Shadows Wait

by Denise A. Agnew

No. I can’t face what I’ve done.

  “What did you do?”

  I’ve been taking the cocaine so long. And when the doctor gave me more, I just didn’t want to stop.

  “You’re ashamed.”

  Yes.

  “No one blames you. Please let Morgan know you’ll be out soon. Blink for him.”

  The connection snapped, and Lilly released Marjorie’s hand. Lilly opened her eyes, disappointed with the other woman’s blank stare. Morgan came to Lilly’s side of the bed as Lilly rose.

  “That method worked on other catatonics?” he asked with clear disbelief.

  “Yes. She’s ashamed. She doesn’t realize that she was given too much drug.”

  “You’re reading her mind?” His tone was incredulous.

  “I know it sounds impossible.”

  “It is impossible.” Skepticism shone clear his eyes.

  She sighed, disappointed but not surprised. “Think as you like.” When he didn’t speak, she added, “We should come back. I can try again tomorrow or another day.”

  His gaze darted to Marjorie, and he gasped. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.”

  “What?”

  He settled down beside Marjorie again. “She blinked. She almost never blinks.”

  On cue, Marjorie blinked again. Morgan laughed, his overjoyed expression giving Lilly new hope for him and his dear friend.

  Again and again Marjorie blinked, and Morgan lifted Marjorie’s hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. “Marjorie. Speak to me honey. Come on.” His whisper was heartbreaking, and tears filled Lilly’s eyes. When Morgan looked up at Lilly, he smiled. “She blinked. Just as you said.”

  Lilly nodded, and tears fell. She wiped at them frantically, embarrassed she’d been caught.

  Morgan frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I’m just happy she’s coming out of it.”

  “A blink or two is coming out of it?”

  “Perhaps not, but we can hope.”

  Lilly felt a pang. What it would feel like to know more of his inner world, to experience his overwhelming affection? Yearning broke free inside her. She shouldn’t feel this way, especially about a man who might harbor evil within. But could he be evil? It didn’t seem possible. Wouldn’t she feel it by now, the way she’d felt it all her life with Tranquil View? He treated Marjorie with such kindness and devotion. Could a man that could show this care to another have anything to do with evil? Lilly decided that she must know more about his relationship with Marjorie. She’d ask on the way back to the estate.

  Marjorie didn’t speak during the rest of the visit, but she did blink more regularly. Morgan talked to her a while longer. When they reported the progress to Mrs. Holtz, she was highly skeptical. Afterwards, they traveled to the grocery to collect items for Patricia and Mrs. Healy. When they returned to the carriage and started back to the estate, Lilly couldn’t hold her questions.

  “Are you in love with Marjorie?”

  His head jerked up. “No. Why would you think that?”

  “The sweet way you spoke to her. Your devotion and the way you kissed her hand.”

  She’d half expected him to smile or laugh. Instead his gaze grew sharp. He drew off his hat and tossed it onto the seat next to him. “Why do you want to know?”

  “Because it must be terrible to see her that way. Or perhaps you feel guilt because you didn’t know what your mentor intended to do. I can see it in your eyes.”

  The sharpness in his gaze turned hard and fiery. “You can’t begin to understand what that kind of guilt is.”

  Little did he know what she felt about Becca’s death.

  She took off her hat too, feeling a heat she didn’t understand. After all, outside the unforgiving cold frosted everything. “That’s why you’re not in medical school any longer, isn’t it?”

  “You’re too perceptive.” Some of the fire in his eyes decreased, but not by much. “He didn’t want to take the blame for the overdose and told everyone it was my fault. Since he is on the board, he was able to convince the other board members that I gave her the dose.”

  She gasped. “That’s despicable and unethical.”

  He smiled, but it wasn’t amusement that colored his expression. “I fought for my place at school, but in the end the mess was so thick none of them wanted to admit that the director of the board wasn’t the man they thought he was. It was easier to dismiss me.”

  “And your parents believed him, didn’t they?”

  “My mother doesn’t. My father does.”

  “How horrible.”

