Deputy at Large

by Judge Rodriguez

  Several minutes later, in the darkening gloom, her tears now dried, Liz continues to clutch John’s arm, quietly watching the western sky.

  Finally, feeling some twinging in his back, John shifts his position. As he looks down, he sees Liz gazing up at him.

  He takes a deep breath, trying to find the correct words. “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of doing just this.”

  With her free hand, she reaches up, pulls his chin down to her and kisses him gently.

  After the lingering kiss has turned John’s knees to water, she pulls back from it with a sigh of contentment. She leans back into his shoulder and melts into him.

  John’s thoughts have quieted. All he can think is need. He looks down at the love of his life. Yes, the mother of his son, the woman he begged to marry close to thirty years ago. His arms ache to hold her in an intimate embrace, to wrap her in his warmth and not ever let her go.

  He pulls her into him, wraps both arms around her and just stands there, holding her, feeling her comforting warmth once again against him.

  Rather than struggling, she relaxes against him and breathes deeply and slowly.

  They stand there for only God knows how long. It is well past dark before John’s back requires him to move. He’s loathe to mention it, but finally has no choice.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to move. Thirty years on horseback doesn’t do a body any good, you know.”

  “Hm?” Her sleepy tone indicates she was drowsing against him. “Hm. Okay, sure.”

  He shifts his weight and goes to pull away, but she places a hand on his chest, reaches up, and kisses him lingeringly again.

  After having satisfied the desire, she pulls away and sighs again. “Okay, now, you can go.”

  John’s back is hurting badly enough now to detract from the wonderful distractions she’s been giving him. He turns to leave, but she grabs his arm again and walks alongside him.

  As they walk back into camp, arm in arm, John sees Josh’s wide grin at the sight. Once the couple gets close enough, John tells his brother, “Oh, shut up!”

  Josh starts openly laughing, rises from his seat and walks away, whistling tunelessly.

  At hearing Josh’s whistling exit, David, who was discussing something quietly with his wife, looks up and sees his parents’ approach. He smiles widely at the sight and quietly tells his wife to see the sight.

  She does so and gasps. After a moment, she too, grins at the picturesque scene.

  John tips his hat and helps Liz into a camp chair. Rather than sitting beside her, he realizes what time it is and tells her, “Be right back.”

  He quickly goes into his tent, retrieves his Bible and goes to sit by Liz in front of the burning fire.

  As he sits down, she grabs his hand and looks at what’s in his other hand. “What—what is THAT?” she demands fiercely.

  He holds up the Bible and says, “It’s the first gift I was given as a follower of Christ. My own Bible.” He motions proudly toward David. “Given to me by our son, no less.”

  She huffs in annoyance and in Cherokee says, “I—I can’t believe you would bring out such drivel in my presence.” She yanks her hand back.

  David looks at her with a shocked look. In Cherokee he says, “Mother!”

  “Oh, shut up! You and I will discuss this later.” She turns and glares at John. “I trusted you! I thought you were the same man I fell in love with all those years ago. Not this—this deluded, watered down version of Johnny that would rather pray, than do his duty as a man!” With that, she storms off back to her tent.

  Joey saunters in from the horse lines. “Well. Talk about explosive.” She looks at John. “You alright?”

  Still shocked, he looks after Liz in amazement, then over at Joey. He nods, even though he’s uncertain, then turns to look at the tent again.

  David stands and starts walking toward his mother’s tent.

  “Don’t.” John holds up his hand forestalling his son. “Like you said earlier. Give her a bit of time to adjust to this.”

  David stops and takes a breath to argue, but apparently thinks differently about it, when John gives him a quelling look.

  “She told me how she lost her faith. I don’t blame her for reacting like that, neither should you.” He can feel his eyes go flat. “Just let it lie, son. Trust me.”

  David stops and gives his father a long hard look, takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “You realize that’s the first time you’ve directly called me son?”

