Will of a Tiger

by Iris Yang

  “I can’t. I can’t let you…” Birch couldn’t finish. No Big Brother would let his younger brother…or younger sister die in his place. He knew that he would not be able to endure more of the kind of guilt he’d suffered over Daisy’s death. “I can’t. I’m not strong enough.”

  “Yes, you are. Daisy had faith in you. So do I. You are a Tiger. We are both Tigers. But I have a broken limb.”

  Birch knew Danny was right. But he wouldn’t admit it.

  “Don’t forget the plan,” Danny said. “Look for Jasmine. Search for Jack, and all the others...”

  Birch plowed his fingers through his overgrown crew-cut in exasperation. “It’s our plan, not my plan. I can’t do it alone.”

  “Don’t do it alone. That would be too hard, too dangerous. Find someone to go with you.” Seeing that Birch was about to protest, Danny hurried to add, “What about Linzi? He’s a good boy. He’s brave. He’ll help you.” Wang Linzi was one of the two survivors of the massacre in the small village.

  “Linzi is a great, but he’s not you. I can’t do it without you.”

  “Of course you can.” Danny paused. Then one corner of his mouth pulled into an impish grin. “If not, I’ll haunt you in your dreams.” He lifted his arms; his elbow bumped into Mr. Ding sitting next to him. “Oops, sorry,” he said in Chinese before he turned back to Birch and wriggled his fingers like animal claws.

  “It’s not funny, Danny. Stop joking!”

  “Sure as hell, you’ll miss my jokes.”

  A whole lot more than your jokes! Birch couldn’t imagine life without his friend. They were sworn brothers. And their friendship was cemented by their love for the two girls and the life-and-death experiences they’d shared. The young women had given their lives to save Danny. In a way, the American was a symbolic extension of the girls. As long as Danny was alive, Daisy and Jasmine were alive. Such Brotherhood filled the void in Birch’s soul. How could he survive without this unique bond? Danny meant too much to him.

  “Please! Don’t do this,” begged Birch, swallowing the dryness in his mouth. He felt a sharp pain in his chest, and it wasn’t because of the wounds.

  “Think about Mary. You’re going to marry her once the war is over. You promised her to have half a dozen Little Tigers. Remember?” Danny waited a beat. In a matter of seconds, his expression changed. A mischievous sparkle came into his lustrous eyes. “Or perhaps, you’ll take my advice,” he teased with a wry chuckle, “and you’ll marry Xiao Mei instead. Who knows? After all, her dishes are to die for.”

  “Be serious, Danny. What about your sister? What about your mom and dad? They haven’t seen you for three years. They’re waiting for you to come home. How can you let them down? Susan will hate me forever if—”

  “If I had a better chance, I’d use it. But—”

  “Then let’s die together. We’ve vowed to die on the same day.” Birch quoted the pledge. “‘Though not born on the same day of the same month in the same year, we merely hope to die on the same day of the same month in the same year.’ Remember?” A frisson of excitement brightened his eyes. “This opportunity is a godsend. Let’s give the chance for life to someone else.”

  Sworn brotherhood was an ancient Chinese tradition. Highly influenced by Romance of the Three Kingdoms, a classic novel, many young men dreamed of having such ultimate fraternal loyalty. After Danny had been rescued by Jasmine and Daisy, and safeguarded him with their lives, the two men had become sworn brothers. Together they fought the unbearable pain that neither could endure alone.

  “Remember the twist I added?” Danny put his hand on Birch’s shoulder. “If one survives, he will live for both.”

  A lump formed in the back of Birch’s throat. He aimed a withering look at Danny. A morose mask covered his features. To hide his emotions, he leaned forward, planted his elbows on his knees, and shielded his face with his hands.

  Danny cracked a light-hearted smile. “See, I’m letting you do the hard work. After all, you’re the Big Brother, as you remind me every day, so you will have to deal with it.” His gold-flecked, brown eyes gleamed with wicked wit from the watchtower’s light that sneaked through the cracks of the bolted window shutter.

  Birch dragged his hands over his face and lifted his head. The gesture did nothing to rub the anguish from his features. “Goddammit, Danny!” he grunted, reeling with frustration.