  His gaze sharpened. “Lilly, you are extraordinary.”

  “Because I understand what happened?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “So many people haven’t. Everyone in Simple believes the rumors. I think the only reason they deal with me or speak to me at all is because I have money.”

  “You have no idea how much I understand guilt,” she said.

  “What do you have to feel guilty about? You’ve had a limited life. You lived in an asylum twenty years.” His voice held condescension. “You don’t know anything about what I’ve experienced beyond what I’ve told you.”

  Hurt lashed at her. She threw the full force of her displeasure at him. “You think an asylum is limiting? I think it is a world. It’s a map for everything human. Your friend Marjorie can be cured, given time. I’ve seen others cured of things people like your father believe aren’t curable. I’ve watched perfectly pleasant men and women, who seemed delightfully sane one moment turn into screaming, violent beasts the next.” She didn’t let him speak, determined he’d understand before they reached the Healy estate. “In my world at Tranquil View there are rich people, poor, children of four, and women of one hundred years old. There are over seven hundred of them each with a story as unique as a snowflake. Many have lived there as long as me, and some a few weeks. All are vulnerable. There is good in that building, but there’s also unspeakable evil. So do not tell me, Mr. Healy, that I haven’t seen anything, haven’t lived. Because I have lived everything at least once through those people’s lives.”

  It was his turn to blink, and within his eyes she saw a new emotion. Heat. Undeniable admiration. A wild hunger. They burned her with unspeakable force. As he leaned in, she didn’t move. “You are forceful in your convictions.”

  “So are you.”

  He stared at her, a disconcerting attention she couldn’t shake off and couldn’t take in. “What type of evil are you talking about?”

  She hesitated, then immediately knew she couldn’t tell him that much truth. He’d never in a million Sundays believe her. “I believe some of the people in the asylum are evil. Their intent.”

  He stayed quiet far longer than comfort would allow. Finally he said, “I apologize.”

  “For what?”

  “I was harsh in my judgment and wrong to lecture you.”

  He moved over to her side of the carriage. He sat to her left, his heat and nearness throwing her equilibrium into chaos.

  He brushed away an errant strand of hair that had escaped her pompadour. “I can imagine how extraordinary and difficult it’s been to live in an asylum. You’ve weathered it very well.”

  Tension eased away. To say she hadn’t expected an apology would be an understatement. She hadn’t expected praise on top of it. “Perhaps if I hadn’t been blessed with Oleta’s friendship ... the fact she was a mother to me after my real mother died ....” She swallowed hard. “If I hadn’t received tutoring and other opportunities, I’m not sure how I would have turned out.” His nearness started a low burn, a greedy want. Without thinking, she patted his shoulder. “How could you have known unless you’d lived it yourself?”

  “I thought I knew because of what I’ve learned about asylums while in medical school and with my father as superintendent.” He shook his head, made a low sound of self-disgust in the back of his throat. “You are incredible, Lilly. Such fire and control.”

  Heat rose in her cheeks.
“You are ... what do they call it? Pulling my leg, Mr. Healy.”

  “I’m telling you what I feel.”

  Ah, what he felt. She wanted that with all the need in her heart, and she dived right into the sensation, a warm and sweet taste of understanding.

  He didn’t stop there. “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”

  He was too close, too affecting to her senses. “I’m not beautiful. When I look in the mirror I don’t see even pretty. I just see Lilly Luna.”

  Somehow she knew he wanted to kiss her, and she wanted to kiss him. But the angel sitting on her shoulder warned her in a strident voice that she should push him away. Before she could move, Morgan slipped his hand behind her neck and drew her forward. His mouth captured hers.

  Morgan’s kiss drew Lilly into another place she’d never been, and tossed her straight into a river of delight. Morgan’s tongue swept over her lips, sweet and quick, a stroke that surprised her. She drew back. “What are you doing?”

  A gentle smile curved his mouth. “You have been kissed before? By that apothecary’s son, right?”

  Heat flushed her cheeks. “Yes. You’ve heard the rumors.”

