by Mary Smith
The more Mikayla had talked, the more reality set in. The more she could feel the true pain she put Shade through. She knew before, but now it slapped her in the face. Shade should have left years ago. He deserved happiness, and she couldn’t give it to him.
“The Uber is almost here.”
Jenessa jumped at Mikayla’s voice. “How long have you been there?”
“A minute or two. You seemed lost in thought.”
“I just want to go back to the hotel.”
As if the universe listened to her request, the car pulled up. They both got in and didn’t speak. She knew Mikayla was giving her space and appreciated it. When they were dropped off and made their way to the room, Jenessa thought only of Shade. Many memories. Most of which were happy ones. She and Shade joking around, watching movies curled up together, laying in bed. Just being together and in love.
Kicking off her shoes, she fell onto the bed and passed out.
Jenessa woke long before Mikayla. She decided to hit the hotel gym. Surprisingly, she remembered to pack a set of workout attire. Jumping on the elliptical, she popped in her earbuds and turned on an audiobook. As much as she loved fictional books, she ended up picking out a self-improvement book. Never really buying into the ‘self-help’ movement, this book just happened to catch her attention.
Picking up speed she listened intently to the narrator’s words. Thinking the book would be a simple, mundane bore, she shockingly became wrapped up and lost within the words. The first couple chapters didn’t mean much to her, but by the third chapter the subject manner seemed to be written just for her and her current situation.
After ninety minutes, when her legs hurt and burned and sweat stung her eyes, she decided to stop. Stepping off the machine the narrator spoke to her soul.
“It’s okay to grieve. It’s not okay to stop living.”
Grabbing a gym towel, she patted away the sweat and returned to the room. Mikayla still laid wrapped in the blankets and was fast asleep. Jenessa decided to get ready, figuring her sister would wake soon. The words from the book continued to spin in her head as the cool water from the shower calmed her body.
She decided she would go casual. This was her vacation, or somewhat of one, and she had no real desire to doll herself up. She dried her hair and twisted it up to a messy bun. Slapping on tinted moisture, she then dressed in a pair of capris that were a bit too tight in the thighs. She blamed it on the beer and carbs from last night. Deciding on a loose T-shirt, she double-checked herself in the mirror. She looked tired but that seemed to be a normal appearance for her.
Walking out of the bathroom, Mikayla was sitting on the side of the bed, drinking a cup of coffee.
“I made one for you.” She nodded over to the table the TV sat on.
“Thanks.” Jenessa picked up the cup and sat next to her. “And thank you for last night.”
Mikayla looked at her. “You need to talk, Nes. I’m here. I’m a good listener, but above all, I love you and when you hurt, I do too.”
“I think you need to get ready, and we need to hit the stores.” Jenessa stood up and went to her bed. Right now, she didn’t want to cry this early in the day. “I need to have a good day today.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
Mikayla stood, kissed Jenessa on the forehead and said, “Then I’ll make sure it’ll happen.”
There were many times Mikayla took the big sister role and it used to bother her, but at times, she appreciated it. Her stepping up took the weight off Jenessa’s shoulder.
She made her second cup of coffee as Mikayla came out of the bathroom. The girl could get ready quickly and look like she spent three hours. However, she had a natural beauty, even with her dyed black hair.
“Want to grab some brunch before we max out our credit card?” Mikayla slid her foot into her pink booties that matched her black and pink T-shirt dress.
“Yes, let’s just hit the hotel restaurant.” Jenessa grabbed her purse and phone, as did Mikayla, and they headed out the door.
The brunch was delicious and the discussion between them was light and fun. Mikayla told her how great she and Jarvis were doing. Hearing about her relationship did bring a smile to her face because those two had been chasing each other for years. Even though they pretended not to know each other when they were in the same room, everyone around them knew.
When they finished they started their shopping spree. Hitting the higher-end stores first. Jenessa purchased a couple of new pairs of heels and a new purse. They Uber’d over to the mall, and Jenessa ended up getting a few outfits as did Mikayla.
