by Maya S Penn
Once you’ve identified a potential mentor, it’s time to reach out. If they have contact information listed on their website, feel free to email. A Facebook message or LinkedIn invite can work, too. Even a direct (read: private) message on Twitter can get the ball rolling. And remember, just because you’ve identified one mentor doesn’t mean that you won’t find another. You’ll encounter many amazing people as you continue following your path. So you never know where (or when) you and your next potential mentor might meet!
EMAILING A PROSPECTIVE MENTOR
You may feel a little nervous reaching out to a mentor, especially if the person you have in mind is very well known, but try not to worry about that. If this person is truly willing to help or guide you, he or she will. And if not, that’s okay, too. There are a lot of fish (mentors) in the sea (business world), so to speak. Here’s how to make your business email, private Facebook note, or direct Twitter message more likely to snag one.
Step 1: Introduce yourself. I know, I know. This sounds pretty basic. And yet I’ve received countless emails where the sender jumps right into the heart of the message, while I’m left sitting there thinking, Um, who are you? Your introduction doesn’t have to be overly formal or fancy; it could be as simple as “Hi, I’m such-and-such, the founder of so-and-so.” Or, if you haven’t actually founded anything, you could try this: “I’m such-and-such and I’m passionate about [fill in the blank].”
Furthermore, a good introduction helps explain how you discovered the person to whom you’re writing (although this might not be necessary if the person you’re reaching out to is famous, a celebrity, or a household name). A simple “I read an article about you in [insert publication here]” can go a long way. Be sure to tell prospective mentors that you love or admire or respect the work they’re doing, or tell them a story about how they helped inspire you. Remember that it can be hard to connect with someone through a wall of text, so do your best to make your personality shine through as much as possible. After all, when we’re emotionally connected to someone, we’re more likely to be interested in and listen to what that person has to say.
Step 2: Be clear on what you’re asking for. Do you want to come to their office and have a meeting, or were you hoping they’d make time for a quick phone call? Are you asking for a part-time job or an internship? Did you want to meet next time they’re in town—at a conference, a speaking engagement, or a stop on their book tour (the way I met Alexis)? A prospective mentor might be less inclined to help you if he or she can’t figure out what it is that you want.
Step 3: Back up your request with an example of your work. Sure, you can explain your vision in painstaking detail, but you still need to prove that your work (or passion/goal/project) is as good as it sounds. (Think about it: without some kind of verification, without having any examples of your work to share, you’d essentially be presenting yourself as an anonymous sender, and that’d be no good.) A link to your website will put the finishing touch on your fabulous email. Don’t have a website? No worries, a simple social media account for your business/knitting circle/book club can work just as well. YouTube videos count, too.
Step 4: Be polite. There are a lot of people out there—me included—who still believe the most important words in the English language are “please” and “thank you.” Hey, it may be corny, but it’s true. Being polite is the icing on your mentor-inquiry cake. And who wants to eat a cake without icing?
Step 5: Perfect the subject line. Don’t mess up your beautifully worded mentor request with a vague subject line like “Hi.” Not only is this totally misleading (your subject line should be crystal clear without being overly long), it’s likely that your email will be deprioritized or ignored completely. Consider this: When I receive an email with a subject line like “[Company name] with speaking inquiry,” I’m more likely to open that email sooner rather than later, since business inquiries often come with deadlines attached. An email that sounds friendly or social, however, is best to read when I’m hanging out at home on the weekend. Go with something concise and direct, and you’ll be less likely to be routed to the spam or trash folder.
Step 6: Don’t freak out. Lots of people in the business world receive hundreds and hundreds of emails a day, so don’t worry too much if your potential mentor doesn’t respond to your inquiry right away. (Remember that everyone’s got a life outside the office, too!) There’s nothing wrong with sending a second email a week or two after your first, provided you don’t become annoying or spammy about it. If you still haven’t heard anything after that, don’t take it personal. Take a breath and message the next potential mentor on your list.
DETOURS, DERAILMENTS, AND CURVEBALLS
Avoiding Common Traps on the Creative Path
If you know anything about the animation process, you know it’s tedious as heck. You have to draw each and every frame (well, you do if you’re sticking with traditional 2-D animation), then you have to properly sequence those frames, and if you’re drawing by hand, it can be incredibly difficult to correct your mistakes. (If you draw an errant line or something weird-looking on a digital tablet, you can just press a key combination to undo the error; if you’re drawing by hand, your only real option is to bust out the Wite-Out.)
At some point in the creative process, then, it’s not uncommon for me to get frustrated. I’ve begun some projects with a whoo-hoo-I’m-gonna-do-a-great-job mentality, only to slide into an ugh-I-gotta-finish-this kind of feeling. I’ve gotten bored drawing the same background for a particular cartoon over and over. I’ve worried that a certain character’s mouth didn’t seem to be moving right. Rarely does my finished drawing resemble the image I had in my head. In fact, when I have a freak moment where the thing I saw in my mind’s eye actually makes its way to the screen, I bust out in full celebration.
