Brazing

by Lila Felix

  Chapter Four

  Tate

  “No, I’m not doing that!” I laughed hysterically into the thin cell phone. “You’re out of your mind!”

  “Please,” Carter begged me from the other end. “Please, please, please!”

  “Now you’re just being pathetic.” I hovered outside the library doors, knowing I wouldn’t be able to keep my voice down while talking with Carter. I had an issue with talking quietly. An issue as in I was incapable of doing it. When I spoke to anyone, my voice got obnoxiously loud and my laugh was worse. My friends were constantly shushing me.

  It was a miracle and also a kind of ironic joke that I got a shelving job in the library. While I loved my place of employment, even more so because it was perfectly convenient to my college life, I didn’t exactly fit in.

  The library, and consequently most of the other employees, had this certain stoic severity about them. The books were lined up perfectly. The volume level kept to a studious whisper. My coworkers wore modest, preppy clothes that matched their trimmed, perfectly coiffed hair and their dull, lifeless shoes.

  My boss had told me once that she hired me to “spice things up” around the mundane routine that hardly ever changed from day-to-day. And the thing was, I didn’t blame her. The library was boring. And that was an emotion I could not tolerate.

  But I stayed for the good of the people I worked with. I didn’t even want to imagine their lives without me to brighten the mood and bring a little crazy to their rigidly scheduled programming. Plus, when I wasn’t stacking books, I could study and I always got the books I wanted when I needed them because as soon as they were returned, I set them aside for myself.

  “Listen, we’re going tonight,” Carter continued on. “And if I have to blindfold and gag you again to get your ass there, then that’s what I’ll do.”

  The thing was… I believed her. “Come on, Carter. Really? Karaoke? I would rather go to the silent film marathon in the student union then endure a bunch of my peers singing bad boy band remixes while drunk off their asses.”

  She snorted a laugh. “What happened to carpe diem, Tate? I thought we were living the college life to the fullest? Especially before you-”

  “I never said it included every bad song from the nineties,” I snickered. But she’d already said the magic words and she knew it.

  “Tatum Mackenzie Halloway, you’re going tonight, even if I have to drag you there myself. Plus, those guys from my Econ class are going to meet us. I can finally introduce you to Sawyer.”

  “And his friend Huckleberry Finn?”

  “You laugh now, but this guy is seriously hot, my friend. And he’s interested in you.” She sounded so smug on the other end. I could just imagine what Sawyer had already heard about me. If it was coming from my optimistic BFF, the sky was the limit.

  “Yeah right. Just wait until he hears me sing… that interest will die a very painful, very slow, very tone-deaf death.”

  “Maybe we’ll just watch other people sing,” Carter suggested wisely.

  I started laughing again, loudly. “This was your idea!”

  “But mostly for the half-price beer and free peanuts.”

  “Ah, my frugal friend, this is why our college years are going to be epic.” I looked out at the sprawling campus in front of me. We were way into fall at the beginning of November and all of the trees had turned to beautifully muted tones of dark orange and rusty red, burnished gold and rich purples. The sun had settled low on the horizon and the pastel pinks and indigos in the sky blended well with all the fall glory. I breathed in the smoky air and smiled at this life I lead. Carter was right. I had taken up this whole live-life-to-the-fullest manifesto and I was enjoying every minute of it. Karaoke would be fun. And maybe the added bonus of Sawyer would coat the fringes of loneliness that seemed adamant on staying with me.

  The funny thing about this sudden epiphany that my soul felt alone was that I hadn’t even been aware of it until a certain frat house part a few weeks ago. Had I know that the re-emergence of Bridger Wright in my life was going to awaken a hunger for some kind of relationship, I would have left him and his drunk ass to wander the streets of Nashville in the middle of the night.

  I had tried to convince myself that I wasn’t really lonely, that it was just the rejection that Bridger was so intent to give me every time we shared the same breathing space. And in trying to convince myself that he was a grade-A douche for avoiding me at any cost, I’d managed to ignore the true stirrings of heartache.

  Gah! Boys.

  Dumb.

  “So you’re in?” Carter asked hopefully.

  “I’m in,” I sighed. “Carpe karaoke!”

  She giggled in my ear. “And you get off of work when?”

  “Four hours from five minutes ago. Shit, I’m late!” And then I hung up on her. That’s how much she loved me. She put up with my frazzled chaos.

  I shoved my phone into my pocket and rushed through the heavy wooden doors. My supervisor, Catherine, stood at the circulation desk and promptly gave me the stink eye. I smiled at her and then tripped over some kid’s backpack that he’d left out in the middle of the aisle. I landed flat on my face with absolutely nothing graceful to brag about.

  “Ow,” I moaned.

  “Oh, no,” I heard a thick southern drawl groan above me.

  I rolled over to my back and looked up at none other than Bridger Wright. Apparently, he wasn’t only trying to murder my soul but also, in the physical sense of murdering, me.

  “Ow,” I said again.