“I think we should go clubbing tonight,” Jenessa suggested.
“Clubbing?” Mikayla stopped browsing through the racks and stared at her. “You?”
“What? I used to when I went to college,” she told her.
“I don’t think happy hour at Applebee’s counts.” Mikayla rolled her eyes.
“Hey.” She sounded offended by her comment. “I did go out with my friends. Not a lot, but a few times.” Normally, she spent time with Shade before going off to law school. Then she would spend a lot of time on the phone with him.
“Maybe we’ll go to a nice lounge or something?” Mikayla suggested.
“No. Come on, Kay. Let’s get our groove on.” Jenessa began to dance a bit.
“Oh my God, don’t do that ever again.” Mikayla started to move away from her.
“Kay,” she begged. “We’ve never gone together. We’re in Vegas. I bet we could get an appointment at the salon, dress to impress, and hit the town.” She beamed, hoping her sister would agree.
“Who are you trying to impress? Your husband is in New Hampshire.”
The words actually hurt her. Almost as if she slapped her. Immediately, she shut down.
“Let’s go back.” Turning on her heel, she began heading out of the store. She continued even when Mikayla called out her name.
Jenessa was quite a bit away from the store when she caught up to her.
“Stop walking.” She stood in front of her, making Jenessa come to a halt. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t like to apologize,” Jenessa snapped.
“True, but I went too far. You know I don’t think before I speak.”
She couldn’t argue because it was Mikayla’s superpower to be unfiltered.
“I don’t want to think about Shade, or my unemployment, or Clay, or anything else right now.” She raised her voice as the words rushed out.
“I understand. You know what we’re in Vegas and we should go out.”
“Now, you’re just patronizing me,” she groaned as Mikayla used almost the same words she had said. Trying to move around her, she continued to block her path.
“I’m not. I want to. We’ve not really clubbed together and what a better place than Vegas,” Mikayla said with a softer expression. “We’ll get trashed and dance the night away.”
Even though it was Jenessa’s idea, it sounded like the perfect night when she said it. Normally, she would never suggest going to a club, but what she said next surprised her even more.
“I need a dress.”
Jenessa studied her little, sparkly black dress. Turning left and then right, she checked herself from every angle. The high-end fashion dress cost her a lot. However, she purchased it just for this evening. It clung to her curves and stopped mid-thigh. The sleeves started at the wrist and touched the top of her shoulders, cutting into a deep sweetheart neckline. The top of her chest and collarbones were completely exposed. She felt pretty hot.
Mikayla strolled out of the bathroom in a deep purple silk A-line cocktail dress. She could stop traffic. Her black hair laid in soft waves down her back and her makeup looked like perfection. She could walk any runway and steal the entire show.
“I’ve booked us a VIP booth.”
Taking a few seconds to process what Mikayla said, Jenessa just nodded.
“I want to drink the night away,” she said picking up her clutch.
>
“The car is waiting.” She grabbed her tiny purse, and they both headed out of the hotel room.
Mikayla informed her she ordered a car service instead of just an Uber. They weren’t going to just some club. This place was listed as the hottest place in Vegas. Exclusive to celebrities and top-notch athletes. As Mikayla called them “The Ballers”. Jenessa explained it wasn’t the best term to describe them.
“It does tonight,” Mikayla told her as they got into the Audi SUV with a very large driver. He could almost double as a bodyguard.
The drive hadn’t been as long as Jenessa imagined it would be. A massive line of patrons stood along a rope barrier. She felt displeased about standing in the line for the majority of the night. The driver stopped the vehicle at the front door curb and rushed to get the doors for them.
Mikayla immediately strolled up to the doorman who held a tablet. “Kay-Kay, plus one,” she said, not asking if they were on the list.
“Welcome.” The doorman’s deep voice greeted them, and he opened the door for them.