  John chuckles, feeling some of the tension easing from his chest. “Extraordinary times require extraordinary measures. You gonna do like I ask?” David nods. “Thank you.”

  Joey grins. “I never promised anything.” She walks toward the tent and disappears inside its depths.

  After a couple of moments, John can hear the women’s quiet conversation coming from it.

  His mind racing, he strokes his jawline for a moment, says a quick prayer for peace of mind, then opens his Bible and starts his reading. He prays he can calm down enough to take to heart Paul’s words to the Corinthians.

  After more than a quarter of an hour struggling, John gives up and goes to lay down in his tent. As he prays for peace and tranquility, his thoughts continue to race. As the darkness of sleep claims him, his last thought is, I hope this doesn’t affect my dreams.

  Chapter 46

  Jake wakes in a sweat. He doesn’t understand why he’s continuing to have these dreams. He was so sure he’d put them to bed more than a decade ago.

  He now knows, the main reason he stayed away from John and Red-Feather for so long. He was afraid. Afraid of causing trouble between Heart-of-Falcon and Red-Feather.

  When he got hurt all those years ago, he’d expected that Red-Feather and Heart-of-Falcon would marry when Jake didn’t come back after the mission.

  The longer he waited to return, the more certain he was his return would cause trouble between them. Having chanced back on the scene after this long, unexpected as it was, is confirmation enough that he doesn’t want to be around them any longer than he has to be.

  These dreams that continue to wake him, though. He feels it’s his Christian duty to fight them. Even giving oneself over to allowing dreams of desire for another man’s wife, is the most insidious form of sin possible, adultery.

  Jake gets up and quietly leaves the tent. His thoughts scattering from his meager control, going back to focus on his memories of his dreams. He groans, thumping the side of his head with the heel of his hand. Unsure what else to do, he moves down to the river and washes his face in the cool, crisp water.

  Once done, he looks at the familiar night sky and guesses the time to be about two hours before dawn.

  He hears the sound of someone quickly approaching and turns to see Rebekah lean against a tree getting noisily sick. He watches for a moment, concerned, before he sees David holding his wife’s hair for her.

  More curious than anything else, Jake moves away from the stream and approaches the young couple. Quietly, he asks, “You gonna be alright?”

  Rebekah wipes her mouth and looks at him hatefully. “Do I LOOK like I’m gonna be okay?” Then turns and vomits again.

  David quietly speaks a few words of encouragement to her, then looks up at Jake and quietly says, “Morning sickness.”

  Jake nods. “Not that I’ve ever been in that condition myself, it’s been the hazard of several of my friends’ occupations. I’ve been told that to keep it from happening, the best thing to do is keep some dried bread or hardtack by the bed while sleeping.”

  David watches his wife a moment and says, “I’ll keep that in mind. We have some bread she could have. Thank you for the idea, Jake. I’m sure it’ll help.”

  Jake nods, waves, and allows the young couple to get back to what they were doing.

  As he heads back into the tent he’s been sharing with Sean, he thinks how strange life is. One minute, you’re contemplating dreams and desires, the next, you’re giv
ing medical advice to a doctor. Talk about irony.

  He wakes up two hours later, to the smell of coffee and cooking food. He rolls over and sees that Sean’s already left.

  Jake gets up to see John tending the fire with a surly look on his face. As Jake leaves the tent, John looks at him and his eyes go flat.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Jake asks his obviously annoyed brother.

  “Why is it on the nights I don’t sleep very well, you tend to wake up all bright and cheery.”

  “I didn’t sleep well last night either. What kept you from sleeping well?”

  John grumbles. “Nothing, just leave it alone.”

  “Oh, come on now, man. You never had trouble telling me, before.” Jake shakes his head disbelievingly. “Really, what’s going on?” He’s becoming more concerned now.

  John sighs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “If not now, then when?”

  “Fine! You heard last night’s fireworks?” Jake nods. “Well, my head wouldn’t shut up after that, okay?”

