It's Not Your Money

by Tosha Silver

  By the way, be careful not to confuse these three crown jewels with passivity. They actually bring the ability to act with increased clarity and courage because you’re no longer attached to outcome.

  THE EXALTED BARISTA

  I have a theory that many of the most evolved beings on the planet aren’t in the limelight whatsoever. They’re just “regular” folks living with joy, dignity, and sometimes laserlike precision. Like Carmina.

  For a long time, I’ve gone to a certain café and noticed this barista in her twenties. In the early morning hurricane of orders, she’s total equanimity and cool. One day, I watched a guy scream at her when she gave him soy instead of skim. She responded with total kindness and serenity. Yesterday someone else went at her, and once again, pure love. She’s a dancing warrior princess behind the counter, juggling cups, cinnamon, and foam.

  “Carmina, how the heck do you do this?” I asked. “It’s brutal being a barista. A friend of mine quit after two days.”

  She laughed. “Dios mio, you’re so right, but four years ago I figured it out. You can control almost nothing but your reaction. So I decided to become a master of that. Then each day I can practice. The biggest locos give you the best workout!”

  Allow me, Divine, to move with the Flow and respond with calmness and peace. I am Yours. You are mine. We are One. All is well.

  OFFERING EQUALS SURRENDERING

  As we discussed, surrender often gets confused with passivity, or even hopelessness. But it’s simply the release of attachment: whether to the five hundred dollars for a car payment, the partner you can’t live without, or the baby you feel you must have.

  You simply cannot fully offer without surrender. You give the longing to Love.

  In a sense, you say:

  Help me trust that all deepest needs will be met. Let me enter this path of freedom. Even my deepest attachments, I give to You. Let me trust You have a plan and the right actions will come. You are my Source for all.

  Sometimes an offering is fulfilled instantly. Sometimes, later or not at all. You start to trust the process.

  You say to Love, “Take me over and unclench my hands. May all be handled perfectly.”

  Through offering, even the most mundane problem can become a sacrament.

  THE CUSTODY BATTLE

  Sheila had long been in a terrible legal battle over her son, a horror movie with constant new sequels (The Lying, Cheating Ex Returns: Parts X, XI, XII . . .). She’d been ardently visualizing full custody forever. Yet, for all these efforts, everything remained in frozen acrimony. She’d spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on attorneys.

  Finally, despite feeling apprehensive about the outcome, she began to offer. After all, what could be harder than to surrender your own flesh and blood? But for her own sanity, she began to say, “Yes, he’s my son, but in truth, he’s God’s. I offer all to You for a Divine plan. I can’t keep telling You how to do it.” She was finally able to pray, “May this happen for the highest good for all.”

  That concept in particular was huge, since she was so furious she sure didn’t want anything good for her ex. She wanted him to suffer. Nonetheless, she said, “I can’t take it anymore. May this finally happen for the Highest. This child is God’s.” While in the beginning this prayer felt mechanical, over time she truly felt it.

  Soon after, the ex abruptly left the picture, with little fanfare. He moved back to his native Germany, saying, “You know what? You really want to be a parent, and I actually never did. I just wanted to win.” She got full custody—not from clobbering the Universe with her desires, but from sincerely letting go.

  Just letting go.

  OLD SOUL TEEN

  One day, in a shop on Chestnut Street in San Francisco, I overheard a mom on her phone: “Yeah, we all head back to L.A. tomorrow! But tonight, at the beach, we’ll do one more big ceremony and make sure the Universe knows we mean business! We’ll attract that down payment for the chalet by Tuesday, don’t you worry. We can rock this! And if we all vibrate at the exact right frequency according to that protocol, we will make it happen. We are powerful. I can’t wait!”

  I watched as her uber-adorable teenage daughter in a backward baseball cap and chopped-off hair gave a loud, exasperated sigh, as if she’d been hearing this very conversation since she was a zygote.

  “Um, Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes and shaking her head dramatically, “what if the Universe just has a different freakin’ plan than yours?”

  I giggled, and the girl gave me a thumbs-up with an impish smile.

  And I thought, Oh my god, now here’s what happens when the kid is the ancient one in the family. Some old souls are born innately understanding surrender, but for the rest of us, dedicated prayer and offering over time absolutely brings the same results.

  Just keep going.

  Once I got a fortune cookie that read, “Through God’s design you will pass the Imperial Examination.” I mean, what kinda fortune is that? My dinner companion got “Good luck is on the horizon.”

  But in this process of learning to let the Divine lead, you really are tested. Often. Sometimes in ways that even try your sanity. Not in a punishing way, but as if Love says, “Is this spiritual understanding real and not just a nice idea?”

  There’s a Zen story about a group of students who were sent to construct a bridge. When they finished, the teacher jumped on it hard to see whether it would collapse. Many times, God does the same.

  He tests the bridge for its solidity before letting you cross and move on. When I have this happen to me, I know the Divine is making sure I’m not just sounding good. Perhaps I had that disconnect between words and actions in some past lives, but this time around, like Cheryl Lynn sang in the ’70s, it’s “Got to Be Real.”

