Only with You

by Lea Coll

  We finished eating then Cade paid the bill. We walked outside where it was dark and cooler than when we’d arrived.

  Cade put his arm around me, pulling me into his side. “I loved showing you my town. I haven’t really looked at it in years. I haven’t appreciated the beauty—it’s uniqueness—how lucky I am to live here close to my family who loves me.”

  I squeezed his side with my hand, happy for him. “They don’t manipulate you and your feelings?”

  “No. They’ve been nothing but supportive—a little stifling at times but supportive.”

  “I’m glad I can make you feel better about your situation.” There was no sarcasm in my voice. I was glad I could ease things for him.

  “I think you help me to see what I’ve been missing. I’ve taken everything for granted. I lost one person, but I didn’t lose everyone. But if I’d kept going the way I was—I would have pushed my parents further away.”

  “I’m sure your family understands that even if it was painful for them.”

  “It’s you.” He kissed my temple. “You’re the reason I see things clearly. I want to keep seeing you. I want to be around you. You make everything better.”

  His words flowed through my body. When had anyone said those words to me? My brother leaned on me. My parents pushed me. Layton wanted things from me. But Cade just wanted to be with me. My presence made his life better. “Thank you.”

  “Do you want to come back to my place?”

  I paused. I hadn’t expected Cade to invite me there. I didn’t know if he lived there with his late wife or if he’d moved.

  “It’s not the house I lived in with Caroline if that’s what you’re thinking. I couldn’t breathe in that home. I sold it to her parents. They weren’t ready to let it go.”

  “That was probably a good idea. I can’t imagine living in the same place—” I couldn’t finish my sentence because I didn’t want to say his late wife’s name out loud. It made her more real somehow, which was ridiculous because she was a huge part of him.

  “Have you ever been in love?”

  “No.” I hadn’t loved anyone the way he’d loved his late wife. It made me long for something like what he’d had.

  “You seem pretty positive about that.”

  “I see you, grieving your late wife five years later. I know I’ve never felt that way about anyone. I probably thought I was in love with one at the time, but I can see now, I wasn’t.”

  I knew he’d always feel something toward Caroline, but I hoped he’d make room in his heart for me. Maybe it was naïve, but I’d never met anyone as real as him. Everything he went through made him the man he was today—the man I wanted to be with.

  We stopped in front of his truck. He walked me back so that I leaned against the passenger side door his arms braced on either side of my head. “I can think of a few things that make me feel young.”

  “Yeah and what’s that?” I liked this playful side of him.

  He leaned in closer as he breathed his words over my lips. “You, for one.”

  My arms wrapped around his neck before I pulled his lips down to mine. My fingers tangled in his hair as he kissed me.

  He pulled back slightly. “Your body under mine. Your lips on mine. You naked in my bed.”

  “Let’s go home then.” I smiled to see his face relaxed, the tension gone from his shoulders. The ever-present sadness in his eyes dissipated. I wanted him like this more often. I loved that I brought this out in him—that I’d made him see there was more to life than how he’d been living these last few years.

  He pulled me away from the truck to open the door. “Let’s go.”

  I climbed inside. I watched as he walked around the front of the truck. He wasn’t from a wealthy family. He worked hard and lived simply. He was someone I admired.

  The idea that someone else’s happiness could fulfill you, not the amount of money in your bank account or the brand of your shoes, was intoxicating.

  We drove in silence to his home. I tried to pay attention to my surroundings but quickly became disoriented since I hadn’t explored outside the city.

  “Do you live on the water?” The light of the moon reflected off the water in the distance.

  “I do. The house needed a ton of repairs, but the water sold it for me. I’d sit out on the porch and watch the water for hours.” He pulled down a long driveway to an older home with a detached garage and an overflowing dumpster.

  I got out of the truck, placing my hand in his. Rocking chairs lined the wraparound porch. It was inviting. I could see him sitting on one, staring out over the water.

  “I just started on the repairs. I meant to renovate a long time ago, but time got away from me.”