  “Fair enough.” Jake nods. “I was cursed with dreams last night, too, so I feel ya there.” He looks around a bit, then back at his brother. “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know. Other than pray for you. I’m gonna be doing that anyway.”

  John nods. “I’ll take all the prayers I can. If I think of anything, I’ll let you know.” He smiles. “Actually, knowing that someone has your back, helps. It helps a lot.”

  Jake nods again and heads back over to the river. When he gets to the bank, he sees a little further down, Joey rinsing out and filling a canteen. He waves to her and proceeds to wash off his face and head to be able to fully wake up.

  Joey’s voice sounds behind him, “You alright, Uncle?”

  He shakes out his hair and glances over his shoulder to see her, standing there, silhouetted against the trees and rising sun. He grunts as he gets up from the river bank and smiles. “Well enough, why you ask?”

  “I heard part of your conversation earlier. You doin’ ok?”

  “Oh. That. Yeah, I guess. Just something I’ve been struggling with for awhile.”

  “Anything I can help with?” Her tone is so sincere, it makes him fight the desire to laugh out loud, hard.

  He shakes his head. “It’s um—It’s nothing like that. Thank you for the offer, though.”

  She looks at him suspiciously for a long moment, then asks, “Why do I get the feeling that you’re laughing at me?”

  Now, he can’t keep it in and chuckles loudly as he starts walking back to the camp. “Oh my dear, sweet, girl. I do love you dearly. The sincerity of your offer is endearing. The problem I have is one that’s not appropriate for me to discuss with a woman. Well, any woman other than my wife.”

  She blushes. “Oh. I see. Forget I asked.”

  Jake chuckles again and clears his throat. “I’ll be sure to.” He laughs and puts his arm around her shoulders companionably.

  She sighs and shakes her head. “You grew up with Liz too, didn’t you?”

  He nods. “Why do you ask?”

  “I’m just trying to get a better picture in my head. John told me what it was like where you guys grew up. I’m looking for a way to help her.”

  He stops for a moment and points toward a dead fall tree trunk. “Can you lead that back to life?”

  She shakes her head. “No, it’s dead.”

  He guides her to where there are several mushrooms growing on the side. “If this trunk wasn’t here, do you think these mushrooms would be able to grow?”

  She shakes her head. “Of course not. They need the decaying wood to gain the needed nourishment.”

  He holds up a finger. “Even in death, life is able to thrive. Don’t try and lead her back by understanding her past. Instead, help her gain the life and the truth anew. Working through her past is futile. She has too much anger, too much pain, to be able to approach it from that angle. Your best bet is to show her the beauty of God’s creations. Otherwise, you’ll regret it.”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “I can only do what I know to do.”

  He shakes his head. “Honestly, I’m not sure she’s ever had faith to begin with. At least not in Christ. Her faith may have been in the church, in the religion, more than in the relationship.”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “We were raised Catholic. She may have been putting her faith into the rituals of the religion, not in her belief in Jesus.”

  She sighs deeply. “I understand that, Uncle, but you don’t think I’m just gonna come right out and say that do you?”

  He shakes his head. “Nor can I tell you what to say. Just that you need to say what the Spirit tells you when the time is right. Beyond that, just pray.”

  She looks thoughtful as she moves away, toward the horse-line, away from camp.

  Jake looks at his young adopted niece and marvels at how helping someone else helps you forget your own worries.

  He slowly meanders back to camp to see Liz drinking a cup of coffee, staring at the fire, pondering only God knows what.

  Jake takes one look at her and glances around, looking for John. Not finding him, he takes a seat close to his sister. “Wanna talk about it?”

  She turns and looks at him as if he were a total stranger. In Cherokee, she asks, “What makes you think I want to talk about anything?”

  “Oh, come on Liz! I know you better than that! I can tell with one glance you’re stewing on something!”