The thing is, everyone is bound to feel this way at some point or another on his or her creative journey. All creative people experience occasional “artist’s block.” All of us have moments where the goal we’re after—writing an essay, painting a picture, performing a dance move, mastering that athletic maneuver—just doesn’t seem possible. Suddenly, we don’t have the drive, or we feel discouraged. An unexpected lack of resources threatens to derail our project, or a new deadline throws our whole schedule out of whack. One of the hardest things about living a creative life is maintaining your focus in a world that’s full of distractions.
It’s also true that in the midst of pursuing that Big Idea, you can lose sight of your original vision. You go in with the intention of X but your project morphs into Y. For example, let’s say you start selling your handcrafted jewelry with the intention of sharing your work with the world. Then you make your first sale and everything changes. Suddenly, you start cranking out earrings and cuff bracelets, not because you want to or because you enjoy it, but because you need more things to sell. You become obsessed with the money, or you continue on for no other reason than the feeling that you have to.
Or, maybe you’re making a short film when, right in the middle of the shooting schedule, your friend suggests a major change to the script. “But it’ll look so much cooler if you do it this way,” he says. (Cooler to him, at least.) You wind up taking that friend’s advice, and by the time you begin the editing process, you cringe: the final product looks nothing like what you intended. I wish I would have stuck with my original idea, you think glumly. I wish I would have been true to my vision.
There are so many reasons why you might lose focus or veer off course. Even when you think you’ve got it all figured out, life can still throw you a curveball, a pitch that leaves you swinging wildly when you were aiming for the fences. There’s no guarantee that your path will be a straight one, either. (Your Big Idea may evolve and grow and change as you continue to work.) But no matter what detours or derailments you’re faced with, there is some good news: you can always get back on track.
Combating Jealousy
So, the only time I really t
urn green with envy is when someone else in the house polishes off the caramel ice cream—otherwise, I usually just concentrate on doing my own thing. Jealousy, however, is a super-common derailment for creative and artistic people. There’s just not much worse than looking over your shoulder at someone who’s doing similar work, and believing that he or she is doing it better, cheaper, or smarter than you. Maybe you and someone at your school, for example, are both budding YouTube stars. Well, she is anyway: she’s getting tons of attention and racking up thousands of views. Why not me? you ask yourself at night, in the loneliness of your cold, dark room.
There are two important things to keep in mind whenever you’re feeling jealous, bitter, or just plain defeated by someone else’s success. The first is that success is not a zero-sum game. What I mean by that is someone else doing well does not prevent you from doing well. Someone else’s good fortune or hard work or accomplishment does not take anything away from you and your success. Honestly, the world is a big place. There’s plenty of room for us all to achieve great things. The second is that maybe (just maybe) you can learn something valuable from this other person. What is it that seems to be working so well for her? Are there any strategies or ideas from her work that you could apply to your own? For example, maybe your “nemesis” isn’t necessarily making better or funnier or more informative videos; rather, maybe she’s posting them to lots of different video-sharing sites, thereby increasing her exposure as well as her total number of views. Maybe her metadata are more effective (those are the descriptive search terms embedded in an Internet file that make your video or article or blog post come up in someone’s Google search). Perhaps you want to reach out to this person and ask her for some friendly advice.
Keep in mind that not everyone is going to want to share his or her hard-won insight and information. That’s fine. Forget about those people. Others will be more than happy to share some of their success with you. They might even reveal some of their frustrations and failures, which you can also learn from. (Trust me when I tell you, these people are golden.) Here’s something else to keep in mind: it’s possible that the very person you’re jealous of actually admires the work that you’re doing. He might even want to hear more about your experiences. He could potentially become a mentor, as well as a friend. So don’t wallow in negative feelings when someone is doing work that seems better or more successful than yours. And for goodness’ sake, don’t let jealousy deter you from trying something new.
Overcoming Your Fear
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received came from my mom, moments before I took the stage for my first-ever speaking engagement.
I’d received an email a few days before from a woman named Channtee Gamble, who teaches financial literacy and entrepreneurship to kids at an after-school program in the metro Atlanta area. Turns out, she wanted me to speak to her class. (I’d received some press attention by then, and I was local, as well as, you know, a kid, so I guess it seemed like a natural fit.) Of course, I was excited and honored to receive the invitation, but I was more than a little nervous, too. I’d never done any kind of formal public speaking before. I was stepping into the unknown. That can be scary for anyone.
Over the course of the next few days, I wrote and practiced my speech, put together an outfit I’d be comfortable wearing onstage, and selected some designs and drawings to share with the students, all while trying to ignore my growing nervousness. And on the day of the speech, when I climbed into the car to go to the event . . . well, do you ever feel so stressed that you’re actually sort of calm? That’s basically how I felt the whole ride there.
