Love, All (Camp Firefly Falls Book 19)

by Tamsen Parker

  Yep, by the time he got there, Ruby was going to be ripshit.

  He fought the urge to stomp on the gas all the way to Briarsted because the rain was coming down in sheets and the visibility was terrible. It took him even longer than the standard—yet still irritating—twenty minutes to get to Landry’s. When he arrived, the store was dark and locked up tight, no sign of anyone anywhere.

  Fuck, shit, and damn.

  He pulled out of the parking lot and drove to Ruby’s house. It was a lot faster this way, even though he was driving under the speed limit, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but no such luck, until he’d pulled onto her street.

  There she was, turning onto the walkway that led up to her front steps. Wearing a yellow slicker, yeah, but sneakers. His heart clenched in a sickening way because—ugh, she’d expected him. Had finally given in and let herself believe that he’d be there. Believe that he’d show up and give her a ride home so she didn’t have to clomp all the way home in her boots. And what had happened? He hadn’t been there. She was never going to trust him again.

  But Ruby was, above all, a practical person. He appreciated that about her. If she would give him a minute to explain what had happened, surely she’d understand. Still be ticked off because she was soaked to the bone and chilled because she’d had to walk home in a downpour, but he could make that up to her. Make her some tea while she took a hot shower and then bundle her up in a blanket on the couch and rub her feet while they watched something stupid on TV. She’d enjoy that, right? And he’d like that, finally getting to meet Chloe. They had a cordial waving relationship, but he wanted to talk to the little imp and see what she was like. More like Ruby or more like the dad Ruby never ever mentioned?

  He pulled up to Ruby’s house, barely put the car in park before he was out the door and jogging up the steps.

  “Ruby!”

  By the way she turned on him, he could tell that he was in for righteously furious Ruby and not shunning Ruby. That was okay. He could take the heat until she gave him a minute to explain. But first he wanted to get her inside, because droplets of water were clinging to her eyelashes and the wild frizz of her hair that had escaped out from under her hood. As she shifted, he could hear the squelch of her sneakers, and his stomach did that sickening twist thing.

  “Get out of here, Nate. I made it home by myself, and I’m not in any mood for excuses. I’m tired, I’m wet, I’m cold, and I can’t afford to get sick. I’ll save us both a lot of time. Apology not accepted, and there’s no need for you to come back, ever.”

  That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair, and he deserved a chance to explain. Hadn’t almost a month of showing up rain or shine entitled him to that at least? That familiar feeling of shame he hadn’t even earned crept up on him. Goddammit. How could she still think he was a flaky privileged jackass? “Just give me a chance to explain, please. You’ve gotta know I wouldn’t just skip out on you. It’s not like I was playing a video game with Van and lost track of time or something. It was—”

  “No.” Her dark eyes were wide and bloodshot, and he realized some of the droplets rimming her eyes were tears, not raindrops. He couldn’t imagine Ruby crying because she was always so stoic and strong, and while he could imagine her walk home had been really fucking miserable, why had it driven her to tears?

  “I don’t give a shit about why you weren’t there. The only thing that matters is that you weren’t. I don’t think you get it. It’s nice that you have room to screw up in your life and everyone shrugs and pets you on your perfect blond head and says, ‘No worries, Nate, it’s cool, we know you meant well.’ That’s not good enough.”

  The more she snapped at him, the more his guilt dissipated. He still felt fucking awful about not having been there when he said he would be, and he felt terrible that she was still standing out in the rain, but frustration and anger were gathering. This was incredibly unfair. No one was perfect, and it wasn’t reasonable to expect him to be. He certainly didn’t expect that of her, or anyone for that matter. How could anyone live with that kind of pressure? How could anyone breathe and not worry they were going to make one misstep and get thrown out on their ass? It was impossible for him, and he was a grown-up.

  “Are you this rigid with Chloe? Because that’s gotta be hard on her. And what are you teaching her anyway? That it’s more important to follow the rules than to do the right thing?”