  She looks through him for a moment, then turns back and stares at the fire. “Just because I’m thinking doesn’t mean I want to talk about it to anyone. The last thirty years has taught me my opinion doesn’t matter enough for someone to listen to it, so why even bother?”

  Jake looks at her, dumbfounded. “Look, Liz, like it or not, you’re a part of this family. If you can’t talk to anyone here, then we’re not much of one.”

  She sets her coffee cup down by her camp chair, stands up and says, “Excuse me, I can’t stand the smell around here anymore.”

  Jake shakes his head and says quietly enough for only her to hear, “Look, he’s going to forgive you, whatever you’ve done. Give him a chance to get to know you again. Don’t you at least owe yourself that little bit of hope?”

  She turns to look at him then says, “You’re naive and stupid to think I care anything about what a supposed Christian has to say.”

  Jake sighs and shakes his head. “I was talking about John. But thank you for thinking I was talking about God. Either way, go on about your miserable existence, pushing away everyone that’s ever loved you.”

  She looks at him, with an unshed tear in her eye, pointedly turns her back on him and walks away.

  Jake sighs, looks up at the heavens and asks simply, “Why can’t she listen?”

  “Because she’s too wrapped up in her own pain to see she’s hurting everyone else around her,” John’s voice comes from behind. “I know you didn’t want to talk about last night, but getting it out might help.”

  Jake looks at his brother approaching and takes a slow, measured breath. “I’m pretty sure you don’t really want to know my problems like that.” He shakes his head. “So, why don’t you stop asking before I decide to tell you anyway?”

  John gives him a hard look for a long moment, then says, “Now, you’ve gone and piqued my curiosity. I think you might need to tell me about those dreams after all. I get the feeling they’re gonna be important in the long run.”

  Now it’s Jake’s turn to give his brother a long, hard look. “Fine. But be forewarned, you don’t want to know any of it.” He stands up and motions for John to follow him. “I don’t want anyone else to hear this.”

  John sighs, shakes his head and chuckles. “Lead the way.”

  They head over toward the horse lines slowly. Jake begins by explaining quietly, how he’s been having dreams of this kind since he was a teenager. He describes how he’s always seen the same woman in them and ho
w he’s always older. Not that he’s seen himself in any of them, just that he’s known. He also glosses over the finer details, but explains the base premise of them.

  Just as he’s finishing, John quietly says, “You’re seeing Heart-of-Falcon in these dreams, aren’t you?”

  Not surprised John was able to guess the woman, Jake nods. “For the longest time after I was hurt, they disappeared. That is, until just recently. Once I came back in contact with her . . .”

  John nods. “Now they’re back in full force. I understand the effect of the constant hammering from your dreams. Trust me.”

  Jake looks at him. “Why am I being plagued by these dreams?”

  “I was once told that God wouldn’t give us these desires if they weren’t meant to be fulfilled. In the proper manner, with the correct person, it becomes something beautiful. You’re certain that your dreams include Heart-of-Falcon?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You said you could tell you were older in these dreams. Were you seeing the older version of Heart-of-Falcon, as you’ve seen her recently?”

  “Now that you mention it, no. She’s still a young woman.”

  “Are you sure that’s the same woman, then?”

  Jake can’t believe what he’s hearing. John’s calling into question the dreams he’s been having for decades. Could he be close to even being right? Could he be interpreting these dreams so badly? Nah. Not possible. It’s Heart-of-Falcon in them. That’s the only answer possible. No other woman comes close to her beauty. It’s just not possible. He shakes his head. “I understand what you’re saying, but it’s just not possible. If you saw her, you would know it’s Heart-of-Falcon. There’s no way around it. I just have to deal with wanting something I can never have.”

  John looks out over the plains. “You may be surprised. I think God wants you to be happy. I don’t think happiness is in the arms of another man’s wife, or widow.” He shakes his head.

  It’s just not possible. Those dreams have to be his desires for her bleeding over into his dreams. That’s all there is to it. That’s all it can be. There’s no other answer possible.