Later, as I stood waiting for Ms. Gamble to introduce me, I felt my heart lurch whenever I thought about taking those first few steps onto the stage. That’s when my mom, no doubt sensing my fear, leaned over to tell me that I was going to do great. And then she said these three magic words: Do it afraid. (You’ll probably remember that they’re the same words she whispered to me before I gave my TEDWomen talk—because it doesn’t matter how often you speak in public, it’s always nerve-racking.)
Everyone gets scared sometimes, even though whenever we watch someone do something big or brave or seemingly fearless, it’s easy to forget that fact. Think about the Olympic diver performing backflip after backflip off that breathtakingly high platform, or the singer who performs on the floor of an arena in front of thousands and thousands of screaming fans. Sure, from where you sit, it may seem like those people just radiate confidence. But for all you know, their hearts were beating a million miles an hour as they waited in the wings, preparing to take that great big stage. In fact, odds are they were incredibly afraid, especially before attempting that first dive or singing that first song. Absolutely everyone experiences this feeling.
The thing is, fear doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative emotion. In fact, when it’s channeled properly, it can actually help propel our Big Ideas forward. True, when we’re scared of something, it’s human nature to start looking for an option that’s less scary. It’s natural to stop and think, Now, how can I get myself out of this? And while the best option may indeed be the scariest, sometimes there are solutions that are better, more efficient, and less stressful. Fear can encourage us to stop and consider our options, to rethink, revise, and perfect our plan. Fear can also encourage us to make new connections, expand our support network, and meet new people. That’s because when we’re scared of an unknown outcome, we may be more likely to reach out to those around us (as well as to people we don’t know, like potential mentors and experts) to ask for advice.
The problem comes when we attempt to ignore our fear, or, worse, when we try to get over it. Fear is a natural, biological response; it can’t be suppressed with the snap of your fingers. You can’t just will it away. You can’t just suddenly stop your fear in its tracks. Yet think of how often people might say to you, in the face of something new or scary or intimidating, “Don’t be scared,” or the equally unhelpful, “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” When we find that we can’t get over our fear, then it’s easy to get discouraged or to feel like we’ve failed.
That’s why what my mother told me, as I nervously waited to give my first-ever speech, was so important and transformative. What she was saying is that it’s best to acknowledge the fear you feel, and then go ahead and do that scary thing anyway. Rather than try to suppress your fear, it’s better to just do it afraid.
With her gentle boost of encouragement, I was able to step in front of the middle schoolers in Ms. Gamble’s after-school program and tell my story. I showed them some of the items for sale in my shop, and gave them some advice on how they might start their own businesses. When it was all over, I exited to their enthusiastic applause. Sure, I’d been crazy nervous, but I’d still managed to pull the speech off.
Now, here’s the alternative to doing it afraid: not doing anything at all. Fear, if you let it take over, can freeze your creative impulses. It can make you resistant to trying that new thing or searching for that new solution. It can impede the progress you make on your creative path. The scariest thing about fear—when you really stop to think about it—is that it can end up holding you back.
DEEP-FREEZERS AND SPRINTERS: WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
It seems to me that there are two types of people in the world: those who react to fear by shutting down, becoming paralyzed, or freezing in the face of it, and those who respond to fear by barreling forward full-speed ahead, often with little to no concern for the consequences. Figure out which one you are, and you’ll reduce the likelihood that fear will derail you and your creative plans.
The Deep-Freezer
Every now and then, we all feel sort of stuck: reluctant to make a certain decision or hesitant to start work on a particular project. You may say to yourself, I should really finish this other project first, or I should work on this other thing for a while. That is, you may start making excuses for why you’re not moving forward. But are those excuses valid,
or are they coming from a place of fear? Are you really just lying to yourself?
It’s normal to feel frozen or stuck when you’re scared. In fact, being a Deep-Freezer isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Pausing for a short time (what I like to call a “minifreeze”) can give you a chance to revisit your plan. With a little time and consideration, you might actually discover a better, smarter path forward.
And while you’re taking that pause, it can also be helpful to try to pinpoint exactly where that fear—and the resulting deep freeze—is coming from. Perhaps past experience has made you afraid of failing (you tried it before and it didn’t work). Or, maybe you’ve been discouraged by other people’s stories: “Don’t do it. I tried it and it was a disaster!” It’s also possible—maybe even probable—that what you’re feeling is what’s at the root of all fear: a fear of the unknown.
Regardless of the reasons why you’re afraid, remind yourself: fear is totally normal, and you’re not a failure if you can’t just get over it. Take a deep breath, resolve to do it afraid (whatever “it” may be), and unfreeze.
The Sprinter
If the Deep-Freezer, well, freezes in the face of fear, the Sprinter does the total opposite. She tries to outrun her fear by acting rashly, often without enough planning, research, or time for thinking things through.