  “Okay,” Danny conceded. “Let’s simply toss a coin in the morning. That’ll be fair and square.”

  Birch nodded. But in his mind he was already plotting: I’ll block his way. No matter what happens, I’ll step out first. I’m faster.

  Da Ge, Big Brother, was a title bestowing a father-like authority and the responsibility that came with it. A Big Brother was expected to take care of younger siblings. Birch had already failed his younger sister and cousin. I won’t make another horrible mistake, he vowed. He would give his life to protect his brother. That was the promise he’d made to himself.

  “Then it’s settled...” Danny seemed content. Holding onto the wall, he stood up slowly and limped to the waste bucket.

  Chapter 12

  “I live in the town of Dashan,” Mr. Ding said as he propped himself against the wall. Apparently he’d lost the bet. “If anybody survives this ordeal, please send a message to my family. It’s easy to find them. Ask anyone at the high school; they’ll tell you. I’m the only history teacher there. Let my wife know….” His voice trailed off.

  Then he cleared the hoarseness from his throat. “I hid some money at the bottom of her favorite flower pot. It doesn’t belong to our family. It…” He hesitated for a moment and then cracked an awkward smile. “Well, at this point, it doesn’t matter who finds out, does it? I’m a member of the Communist Party.” He pushed up his slipping eyeglasses, his youthful face stern and proud. “The fund belongs to our party. Tell my wife to give it back. And tell her…” He swallowed hard before continuing, “If we have a son, let him fight the Japs when he grows up. If it’s a girl, train her as a nurse so that she can save our soldiers’ lives.”

  Everyone listened in silence. At that moment, it didn’t matter who was Communist or Nationalist.

  Storm clouds loomed above, turning the sky an ominous black, robbing any light the moon might have offered. Now and then the searchlight shone through the gaps of the barred window. An air of melancholy settled upon them.

  Danny returned with two canteen cups. “Too bad we don’t have any rice wine.” He handed one cup to his wingman and raised his. “To the best Big Brother!”

  Birch clinked his cup against Danny’s. “Happy…happy birthday to you, Hao Xiong Di—good brother!” he said, forcing a lighter tone into his voice.

  Danny’s thirty-first birthday would be in three days. Now they knew they wouldn’t celebrate it together. Birch wanted to express his best wishes while he still had the opportunity. He mustered a faint smile, but his soulful eyes betrayed his inner turmoil. He had so much to say to his younger brother. But tears filled his throat. I’m honored to be your brother. It’s been such a privilege to fly with you, to fight together. I pray to God that we’ll meet again in Heaven or in another world, like you said.

  Tilting his head, Birch emptied the cup in one long gulp. “If…I’m just saying—” His Adam’s apple bobbed a couple of times to accommodate a painful swallow. “If I saw Jasmine, what would you like me to tell her…other than you love her?”

  “Tell her to wait for me. I’ll see her soon.” Danny gave a firm nod.

  Their eyes locked and held for a long time.

  Even in the dim light, Birch detected an odd flicker in Danny’s eyes. An unspoken message? Profound love too keen to name? He stared at those gold-brown eyes, wishing to God he could deliver the heartfelt message to Jasmine.

  Danny turned to the others in the room. “Hey, why don’t we all introduce ourselves in more detail? Like Mr. Ding said, if anyone survives, he should try to get in touch with the families. Let our loved ones know wha
t we want to tell them.”

  Flattening his back against the wall, Zhou Ming stood up. Evidently, he’d lost his fight. “I’m from Chungking. My mother is the only one left in our family.” His voice trembled. The lanky officer looked frail in the eerie light. Within seconds, he yanked himself back into control and gave the hem of his uniform a tug. “She lives…”

  Birch bowed out of the conversation, knowing he couldn’t deliver the messages. He sat there thinking about his father. What can I say to ease his pain?

  He wanted to thank his dad for raising him as a strong man. He’d followed his father’s footsteps in his career as a military professional. His decision to become a fighter pilot had surprised everyone. Although he’d always been athletic and competitive, his demeanor was more that of a scholar. It was his admiration for his father that had drawn him to this path. Yet such a notion would only cost his father more grief.