“Kay-Kay?” she questioned once inside the posh lobby.
She answered with a shrug and nothing more.
“I’ve never heard anyone call you Kay-Kay,” Jenessa continued.
“You’re not with me twenty-four-seven,” she countered and walked further into the club.
Jenessa followed her and acted as if she belonged there. Clearly, she didn’t because everyone around her was much younger and much hotter. At least, she thought so. Maybe she was too old to be clubbing. As they fully stepped into the club, the music thumped loudly. She worried her heart would fall out of rhythm. Mikayla reached down and gripped her hand, leading her through the packed crowd. Jenessa couldn’t figure out how she knew where to go, but after a minute, they were going up to the second floor. Again, she gave the name of Kay-Kay and the bouncer told her which table was theirs.
Once they sat in a super comfortable love seat, Jenessa glanced out to the crowd below them. A very sexy waitress came up to them.
“What can I get you ladies?” she asked loudly to be heard over the music.
“Dirty martini,” Mikayla spoke first.
“Cosmo,” Jenessa said next.
“Be right back,” she told them with a smile.
Leaning back on the love seat, Jenessa studied the crowd of people. They were all having a blast, laughing and drinking.
“What’s wrong?” Mikayla questioned, moving closer so she could be heard.
“I’m old,” she answered.
Her sister laughed. “You’re almost thirty. Not a hundred.”
“Feels the same.”
“You’re being a bit dramatic.” Mikayla continued to laugh.
“This wasn’t the plan,” she said.
“You wanted to come to a club,” she reminded her.
“No.” She shook her head. “I mean my life, in general.”
“What was your plan?” Mikayla inquired.
Before she could answer, the waitress came back with their drinks.
“Keep ‘em coming,” Mikayla told her and turned back to Jenessa. “I have an idea.”
“What?”
“How about you drop all your defenses? Drop them all and talk. Tell me everything. I’ll just sit here and listen.”
Staring at Mikayla for a few seconds she wondered if she ever could do it. Since Clay’s death, she put up so many walls to keep everyone out and not face her reality.
“Just for this night.” Mikayla sipped her drink, reiterating the proposition.
Jenessa picked up her drink that sat on the small table in front of them. She took to large gulps, mulling over the idea. She knew she had a lot to say and should get it off her chest. All her pain weighed so heavily on her.
“I figured when I was thirty, Shade and I would be together. Happy. He’d be playing hockey. I’d be home with my career. We’d have at least two kids.” The mere mention of children stung at her. “I’d be taking them to little hockey league games while still trying to become partner of the firm.”
She took another big drink as her perfect life played out in her head.
“I figured he would retire around thirty-five,” she continued. “He would help out with the kids. Maybe coach their hockey teams. He was always good at marketing and advertising. He’d get a job in one of those fields.”
Mikayla sipped her drink saying nothing as Jenessa talked.
“Now, look at me. I’m unemployed. Shade’s gone. Our son is…” She trailed off powerless to finish the sentence. “I’ve fucked it all up.” She downed the rest of her drink and set the empty glass on the table.
As she promised, she remained silent. It began to irritate Jenessa.
“I know you’re dying to say something, Kay. Say it.”
The waitress came with another round of drinks and Mikayla finished hers in a couple of big gulps.
“You didn’t fuck up anything,” she started. “Shade wants everything you want and only with you. Clay’s death was the most tragic of accidents. An accident. I know you hold the responsibility for his death, but it wasn’t your fault. You and Shade can have more kids and still keep Clay’s memory alive. You can have your dream. You have to talk to Shade to get it. If you both would just sit down and talk. Open up to him and then you need to listen to him.”
Nothing she said hadn’t been something Jenessa already thought of a million times. Nonetheless, she couldn’t believe how simple it sounded.
“I’m his mom. My one job was to protect my son. Especially inside the womb,” she blurted out. “What kind of mother doesn’t protect her child?”