  That was…precisely the wrong thing to say. Ruby looked as though she could melt him down from scrap metal with the laser beams that were basically shooting out of her eyeballs.

  “Don’t you fucking dare criticize my parenting. You have no idea what it’s like to raise a kid, and definitely not on your own. So you can take your self-centered, self-righteous bullshit and shove it up your holier-than-thou asshole.”

  Okay, then. A responding yell was building up in his gut, but he wouldn’t yell at Ruby, no matter how infuriating she was being. Especially not in front of Chloe, who he suspected, even though he couldn’t see her, was in earshot of their fight.

  He buttoned up his lip, remembering his mother coming between him and Willa when they were kids and feuding over something inconsequential and telling them both to button it up, because she didn’t want to hear it anymore. Ruby didn’t want to hear it, and she actually looked so upset that maybe she just couldn’t. He would try later. He wanted to pick her up so her feet wouldn’t squish in her shoes, run her a bath, and help her strip off her clothes that were no doubt clinging wetly to her chilled skin, but she couldn’t take it. Okay.

  Besides, she was right. He had no fucking idea what it was like to be a parent. He’d had pretty good role models—as far as he could tell anyway—but dealing with the minutiae and the endless slog of putting someone else’s needs before your own and trying to shape a decent human being out of this lump of whatever that seemed for a while to be intent on destroying itself? Hell, it was a miracle any of them made it through childhood at all, never mind became productive and respectable adults.

  He’d go back to his car, leave Ruby to go inside and get out of her wet clothes, and maybe try again tomorrow or the next day. And he wouldn’t stop. Ruby deserved someone—needed someone—who wouldn’t give up.

  ***

  Once she’d gotten inside the house and stripped off her coat, toed off her waterlogged shoes, and peeled off her sodden socks, Ruby felt as though she could breathe again. Her chest had constricted and her vision had gone splotchy when Nate had shown up. She had barely been able to see him through the tears streaking her vision, and it had taken every ounce of control she had not to throw herself into his arms and let him soothe her with whatever ridiculous apology he’d offer.

  But this wasn’t just about her. It was one thing to be friends with or date someone unreliable when you were on your own, but she wasn’t going to subject Chloe to that. Better to have her not get all that attached to Nate before he fucked up.

  Even so, when Chloe poked her head up over the back of the couch as Ruby walked by and said, “Mom?” Ruby had to hold up a finger.

  “I’ve had a pretty rough afternoon, okay? I’m gonna go take a shower and then we can talk. But if I…”

  If she tried to talk now, she’d cry, and that was also an example she didn’t care to set for her kid. Not that there was anything inherently wrong with crying—sometimes you just had to let it out—but crying over a man? Oh, hell no.

  “Okay.” Chloe’s voice was small, but it’d be smaller if Ruby didn’t take a minute and get her shit together before she yelled. So back she went to the bathroom and shed the rest of her clothes, goosebumps rising up on her skin before she could hop under the stream of the shower.

  She only allowed herself five minutes, which really only started to thaw her out, but she couldn’t afford to send money down the drain. Wrapping the approaching-threadbare towel around herself, she grudgingly wrenched the water off, her conversation with Nate echoing through her mind.

  What are you teaching
her anyway? That it’s more important to follow the rules than to do the right thing?

  What had he meant by that? It was easier to consider it now that she was pulling on her warmest wool socks and her favorite sweats, but…she didn’t know why Nate hadn’t been there. Maybe there was a really good reason. Although, what would be a good enough excuse? What would let her forgive him? Or was she just reaching at this point, hoping and wishing that she could because he was handsome and good in bed and she’d be sorry to see him walk out of her life.

  She shook her head and finished getting dressed before heading back out and sitting next to Chloe, pulling her kid against her side. “How was your day, Chloe-bear?”