  “Did he kiss you softly? Did he show you gentleness?” His husky voice rasped.

  “Yes.” She didn’t know how to express what she felt.

  He kissed her again, so feather-light she ached. He drew back again only to whisper. “He was just a boy.” Once more his mouth descended, this time with more purpose.

  She groaned softly and clutched at his coat lapels. Hot, sweeping and delicious, his kiss drew her straight into a maelstrom. His arms slipped around her, anchored Lilly to the hardness of male muscles and hot needs. Before she could think to protest or decide if she wished to protest, his tongue slid against hers, starting an urgent thrust and retreat that blew all her notions about kisses into the wind. Each stroke of his tongue aroused without soothing. She ached in places that had never ached before. Moisture dampened between her legs, and she squirmed slightly.

  “Sweet,” he gasped against her lips. “Don’t. You’re driving me mad.”

  She didn’t know what he meant, and when his lips met hers again in ravenous attention, she learned the rhythm of his caresses, and his loving. He drew her straight into the flame, making her body yearn and throb in ways that might be a sin. She didn’t care, caught in his web, spun in a silk she couldn’t escape. His hands seemed to be everywhere—in her hair, along her throat, brushing down over her hips and bottom. Overwhelming hunger flashed through her.

  He drew back, and she dared to look into his eyes as they blazed into hers. “If you are mad, perhaps you should come with me to the asylum,” she managed to whisper.

  He didn’t laugh or smile at her quip, his mouth descending another time. What could she do but cling to him and learn every taste and touch and commit them to memory? Her heartbeat slammed in her chest, her body demanded more. Tentative and searching, she met his tongue with hers. She fell into the kiss as if she’d always been here, always touching him and always understanding what physical love could be like.

  He moaned deep in his chest. He drew back only long enough to twist his mouth across hers, to make the kiss deeper and invite her to caress his lips. Over and over he came at her with the hunger of a man long denied. The flame consumed and played havoc with her body and mind. His fingers slipped with sensual attention over her hip while the other hand teased her throat. Fire shot through her and a soft groan escaped her lips. She wished they were somewhere without coats, with the freedom to touch and explore. Such wicked thoughts had only happened with him, and she seemed powerless against them.

  Morgan released her lips, but he cradled her face with one hand. “Stop me now before ....”

  “Before what?” she managed to force past her lips.

  He leaned his forehead on hers. “Lilly. God, you don’t know what you do to me.”

  Breathing unsteadily, she managed to rasp out her words. “What do I do to you?”

  “You should never allow a man to trap you in a carriage like this. It’s dangerous.”

  “Would you hurt me? Is this a warning?”

  He drew back, and the passion in his eyes defied his words. “Never. Not intentionally.”

  He kissed her again, and his lips brooked no argument. She couldn’t catch her breath as his tongue stroked hers relentlessly. She squirmed and moaned as sensations bombarded her from every angle. Her passion-flooded senses registered little but the overwhelming and delicious sensations filling her body.

  The carriage came to a rattling stop and when she gazed out the window, she realized they’d arrived at the Healy house. They’d both come to their senses, and Morgan went back to his side of the carriage before the driver could open the door. He shoved his hat on, and she hurried to pull her own on her head in such a way that the mess he’d made wouldn’t show. Her entire body felt ripe, ready to burst, and she didn’t know what to do next or where to look.

  Luckily for her, when she left the carriage and went inside the house, she didn’t have to see Morgan for the rest of the day.

  Chapter 14

  The next day had dawned bright but freezing. Frost edged windows and snow glimmered outside like diamonds. Afternoon promised to be quite interesting as Lilly sat with Patricia in the woman’s bedroom. Patricia had stayed silent most of the morning, preferring to stay in her room rather than take breakfast downstairs. Patricia still wore her dressing gown, whereas Lilly had dressed before the sun rose. Lilly hoped her charge, if she wanted to think of her that way, would stop glaring, and at some point dress. In the silence, Lilly had read a book, but she’d read the same page over a half dozen times while she tried to sort her thoughts.