  It was like this house told his story since Caroline died. He’d moved on in some ways and not others. It was his solace, his sanctuary, but still a reminder of what he’d lost and how far he needed to go.

  “Can we see the water?”

  “Sure.” He led me around the house.

  The slight breeze cooled the air. It was more peaceful than my apartment because he had no neighbors. It felt like we were all alone. “It’s beautiful.”

  “I love the view and the quiet.” His tone was more relaxed. He seemed at peace here.

  He moved behind me, pulling me back against him. He nuzzled my neck. “I like having you here—in my space.”

  My breath caught. I doubted Cade brought people here. My stomach flip-flopped at the thought of him trusting me, like when I drove too fast over a hill. That same thrill—excited, scared, and unsure, but determined to live in the moment raced through my body. I turned in his arms to cup his cheek. “Thank you for inviting me here.”

  “Thank you for coming.” He pulled me tighter to his body. His eyes shimmered with emotion before he grabbed my hand, pulling me to the door. He unlocked it before pushing it open. We walked through the living room where a wall had recently been removed revealing the studs.

  I wanted to explore his home to learn more about him, but he led me through the kitchen then up a set of stairs to the second floor.

  “Are we on a mission?” I teased.

  He stopped a few feet inside a bedroom. “You could say that.”

  He hadn’t turned on any lights, so it was dark, but I could see he’d recently removed a wall. “I’m expanding the bedroom.”

  Other than the construction, I could make out a king-size bed, two nightstands, and a door to a bathroom. There were no decorative items, not that I’d expected any. It was the same as his office.

  “Come here.” His voice was a low command that sent blood humming through my body. The moonlight through the window illuminated his face. He sat on the edge of the bed—his softly spoken command combined with the raw craving for me in his blue eyes, compelled me to move the few steps until I stood between his wide-spread legs. His hands gripped my hips, anchoring me.

  “Who are you, Cade Morrison, and what are you doing to me?”

  Emotion swirled in his eyes. “I’m a widower—so I know what love is when I see it.”

  I shifted closer, placing my hands on his broad shoulders. The muscles tensed beneath my fingertips. Was he saying that what we had could be love?

  “I’m a contractor.” He raised his brow, gripping me tighter. “So, I’m good with my hands.”

  My core heated. I caressed the hair at the base of his scalp.

  “I’m a karate instructor.” His voice lowered, his breath heating my skin and igniting me. “So, I’m a good teacher.”

  He leaned forward, the whisper of his breath tickling the bare skin—sending shivers of desire curling through me. “But right now, I’m just a man—a man who wants you.”

  “Yes.” Yes, I want you, and yes, you’re enough.

  I smoothed a lock of his hair away from his eyes. It was like everything in the room came to a stop—I held my breath as I looked down into his eyes—seeing the depth of this man’s soul. The pain, the yearning for more, and the de
sire for me. His lips parted as I lowered my head, my lips hovering over his. The anticipation. The want. The need.

  When our lips touched—something unleashed inside of him. It was as if he couldn’t restrain himself anymore. He groaned a deep guttural sound, that had me panting. Satisfaction flowed through me that he wanted me. He lifted me to straddle his erection. I tilted my head to the side as he placed open-mouthed kisses on my neck. I was desperate for more—nothing between us—and I wanted him inside me.

  He slowly gently lowered me to the bed and cupped a breast in each hand through my shirt. He pulled back to look at me. I bit my lip as the warmth of his touch and heat of his eyes seared me through my clothes and heated every nerve in my body.

  “More, Cade. I need more.” I frantically pulled on the edge of his shirt until he sat back on his heels and ripped it roughly over his head.

  I removed my shirt before he reached around to unsnap the clasp of my bra—his hot breath on my neck. My breath hitched as the bra slipped down my arms and I flung it to the side.

  “So, beautiful,” he rumbled as he admired my breasts—with his eyes, then his hands—calloused and rough over my skin. A startling contrast to his warm wet mouth on my nipple, the scrape of his teeth.