  They chatted for a while and watched TV, and while Ruby would usually make Chloe turn off the TV and read a book while Ruby was getting dinner ready, she figured they’d both been through the wringer today and they could take it easy. A box of mac and cheese and frozen broccoli would do for dinner.

  After they’d eaten, Nate’s words were still echoing through her head. And continued to while she helped Chloe get ready for bed and then tucked her in. They were still there as she washed the dishes and checked on her sneakers she’d hung up in the bathroom to dry. She hoped anyway.

  It ate at her through the rest of her chores, and then she couldn’t take it anymore. She picked her phone up and dialed.

  ***

  “Ruby?”

  This was a phone call he hadn’t been expecting. Nope, not at all. But he’d fucking well take it. Back in his cabin, after he’d dropped by the dining lodge but had only managed to pick at his food, he’d been at loose ends. Trying to find something to occupy his mind and his hands and his thoughts, because all he wanted was something he couldn’t have.

  Now Ruby was calling him, and he was certain it wasn’t for her to yell at him more. She didn’t have time for that kind of petty.

  “What did you mean when you said, ‘What are you teaching her anyway? That it’s more important to follow the rules than to do the right thing?’ What’s the right thing?”

  Oh. She was going to give him a shot to explain. Which was convenient, but also reminded him that he owed her an apology for being a dick. Apology first, explanation second. “I’m sorry about that, you’re right that I am in absolutely no position to have an opinion on anyone’s parenting. You’re a great mom, and I—”

  “Shut up, Nate, and tell me what you meant.”

  Can do. “This week at camp, we’ve got a seniors’ dating site meetup. A bunch of people over sixty-five are here and trying to get their mack on. It’s kind of awesome to see them, but…” Right, she didn’t care about how cool some of these old folks were, and he didn’t want to blow his shot by bleeding out the little patience she had for him. “Today I couldn’t teach lessons because it was raining too hard, so Heather asked me to help out in the lodge where they’d broken out all the board games. I was playing Sorry! with a few women, and then one of them, she—”

  He took a deep breath, trying to stave off the flood of panic and confusion and everything else that had followed. Ruby was asking him what had been important enough for him to break his word, and he was going to tell her. He’d wanted to talk to someone because it had freaked him out, but by the time he’d returned from his trip to Ruby’s, he hadn’t felt like talking anymore. Just felt mixed up and frustrated and at a loss, not able to get a handle on any one emotion. But he could report what happened now that she was asking. And he found himself wanting to tell her. Not just for absolution either.

  “She said it felt as though there was an elephant on her chest. Her friends teased her because she was losing, but it didn’t seem like when kids don’t want to go to school so they pretend to be sick, you know? She tried to laugh it off too, but then she looked like she was having trouble breathing and she said her back hurt, and it reminded me of when my grandma had a heart attack. So we called 911 and got Max, who’s the head of security, because he knows CPR and all that, but she was…”

  He’d just had Ruth at a lesson the day before. That’s why he’d sat down at her table to play. She was in her eighties, could barely pick up the wooden racquet she’d brought that she’d found god-knows-where, but she’d been determined. All knobbly knees and seersucker and pearls with the world’s biggest visor, her body might not have gotten a great workout, but her mouth sure had. She’d sassed him up and down the court. And then she’d been having a heart attack right in front of his eyes, and she looked terrified and grey, and it had been awful.

  “Is she okay?”

  Nate scrubbed a hand over the scruff on his jaw and tried to breathe away the tremors that had started back up in his hands. “They think she will be. I mean, probably no more cutthroat games of Sorry!, and she’s definitely barred from the Monopoly table because that shit gets real, but, yeah. They got her to a good hospital, and we caught it early, so that’s good.”

  There was silence on the other end, and while he wanted to reach through the phone and shake Ruby—See? I’m not a total fuck-up. I’m good enough—he couldn’t, so he’d wait. Hope that she’d understand he hadn’t abandoned her. Maybe give him a spot of sympathy for having been witness to Ruth’s emergency.