  Now, as you’ve been moving along with the Abundance steps, you may have seen miracles sprouting everywhere like dandelions in the summer. Perhaps prosperity keeps pouring from unexpected places—all of a sudden somebody gives you an amazing sweater in your favorite color or free tickets to a concert you’ve always wanted to attend. Truly, that’s one way this path can unfold. But since you’re inviting Love to steer, a whole other experience may come instead.

  For example, you might have temporary losses that test your faith in the Flow. Or, despite feeling more positive and renewed, money might still seem as elusive as ever. Many people naturally get angry, dispirited, or frustrated when they’re being tested. If a desire is blocked or a promising road doesn’t pan out, they can even feel betrayed. But that’s all based on the false premise that every desire is meant to be instantly fulfilled at any given moment. Instead, from a spiritual perspective, tests often come to build aparigraha and vairagya.

  If you apply yourself to the steps, you’ll begin to have the visceral experience that it’s not your money. You’ll come to know this in your Being, not as some lofty spiritual idea you could say to impress (or alarm) people at a cocktail party.

  And once this begins to occur, oh my god, get ready. You open to an expansiveness and freedom from the incessant financial worry that plagues most people (unless, of course, they live in Scandinavia). Because, you see, that is the end goal. So if your inner and outer states don’t match up yet, fear not. A lot can happen between now and the final part of this process, let alone in the months and years that follow.

  THE DIVINE DECOY

  One of my favorite concepts is the Divine decoy because I used to be led astray by it so often myself. This often arrives to burn away attachments and can happen with anything—a relationship, a house, a vacation. Often people get furious: “Okay, God, You made it seem like that was the perfect potential job and then after I dressed up and schlepped to seven interviews halfway across the state, they finally said no. Why did you trick me? Seriously, You say You’re a God of Love?”

  But it was all to learn to let go.

  So, if one of these decoys comes your way, don’t think the story is over. You just go back to Divine Order and say
the perfect “whatever” is already picked and you’ll be guided to it in the right time and way. In the world of Divine Source, you cannot miss what’s Yours.

  The decoy’s like weight training at a local aparigraha gym. You’re sent something alluring to see if you get all clingy about it. Every time you don’t attach or obsess, your detachment muscles get stronger.

  Of course, at first when a disappointment comes for the ego, you might think, Forget this God stuff. It doesn’t work. But over time, as the aparigraha muscle grows, you stop falling for the decoy. You naturally learn how to maintain open-handed receiving. You know if one route falls through, another will come. You want what God wants.

  Now let’s go to some other tools that are invaluable during tests. As you practice them, you’ll begin to feel your inner power develop and your faith in the Flow deepen.

  PRAY FOR COURAGE

  During the course, many people asked how to summon courage, perhaps to leave a bad relationship that had financial ramifications or to quit a job where they felt un-valued or even abused. Since this process is about letting Love transform you, courage can come through prayer and grace. Divine confidence blooms in a way that’s so different from the ego’s false bravado. It can have a larger-than-life, preternatural calm. It can even be modest and unassuming, without making a big fuss about itself. Over time, Divine confidence becomes your constant ally and Love grows it within you like a wild, fragrant garden.

  You become filled with the strength, inspiration, and conviction to do what must be done. You can use this (as I do) for something as small as making a difficult phone call or as large as leaving a career.

  You pray:

  Take me over and do this through me. If You wish it done, speak through me, act through me. I am Yours alone.

  As you do this, you’re petitioning Love itself to take the wheel.

  This approach is so different from spanking yourself to get motivated. I have to admit when I hear people snap, “Just put on your big girl (or boy) pants and do it!” I can’t help but roll my eyes. As you can see, there’s a whole other, less punitive way.

  I have a part-time job, with full-time headaches, yet I’m scared that the money won’t come from elsewhere. On top of that, a misguided sense of loyalty makes me stay. But in truth, I want to move forward with my own new business and let it flourish. I long to be able to just say, “Adios!” Can you help me with this?

  The first step is to offer your current job to the Divine: “If I have anything left to learn here, please make that clear. But if I’m only clinging from fear, then grant me the courage to go and show the timing and the way.”

  I’ve done similar prayers with people who sometimes could quit the next day. But if it’s not time yet, you’ll be stopped, because offering isn’t about forcing a decision.

  You simply give God the room to be included: “Show me the right actions. If I need to be patient for now, then please keep me from leaving. But if it’s long overdue, make me ready!”

  As you strengthen your grounding in Divine Source, you remember that Love can use anything to sustain you. Your current job is not your Source, only God. The right next means of income is already selected, and you will be guided.

  Personally, I’ve been in situations where I felt as if God picked me up by the scruff of my neck and just carried me out. A couple of those times, I knew if I hadn’t been forcibly removed in that Divine way, I might have clung so stubbornly, I could have died there. (Remember my frozen pipes?)

  Because if you’re stubborn yourself, your ego may keep you anchored somewhere long, long past its expiration date. You may think, I hate it, but it’s all I’ve got. But when you begin to say, “You alone are my Source for all,” you’ll know that money can come from anywhere.