  My fingers traced the planes of his chest, the smooth ridges of his stomach. My head chanted—more, more. Now. Not enough. Never enough. My breath was sharp and ragged. My core burned for him. I unbuckled and unzipped my jeans—as I tried to shimmy them down with his lips still locked around my nipple. He groaned as the motion pushed me deeper into his mouth. The sound was reverberating down my body to my pussy. When I couldn’t move to get them off, he pulled his mouth off my nipple, the air cold on my wet skin. I lifted my hips as he shifted down my body, pulling my jeans and panties off.

  His shoulders pushed my legs farther apart. His hot breath teased the sensitive skin of my inner thighs and my muscles quivered. He placed a kiss on each one, teasing me, as I shifted closer to his mouth before his lips circled my clit and he sucked hard. I closed my eyes, losing myself to the feel of his lips on my clit and his finger entering my pussy.

  “Oh, God.”

  “It’s Cade, baby.”

  “Cade.” I couldn’t form a coherent thought—his skin was hot under my touch, his muscles flexed, and his hair soft as I tangled my fingers in his. I was naked in his bed—bared to him. My body was on fire—hotter than I’d ever been for anyone. “Please, Cade.”

  I didn’t know what I wanted, but when his second finger entered my pussy, he curled it just right. I arched into him, crying out. The climax slammed into me as my pussy clamped around his fingers as he continued to lick and suck. When I recovered, I sank into the bed sated yet still needing more. He moved up my body, placing soft kisses on my hips, my belly, my breast, and on the skin behind my ear.

  “Cade, I—” I love you. I’d never felt a more intense emotion than at this moment. His body tensed above mine—his eyes intent on me. Wasn’t it too soon?

  “I know, baby. Me too.” His lips found mine. I wanted to ask what he knew. Did he know the depths of my feelings for him? There was no way he could possibly feel the same way I did. Not when he’d loved and lost.

  He braced himself on one hand as he continued to kiss me, but my mind was hyper-focused on his large hand cupping my head, before drifting down my neck, my shoulder, my side, and digging into my hips, his cock nudging my entrance—my body quivered under his touch until I was shaking with need for him all over again.

  “You feel so much, don’t you?” He watched me carefully, taking in and making me aware of my uneven breathing and the tremors in my legs.

  I reached out to cup his cheek. “Only with you.”

  Cade

  Her words repeated in my head, only with you. A twinge of guilt entered my consciousness. Was this right? Was I betraying Caroline? I closed my eyes against the onslaught of emotions—guilt and shame warring with need and want.

  Hadley pulled my head down so that I was kissing her. I pulled away long enough to grab a condom from my nightstand. I forgot everything, but the smell of her skin and the feel of her hot and slick beneath me. I flexed my hips, my cock sliding inside her. Her warm heat surrounded my cock, urging me to move faster and harder.

  “So, good.” Hadley’s nails skipped down my back, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and pulling me deeper inside her.

  I pounded into her, wanting to forget my past, Caroline, anything that distracted me from where I was. I concentrated on the physical sensations—her smooth skin, the sweat trickling down my back, the flex of my hips, and the feel of her hot wet pussy. I was here. I was alive. I deserved everything. Emotion burst out of my chest—indescribable and larger than anything before and spilled from me over to Hadley. This woman was special. She was beautiful, larger than life, and here with me.

  Hadley cried out as her pussy spasmed around me. I lowered to my elbows, kissed her neck, and slowed my movements while she rode out her orgasm. Her whimpers and cries of pleasure washed over me.

  When her body relaxed, she placed light reverent kisses on my cheek, my neck, my shoulder. Being with Hadley was more—it was special.

  I ignored the nagging thought that I wasn’t ready. I’d had sex with a beautiful woman who intrigued me. Nothing more.

  I shut my eyes tightly. I tucked my head next to hers, concentrating on the tightening of my balls. She turned her head, her lips pulled on my earlobe, and when she bit lightly, I exploded.