  Lilly noticed that whenever she entered this bedroom she felt a strange vibration that wouldn’t abate. She’d learned to ignore the sensation for the most part, but the cold didn’t leave. Icy as a glacier’s breath, the cold surrounded her. She shoved away her apprehension and thought about something less disturbing but equally as intriguing.

  Her adventure with Morgan the previous day had put her on edge. What did it say about her that Morgan’s kiss rattled her more than being pushed downstairs? What did it say about her that she’d allowed Morgan to kiss her and had enjoyed it immensely? She’d spent the better part of this morning trying to reconcile what had happened and put it into perspective. His kindness to Marjorie had rocked her belief in his ability to murder or harm anyone. Yet she’d seen cunning people in the asylum who could trick most anyone into thinking they were sane. Until they weren’t. Hadn’t she herself become a master in deception? Hadn’t she shown people the face they wanted to see when often she’d felt entirely different?

  Lilly looked up from her book as a knock came on the door to the hallway. She went to open it and discovered the cook and a maid had brought luncheon upstairs. They greeted Lilly with enthusiasm and smiles, but threw speculative glances at Patricia as if they expected her to do or say something extraordinary. They placed luncheon trays on a large table at one end of Patricia’s expansive room, and with promises to remove the trays later, they left.

  Patricia came to the table without a word, and they settled down to eat. Roast chicken, green beans, rolls, and apple pie. A feast more than Lilly used to eat at the asylum. She knew she couldn’t finish it all, and planned to tell the cook not to provide so much next time. Patricia tucked into her food with relish. Juice dripped down her chin, and she didn’t bother to wipe it off with her napkin. Her fingers were dotted with crumbs from her bread. How odd. At the dining room table Patricia was all politeness. Perhaps out of the watchful view of her parents she didn’t think she needed to have manners?

  “You cannot have him.” Patricia’s abrupt statement made Lilly start.

  Lilly pinpointed Patricia with a stare. “Who?”

  “My brother, you silly pigeon.”

  “I don’t want your brother,” Lilly said quickly, her defenses rising.

&nb
sp; “Ha! You do. I see you won’t admit it, but it’s obvious to me. You lust after him.”

  “This line of conversation shouldn’t be continued.”

  “Why not?” Patricia’s eyes danced with mirth. “I think it’s perfectly wonderful and intriguing. My companion enamored of my brother. It’s not the first time, you know.”

  Lilly hesitated. “Oh?”

  “Certainly. My other companions saw photographs of him and commented on his handsome countenance. Don’t you think he’s handsome?”

  “Certainly, but that doesn’t mean I lust after him. It’s not proper anyway.”

  Patricia snorted. “Not proper. I doubt you’ve done a proper thing in your life. You seem like the type of woman who does whatever she wants whenever she wants.”

  Lilly frowned, her back up and her sense of humor fading. “Living twenty years in an insane asylum? Why ever would you think that?” Patricia shrugged, her hair floating in a silky wave about her shoulders. She didn’t say a thing in reply. Challenged, Lilly decide to ask questions of her own. “Patricia, do you sometimes act differently when you’re around other people than when you’re with your parents?”

  Patricia grunted, another sound she never made in polite company. “Perhaps.”

  “Right now you are eating without a trace of politeness.” Lilly kept her voice soft. “You do not seem to care one wit about propriety. Do you act differently with your companions than you do your family?”

  Patricia stopped eating her roll and turned an impatient gaze on Lilly. “Of course. I act whatever way will get me what I want.” Patricia sneered and laughed. “Oh, dear. Now you know.” When Lilly didn’t respond to the taunt, Patricia asked, “Don’t you?”

  Lilly nodded, a bit surprised by Patricia’s nonchalant confession. “Maybe I do. I found myself changing the way I react and talk to people based on what I sense about them.”

  “Most of the time, I don’t like what I sense about people. They are mostly liars and cheats,” Patricia said.

  “I don’t know that I agree with that.”

  Patricia gave another one of her nonchalant shrugs. “You haven’t spent enough time in the world out here to know. My parents, for example, are liars and cheats.”