  By the way, don’t fear if you get the answer “Not yet.” Perhaps more time is needed for everything to line up. Meanwhile, you can pray for patience. And while you’re at it, prayers for acceptance, confidence, and ease work too.

  Though I’m not conventionally religious, parts of the Bible speak to me deeply. And when it says, “do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5), that, indeed, is the crux of offering. You lean on Love like a sturdy redwood.

  Over the years I’ve become filled with fear and procrastination. But during this Abundance process, I’ve prayed to face them both. I had mercury fillings professionally removed from my mouth after saying, “I offer you, Divine, my 1970s dentistry.” I cleaned my home: “Okay, God, here are a few hundred books I no longer need. Please share with others as You wish.” I even asked my husband to make a new website for my artwork. He did a great job without one argument. That alone was a miracle. What a blessing to feel courageous again!

  Part of the goal is to return you to your own inner knowing, your innate Divine courage and curiosity. You give your intuition full rein to take over. You break free from the stultifying myth that your ego has manifested every dang problem and that you must perfect yourself in order to wrangle free. (Do you feel the utter exhaustion of all that? Oh my god, I sure did.)

  Instead, you become an ally to the inner kid who learned all that toxic perfectionism. You soothe the fevered mind that fears if it makes a mistake, bad will come. Little by little, Love takes over.

  After a long winter, Divine courage starts to bloom.

  Courage Meditation

  Focus on your breath for a moment, breathing in calming energy and breathing out any worry or fear.

  Imagine you’re somewhere in nature that feels wonderful. You might be at the ocean or in a forest, or somewhere else that feels healing to you, in weather you love. If you love the sun, let it come. I love wind, so I imagine a windy day.

  Then you can pray to this force of Love that encompasses everything, including you. You can say, “I am ready. Fill me with Divine courage. Fill me with Divine confidence. Give me the ability to act when it’s time to act, and patience when it’s time to wait. Fill me with faith, fill me with trust. Let these Divine qualities come.” You can even open your hands to the sky and say, “I am ready. Fill me with your Divine confidence. May I learn to honor what I truly need instead of everyone else’s opinion. May I listen inside to your Divine voice.”

  Feel, for a moment, energy pouring into you. It’s always been your birthright. You can pray for it to be available whenever you need.

  “Fill me with your courage and confidence. Free me from the prison of my small self and let the right actions arise at the right time.”

  You may hear a few words on the inside as you do this.

  And then, as you’re ready, you can slowly come back. Take a moment to write down anything that happened.

  FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION

  Learning to follow the thread of inner guidance is a big part of our process. You can apply it to anything, big or small, as you’ll see in this story.

  Many years ago, I was in a spiritual group that had a truckload of dictates about what was “dharmic” and “proper,” from music to clothing to food. Many of us twisted ourselves into pretzels each day trying to comply. But eventually, I saw that few knew how to listen inside to what their own souls actually needed. Perhaps it’s why I now believe so passionately that true direction comes from the Divine intuition ablaze in our own hearts.

  One of the group’s zillion rules was to never wear black. Maybe an occasional dark skirt or pair of pants was okay, but nothing else. We were ominously warned, “Black darkens the heart.”

  Uber-responsible Capricorn that I was, I promptly ditched all my beloved black clothes (which, as a former New Yorker, was at least half my wardrobe). I was heartbroken.

  Then, about a year later, I saw a group of Zen priests robed in black on the New York subway. I suddenly woke from my dutiful sleepwalk: Oh my god, how ridiculous, I love black! It feels protective and spiritual to me. Do all those priests have dark hearts too? I started giggling at the craziness of it all.

  Oh my Lord, wake me from life as a spiritual sheep. M
ay I hear You through my own instincts and common sense.

  When I bought a new round of beloved funky black T-shirts and jackets, I almost sang with relief. This was me, exactly as God had designed. You know when your own soul is happy. You don’t need anyone else to corroborate it.

  Each person’s road to the inner Lord is extraordinary and personal. How liberating to listen inside and sense moment to moment what’s needed. There’s a wild and impetuous uniqueness to you that can be honored. What’s poison for one person might be the best of all medicines for another.

  In fact, your inner kid will often guide you straight to what brings joy.

  Trust yourself.

  DOWNRIGHT BAD ADVICE

  Most Mondays, I head to an early morning yoga class in Berkeley. At that hour, there’s usually plentiful free parking, but one time, all the meters were filled. Tons of yellow zone remained, but as I went to park there, something inside kept nagging: What if yellow becomes illegal at 8 instead of 9 like the meters?

  I prayed for a sign.

  At that moment, a geeky-looking bespectacled guy walked by, so I asked, “Hey there, is yellow okay until nine?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Of course it is! Don’t the meters start then? Why on earth would yellow start first?”

  So I listened. And came back to a $59 ticket.

  Now, it might have been easy to go into Divine decoy-dom: “Why the heck did You mislead me, God? I asked for help and this bozo, in all of Berkeley, is who You send?”

  But instead, it was perfect. My own body had been warning, Watch out.

  This guy’s answer represented every time I’d deferred to the confident, but often clueless responses of others. I was reminded that your instincts will always show you. If something feels wrong, it usually is.