  He seemed to come back to himself somewhat and jumped up from his chair. “Uh, sorry,” he mumbled. He held out his hand like any boy raised with manners would and pulled me to my feet. But as soon as I was standing, he backed off and dropped my hand.

  “Well, well, well,” I grinned at him. “Bridger Wright. I did not expect to see you here tonight. You know, because usually whenever you see me, you run the complete opposite direction like I’m getting ready to light your pants on fire.”

  He blushed the satisfying color of eggplant. Obviously, he thought he had been smoother about this.

  “You saw that?” he croaked.

  I gave him a “Duh,” look and let him suffer for a little bit longer. “Figure out my name yet?” I teased him.

  A small smile played at the corner of his full lips and his green eyes twinkled with confidence. “I have figured that out, Tate Halloway.” His eyes smoldered at me for just a moment and he said, “All grown up.” Before the fire could be fully lit in my belly, his good-humor suddenly disappeared and he rubbed the back of his neck when he said, “Hey, that night, I wasn’t exactly at my best.”

  I let out a bark of laughter that I knew had Catherine glaring over at me. “No kidding! You mean, wandering around the middle of the road, with more alcohol in your system than blood, wasn’t one of your shining moments?”

  His cheeks pinked on the high planes and he ducked his head. “Not exactly,” he admitted and then cleared his throat.

  “Well, don’t worry about it. I’ve seen a lot worse at those frat parties. You were mostly highly entertaining. You and your brother were kind of ridiculous but at least you weren’t trying to come on to me.”

  He smiled, but it was a faded version of the real thing. Images of him as a child flashed in my mind’s eye and I pictured him laughing in bursts of loud laughter and horsing around with his brothers. Bridger had always been one of the happiest kids I’d ever known, but these days he seemed withdrawn and depressed.

  I wondered if something was going on with his family. I knew his parents had died a few years ago; my grandparents occasionally caught me up with the happenings of that little town and they’d mentioned the fire as soon as it happened. The Wright family was a pillar of that community and Noah and Grace had been some of the loveliest people I had ever met.

  He chuckled politely but then an awkward silence fell bet
ween us. “So, uh, how have you been?” I asked after it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything more.

  “Fine.”

  “Yeah? You like school?”

  “It’s fine.”

  Alright, a man of few words. I could work with that. “So, we should catch up sometime. I haven’t seen you in forever. You know, I actually heard that you had decided to come here from my Grams, but since I hadn’t seen you in two years, I thought maybe she had the school wrong. I would love to hear all about what’s going on back in Constance.”

  He looked down at his homework and then slowly dragged his eyes back to me, or rather, my feet. He ran a hand through his messy dark hair and shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, sure.”

  There was this part of me… this evil, malicious, sadistic part of me that really loved torturing Bridger right now. He had been such a pain in my ass my entire childhood! And now, finally, I could extract my revenge.

  Plus, good grief, he was adorable shuffling his feet and looking like he’d rather be swallowing nails than talking to me.

  Nobody could say I didn’t love a challenge.

  “Like tonight!” The words bubbled out of me in an excited giggle. Okay, it wasn’t all about revenge. It was just that he looked so… lonely, and sad or miserable or something. I hated seeing him like this. I knew it was dumb because we hadn’t been around each other for years, but this was not the Bridger that I knew. This guy was depressing to look at, let alone be around. I felt sucked into his vortex of gloom and I’d only been with him for five minutes.

  What happened to this guy?

  When we were kids, he used to have the most infectious laugh. Even when he made fun of me, I couldn’t help but laugh too just because of the sound of his deep chuckle. And when he would smile, I always found myself smiling back. I couldn’t help it. His eyes twinkled, his dimples came out to wink at me, and his whole body would glow with bright happiness.

  But now he looked at me and flinched. It was almost like… like he was afraid of me.

  Which didn’t make sense. For as clumsy and loud as I could be, I was actually very gentle. Completely harmless. He didn’t need to be scared of me. I wasn’t planning on biting him.

  Unless, maybe he asked. Because the one thing that had changed about Bridger for the better was that he was now a man. And not just the grown-up version of his childhood body, but like a manly-man. Even through his long-sleeved Henley, I could see how ripped his torso was. Muscle popped from neck to the very waistline of his jeans. His bulking arms were flexed tightly as he tensed with anxiety. His jaw had firmed up and the squareness to it made his face a work of chiseled art. His lips were too full for a boy, but they worked so well on him and the pout he seemed to constantly keep. His deep green eyes were as dark and volatile as the surface of a lake during a thunderstorm, but they were compelling… hypnotizing even.

  But so sad.

  I wanted to make him smile. I wanted to lift the secret burden he carried for just a moment. I wanted him to look at me and see me, remember me… laugh with me.

  “I have a lot of homework to do,” he answered quickly.

  I moved over to the table that had said homework spread out all over the glossy wooden surface. I propped my butt against it and then anchored my arms so that when I jumped, they helped propel me the last couple inches. My bum landed on top of all that obnoxious busywork with a satisfying whoosh of scattered papers. The corner of one of his textbooks dug into the side of my thigh and I swear I snapped a pencil in half, such was the destructive force of my ass.

