ones and only focused on the good. The ones with them together and him playing hockey.
When he finished changing out of his gear and showered, he joined the team on the bus to go back to the hotel. Edgar sat next to him on the ride.
“She call you yet?”
Shade shook his head, knowing he was asking about Jenessa.
“Have you talked to her?”
Saying nothing, he turned his attention out the window, staring at the city passing him by. Thankfully, the trip had been short, and Edgar stopped bothering him with any further questions.
Once in the hotel, he dropped off his items in his room and headed out. He ordered an Uber to pick him up and take him directly to a rent a car station. In no time, he had his own vehicle and was driving. At first, he didn’t know where to go. He only knew he didn’t want to be at the hotel. He had several hours before the bus would be leaving for the game. He had time to explore memory lane.
Driving toward the least popular part of the city, Shade’s memory of the street hadn’t changed much. Pulling into a spot across a run-down brick building, he noticed several drug dealers and numerous ladies strolling the sidewalks looking for “dates”.
The memory of the day his mother left racked his mind. It seemed liked yesterday.
His mother sat on the ratty, broken down couch. Her long brown hair looked like she hadn’t washed or combed it in a month. She kept jerking and fidgeting and had sores on her skin.
“Mom, I’m hungry,” Shade’s tiny voice said.
She grunted something, but he didn’t know what she said. He remained on the small chair in the corner where he could watch the street below. His stomach hurt as he stared at his mom.
“I’m leaving.” She managed to stand and left the apartment.
Shade turned to look out the window. A moment later he saw her on the sidewalk. She started going left for several steps before heading to the right then across the street. His eyes never left her until she was completely out of view.
Sitting there, the world continued to move about in front of him. As the sun set, the sidewalks filled with more people. He finally moved away from the view and went to the kitchen. He climbed up to the counter and opened the cupboards—empty. He didn’t have to look in the fridge. Food hadn’t been in there for months. He did get a drink of water from the tap and went back to the chair. Resting his arms on the ledge, he closed his eyes and listened to the outside world.
Shade felt the heat from the sun on his face. He had remained on the ledge all night. As usual. Leaning back the pain in his stomach grew worse, his mouth felt like sand, and he was weak.
Wandering around the tiny apartment he hoped he could find something to eat. As if the universe heard his wish, he found a small jar of peanut butter in the back of the hall closet. Instantly, he knew she had hidden it for herself.
Managing to get the lid off, he dug his fingers into the jar and then shoved the contents into his mouth. The sweetness hitting his taste buds made him moan. He ate several scoops with his fingers before placing the jar back into the closet. He drank another cup of tap water and returned to his chair.
This continued for almost three whole days. Shade worried. Not about his mother. He was eight years old. Definitely old enough to know she was never coming back. It surprised him she stayed as long as she had. Staring down at the now-empty peanut butter jar, he wasn’t sure what to do next.
Another twenty-four hours passed, and the hunger pains came back. Deep down, Shade knew he had to go find some food
. He slipped his dirty feet into his only pair of shoes he owned. They had holes in the soles, but he never complained. He shut the door and walked down several flights of stairs, passing a lot of trash, drug paraphernalia, one guy passed out, and rats.
Outside, he started toward the right. He knew people would come this way with pizza boxes. No one seemed to pay any attention to him as he continued down the sidewalk. About two blocks up, a pizza parlor sat on the corner. The aroma made Shade’s stomach growl. He had pizza a few times in his life and remembered he enjoyed it. However, he knew he couldn’t just walk in and sit down. Instead, he went into the alley. A massive blue dumpster sat near the door marked Pappy’s Pizza.
Letting his instincts take over he stood on his tiptoes, trying to peek over the edge. He couldn’t see anything and wasn’t strong enough to pull himself up. There were crates next to the dumpster. Dragging one over, he stepped on it, finally able to peer in. On top of a large black garbage bag was a discarded pizza box.
Flipping it open, there was already eaten crust, but there were two uneaten slices of pizza. Shade’s mouth watered, and his stomach growled even more. Everything in him screamed for him to eat it. Picking up one slice, he took a bite of the rock-hard pizza. He didn’t care as he took bite after bite until reaching the crust. Then he grabbed the other slice and did the same.
As he was about to take his last bite, he heard a car pulling up near him. Glancing over his shoulder, he watched two large police officers stepping out of their car.
“Hey, son,” the one who was on the passenger side greeted him.
Shade didn’t answer but did take the last bite of the pizza in his hand.
“Where’s your mom?”
Staying quiet, he remembered all the times he watched the police outside the window. Some were really mean. These two didn’t seem to be that way.
“Where’s your dad?”
The same officer continued to question, but Shade kept his mouth shut after swallowing the mouthful.
“Do you have anyone?”
This question, even at such a young age, weighed heavily on his chest.
“No,” he answered in his little voice.
The gigantic hand of the officer reached out to him. “Come on. Let’s get you some real food.”