  “I’m really sorry, Nate. That must’ve been scary, and then I yelled at you. I wish you would’ve called, though. I would’ve understood. But you didn’t.”

  Her apology was a soothing balm that he let seep in and mute some of the adrenaline that was still pinging around his body. And what came after wasn’t so much a scolding as it was a plea. He’d hurt her, maybe more deeply than he’d thought. She didn’t sound angry anymore, just…vulnerable, as though she was still licking the wounds he’d inflicted by not being somewhere when he said he would be. When he’d promised.

  “No, I didn’t.” He hadn’t been thinking clearly, but that was definitely a thing he could’ve done. Or texting. Something—anything to let her know he’d be late or that he’d have to see her tomorrow. That would’ve made this better. That might’ve avoided this being such a total shit show. “I’m sorry I didn’t think to. I was kind of a mess, but you’re right. That would’ve been better.”

  “I get it, I do. And I don’t…” There was a swallow so loud on her end he could hear it. “Look, I know no one’s perfect. Everyone should be allowed to make mistakes because we’re all human. But the thing is…I’m not allowed. I have to be perfect and on top of my shit every second of every day because, if I’m not, everything’s gonna come crashing down around me, and I—”

  That was definitely a sob, and Nate ached to be with her. Surely she was exaggerating, because her situation didn’t seem all that dire, but maybe that’s just how good she was at keeping it together.

  “I don’t have room in my life for unreliable people. I don’t have the strength or the patience or anything to deal with people who don’t show up and who disappoint me.”

  His heart sank. That was him, wasn’t it? He’d thought the why would make a difference, but maybe he’d been wrong. He wanted to argue, wanted to fight for her, but he also didn’t want to be that guy who wouldn’t take no for an answer when Ruby had so much on her plate already and so much she literally couldn’t say no to. Nate was ready to resign himself to saying he understood, but if she ever changed her mind, he’d be there, when Ruby spoke, her voice a little unsteady.

  “I don’t…I don’t suppose you could come over?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Of course I can. I’ll be there in half an hour, tops.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Ruby’s heart gave a little kick when she heard the smooth purr of Nate’s SUV pull up in front of her house. Chloe had gone to bed right before she called Nate, and Ruby had come downstairs to straighten things up a bit before he arrived.

  She could only imagine the house Nate grew up in had been perfectly clean and tidy, and while there was no way she could deliver on that, she could make it look less as if a ten-year-old-girl bomb of sparkly ChapStick, myriad chapter
books from the library, and hair ties had gone off.

  She was tempted to turn off the P!nk playing from her phone, but if Nate had a problem with girl-power pop, well, he’d come to the wrong house.

  Outside, the engine turned off, the door shut, and she heard his footsteps coming up the walk. She expected to hear a knock that would rattle the panes that were still in the door. He wouldn’t be one of those people who would try the bell even though it was taped over. But there was silence. Had Nate changed his mind?

  Her phone chirped a text alert.

  I wasn’t sure if Chloe was asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her up. I didn’t want to just walk in, so I’m outside.

  Cute. He was cute. And yes, Chloe was asleep, but it would take a stampeding herd of rhinos to wake that child up once she’d fallen asleep.

  Ruby headed toward the door, and a ripple of anticipation went through her as she caught a glimpse of Nate’s tall frame through the wavy panes of glass. It should’ve been dampened by caution, but in reality, the wave seemed amplified by relief. He’d had a very reasonable explanation. He’d apologized sincerely for not calling. He was here.

  When she opened the door, he stood there looking a bit ragged and her heart went out to him. She wasn’t the only one who’d had a crap day. Nate opened his mouth to say something, but she didn’t want to talk. They would, in a bit, but what she wanted right now…

  She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, laid her head on his shoulder. It was less than a second before he was returning the gesture, hugging her back fiercely and planting a kiss at her hairline.