  I sagged into the mattress, trying to keep the bulk of my weight off of her. That was intense. My brain flooded with emotions, but I focused on the feel of her body—hot and sweaty under me. Her arms tightened around me. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay inside this woman and avoid reality for as long as I could.

  “That was—”

  “I know.” I didn’t want her to say it out loud. Then it would be real. The glimpse I had of what we could be, scared me. I didn’t want to screw this up and feel guilt or remorse for being happy.

  I kissed her shoulder. “I’ll be right back.”

  I didn’t look at her as I walked to the bathroom to clean up. If I stayed, I would have said what I was feeling. I closed the bathroom door seeking separation from her and everything we’d shared. I gripped the counter and looked at myself in the mirror—my hair was messy, my skin flushed, and my eyes troubled. This was wrong. I wasn’t supposed to be with anyone after Caroline. She never permitted me to move on, but I hadn’t discussed it with her either.

  Why did being with Hadley feel so right when it should feel wrong? A chill ran down my spine as the sweat dried on my skin.

  “Cade, are you okay?” Hadley’s voice filtered through the closed door.

  I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

  I washed my hands and cleaned up. I took a deep breath before I returned to bed. Hadley watched me from the same position she was in while I left. She lifted her arms to me, and I quickened my steps until I placed one knee on the bed and allowed her to pull me next to her.

  “Everything okay?” Her eyes filled with concern.

  “Of course.” I immediately felt awful for giving her a rote answer, one that wasn’t even remotely true.

  “That was intense, huh?” She’d kept her voice light, but her eyes were dark like she knew this was tough for me.

  “It was.” I was surprised she seemed to understand how difficult this was for me. It stirred up so many emotions I hadn’t felt in years.

  “It’s okay to feel guilty.”

  I winced. “Is it?”

  “Have you been with anyone since Caroline? I know it’s none of my business but if I’m your first—”

  “I was with one other woman, but I didn’t feel anything for her. Not like you.” That was vague enough to get my point across without revealing the emotions spinning like tumbleweeds through my body.

  I settled on my back and pulled her to rest her head on my shoulder. I kissed her temple.r />
  “That’s something at least.” Her voice was soft and tentative.

  I couldn’t see her face. Was she relieved or disappointed? If I couldn’t love again—if I wouldn’t allow myself to have something with a woman, shouldn’t I walk away before she got hurt? It was the last thing I wanted. I wanted her in my arms, under me, and next to me. Any way I could have her, for as long as I could have her.

  For the first time since Caroline was diagnosed, I felt my heart thudding in my chest, the blood pumping through my veins, and something else—hope, excitement, and anticipation for the future with Hadley. One where I showed her my town, taught her karate, listened to her worries, and supported her. I stroked her back.

  “Let me know if anything changes or you feel differently. I don’t want to get hurt.”

  I pulled back slightly surprised at the vulnerability in her words and her expression. “Look at me.”

  She slowly tilted her head, her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, her face open and vulnerable.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t intend to hurt you.” But I was scared I would anyway.

  At the spark in her eyes, she knew I would. It was inevitable. How could I move on—truly move on? Hadley hadn’t even been in love before. She’d want a future filled with marriage and kids—everything I thought I had at one point and lost. I couldn’t make those plans again when I could lose her.

  “I’m not sure I can give you everything you need. I’m not sure I’m capable of it, but I want to try.” I didn’t like watching the hope in her eyes dim.

  Her eyes were flat. Her mouth pinched. “That’s honest, at least.”

  I wanted her to understand where I was coming from. “I’ve never told anyone this, but I wasn’t there when Caroline took her last breath. I wonder if she waited for me to leave the room before she took her last breath to spare me the pain of being present for her physical passing. At first, I felt guilty and robbed of that moment, but eventually I realized she wanted to do something for me to make my life easier, even as she lay unconscious. It was an act of love even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.” I waited for the usual wave of grief that accompanied that memory, but it didn’t come.