  What will happen to Dad? Daisy is dead. Mom is gone. Jasmine’s whole family was killed. His father would be all alone with no family member. Birch knew Xiao Mei would take good care of his dad. The housemaid was like a family member. But one day she’d grow up and get married. She’d have her own family to look after. Then who will be with Dad?

  Birch wiped his forehead and his fingers came away wet. He felt sad for his father. Try as he might, he couldn’t find the right words. In the end, a simple “I miss you, and I hope you’ll be proud of me” was all he decided to say.

  Before his turn came, though, he felt drowsy. The voices in the room turned fuzzy, and sounded far away from him. What the hell is wrong with me? Was it because of the rumble of thunder drowning out the conversation? He rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, trying to stay awake.

  This was their last night. Every moment was precious. Birch wanted to stay up all night to talk to Danny. He had no intention of wasting even a second. I’ve never told Danny he’s the best brother, as he keeps telling me.

  Nevertheless, his eyelids grew heavy. His mind became cluttered. He slumped onto the floor. Soon he was fast asleep.

  Chapter 13

  Birch awoke from a deep sleep. He struggled to open his eyes. It took him a few blinks to bring the world into focus. When he spotted half a dozen people in the room, he asked abruptly, “Where’s Danny?”

  He tried to stand up, but his head started spinning and he took a moment to let the dizziness pass. Flattening his hand on the wall to stabilize himself, he asked again. Anxiety gnawed at him. Are they interrogating Danny again? Torturing him?

  “Gone,” said one of the men. The darkness of the day shaded his face.

  “Where?” Birch rushed to the window. His leg isn’t healed. Where are they taking him? Peering through the slats, he searched for any sign of Danny outside. His nerves tingled in anticipation of seeing the American’s tall frame.

  Nothing except the dark sky, muddy ground, and thunder echoing off the distant mountains. He dashed to the rear window. All he could see were the heartbreaking forget-me-nots and the dense forests. Wind tossed fallen leaves and twigs.

  “What happened?” Birch demanded.

  “Seven stepped out, including the American,” Captain Zhang hissed through his teeth, shooting Birch a dirty look.

  “No!”

  The captain didn’t say it out loud but his accusing look spoke volumes. His eyes brimmed with reproach.

  “This morning?” Birch remembered everything now. Looking outside, he tried to see what time it was, but the bruised sky obliterated the sunlight. “What time is it?” he asked as though he might catch up with his brother if it was early enough.

  “Late afternoon.”

  “What?” Birch’s heart wrenched. He hadn’t kept his word. He hadn’t given his younger brother the opportunity to live. I didn’t even say goodbye. “Danny!” he screamed through the window.

  The only reply was a clap of thunder, the imminent storm moving closer and closer. Silver streaks of lightning carved the gloomy sky. The windows and the door rattled with each strong gust of wind.

  Unshed tears burned his throat. Soon his voice cracked, drowned by the growls of the merciless storm. Birch felt paralyzed by the misery as the world squeezed the life out of him.

  What did I do? How could I oversleep? He was responsible and punctual to a fault. He’d never been late for anything. How could this have happened? These questions made him grip the planks even harder. Splinters of the rough wood stuck into his palms and fingers. When he turned around, his face was contorted into a haunting expression of agony.

  He rushed back to the place they had slept, searching for anything that Danny might have left behind. On top of the straw bed lay the white scarf. The blood-stained scarf was folded, apparently left on purpose. He grabbed the scarf as if he were hugging his dear friend. Once he lifted it, he saw a small bottle. It was the pain reliever. Birch picked it up and felt the emptiness of the bottle. The answer came to him in a sudden moment of clarity—Danny had drugged him with the potent medicine. His brother had planned to make him oversleep and safeguard him from the start.

  He gave the opportunity of living to me!

  Now Birch understood the longing in Danny’s eyes.

  He was saying goodbye to me!

  The profound love was for him, not for Jasmine as he’d assumed.

  “Damn you, Danny!” He buried his face into the silk scarf to stifle his cries. “How could you do this? You’re the younger brother!”