“You’re going to be an outstanding mother. The best. I know it,” Mikayla countered. Even over the loud music, she could hear the softness in her tone. “Clay’s death was tragic. I know I said it a hundred times, but it’s the truth. The next baby you and Shade have will come out perfectly healthy. You both will be the most amazing parents. You just have to talk to Shade. It’s the first step.”
Jenessa chugged her second drink as if it were in a shot glass and not a martini glass as she let her sister’s words sink in. She wanted to be a mother more than anything. Carrying Clay had been an experience she couldn’t put into words. Even though she had been very ill the first few months she loved being pregnant. Many times she would have certain food cravings, and Shade rushed off to get her anything she asked for. Never complaining. Even if he’d been tired. He even rubbed her feet and back without her even asking. He constantly told her how beautiful she was, even when she complained about the stretch marks or silly little things about her appearance.
“I love Shade.”
The truthful confession left her lips before she could even think about stopping them.
“He loves you. He’s broken without you,” Mikayla reminded her.
“Our marriage is broken,” Jenessa said as the waitress came and set down another round of drinks for them.
“Your marriage might be slightly broken but completely fixable. Just call him and tell him you want to talk,” Mikayla told her in a demanding tone.
“I want to. I’m scared.” Again, the words flowed from her easily.
“Do you even know how terrified I was to tell Jarvis I loved him after all the mistakes I made with him? Do you even know how much better I felt once I said the words? My heart might have been ripped to shreds, but at least he knew the truth, and I’d never have to play the ‘what if’ game. Look at us now.”
Jenessa didn’t know Mikayla had the ability to become scared. She never showed it before. However, her confession meant a lot to Jenessa. Seeing this side of her younger sister showed how much she’d grown. A small ping of hurt and regret hit her. When did she become mature? How did she miss it? Then she remembered how she’d been treating her the past three years.
“For tonight, let’s forget the outside world.” Jenessa suggested this insane idea in hopes she wouldn’t burst into tears.
“So, instead of talkin
g, you want to get completely trashed and not face what’s happening around you?”
She nodded at Mikayla, who summed up her idea perfectly. She craved this night to forget she’ll need to sit down and face Shade when she arrived back in New Hampshire.
“All right then. Let’s get fucked up.” Mikayla beamed.
When the waitress came back Mikayla ordered a small tray of shooters. Jenessa had heard of these but was unsure what they were exactly. She didn’t want to ask because it would make her look silly. Plus, she trusted her. Picking up her drink she took a sip of it. A few moments later a tray of ten test tubes appeared. There was red liquor inside them.
“These are called cherry lifesavers. They’re very sweet and give a quick buzz,” Mikayla explained.
She already felt the alcohol working as Mikayla handed her one of the test tubes.
“Cheers.” Mikayla held up the tube, opened her mouth, and swallowed the shot down.
Jenessa followed suit and the overly sweet concoction made her lips pucker. Before she knew it, another one appeared in her hand.
And another…
And another…
And another…
Soon she felt great as she finished her cosmo as well. Mikayla seemed to get the giggles and began telling bad dad jokes out of nowhere. Jenessa joined in the laughter until her side hurt. She truly didn’t know why the lame jokes were funny, but she did.
The waitress continued to bring the drinks but no more shooters. Mikayla asked the waitress how to request a song to the DJ. She informed them they could text a certain number and he would play it. Mikayla grabbed her phone and texted the DJ several song choices. Then she began taking pictures of them. Jenessa smiled, puckered her lips, and acted completely silly with each photo in between laughing again.
As the songs Mikayla requested began to play, they danced up in their area. Jenessa knew she was the world’s worst dancer. However, with as much alcohol as she drank, she could not care less.
Her head spun as she continued to move with the music. Too wrapped up, she never noticed Mikayla had been filming her. When she spun around, the waitress had two glasses of water on her tray and even handed one to Jenessa.