  His mouth dropped open and he blinked quickly as if he couldn’t get my behavior to process correctly in his head.

  “Homework is stupid.” I pressed my lips together to suppress my smile.

  He shook his head out. I thought he might have been hoping that I would disappear if he shook hard enough, but I wasn’t going to make this that easy for him.

  “Um…”

  “I’m going out with some friends, so it won’t be just the two of us.” I threw that in for his benefit. I assumed the thought of the two of us alone probably had his knees knocking together and his lunch threatening to resurface. I would get to the bottom of his fear of me. “It will be fun! You do know what fun is, don’t you?”

  His eyebrows snapped together and some heat lit those stormy eyes. “I know how to have fun, Tate. I just prefer my homework’s finished beforehand.”

  “So rigid,” I taunted. Mischief ran like fire through my blood. I loved a challenge and the Bridger I remembered did, too. It was one of the reasons he was such a black mark on my childhood. He hated the idea of me beating him in anything. Our competitions used to be legendary around town. People knew to stay clear of us whenever we really started going after each other.

  “I’m not rigid,” he argued.

  I gave a pointed look at his strewn homework and then at the fists clenched at his sides. When I lifted my gaze back to his, I couldn’t help the triumphant glow that lit my face. “Right,” I drawled. “How about this, I promise that your homework will still be here in the morning. It’s not like it’s going to go out, get drunk and go home with a random.”

  “Is that what you’re planning on doing?” His voice sounded so strained that I wondered if he was in physical pain.

  “I don’t think so,” I shrugged. “I was thinking something much more trashy.”

  “Like what?” he nearly shrieked. I waited for the five or six “Shh’s” that I knew were coming.

  Once our angry library audience had settled, I revealed my big secret, “Like karaoke.”

  His lips twitched in the corners and then suddenly there was the briefest grin as he relaxed. He ran another hand through that dark hair and met my eyes again. “I can’t sing for shit.”

  A burst of laughter bubbled up out of me and I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth while I rode out another wave of hushes from the surrounding students. “Me either,” I whispered dramatically. “But we don’t have to sing. We could just make fun of all the other idiots that can’t sing either.”

  His smile disappeared, but his eyes still burned. And I liked that burn. I wanted to watch it singe the air around him. I wanted to feel the heat of it on my skin and the embers sizzle in my blood.

  Wait. No.

  This was for him, not for me. I didn’t want anything for Bridger. I just wanted to see him not so sad. That was all.

  “What time?” he asked with that frown firmly back in place.

  “Eight,” I told him. “At Captain’s.” That was a local bar close to campus he should know and love. If not, I would seriously have him sent to a retirement center where he belonged.

  Whew. He nodded. He knew what I was talking about. “Okay.” He drew out the word as long as he could. “I might stop by.”

  My smile stretched from ear to ear and I threw my hands up in the air. My hair bounced around my shoulders and I tried to stop acting like a dork. I dropped my hands to my lap and winked at him. “I might be happy about that.”

  His cheeks turned pink again and I tried not to sigh. I reached behind me and picked up his phone before he could stop me. I quickly slid my finger across the screen and shook my head when there was no password protection. Didn’t he know to guard his identity? Oh, this boy needed so much help.

  Good thing he had me now.

  “What are you doing?” He sounded a little panicked, so I swatted away his hand.

  “Just…” I turned around and hunched over his phone. I quickly punched my number in and pressed call.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket not two seconds later and I held up his so he could see what I did. “Now we have each other’s numbers. Do you want me to add my name? Or do you think you can remember it?”

  He huffed, “Well, I don’t think there’s any forgetting it.”

  That made me laugh. I didn’t remember him being this funny before. Okay, I knew he wasn’t trying to be funny… but he was still cracking me
up.

  I hopped off the table and created another flurry of paperwork and writing utensils. “Don’t stand me up, Bridger Wright, or I’ll send Granddaddy after you on Potluck Sunday and we both know you don’t want that.” He paled a little, but I didn’t really feel the message was received until I warned, “Plus, if you don’t show up, I’ll be forced to call you nonstop until you do. And I’m pretty sure you underestimate how determined I can be.”

  He got that blank look again, the one where his brain clearly struggled to accept me as his new reality. Probably, I should go now.

  I walked by him, patting his shoulder as I went. “See you soon, Bridge.”

  He didn’t say anything back but that was okay. I hadn’t exactly helped him through a breakthrough, but he had smiled at me. And I hadn’t seen him smile once in the few weeks he’d popped back into my life.

  A smile was a victory.

  A smile was hope.

  And for some reason, when it came to Bridger, that hope meant more to me than anything else had in a very, very long time.

  Karaoke was destined to be a disaster. That was a given. But maybe there would be another smile in it for me.

  At the very least, there would be more Bridger.

  The stupid smile that I couldn’t wipe off my face said it all. I could barely tolerate childhood Bridger. But manly-man Bridger was someone I was very excited to tolerate. Even if he was the grumpiest man alive.