  Image after image rolled through his head. Danny’s carefree smile, his gold-flecked brown eyes gleaming with wicked wit, his confident strides toward his P-40, his tall frame sitting proudly in the cockpit while giving Birch the thumbs-up sign. A thousand memories dragged Birch into the past.

  Closing his eyes, he could hear Danny calling him Da Ge and telling him that he was the best Big Brother.

  What kind of Big Brother am I?

  Grief and guilt joined force to create an emotional tornado that crashed his spirit to the ground.

  Chapter 14

  “Dig. Dig!” Jackal shouted, spewing saliva. The rainstorm two days earlier had finally cooled the sweltering heat, but a sheen of perspiration clung to his forehead despite the comfortable temperature. He swung his Samurai sword and yelled again, “Dig, faster! This is for the final fight.”

  Surrounded by armed Japanese soldiers, the prisoners were forced to dig a trench not far from the compound. The starved, emaciated men worked as fast as their worn bodies were able. When the trench was large enough, without warning, Jackal thrust his sword into a young man’s back. Before anyone could react, the soldiers opened fire on the prisoners.

  Birch sucked in a harsh breath while bullets hammered into him. The pain was more excruciating than he could describe. He fell hard, and all the air rushed out of his lungs as he hit the ground.

  Screams, mingled with animal-like whimpers, ripped at the morning’s chilly air. He realized that some of the sounds came from his own throat. His head was bleeding. His right leg didn’t seem to belong to himself. His body hurt in more places than he could count. Blood covered him and soaked through the white scarf around his neck. He lay breathless in the trench. Someone collapsed on top of him. Captain Zhang? The guerilla leader had been standing next to him when the shooting began. In time, his body turned numb.

  Screams, cries, and more gunshots surrounded him. Dirt scattered on the part of his body that wasn’t covered by Captain Zhang. He heard Jackal shouting and exhorting his men to finish off the wounded. His sword slashed up and down, its bloodstained blade thrusting into the dying bodies. Captain Zhang jerked on top of Birch when more bullets hit him.

  Through half-opened eyes he watched his fellow inmates sprawled upon the dirt. The sickening odor of blood and gunpowder assaulted his nostrils. Expecting to be shot again, he braced himself for death.

  Yet in chaos he felt an unusual peace. Soon he would follow Danny. Before long, he would discover if there was a Heaven. He wished to see Daisy there. He hoped to see
Jasmine. His mom would greet him. Birch missed his loved ones and now longed for death. The pain and guilt he’d suffered in the past was killing him anyway. Not a second had passed that he wasn’t plagued by turbulent emotions. Instead of dying slowly, now his life would end in an instant. And dying on Danny’s birthday was altogether appropriate.

  A great weight was lifted off his shoulders and chest. No more pain of missing his loved ones. No more guilt for killing his sister. No more regret about his brother’s death. Soon he would be free.

  Lying on the blood-saturated ground, Birch closed his eyes, letting his body go and his mind drift. Beneath the captain’s dead weight, he sensed himself floating upward into the warmth of sunlight, as if he were flying.

  The best time of his life had been spent flying with Danny by his side. They’d soared countless times on beautiful days like today.

  Danny?

  Then Birch remembered his promise: he would find his best friend. The odds for Danny’s survival were next to zero. But what if he had somehow survived Jackal’s brutality? No one had seen his body yet. And even if Danny were dead, Birch had vowed to find his remains and bring his body back to America. The idea of finding Danny, alive or dead, had kept him going the past two days. He had to search for Jasmine, too, and for Jack, and for the other dead airmen, just as he and Danny had planned.

  Daisy had said that I never made a promise that I wouldn’t fulfill. Look at me. I let Daisy down. I let Danny take my place. This is my last chance. Fight! Survive! Fulfill those promises. Don’t let Danny down again. He’d want me to survive. To find Jasmine. To bring him and Jack home. Do it. For Danny. For his parents. For Susan.

  And for Mary…

  Birch planned to marry her as soon as the war was over. He thought about the ring in his pocket. It had belonged to his mother; his father had given it to him after her death. Birch had sewn it into the breast pocket of his uniform where it would be safe and always be with him. He was ready to marry the only girl he’d ever loved.